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Queeq, Shoe seeks us. He has fallen into disillusionment and dispair, for he misses the old barbershop and Blue Milk Cafe, as we all have. Is it not time to reopen the Barber Shop, this time in a new location, right here? Haven't we all reached out and stretched our restless spirits to new horizons?

Dimmy, where are those new products you were creating when the dark times fell upon us, when the gauntlet was thrown down, and the hassles appeared to have destroyed the old barber shop? It is time to bring all those wonderful products back out.

If you decide this is not the planet in the great out there to reopen the barber shop, there is another place that I frequent where hairied ones could abide in peace. Dimmy knows where this cave is.

Well, my social thread cycle started with the All New Blue Milk cafe, but we are now practising the art of choatometry and mahemonolgy around here.

I don't think I can pursue my hairy activities here, my beloved fellow users will start thinking strange things about me. Now I am greatly respected here, they all truly loev and adore me here and I have a rep to protect. Don't know if beards fit that description.

my beloved chaos, the others will grow and ascend to our level here, for you have always inspired those around you to rise above the masses as well as work your magical chaos over them.

If you feel strongly about it, please feel free to close it. You know me, I am always

Can't Shoe join us????

I know not of Shoe, but I do need a haircut as I have a wedding to shoot this weekend and I havent cut my hair in over a month.

I also have a Goatee that needs a trim, but I will do that my self

ah, Jameous, Chaos here is the master barber. He is strong in the spirit and his talents are reknowned throughout the galaxy. Your goatee will never be the same; your hair will shine like the glint off the lion's incisor after Chaos has coiffed it with Dimmy's blue milk hair products she's created.

That should be fine as I am a Leo. Good guess.

Indeed. Sounds dangerous to me.

Chaos reigns

Seems like confusion has faltered....

What is this Beard thing you talk of?

Well, keo, Dim and I were once involved in developing a great theory, uncovering GL's secret agenda to have good guys wearing beards. It also involves food.

In short the theory says this:

Beard = good
Eat food = you die.

For a more extensive look at this theory I will refer to this address: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=1135270&page=1

It was elected cool thread by TF.N.

Enjoy and feel free to join us by growing a beard.

Yes, it is a surreal world they live in. Sadly, my beard is not man enough for the job I feel.

Through the Force your beard will grow.

I don't have a beard and darn glad of it.

I am a little worried that Keo and Dim have beards though, but then on second thoughts.....

Don't you just hate sarcy comments.

No, I love em.... SPecially when there's just a lil bit of reality in there too.

It's not a.... razor cut, is it, sir?

BTW, Queeq, done anything about the Christopher Lee problem yet?

Share please.... Well, I'm nosey, what can I say...

Well, it looks like Count Dooku is going to knacker the beard theory, doesn't it?

Isn't the current theory that he is p[retending to be good, therefore he needs to have a beard.....

Yeah, but once they are so on the defensive hope is starting to fade...

Sorry? I don't understand....

They can justify it, but the fact remains that the basic theory is shot... GL has betrayed the bearded cause...

OK, still VERY confused.....

No, Confusion rises to the occasion.

JW, I do not do real haircuts, that goes against the very essence of the Beard. I do a nice trim though, so you won't look like a hobo.

The way I see it is that he (Dooku) is pretending to be good, so yes, he should have a beard.

I do check out the JC but I dont think I ever posted in that thread... Dont know why.

Here's a question, Luke eats and dosent die, and He never grows a beard. Does he not know the rules or what?

Luke is the chosen one, the heir to his father's gifts, the midichlorians. He was tempted by the dark side to "save" his friends in ESB, remember, and disrupted the balance further, sending Han to be frozen. Yet, he is still the youngster, though strong in the force he is.

Han would have been frozen anyway. Yoda said so, If luke didnt show up, they would have still frozen Han.

Luke IS NOT the chosen one. George Lucas confirmed months ago that the Chosen One is 100% definately Anakin....

