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BE WARNED - These are RUDE!!!

Alternative Nursery Rhymes


Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked the boys could see her Thighs

Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front ...

but she didn't wear that one very often

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, her clothes all tattered and
torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you d*ckhead.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said "F*ck him, He's only an egg.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have some hankypanky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Frankie

Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the money.

Anyone else got any?

anyone? i thought they were funny...

Mary had a little lamb,
You heard the tale before,
But did you know,
She passed her plate and had a little more.

It really isn't that funny I know...but this is the only one that I could think of.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with $2.50

mary had a little lamb,
she tied it two a pylon,
a thousand volts went up it's bum and turned it into nylon!

mary had a little lamb,
she ate it with mince sauce,
and everywhere that mary went the lamb went too, of course.

Phoe! And I thought you were such a NICE girl!

jack and jill went up the hill to fetch some marijuana
jack got high unzipped his fly and said "do ya wanna?"
jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun
silly jill forgot the pill and then they had a son!

this isn't a nursery rhyme, it's a play on a christmas song that i think my dad taught me:

"batman in the kitchen, robin in the hall, and joker in the bathroom...peeing on the wall!"

can't remember how the rest goes. ~lmao~

I WAS.... but then i went to pirates of the carribean and wanted to be a pirate too!!!


I'm starting small... I plan to comandeer a ship by this time next week!