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The Hoth bar collapsed in on itself after 600 posts like a supernova. It melted.

Nice place here in the trees, dear. Lots of fresh air, lovely view...wait a minute...whats that in that group of ewoks....a flying monkey ?????? Oh no.......

enough wood here for a giant BBQ, no smoking please danger of a forrest fire... fire fire fire hu hu.

You closed the pub. Did you do it for the insurance? You can tell me..

I would. In private, but I don't think I'm allowed to take you inot the closet.

Anyway, wtch out for Chewie, he comes hollering by like Tarzan from time to time. If he's hungry he's probably in a bad mood. So stay clear, play it safe.

Bark tea anyone?

Oh wow, this is splendid.

Yes, you can take a nice stroll around teh forest. But watch it, we're about 100 feet high. Hope you don't have vertigo.

I'm going to die a closet virgin..

Nope, can't say it......

Well I'M not taking you in there, Dimmy dear. I'm not that kind of a girl, you know.

(looks through macrobinoculars) queeq, what's that imperial outpost doing over there ? Other than being an unsightly blot on the landscape ?

It's a mock up, to make Ush feel at ease. He likes to be around Imps, remember.

Queeq, your last posty in the barber shop won't show up; I get a blank white screen.

BTW, does that mean that when we hit 600 in the barber shop, the barber shop will go up in flames?

Aha! The lady catches on quick.

Endor?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooo!

Sure. Lots of nice cuddly bears...

And at the end we torch Vader. Or is it just his suit ? (twilight zone music in background)

Nope, all of it.

Why did you have to make the bar so wide ?

I didn't. Ush did with his enormous "nooooo". It was allright before. I'll go and edit it a bit then...

(adjusts bra straps) thank you. much better now.

I'm almost afraid to ask, but...errr.... what does your bra have to do with this?

Wouldn't you like to know ?

Indeed.

Maybe I'll tell you. Sometime.

(walks casually over to bar, orders drink)

queeq dear, the ewoks are complaining they can't reach the bar.

Ewoks? Furry little gits! Where!?

*hands Ush a blaster rifle*

Anywhere. I'll start making the BBQ.

Hey Ush....wanna try my clown gun ?

Does that kill Ewoks or just make them laugh?

OMG!!!!! They closed my bar on Hoth. Thank the Maker I just finished this bar in the trees on time.

FREE DRINKS!!!! OPENING NIGHT!!!!

I managed to take some guards, and some chairs and tables, I will have the guards Set up around the bar, and I will be working as a waiter before finti or the others get here.

causes furry tickles

Hey! RC, what were you gonna say??! hmph!

The clown gun gives the ewoks fleas
no ewoks allowed in the bar unlessthey are cleaning staff. and aaarrrrghhh Michael Bolton on the radio............ahh change of channel.

Dim, I guess you'll never know...

Oh do tell.

Well, you see, it went like this.... Actually, maybe not.

Come on, you can tell us. We won't tell anybody.

That's what they said at the STD clinic!

::Walks into bar::
::Orders drink::
Hey everybody. Why did you have to make the bar so high up in the trees? My feet and arms are tired from all the climbing.

Finti points toward the lift, breaking a sweat Lance have a milkshake and a tequila with a worm!

When my bar was underwater there were some weirdo's that swam down. How can you think I'd not make sure there was a comfortable way of getting there?

I just force-jumped from the forest floor.

Wel, Edna and myself arrived by broomsitck travel, of corse. Only she's still a little tied up right now...

Was that an exterior modem, Ush ?

I guess I will have that milkshake and tequila. Hold the milkshake.
If I would have know there was a lift I guess I would have taken it.

I don't know if it was exterior or not, actually. I should ask. Anyhow, Edna's father's computer seems to be refusing to let modems work right now (due to, I beleive, some Linux installation unpleasantness), which is causing Edna trouble.

They have another computer with a modem; that's a pay by the minute job so she may be around a little bit but not much. I am keeping in contact with her using ICQs SMS function.

Thank you for listening to this member situation announcement...

Ah such a nice place, and we have a new security system. No rebels will take anything from this, and I heard Vader rated this Bar Number 1 on his "To drink at list" It is such an honor.

Oh yeah, absoutely NO chance of Rebels getting here. Not with that Imperial blockade outside! What are they going to, steal an old shuttle or something?