Rant over...

Blimey, more Luke is the One propagandists eh, RC?

I'm afraid by that Dooku theory Palpatine should have a beard. The whole thing is shot to heck. Dooku was desinged as a bad guy from the ground up, and beared they wanted him.

Bad guys for beards! Go! Go!

Maybe it is an artificial beard?

Now THAT would be classic...

Better idea, how about a CGI beard?

Why not go the whole hog? CGI face, like those falsies in MI:2. He could pull the mask away at the end to reveal... Darth Maul!

And everyone will ask why the spikes didn't show through...

Okay an update from the Elect Arch of the Food and Beard Theory i.e. me.

For the Beardi this is old stuff, but for the novices here, pay attention.

1. Dooku.
There are two sides to this. We know he is Darth Tyranus and therefor evil. So that seems a contradiction to the Beard theory.
However, there are a few things that need to be said. The beard thing is a rule and Dooku might be the very exception that CONFIRMS the rule.
Second, GL is applying a variant to the Beard theory. He gives the bad guy a beard, MAKING us BELIEVE Dooku is good. Yet at the end of EpII we are all supposed to be shocked that he is evil. In fact, GL was initially looking for someone with a less obvious evil to him. Also McCallum stated that the relevation that Dooku was Tyranus was to be shocking.
Third, only episode III will reveal what happens to Dooku, since rumours suggest he will survive Ep 2.

So far the theory stands. IMHO OC. Without it the Dooku thing would be a repetition to Maul which is lame. BTW, Maul is very bald.

2. Luke's eating habits
Luke does not survive because of his special status. In fact in ANH we do not see him eat at all. He is at the table, plays with his food but doesn't eat. He drinks Blue Milk which causes us to believe Blue Milk is exempt to the Food theory. His aunt and uncle eat during that meal and we know what happened to them.
In ESB we see him nibble on those galactic twix things the Rebellion supplied him with, but Yoda made very clear that was not worthy to be called food. We never see Luke eat any of the rootleaf Yoda eats. Yoda seems to like it though and consequently dies in ROTJ.

For the sceptic novices among you, you may find this theory is well founded.

Just how much are we supposed to think Dooku is a good guy? This is CHRISTOPHER LEE here! I'm afraid the moment Lee was cast any pretence of goodness was put aside...

I offer my condolences, Queeq, but whatever fire once powered the beard idea you speak of is long extinguished... it never should have been, and should be left to die...

INFEDEL!!!

We'll live forever. And as for Dooky potentially being good, I once thought/hoped Dooku was bad in Epo2 but turned out to be someone disappointed in the sluggish Jedi Council. And that disappoitment might prove right by the sluggishness causing the purge. It was just a thought.

Hmmm, the beard is strong in this one...

Queeq has picked up the pace and leadership when our original leader, I-Am-Not-A-Gun, left for parts unknown in the great out there and has not returned in many a moon.

There were many discussions and events at the old barber shop, where the knights met to discuss the beardiness of it all.

Yet recently there does seem to appear the evil smell of descention...

What about Obi-Wan in Ep1? Why didn't Lucas give him a beard?
Is he on the verge to the Dark Side?

Of course. Well, in TPM he was. He was very rude to what he considered 'lower life forms' like Anakin and Jar-Jar. He was obstinate towards QGJ. All in all, not a very positive guy. It took QGJ's death to make him good, hence the Beard in Ep2.

It's... it's... it's... just so darn clever...

Truth is not clever; truth is the light, and the beardiness of it all.

Oooh..and the braid..that show the prospect for goodness!!

Ush, you should mess with the Beardi..we're almost a year old now..ancient by board terms.

I'm still a little worried that Dim and Keo have beards, well kinda worried anyway.

Oh hush RC!!..Beardi knightresses have long hair..and keo has a fake beard

Shave every day, boy I must be REALLY evil...

