Why Football Grounds Are Like Women

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Corran
1. there is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of play

2. pitches vary from the well grassed to the completley bald

3. remember, it is possible to score at both ends

4. tackling from behind is not always an offence, check with ground owner

5. be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of premiership standard, but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground

6. only some grounds offer five a side facilities

7. dont ever make public your desires to play at Wembley, also never mention pitches previosly visited

8. extra time is dependant on subsequent pitch bookings

9. if the ground does not seem to have undersoil heating, suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact a coroner

10. when building a team it is always nice to finish with Seaman at the back

11. wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles

12. always ask before leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel, do not expect to be allowed to come straight from the tunnell to the goal mouth and score. that can leave an awful taste in the mouth of the pitch owner and may prevent further use of the ground

13. personal morals may be compromised by local derbies

14. it is illegal to play on small,unturfed pitches

15. from time to time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbant goalie

16. Bulgarian grounds are frequently more grassy

17. French grounds are frequently very nice too look at, however there can be sometimes an awful smell from the terraces which don't get hosed down as often as they should

18. very few grounds are found with executive boxes

19. be wary of grounds with room for coaches

20. always be on the lookout for grounds that host ladies footy two evenings a week

21. pitches with a waterlogged end, can be out of bounds for up to 5 days a month, although this can be longer if u piss the owner off by continually asking to play up the good end instead

22. players must agree personal terms with the club before being allowed to play on the turf

23. always look for a ground that has never been played on before (or at least hasn't had many visits). that said, well used grounds may have better facilities and will really know how to get the best out of a player

Dogbert
no

LanceWindu
Now if that wasn't a useless post I don't know what is.

dave123
is this useless?

MC Mike
Yes dave

mechmoggy
Corran - laughing out loud

mechmoggy
I was gonna say something about them all smelling of bovril and pies, but thats not always true. whistle

Fire
hehe

saucybird007
laughing Corran, your funny!
Oh how i have missed you! laughing out loud stick out tongue

Fire
he'll be back

BarmyBrummie
laughing out loud - Never thought about it like that before.

rusky
Awesome laughing out loud

DeNiro
HEY HEY CORRAN BACK stick out tongue Good shit man laughing out loud

burlyman
laughing out loud

cLoVi€
roll eyes (sarcastic)

Corran
oops, I'd forgotten I had already posted this one, sorry Storm honey.

shellie
lol , thats funny

sniper
funny, but some of that's just wrong.

Corran
nope it's all correct

shellie
just curious corran , did you come up w/ that yourself ?

Corran
Hell no, I'm not very clever.

shellie
lol . oh just checking .

sniper
i didnt mean 'incorrect', i meant it was just not right. sick

Corran
Yes I know, good isn't it? big grin

Corlindel
LoL

Just disagree with that about Bulgarian women

eleveninches
Woman are like football grounds because Men will pay lots of money to get inside of them laughing out loud

burlyman
laughing out loud

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