(Settles back into Edna-moping mode)

VADER IS COMING TO GET A DRINK, YAHHHHH

speaking of Edna, anyone see her lately?

If Vader wants a drink he can have one. Mickey Mouse soda comming up.

whoa, this is weird. Everyplace I go tonight is closed with signs pointing me to new establishments....well I suppose this'll do for now then, hello all!

Well, yes, I explained that in the 'Beardi and Barbers'-thread, Shoe.

So does anyone know when my drinking buddy Vader is coming down here?

The mickey mouse drink knocked him out

Queeq, Vader will be coming here soon my good friend

Man that was a good tequila. Anyone want the worm?

Edna is having computer problems, keo...Ush is keeping us updated.....

You better get these ewoks out of here, queeq. Vader is not gonna like all that loose fur sticking to his cape you know.

Oh, Vader likes Ewoks allright. Fried and with a nice BBQ sauce. They're just around here to grow a little fatter.

Shoe, you gotta stop by everyday to keep up here.

Actually he needs to stop by once an hour to keep up.

So how do you make an ewok fat, queeq ?

knock her up

Fin, that was really bad.

(Calibrates Ewok-hunting rifle)

I take my ewoks extra crispy with a side of barbeque sauce.

I wish I had enough time to keep up....it just ain't fair I tell ya

*sets footstool in place for ewok*

Queeq, we need a longer board for the rest of the ewoks. Surely there's more planks in back. Shoe, could you please help Queeq bring that wide plank from out behind. We can set some of those decorative concrete type blocks for the base. Do we need steps for them to reach the top of the plank?

Will You Marry me Keo

we hardly know each other.

queeq, you're really missing this. The latest soap opera. phin & keo.

yes, the ewoks will need steps to get to their seat. Now me, I'm drinking outside on the balcony before Ush gets here with his gun and start shooting up the place. (runs outside with large bottle of rum)

*starts practising wedding march...once again*

(Inserts special Ewok-hunting ammo)

What IS it with you and weddings, Queeq?

Authorities? On Endor?

Anyway, it's nice to have weddings in a bar like mine. Brings in many customers. Do you realise how much money I will make?

The ewoks are not for target shooting; they are paying customers, Queeq will not want a drop in revenue here.

I was only kidding, IM THE PREIEST!

*Finishes constructing Ewok stairs. Hangs up new sign:

No Ewok Hunting!*

Ok, that should do it.

Fantastic, Shoe; you outdid yourself again. Very proud of you.

Yeah, right, you guys...

(Goes Ewok hunting)

Like Queeq ever plays by the rules...

Shoe, quickly, we must build an ewok escape here, a little door behind the bar, quickly, please, before Ush gets trigger happy again.

Maybe he wanted to be a priest?..

AHEM..there is a No Eating Ewoks law you know.. I must go alert the authorities..

Good idea Keo! Get them all in the same place for me.

Alright Keo, finished. The Ewoks can easily get away from Ush through this door!

*Shoeless motions toward door. Ush seizes his opportunity and runs in hoping to nab an Ewok*

Ha! MY plan worked!

*Shoeless hits a remote switch opening up a trap door, causing Ush to fall to the Rancor pit below*

Looks like the hunter's just become the hunted!

OMG, Ush disappeared. Where is he.

*hollers* USH, WHERE ARE YOU???

heh, heh, heh

So what do you have against Ewok hunting? There's not much else to do around here, unless you like swinging in trees.

Well we could get some flying monkeys in here to carry the ewoks away. Or we could just drop the ewoks on any stray gungans running around below.

*sees gungan running, hollering, "the sky is falling, the sky is falling".......*

Keo has the idea now. Cool.

Gungans on Endor? It's not allowed to import Gungans on this Endor moon. The Imps are building something and they don't want any extra-planetary visitors here.

*Throws down a rope to Ush, who by now has fully subdued the Rancor with the aid of a large door.*

Man, these guys think they can get rid of you that easily Ush. Not if I have anything to say about it.

Time for a spot of hunting then?

Well their outpost stinks. Vader's shuttle is smoking like a cropduster. Why doesn't he run that thing in for a tune up ?

(yells toward outpost) Hey, Vader ! Get it MIDASIZED !!!!!!

