Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

Well in honor of RC's off topic topic from the old board, I thought it was time for episode II. It is impossible to go off-topic in this thread, thus it can go on infinitely....the ultimate in Chaos and Mayhem entertainment.

I would also like to point out that I recently spilled some extremely dangerous liquid in my monster lab and it ran through some cracks in the floor. Unfortuately, there are some things living under the floor in my lab and I am giving notice that I am not responsible for anything that walks out of my lab under its own power that I did not personally unchain.

*grabs Edna's extra broom and bashes strange crawly things moving across floor*

*with a wide swoop, flings the crawly thingys like a hockey puck at queeq, turning unsuspectingly to see Gundy duck*


*Mayhem breaks out in wicked laughter*

Well done, keo. The Pittsburgh Penguins could have used you last week....

Hmmmm, I preferred the original, but a nice thought.

Yes. It was my attempt at honoring my favorite thread from the past....its just that tickets prices are slightly higher now.

Well RC! You know what itis like! Sequals rarelt match up to their predecessors! (havent got clue how to spell that by the way!)

You have an older sister right?

I said Rarely!

I seen my point was well made then.

Hey! I'm rare! Just ask Ush! He'll tell you!

Hey yourself, it's rare to catch rabies in this country, doesn't mean anyone is trying to.

And your point being?

Hey! Watch it! That was just mean!

Hmmmm, didn't think your kind had feelings.

Excuse me?

Witches don't worry about meanness do they?

Not all witches are alike! You seem to forget that!

NO some are rare like rabies cases.

Why do you have an obsession with Rabies? Is there something you want to tell us RC?

Yeah, rabies cases are rare in the UK.

You wanted to tell us that? Well, it IS off-topic, I suppose...

But in any case. Rabies is rare because it is a revolting thing that we tried our best to annihilate. Edna is entirely different; she is rare in just about every positive way she could be.

And Witches don't have feelings? That's an odd statement... not a MacBeth fan, eh?

But she still never knows what to do...

Whence shall we three meet again.... etc etc

A revolting thing that we tried our best to annihilate? Sounds about right to me.

Poor old Adna, she's been running around, throwing insults at me like nobodys business and she's getting frustrated cos I won't bite.

It DOES seem to have been an odd evening... and I deny completely that I am trying to exterminate Dathomir Withces in anyway... filthy Dark Side Hags... oops...

I think you will find it was I who wouldnt bite yesterday actually. And you were both at it then.

And less of the old please!

Actually, this was during the afternoon.

Ok, what HAS been going on here? I leave the board for a few hours... Edna, you are supposed to calm ME down, remember?

Well, you weren't around and I was bored.

I wasn't trying to make you bite RC! I just enjoy doing it. What can I say? I'm a *****!

Hey! You said it! After all that effort I put into not saying it on the boards!

Yeah, and I bet you have ome of those really funny t-shirts too.

I don't believe you said it! And I STILL can't say it because it would take forever to explain to everyone...

You're not saying she's a ***** are you Ush. Dear dear...

What REALLY funny T-shirts?

The one that says;

I think you will find I am, RC...

You are, hmm, I hope not, unless you've started shopping at Miss Selfridges.

Nope! I refuse to wear tops like that! Just like those stupid ones with the two hand prints on them.

And how do you know that they sell those tops in Miss Selfridges RC? Hmmm?

What is this concept you call 'shopping'?

That is called going shopping with my wife Edna. Why would that be so strange?

And the fact that they had one in the window of a shop in Bluewater Park yesterday.

This outside world you speak of scares me.

It's an adventure.

I've seen funny shirts like that...but usually they're on hillbillies you see at fleamarkets..

Edna, watch your typos; it turns RC on, on the wierd side of strange.

Nothing about Edna "turns me on" as you put in Keo, maybe you wishing to hide your own turn ons...?

RC, whatever are you thinking. ummmmm, maybe your thoughts are elsewhere where we're not going?

Well actually Keo it wasnt a typo but never mind. And RC will you lay off Keo? If you have a problem with me then fine just leave others alone for crying out loud!

shhhhushhhh, Edna, never admit it wasn't a typo, unless............

RC doesn't have to leave me alone, Edna. Please don't discourage him.

Okay, when I said off-topic topic, I didn't mean like this....seems my monsters have run amok....

You like peanuts, Gundy?

Yes, but so do elephants.....

Do you like elephants?

Well they are a lovely shade of grey....

I like Hippos myself.

Nasty tusks Hippos have...

Best to stay away from hippos. And angry elephants. BTW, nice job of changing the conversation there, Ush.

He has learned much, this young one.

Ush is so cool.

I would agree with that!

I like cows by the way! Very cute!

Hippos are harmless unless maternally enraged. Only problem is they like to give people friendly shakes to warnt hat this is their territory, and then their broken teeth tend to rip your leg open. Unfortunate.

Thank you Edna and Gundy... you two are pretty damn froody yourselves.

Actually, I have no idea if Elle is a Douglas Adams fan... in which case she won't know what I mean...

I do.

Well, I always said you know where your towel is.

Hippos are fine as long as you don't stand behind them...

I find the same true of rhinocerouses (spelled wrong), although there's danger in the other end too.

Rhino's run very fast but can't see very well. When you meet one in the wild, keep a little distance and don't move. He'll think you're a tree. My two cents of useless info.

Well if a Rhino came charging against you top speed could you keep your cool queeq? I am a tree dumdi dumdi du.

