The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys Review
by John Sylva (DeWyNGaLe AT aol DOT com)July 9th, 2002
THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS (2002)
Reviewed by John Sylva
Someone once said, "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional." If so, the characters in Peter Care's The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys are not only opting to grow up but doing so quite unknowingly. Living an easygoing, high-class suburban life, the twosome at the heart of the film (Kieran Culkin as Tim and Emile Hirsch as Francis) spend their classes at St. Agatha's grade school sketching comic book characters when they should be learning catechism; their evenings plotting to steal a cougar from the local zoo when they should be studying. Their escapades may not exactly seem like the essence of growing up but indeed they are-along the course of the film, the 8th-graders discover a great deal about each other and about themselves in ways that would be classified as far from "normal," although viewers will likely find bits of themselves in these individuals.
Peter Parker of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man said something along the lines of "This story, like all stories worth telling, is about a girl." The same holds true for Hirsch's Francis, whose school-boy crush on the sweet Margie (Jena Malone, who can turn on the tears with the best of them) is a catalyst for him to come-of-age in a way he'd never expect. For every assumption Francis may hold about Margie, there's a secret withheld by her to deepen the scars she bears in his eyes and to reopen them in hers. The best friend banter between Tim and Francis about Margie also allows the viewer to witness Francis' transformation from care-free child to less-care-free adolescent as Tim begs for intimate details about their relationship, but Francis pleads the 5th.
Culkin's Tim is trickier: Troubled by a never quite established parental problem, the character, in Francis' words, looks for trouble because he's "bored." But something deeper compels Tim to behave the way he does, something not fully communicated in the script by Jeff Stockwell and Michael Petroni (based on the book of the same name). But Culkin's honest performance enables one to realize the crux of the character is that you can't know exactly what's troubling him-for knowing might spoil all the fun.
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys unfolds like Stand by Me as Tim and Francis, along with pals Wade (Jake Richardson) and Joey (Tyler Long), spend long days cracking on each other, drinking their parents' alcohol, and, of course, reading comics. All comparisons to that 1986 film diminish though as Care presents the emotions his characters are facing through sprawling animated sequences (by Spawn creator Todd McFarlane) that incorporate the comic characters the four have created and their battles against evil, awe-inspiringly capturing the triumphs and pitfalls of adolescence.
For The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys, we have star/producer Jodie Foster to thank. As "Nunzilla," the boys' nickname for the one-legged Sister Assumpta, Foster may seem the Wicked Witch of the West, but the film never depreciates her character to the level of a stereotype, with the actress invoking a dash of warmth to accompany her strict, no-nonsense mannerisms. Although Foster's character isn't central to the film, without the actress' Hollywood stature, you wouldn't have the chance to see this unique film experience. And for that, she deserves nothing but the upmost respect-and even long-anticipated vindication for turning down Hannibal's Clarice Starling.
GRADE: B+
Film reviewed July 6th, 2002.
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