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"MY, IT'S HOTH IN HERE!" = neon sign


Welcome all, we are opening on Hoth's Annual Wampa Night. So grab a chair, snuggle up to the fire or get some major liquor from finti, the bartender.

Enjoy your stay on Hoth and I recommend not evnturing outside without a Taun-taun and a lightsabre.

We're open!!!
Drink your drinks before the freeze up. If they do, finti can supply you with a handy pick axe.

(Ushgarak arrives wearing some fourteen layers of fur coats, bearing a vast crate labelled 'Blankets for Edna')

BLIMEY it's cold here... how the heck are we going to get any custom?

BTW, I have some plumbing and stuff arriving for Edna soo as well.

Well, we're working on the heater, but it got encased in ice after an hour we got here. But it'll be fixed soon. I suggest you don't touch anything with bears hands, otherwise we need to use razorblades to cut you loose.

As I understand it, heaters are a good way to make this place collapse.

(Starts setting up blankets in Ednas room)

Oh don't worry, we won't turn them on that high. Just a tad below the point of thaw.

Ok, now, let me read these tub assembly instructions...

You've got them upside down.

I was going to say, that wouldn't work...

(Edna swoops in on her brromstick and as soon as she lands the ground starts to shake from her intense shivering)

Bloody hell I'm cold!

I hear frozen broomsticks can be real trouble...

Anyway! I have prepared your room for you. Loads of blankets and a very well designed hot tub.

(Edna open her cape to reveal 20 hot water bottle strapped to her body!)

I came prepared but it doesnt appear to be working!

Careful, those things will burst if they freeze...

No they wont! Rubber stretches! I'm still cold though. I need to get warm

Great, sharp, stabby icicles in rubber. How pleasant.

Shall I get the blankets and run the tub?

Jadesfire glides in on repulsors and touches down softly.

##FROM EXTERNAL SPEAKER##

"It's too cold out there, I'll stay in here where it's nice and warm."

What, throughout the whole run of the thread?

##Maybe, it's great in here##

Perhaps we should set up a thread in there.

Ushcan you make sure the water isnt too hot or too cold before i get in it?

I would appreciate it if no one trespasses on my ship, thank you very much....

Certainly...

Thanks ush. You know how sensitive I am. Can I have bubble too? And little rubber duckies?

Hmmm, someone likes to be spilt rotten...

Ducks, ducks... hang on!

Hmmm, duckies huh?

and jelly! Must have Jelly! I'll let you have some if you can find some! Please! Pretty please!

So, is this a water dance then?

I said ducks not swans! And dont try telling me they are ugly ducks either! They just wont do unless theyare ducks!

(Ushgarak is on his phone)

"Yes.. and Jelly as well... YES, on Hoth... yes, I KNOW it isn't exactly Hoth cuisine... just get a move on would you? And some variety in the ducks please. Cheers."

He hangs up.

How can ducks survive here?

I just hope they don't send you any of those sixty feet tall Solustian ducks....

No no no! Rubber duckies! I did specify rubber didn't I? Little hollow yellow shiny things! The tackier the better!

Oh boy, Ush , you're in trouble now.....

No worries, I think I have the presence of mind to realise that...

So when are my rubber duckies gonna get here. I'm cold! How can I keep warm temporarily?

Ok, should be here in about ten minutes...

You could wear the blankets. Shall I get them?

Yes please!

##Lays back and basks in the warmth of his ship, sipping a Blue Milk Smoothie and please that the reactor is fully charged, the fuel cells are full and the ship is in tip-top condition.##

No problem! (Goes to get blankets)

##Hmmm, maybe I'll turn the heat down just a bit....##

I thin i will go and sit on the floor in the corner and curl up to conserve bosy heat!

##Tralaalaalaa.....##

Well if you will insist on solitude...!

Ush where are you? I need warming up!

##No, I insist on warmth##

So do I! UUUUUUUUSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!

I'm coming, I'm coming... just these things are very heavy...

There you are!

(Buries Edna in blankets)

##mmm mmmm mmm mmm mm mmmmmm mmm mm mmmmm##

##She may just suffocate in warmth there Ush, maybe a couble of air holes???##

###mm mm mm mmm mmm mmmmmmm mm m mmmm mmm!###

(Desperately tries to remove blankets at top)

*Switches on the exterior ship security cameras neatly secured behind triple thick, lightsaber and blaster proof transteel panels, and with Force inhibiting Ysalamiri perched on each one.*

##There may be a need for this at a future murder trial.##

*Lays back in warm seat and takes a nap.*

###mmm mmm mmmm!##

(Gets hand caught in lable)

Stupid Malatarian blanket-makers!

##Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz##

*Cameras rolling#

(Pulls away another blanket)

Is that a body part? Edna!!!

**GASP!**

Oh thank god! I thouht I was going to die!

Edna! Phew!

(Uncovers Edna's head)

Well... at least you are warm, eh?

Ok I can't move though. You will have o help me out of here!

You know you could have just hugged me like any normal person would instead of trying to kill me! Oh well! Too late now!

Err... a hug... eh? Um... well, that's been a bit dodgy since the... er... clone thing, yeah?

(Helps Edna out)

##*Yawns*##

##Oh, will you just hug her!!!##

Give him time...he's shy.

He'll never find time for a trip to Disneyworld at this rate.

But then again, he probably would like it there anyway...

Well, WDW isn't going anywhere any time soon.

(Gundark lands in Winnebago, tosses dead clowns out of side door, hops out in dreadlocks and hawaiian shirt)

Hey, queeq said it was gonna be warm here. Brrrr.....where's the hot tub ? Oh, by the way Ush (holsters clown gun next to lightsabre and kicks nearest clown head) I believe these are yours.

Finti, I need a drink, man....a flaming Emporer please. (Sniffs air) who the heck let those tauntauns out ? Peeeeeeuuuuuuuu !!! (grabs speaker hanging off the ruby, screams into microphone) Hey RC...quit picking your nose !!!

Hey, stop peekin' through the windows....

WDW may not be going anywhere soon, but I'm sure going back there soon.

Why ? Gundy is here now and there will be loads of madcap fun.

Yeah, but non of it involves 5ft tall mice.

So basically what you're saying is you don't like dead clowns laying around your spaceship ?

No, dead clowns bad, 5ft mice good....

I prefer Donald myself. Actually my fav is Goofy. But my fav above all is Bugs Bunny.

Won't find him at WDW

Well I know that. I was just generalizing the whole thing. BTW, I have to go, I'm taking my mom out for her birthday this evening.

Have a great one!!!

That wasn't one of MY clowns...

Yeah, I dunno where she picks up these things. Walmart maybe?

Kwik-E-Klown?

Closest place I could think of to get something that looked like one of my clowns is an undertakers.

I prefer Clowns 'R' Us

Bit garish for my liking.

Yeah, but they always have a sale on.

Ush how could you hugging me to stop me from freezing to death be considered dodgy in any way?

Well, you know... perhaps I wasn't evil enough for you to want me to hug you...

But why would I want you to be evil? Ush now you are just being ridiculous!

Well, my CLONE was evil and you didn't seem to have any trouble getting comfortable with HIM...

A hug is OK, it's when it turns into something a little more passionate that you have trouble.

I think you're safe Ush...

Excuse me?!!

I was just commenting on how safe hugs are over something a little more intimate.

I wasnb't suggesting anything so put that horse away.

Well, my CLONE seemed to think it was intimate...

So you had an in depth one to one talk with his corpse did you?

Yes, but you are your own man Ush, the clone was destroyed and you can be you.

ie. Charming and respectful of a lady..

We never found his corpse...

He made out it was pretty close... as I remmeber you didn't seem to deny it thst strongly, just making excuses...

Let me tell youthis straight. HE kissed ME. Not the other way around

You'd blow me away before you'd let me kiss you! Bur along comes Mr. Suave evil me... created by your OWN spell... seems suspicious...

I did also happen to be half unconscious at the time aswell!

Well, so you claim... all I know is that you would never let me even touch you without complaining that I might get you killed by mistake and then that impostor gets a kiss in less than a day while I was stuck in the middle of nowhere!

Well I was tired and not well and he was so nice and we were in the forest. I thought he was you!

Oh, yeah, a LIK...


What? You thought he was me? And that made you want to... did it?

Well I didn't exactly push him off of me did I? Besides it was the kiss that made me realise somthing was up. I knew you would never do that. It just didn't seem right!

Oh... right... I see...

Well, a hig didn't seem right, anyway

I got the ducks and jelly, by the way. It's all ready to go...

Oh good! Where is the hot tubb anyway? Can I have a hug just for good measur?

I guess so...

(Walks over and hugs Edna, pausing only to move lightsabre out of the way)

(Edna squeezes Ush tight and then drags him with her into the tub.)

Take that (rubs a load of bubbles in his face)

Hey! Mind my sabre!