Thanks finti...that's what I was thinking. queeq is obviously having a hallucination that he's crocodile dundee. Pay no attention to that tree that looks like an idiot....

Well, you'd have to keep your cool in situation like that. I'd say run to the nearest set of trees and stand still. Running from any wild animal is usually a bad idea. And yeah, I'm cool.

Running away from wild animals is a bad idea huh queeq? OK I will remind you that you said that next time you have a herd of angry female elephants herding towards you. I guarantee you will be running whilst I will be fleeing in the neerest jeep like any sensible person!

Yes, it would be handy to keep your jeep nearby or at least not walk too far from it.

Well I guess it would be even handier to not prvoke the animals in the first place! You hear that queeq? Leave the nice Rhino alone! There's a good boy!

Better just to keep him out of the jungle.

Yeah just locking him in the closet would be safer for all concerned i think!

I don't want to think about what will happen if Queeq is stuck forever in the closet...

Well as long as he NEVER comes out again the world will be safe. It is is someone accidently opens it in 20years that I would worry! Kind of like a pandoras box!

What the heck would the equivalent of hope be in there?

Well actually i was getting at all the toubles of mankind that were let out when the thing was opened!

Yes... but if the troubles are in there hope has to be in there as well, yes?

Well we could always put Gundy inthere too!

Gundy as hope, eh? Hmmm...

Well compared to queeq there is certianly hope for her yet!

Hope personified, I am sure.

Perhpas they should rename epirsode 4 as Gundy!

I think she would like that...

Well I'm kind of a douglas Adams fan. I got very into him a few years ago. I playd Starship Titanic remember. That was such a cool game. Very silly but then isn't that Adams all over? I got half way through HHGTTG and then got too busy to carry on. You remember that train journey of mine I was telling you abou on Wednesday Ush? Well that was the book I buried my head in!

Pandora, eh? Maybe they should change my title from Chaos to Pandora's Box. Then I will unleash all plagues of the world on this forum.
And Gundy will be my evil sidekick, disguised as an angel of light. And then.... all of you will grow beards.

Hmmmm....which episode is that ?

Episode 7: Return of the Baldness.

Starring Yul Brenner.

He would have made a great SW bad guy.

Would he? He'd be a great smuggler, sure. Like Han Solo gone bald...

Yul : You've never heard of the Millenium Falcon ?

Ben : No. Should I have ?

Yul : Its the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. So let it be written. So let it be done.

etceterahhhh, etceterahhhh, etceterahhhh!

But there is the problem with his hair, he must be evil.

uh??????????

Do I have to spell out the Beard theory?

Here I'll do it: B-E-A-R-D T-H-E-O-R-Y

Thanks Raz, you're a real pal.

Funny, too!

Sometimes.

He's quirky..

o-k------

No more beard theory.... PLEASE...

More beard theory, you say? Okay.

Now the beard is where a Beardi gets his power. It's a hairy field that surrounds him, penetrates him and binds the galaxy together.

Is that the bit where he gets gum in his beard?

no, no, RC, it's where the beardi power emotes the strength he/she is embued with. or something like that.

There are those she-beards again.

she beardiness, not she beards; a big difference.

I'll have to take your word for that.

You are completely clean shaven then RC? And do not believe in the power of the beard?

Evil I tell you! He's evil!!!!

RC, are you emoting evilness by being one with the baldies?

Obviously.

*brandishes blazing light sabre to ward off RC's baldiness*

Better starts spraying hair growth tonic.

*grabs Dim's box of hair goodies and runs away*

Dimmy's gonna kick your butt.

why would Dimmy kick my butt? A baldie trying to cover his baldiness with a false beardiness?

Oh dear oh dear oh dear! You dont wanna be touchng Dims ahir thingy me bobbies without permission! Oh dear oh dear!

Don't want the baldies infiltrating us; he's up to no good.

Andre Agassi is at the door. He wants to know if anybody can come out and play.

Hey....thats my line.

Oh crap, my plan to impersonate Gundy revealed!

You're gonna need a little more than an evil laugh in order to impersonate me, dear.

Lets see, a wig, a sex change, some medical implements and he is raring to go!

OK, now I'm getting worried. We have far too many transgendered topics turning up around here all of a sudden.

Well perhaps fate is trying to tell you something RC! Maybe this is your true calling!

**masked breathing**It IS your destiny!**masked breathng**

I'm sorry, but NO woman can do a Vader voice. And no man can do Princess Leia. Except maybe Ewan McGregor.

You'd know. I imagine Edna to have a very low voice.

My Vader is not too good, my Leia is better. What about Jerjerrod ? Ush's favorite. I do an excellent TK 421 !

You think I talk like a man? Hmmm! Quite the opposite actually. My voice does have a habit of reaching a pitch where only dogs can hear it! Wouldn't you agree Ush?

Is that when you get the screaming meemies ?

The what?

It's a lovely voice!

I do a reasonable Yoda and a Parody OB1

Parody Ewan or Parody Alec?

Bwaaaahahahahahahahaahhahah

I can't even do an R2.

Oh, Alex. You know, the "Use the Force Luke" line from the trench run.

The screaming meemies. Like when you're about to be eaten by a rancor, you get the screaming meemies.

No its more of an excitable beyond the limits of human hearing screach actually!

So you keep insisting. What is the best way to find out in practice, I wonder?

Another squeaky girly voice.... great.

... he said, with amazing enthusiasm...

Actually I have a rather low voice for a woman, so I'm told.

Yes, I know....

Hmmmmm.....perhaps there's more hiding in my computer than a cookie......

If only you knew...