Disorders in Court

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ratcat
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things
People actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.

Q : What is your date of birth?
A : July fifteenth.
Q : What year?
A : Every year.

Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks

Q : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A : Yes
Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A : I forget.
Q : You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q : How old is your son, the one living with you?
A : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q : How long has he lived with you?
A : Forty-five years.

Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A : He said, "Cathy, Where am I?"
Q : And why did it upset you?
A : My name is Susan.

Q : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q : The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q : Were you present at the time your picture was taken?

Q : So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A : Yes
Q : And what were you doing at that time?

Q : She had three children, right?
A : Yes.
Q : How many were boys?
A : None.
Q : Were there any girls?

Q : How was your first marriage terminated?
A : By death.
Q : And by whose death was it terminated?

Q : Can you describe the individual?
A : He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q : Was this a male, or a female?

Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A : No, this is how I always dress when I go to work.

Q : Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q : All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A : Oral.

Q : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A : The autopsy started around 8.30 p.m.
Q : And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A : No
Q : Did your check for blood pressure?
A : No
Q : Did your check for breathing?
A : No
Q : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A : No
Q : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A : Not unless he was out practicing law somewhere.

keokiswahine
RC, are you getting everything I email out? This was one of them, too.

*suspicious* *checks for email droids* confused evil face wink

finti
I mean the last one actually happened in Norway. I`m not sure about it, but we have had a court case spilled out in the media the last weeks and one of the media stories of "old "courtcases mentioned that event about the autopsy. Doctors 1-Lawyers 0 big grin

ratcat
I got them from my brother Keo, but they look like they had been forwarded a few times.

Maybve you should post them first. laughing out loud

finti
I got them as e mail a couple of months ago and there it was said where the different cases where from. Most of them where from the States, some British, Swedish, Spanish and Norwegian

queeq
The brain-in-jar one is excellent.

mechmoggy
big grin laughing out loud big grin laughing out loud big grin eek!

finti
I like the one about if a person dies in his sleep... laughing out loud

Gundark
Yes, the brain in the jar is my favorite too. (smiles proudly at jars of brains in lab) Hehehe.

queeq
Brains rule.

Gundark
No. Women's brains rule. Men's brains are controlled by another part of their body.

Ushgarak
Sexist Gundy, eh?

Gundark
Nah. Just kidding around. Not sexist. Not feminist. I don't have a category. Although the canned goods in my pantry are segregated.....

kdawg
How can people of law be so stupid???
Oh, nevermind this is the justice system we're talking about. laughing out loud

Ushgarak
Any comment on Dutch justice, Queeq?

keokiswahine
Gundy, yes, agreed. laughing out loud evil face smokin'

queeq
Comment? There is justice in Holland? laughing out loud

keokiswahine
I thought Dutchland was very liberal and you could do whatever you wanted... confused confused roll eyes (sarcastic)

finti
Red light district in Amsterdam thats were you find Roxanne big grin

keokiswahine
Who's Roxanne??? confused big grin smokin' evil face

queeq
So where does justice come into play in our liberal system then?

keokiswahine
All's fair in love and war ??? confused confused eek!

Ushgarak
Holland at war?

keokiswahine
war has to have rules. Dutchland is too busy being liberal to make rules. wink

queeq
Doubt that. We'll scare enemies off with our endless talking.

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