Why didn't Luke or Solo have a beard in the OT? Does the theory explain that?

Yeah! Why???

I think you'll find it is not good guys MUST have beards, it is bearded guys MUST be good... besides, it's only a guideline.

Still massively flawed, though... Only a bit of fun, but still nonsense...

BTW- Sebulba eats and doesn't die.

Yet.....

Killing of Sebulba unlikely...

Mind you, I think they are better off dumping the food theory for the PT.

I remember Jar-Jar eating....maybe he gets killed in Ep3!

Seriously, SO many people will die in the PT that any causal link will be useless...

Well, we did see that slect image that looked like a big canteen.....

Unfortunately, Mayhem does not concur with these theories.

You don't agree witb Queeq? HAHAHAHA!!!

A surprise to be sure?!?!?!

I am certina Sebulba will die violently in a podrace. That's is beyond doubt.
Jar-Jar will also die. As Ush once cleverly noticed is that all characters from the PT will die eventually. Hehehehehe, a little nasty, yet supportive of the Food theory. But we're all still hoping Anakin will kill Jar-Jar.

And Gundy didn't believe in me before. Since she turned once, so will she again.

All characters from the PT will die.... Not such a stunning revelation as you might think...

Yes, well it suits me.

Anyway, these things are all still speculation. I can't answer most of these questions before EpIII is released. Until then the theory stands!

Well lets face it...if chaos and mayhem didn't disagree occasionally, there wouldn't be make-up fun in the closet !

You sick, sick, people....

But... but.... WHY??????

(Checks temperature) Not sick.

Ok, sic, sic, sic....

Oooooh, playing the classic scholar now, eh? Off to play the grand piano.

tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.....

Umm... that everyone dies in the PT doesn't really support the food theory... you may as well say everyone who BREATHES dies...

Actually, the more you look at it, the more the Beard theory looks like a CLASSIC thing. There must br a different rule fo the PT

Different movie making strategy, not different rule.

Well, if you're going to be CLEVER...

Well you have to put yourself in George's shoes. You have to THINK like George. http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/contrib/owen/vader1.gif

Exactly. See, she's coming around. I knew it.

Are you convinced yet Gundy?

(Pulls levers on machines and scribbles notes in lab, talks to herself through stethescope) Hmmm...still analyzing data...... http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/cwm/cwm/silly.gif

*thows data out the window, grabs Gundy and shakes her*
YOU MUST BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEE!!!!!

*takes Gundy gently to the closet*

I will MAKE you believe.

http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/contrib/blackeye/SHOCKED.gif

OKAY OKAY...I BELIEVE. (Picks up brains off floor) Hmmm...I could use these....

There's a good girl. Now let's have fun. *closes closet door*

Hey!, what are you two doing in there?

*sticks head out of the closet*
Can't tell, there might be children around.

But..I wanna know.

Just use you imagination.

Why, we're just making cupcakes of course.

Gimme, gimme, gimme! http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/realhappy/happyhappy.gif

Not these.

Why?..what did you do to them?

I told you why I can't divulge too much of what goes on in here.

Ooh..THAT.

Hrmph.... Don't want them anyway. http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/sad/xldepressed.gif

If we told you what goes on in here, we'd have to kill you. Then eat you. BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAHA.

Eaten by Gundy... I can't think of anyone I'd rather be eaten by...

Hmmmm..should I comment?..I think not.

That would be best.

Pfft. More I think like George, more nonsensical it seems.

Huh????

Keep up, old chap...

What is Pfft????

A derogatory noise.

OH, I see, one maybe associated with the expulsion of methane or other bodily gas?

Ooo, no. Didn't mean to give that impression. It's a dismissive verbal noise.

Err... that's what I said, yeah.

How does one make verbal noise on a written comments forum?

By writing it like this:

Pfft

*listens*
I hear nothing.

So, you were being dismissive, that seems rather rude.

And if so, what of it?