(Thinks- Yeah, THAT'S the right thing to say...)

What? Oh that! (Throws saber into the distance)

Hey!

And HEY! It's spelt sabRE! Well, MY one certainly is...

Well you don't need one of those in a hot tub!

Well THAT'S true...

I thought Gundy was going to come in the hot tub and keep warm with us?

Anyway where is my jelly!

(Ush snaps his fingers, and the hover-tray of jelly comes over)

I am sure Gundy will be here soon. Gundy?

I think everyone has left us! It's very quiet!

HEELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I think they are all asleep, Edna...

(Meanwhile, Ush is wondering about his dry cleaning bill)

Nah! Who cares about dry cleaning. We can drip dry! Our clothe will be fine!

Ok then...

So... do they do this much on Dathomir?

No notreally! Dathomir isnt that cold. Well it is in some regions but not in the singiing mountains!

Right-oh... I was going to say, you don't seem to have caught onto how baths work...

It's a hot tub not a bath!

Totally different! Do we have a ripple thing in the tub by the way? That would be cool!

Um... yeah, I think we do... this is a hi-tech tub, after all...

Ooh! Turn it on! Turn it on!

(Turns it on, with a due sense of apprehension...)

Woo hoo! Now this is what I call a hot tub! What more could I want? I have relaxing hot water, bubbles, rubber duckies, Jelly, and great company too! This is the life!

Must be said, I'm not entirely unhappy...

Why not?

Becuase I have made you happy, of course!

Aah! Thanks! Aren't you jut the sweetest?

God, I hope she doesn't feel too stupid in the morning... heck, it IS the morning...

*quietly plugs hot tub into solar flare outlet to keep water hot and comfy*

*Runs out, grabs Ush Lightsabre and runs back inside.*

*Compares it to his Lightsaber.*

Wow, wonder where Ush found this old thing? It must be at least 20 years old.

Yeah, classic, isn't it? Not like this new fangled rubbish...

(Ush is wearing his spare robes, and is desperately trying to dry out his main ones. This is not easy on Hoth. They keep freezing.)

Well... THAT was an odd evening.

It probably was; I don't have many odd evenings to compare mine against.

OOohhh, Ush and Edna. I sense romance in the air. Finti! Music please.

Thanks for helping me get warm Ush! How could I possibly feel stupid? Oh I see!

No that you're all warm, let's go outside and make a snowman.

I dunno! I've heard there are big white fierce furry monsters out there!

I heard they were just hand puppets seen from a strange angle...

Still warm, Edna?

I'm lovely and cosy thank you Ush. Hand puppets? Really? Oh OK then! Snow men here we come!

You know, I always imagined Witches would be weird and mysterious...

I's betting that sabres will be no good for this job, right?

Are you trying to say Im not weird and mytserious?

Not necessarily. But I would never have imagined the 'making snowmen' part.

What's wrong with making snowmen?

Come on last one out gets a snowball down their top!

And tbis really isn't what they told me life was like at the Temple...

(Goes to get Acme Snowball Maker)

(slithers into hot tub). Mmmmm....much better. Well aren't you two looking cozy now...hey, why are these blobs of jelly floating in here ? Thats disgusting. Thats worse than hauling dead clowns around in your winnebago. You know its too freakin' cold to get back out of here...eventually I guess we'll just turn into prunes. And I hate prunes. (Hollers toward RC's speaker) Hey, send a subspace out to queeq. Tell him to get his butt here so it can freeze with the rest of us. (Grabs rubber ducky floating by and squeezes it, shooting water out of its butt at Ush) hehehee. Fun tubby time !!!

Oh GREAT I just got hits dry... not coming for the snowman making, Gundy?

Come on Gundy! We're going outside! You coming?

##He's already here someplace. I'm almost tempted to come out there and give you a backrub... But only tempted##

He he! I have a confession to make! Did you see the snowman outside as you came in? Well have you SEEN queeq lately?

Well, gee, ya already ripped my shirt off in RP. Not too much left, ya know.

Yeah, I'll help ya build your snowman. (digs spare mad doctor clothes out of winnebago) guess these'll have to do...(starts rolling snowball)

##Next time I'll let ya bleed to death then...##

*Fondly remembers*

Uh-oh... not a GUNDARK snowman...

Well gee thanks RC. You're a real pal.

Yes, Ush. A GUNDARK snowman. And since I am Gundark and I am the only one who knows what one looks like, I'm the only one who can make one.

And yes, that other snowman does look amazingly like queeq......