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so, when does speaking your own mind cross over the line to thoughtlessness, in your opinion?


cos ya see, today, this one girl was, in my opinion, SPECTACULARLY thoughtless.



First, we were discussing universities, and I said that my mum had asked if I could stay within 90 miles of home, which is fine by me, as my faves our only 60 miles away. To this, the girl said, "well, my mum hasn't put any constraints on my education. She has my best interests at heart."


Then, we started discussing divorces, and she said, "It's completely wrong for a person to have to live without a dad. They must grow up disturbed." this said while sitting next to one of my bessie mates, who hasn't seen her dad in several years.




What's the verdict? Am I being overly-sensitive, or has this girl had a problem keeping her foot out of her mouth today?



((maybe it's a girl thing. I talked about this with both my parents today, dad didn't get how she could possibly have offended anyone, and mum burst out laughing at the thoughtlessness.))

She sounds like a snob and an idiot...those comments I would write off to stupidity

her feelings are valid, that she doesnt think a peson should be without a father, a father is something of a necessity, unless of course the father was abusive or what have you. she just presented her feelings in a poor manner, but i dont think she was trying to hurt anyones feelings or offend anyone. i think you are being overly sensitive. but then again, i am never offended by anything anyone can ever say to me, because as far as im concerned everyone who i dont know is a retarded chuckle head.

Her feelings way be valid, but every persons situation is different, maybe she feels the need to have input from her father but not everyone does. There are many people whose parents are still married or together but the father, due to work committments, is still not seen very much by the children. It was insensitive of this girl to suggest what she said, maybe if it was explained to her she may see that was insensitive. She may not have meant to hurt anyones feelings but at times you need to consider what you are saying and how it may hurt others around you.

hear, hear

yeah, but he's still there, still around, and still somewhat available, i can see where the girl was coming from, she was just obviously stupid in her presentation of her feelings.

Well as for the Uni thing..I dont see how that can be offensive.
The dad thing (you didnt say if she knew that your friend hasnt seen her father for years) I think it stupid to think that someone would grow disturbed because "it" doesnt have a dad. It would be thoughtless if she knew.
I agree with diego...she did sound kinda snob by the way you tell things.

the uni thing is that she meant my mother didnt have my best interests at heart - she meant my mother was being selfish

I rarelly saw my dad growing up. He worked all the time.And I'm ...
Oops exexmple!

Well isnt she?

hahha

I agree that this may just be the issue.

Most parents treat their children with their best interests at heart, it could be that both your mothers are doing so, you mother because she is showing concern about how far away you have to go to Uni, she obviously cares and worries about you and because of that wants you within a reasonable distance in case she is needed. Your friends mother may have her daughters best interests at heart also but is showing that in a different way by allowing her more freedom in her selection of Uni's. I am sure if you wanted to travel further you mother would not restrict you it was merely her preference, maybe you should talk this through with your friends so she realises how you took it all.

you shouldnt let this girl get to you, she obviously had sub-standard intelegence.

*hugs Corran*

see, I knew a sensible grown-up could solve all my problems!!

Oi, less of this sensible S**t.

*waves*

byebye! me going now!

((stoopid bio work... but I'm determined not to fail this year!))

bye bye

Yeah i think she was a bit insensitive but i dont think u shud get too hung up on what she sed

see how chicks help each other...

lol

Yes he does but that does mean the person that grows up without one is going to be disturbed.

Maybe we should agree on the meaning of 'disturbed'. To me it's too strong a word, excessive...

Yeh disturbed is a bit much. Lets see...just becasue a person doesnt have a dad that doesnt necessarlly mean he/she wont grow up exactly the same way or better then a person with both perents

Agreed (Absolutely ! )

lol I knew we'd get there

You manipulator, Kes; I should be more careful next time

Me??! Never!http://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/innocent.gif

How cannot I see innocence on this pretty face ? --> <--

perhaps a tad late, but wasn't here yesterday...

that girl deserves some serious hitting!

*hugs yerss*

*hugs phoe*
tis true! she's a retard!

she just doen't think of other peoples feelings sometimes... though i wouldn't want to tell her, cos she thinks she's really nice to people, and it'd make her cry if I told her she was bitchy...

tell her, she's hurting many others with "being nice", if you tell her then she knows and can pipe down

erm... from what I know of her, she'd cry, then shout, then never talk to me again, and spread nasty stories about me...

then why hang out with her if she hurts people and that as soon as she dislikes you she goes on a bashing-rampage?

erm... cos if I don't hang out with her, she'd go on a bashing rampage anyway...

then I wonder why you ever started talking to her!

because she lived round the corner from me when I was little and her mum used to look after me when my mum worked

you're in the mess, I think
though you should make it clear to her

but I don't want to upset her... no-one really takes her seriously any more.... we all know what she's like...

then what's the problem? no one will believe her stories then

I still don't want to hurt her...

I mean, we're none of us perfect, are we? I'm sure I've said silly things, sometimes...

you're too nice phoe, you know that?

I'm really not...

if you're not, yell at that girl!