Not you dummy, Ush. Nothing of it, just making sure we have this clear. I'd hate to see any more nit picking tonight...

I was just warming up to join the nitpicking game.

Steps back and decides he's not touching THAT with a 10 foot pole....

Why does it have to be a 10 foot pole. Won't 9 suffice? Or maybe 11 is playing it more safely?

uh-uh, no way, not gonna, nope!

What distance would be a minimum you'd say? I mean, you can save on wood to help the environment by using a shorter pole.
But perhaps it only gets really efficient when it's over 15 feet.

*Silent*

Do you think two feet will do? Oh, perhaps not. My arms would still be able to reach you. How about four feet?

*sigh*

cupcakes???????? what kind of icing on top????????? any cherries, Queeq? What's Gundy baking??????? her buns???????

isn't 10 foot poles about the average length of whatever?

dunno, thought everyone was going to get food poisoning from dexter's deli.

What Gundy's baking EXACTLY cannot leave the closet. Sorry, you all.

So, keo, there's a deeper symbolism beyon the length of 10 feet. Interesting. Maybe RC cares to comment?

Hmph..I feel cheated.


Maybe we should get RC an extention pole?..

Like a telescope thing?

But why? He already is "the man with the ten foot pole". Better watch yourself, ladies.

Interesting, so Dim believes I need an extention...

But what would I do with it?

That's what I was wondering too.

I think I'd just keep it all to myself.

Carrot waxer.

Huh? Ok, that's a scary image, what does it mean?

you don't wanna know. or do you?

Go on..

The strength of your beard depends on where your spirit is, for hair is the essence of strength. For lack of hair on Luke and Han, perhaps the strength lies in the hair on their heads or perhaps their chests.

I hear Queeq is tempted to close the barber shop for going off topic. The barber shop is a symbol of the seat of the beardi knights meeting place, for a beardi temple would bring too much attention to the dark side.

Nope! I'm none the wiser...

Blimey, Keo is pretty far gone. Little hope there...

Han, after all, is an inherently unhairy person- inm any sense of the word. That is somewhat the point.

Well, by todays standards he had quite long hair in ANH. IMHO OC

Oh yeah, but then so did nearly EVERYONE in the film... damn seventies... CONCEPTUALLY he was hairless, physically, relatively so.

Huh??? OK, now where into conceptuals... HELP!

It's how they work on that Beard thing. If I don't play their game, they accuse me of short-sightedness.

Well I am about 65% blind in my left eye. Does that count?

what does being partially blind or vision challenged have to do with hair? For lack of a visible beard or mustache, the other good guys had an abundance of hair on the head. The baldi side must've used Nair to retain their dark side. Ush, be careful, someone will rip your shirt off to check if you have a hairy chest or tatoos of the dark side imprinted on ya.

Methinks poor Keo missed RC's point there... but then Keo's delusion in this area is very clear already...

Nothing, he just said they would accuse us of short-sightedness....

BTW, it appears that the Shoeless One has registered in these parts....

your short sighted ness has not diminished the long sighted ness of the hairiness theory or the food that kills hypothesis.

Phew, had me worried for a moment there....

Keo has still missed the point...

The fact that Luke DOES eat in ESB messes it up, though. And that Sebulba eats and almost certainly won't be seen again, still alive.

I thought Luke didn't actually eat; he had blue milk, not food, wasn't it? Sebulba did crash, but he wasn't necessarily of the dark side, as mostly a crooked race driver.

Luke ate the stew in ESB, he didn't just taste it as Queeq implies. And Sebulba defintively eats and survives.

seb is not of the dark side; he's just a cheap crook.

I always though Luke diddled with his food, tasting it. Did he really eat? I'll hafta play it again, Sam.

He etas, he chews... and the food thing isn't connected to ther Dark Side, from what I read. I've seen you guys apply it to Qui-Gon and Shmi. Some consistency would be nice...