Constantine Review
by Johnny Betts (johnny_betts AT hotmail DOT com)March 4th, 2005
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Constantine
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"What if I told you that God and the devil made a wager, a kind of standing bet for the souls of all mankind."
That's the running theme of Constantine. God and Satan are apparently gamblin' buddies, and a condition of their bet is that neither one can have direct contact with humans. However, they are allowed to attempt to influence through intermediaries. For some reason, Satan seems to be more aggressive in using his intermediaries. The only hope mankind has is Constantine whose job is to keep the balance between good and evil.
The problem is Constantine is only in this for himself. He's definitely no saint. He drinks hard, smokes hard, and wants no admiration or thanks for his work. He has no desire to save the world, only a desperation to save himself. The only reason he fights the demonic half-breeds is to try to buy his way into Heaven, despite the fact that he refers to God as a kid with an ant farm. Yeah, that'll win you points with the big guy.
Consistently dark, intense, and moody, Constantine effectively builds and surrounds us with a malevolent, demonic atmosphere. I found myself intrigued by the story even though it sometimes relied on unnecessary manipulation of Biblical concepts. I can handle such poetic license on a fictional level ... to a degree. But come on, can't we at least have some confines we work within? Satan can choose to send a soul from Hell to Heaven as a favor to someone? Puh-lease. What if Constantine was a Nazi sympathizer? Let's imagine an awkward scenario one morning in Heaven:
God: Hitler? What in the cosmos are you doing HERE? Didn't I send you to Hell?
Hitler: Yes zoo deed. But Constantine offered hees soul to Satan if he'd send me to Heaven.
God: Huh. I think we've got a major loophole that needs closing here.
Now granted, the soul that Satan sends to Heaven in the movie isn't evil, but the theory is that Satan has the option of releasing someone's soul. The movie places no boundary on his ability to do that. Nor does it give us any idea why God doesn't have a say in this matter. Maybe I'm being a bit of a stickler, but it would have been more effective to play within the rules that we commonly accept in regard to Heaven and Hell.
And while we're on the subject of Satan ... is it too much to ask that the Prince of Darkness be presented in such a way that my first reaction upon seeing him appear on screen is NOT to burst out in laughter? According to Constantine, Satan's an old guy who wears a white pimp suit and talks with a hiss and a lisp. As he was slowly lowered from the ceiling I was expecting a disco ball to follow him.
You don't have to give Satan horns and a pitchfork, but please make him somewhat menacing. He should be someone I'd be at least somewhat intimidated by if I saw him in person rather than someone whose appearance induces fits of laughter. And if you don't want to make him menacing, couldn't you make him semi-serious? Whenever he talked all I could think about was Jim Carrey in The Mask. I would not have been at all surprised if he had said something akin to, "Sssssssomebody ssssssstop me!"
Some of you may like a gay cheesy Satan, but I was disappointed. Especially when the rest of the movie is so effectively dark and foreboding. Why try to lighten things up with a Satan who looks like he should be on stage with KC and the Sunshine Band?
Up until Satan's "ssssssssmokin'" grand entrance, I thoroughly enjoyed what I was watching and was willing to deal with some of the more suspect details of the storyline. I was expecting the level of intensity to remain high and I was completely ready for a knockout finale. Unfortunately, ol' Lucifer's gut-busting, aisle-rolling, ridiculous appearance put a damper on those expectations. I HATE YOU SATAN!
THE GIST
Overall, Constantine is an interesting and entertaining little dark comic book thriller. Keanu Reeves does a good job of staying within his limited acting range, Rachel Weisz is both sexy and believable in her role, and there's enough substance here to hold your attention. Just be prepared for the hokey interpretations of Heaven and Hell and Disco Satan because they keep the movie from being as good as it could have been. I think it's a good movie to see on the big screen, but I'd make it a matinee.
Rating: 3.25 (out of 5)
Johnny Betts
The Movie Mark
http://www.themoviemark.com
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