*watches Vader revvvvv his engines, blowing all kinds of smoke and unhealthy crud into the atmosphere, talk about air pollution*

Cough, cough. (gets out giant can of fluffy flowery spray)

Gundy, is that meadow flowers or lilacs?

See? Queeq supports my Ewok-hunting... may also be hunting those who would dare cross me... such people will also have Edna to answer to. Bad move guys! (Thanks, RC...)

Don't shoot too many customers, Ush. I'm still trying to run a business here.

It's quiete expensive and he's stingy.

Edna !!! Are you killing our furry ewoks with Ush?

I think she's turning them into frogs, actually.

I most certainly am NOT keo! Ush you hurt one hair on those Ewoks' heads and I will not be happy!

Okay, I think I've got this now:


Ewok Lovers

Dim
Edna
Keo

Ewok Haters

Ush
RC
Gundy
queeq
Finti

Unknown/Not sure

Raz
Phinney
Shoeless
Breetai
Mech
Jameous
Sorry if I missed you completely

Please feel free to correct or update this list.

Add me to the ewok haters list, I like my extra crispy and cooked slowly

crispy and coocked slowly how do you manage that. Note to myself dont eat Phins coocking

That's quick a culinary trick, phin !

Doesn't it annoy you when you get the fur caught in your teeth?

No what am I saying? You can't eat them! They are too cute!

Don't be silly, Edna. You know that I don't hurt or damage the fur at all; I need it intact.

Sick! Sick! Sick! Sick! The lot of you! Except Dim and Keo of course!

Hmm... can I possibly close to my ears to such a heart-felt appeal from the Witch?

Oh Ush! Please don't hurt them. You know it will only upset me if you do!

Oh... that's just... oooh, you evil girl!

Smiles majestically at Ush!

Sigh...

(Dismantles Ewok hunting gun)

But if they start eating people I'm putting it back together again!

They wont eat anyone! They, and their deities have a new found respect for humans! Really they do! You know they are cute really!

George went overboard on cute.

Hhhhmmmm....

OK then if you are not doing it for the Ewoks then you are doing it for me right?

Ok then.

Ah! Good! Now if you could just try and convince the others! Hmmm! Perhapd I should get Keo to work on Phinney!

Tricky...

I don't hate them. They just have great entertainment and culinary value. I am trying to run a business after all.

Great, now all I can think of is a little roasted Ewok with an apple in it's mouth.

Ah at last...a use for the Ewoks!

oh great furry frogs thats worse than Tarrentulas. What who`s arachnafobic?

don't touch my ewoks; they are the best dustbusters with their furry bodies.

Well, I guess if we piled them up like tribbles, they would be comfortable to lounge on.

soft and cuddley after a bath and rinsing with Lady Dim's wonderful blue milk products.

My Ewok coat is almost finished. It should be here any minute.

My Ewok coat is almost finished. It should be here any minute.

You sound so excited, repeating yourself like that.

queeq's wearing my babies??? how crude

glad you dindnt say bearing

Sshhh Finti! Gundy might be listening!

queeq is giving birth to an ewok ? (starts selling tickets)

I do? What did you do to me in that lab of yours, Gundy? Are you the father?

No actually the father was a squik. I was drunk in the lab that night and read the wrong notes. http://www.3dpcgames.com/cwm/s/otn/angry/1shifty.gif

queeq, a mutha

The true bigfoot.

Ohhh he soo cute, congrats queeq, (I am the godfather right)

Of course, phin. If you want to.

And I thought phin was your older brother's uncle's cousin's former college roommate.

I like my ewoks lightly toasted, and no It wasn't me who his brother's uncles's cousin's fprmer roomate, It was my great uncle former lad partner. I Am A godfather

If that's your best Marlon Brando impersonation, phinney..it stinks. (just kidding)

I want to see what this ewok-squik-bigfoot-thingy looks like..

I thought you loved animals? Then you don't want to see this.

Well queeq didn't push it out yet, Dim.

You have to wait nine months.

For half-squiks that's 35 months, dear.

35 months ?? Yeesh, maybe I went overboard on this experiment. (scribbles notes)

Gundy, spray queeq with that magic potion that will accelerate the baking process.

Please don't. It's bad as it is.

Is that one of Edna's?