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WWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!


Whoa! What a rush!

Now, what the heck is going on here?

I was going with Edna to the bar... if this is a bar, Queeq has developed a strange taste.... what with tyhe huge beats and shrieking ghosts... very homely...

And do I remember seeing someone looking JUST like me?

Hmmm......

OH God, he's hallucinating now.

Edna, I think you might have done permenant damage...

And somehow, I can STILL hear RC's critical tones... good acoustics, I guess...

Shrieking ghosts you say? Doesnt sound good to me!

Actually, that may be queeq, having realised he left the door open on the Rancor cages...

Ah, the memories of Edna's beautiful tones lify my spirits...

Mind you, HAVE a ship. Quite why I agreed to go with her... actually, it was obvious really.

Right, come to terms with things. What would my Master have said?

(Thinks)

"Why the hell did you sign the contract, you prat!?"

Hmm, he was always WAS grumpy.

You know, I'm sure the ground shouldn't be moving...

* arrives in a screeming thump off Edna's extra broom*

waaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooo

Well sorry to say it but with the impressive performance your evil clone Uushgarak is giving, the chances of anyone missing you are pretty minimal! I do believe you are doomed to remain in hell for eternity! You did read the mall print at the bottom of the contract right?

OK, he's lost it, stick with the clone.

*hangs on to Edna's extra broom; broom has mind of its own, tosses keo around like a wet laundry bag*

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(Force pulls Keo down to the ground)

Keo! Thank the Force! Are you well?

*picks up self, shakess off cosmic ray dust*



what a trip; where are we????

Well Keo! Tatwill teach you for stealing witch's property. And Ush perhaps I had better recap what it said beneath where you singned.

"In case of the above incident, be sure to have a fair maiden standing by to scream your name theough the land of the living and release the chains that bind you in your hell. There is no other release from the underworld! BE WARNED!"

Can you hear something?

I'm not certain, Keo, old bean. Hang on, let me medtiate for a few mos...

(Ushgarak mediatates... and receives inspiration from the Force...)

HEY! You... silly WITCH! That was a ONE PERSON SPELL! COUNT IT! ONE UNO EIN!

What has she done to me?

(looms arojnd at roaring fires, tormentd souls and big horned beasts)

Oh, riiighhht...

I think you've taken a wrong turn.

wrong turn, where?

The DSD was a left turn at Bespin, not a right.

Ah, if only Master Gundark could advise me now...

Right then, Keo, bad situation all around... how do you think we can get out of here?

Then I will have to have VERY sharp words with Edna...

(Ghostlike whisper) Use the force, Ush....let go, Ush.....

Goo advice!

Keo, we must FEEL our way out of this one!

(Mumbles in best Vader voice) The force is strong with this one....

Keo, I feel bound to point out that that was NOT an offer of social interaxction in any way...

So then... let's stretch out and see how I coukld escape from this place...

into the garbage chute, flyboy !

Hmm... guess my force sense is a little cloudy... must focus...

Okay..I still have yet to figure out what this topic is about.

Me thinks its an excuse for role-playing.

Well.....Ush started it. (Best Solo voice) "its not my fault".

Look at the end of the last bar and the start of the new one.

Unfortunately, due to the page limits imposed by the crappy UBB cache, we can't.

Ush I told you to read the small print! (They are posted back on the last page if you didnt see them! Now if only there was some way you could contact a fair maiden!)

OK, Raz, reopen the bar, start to post, and read the review.

Fair amiden, eh...?

Amiden ? Whats an amiden ? Is that like Amidala's alter ego ? Or a hideout for ami's ?

It's a small spiky Mammal.

I shall look for a Fair Maiden as well, thrn...

Is it in the squik family ?

Maybe...

Well we need to classify these things in the proper genus, you know. Especially if they're running around loose in the diner.

Good job this is about as far from being the Diner as it could possibly be, then...

Ush, there are some guys to see you. Say they're from the Galactic Health and Safety Commission.

They traced me HERE?! Perhaps they are based here...

*Throatwobbler Mangrove flies in with queeq behind the controls*

Ah, here you are. I was missing out on some crucial clientele. Ush, wanna come back? That clone of yours is making improper business proposals to me.

Queeq! Nice of you to come searching...

But the Force tells me I'm bound here until I find the solution... something to do with my name and fair maidens?

Go and tell Edna what's happened. She must be worried sick about me...

Oh, don't worry about her. She's having great fun with your clone.

Fair, but no longer a maiden???

Sorry... clone?

Oh, yeah, him. He's been very interested in Edna. Helped her unpack her things in her private chambers. Took her to dinner, bought her flowers, bought her an entire forest actually...

Oh, I get it. Big joke on the thicko who didn't make it to the bar... seriously guys, how is she?

She's about to be married to your clone. Seriously. She felt you had undergone such wonderful transformation all of a sudden since she moved to the DS. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she really felt you had changed for the better. So now she's getting married.

Anger... growing... must... control... emotions...

Don't be angry, she looks VERY happy now.

Well... ah... uh...

Oh, I HAVE to do something about this...

Why? Looks like she found her knight in shining armour at last.

He's no Knight! He's an anti-Knight! And he's got my Witch!

Er... not that she's MY witch, of course...

Well, we all like him. He helps out in the bar, he's very friendly. A bit clumsy in killing off major customers, but he's very becoming.

This psycho is ruining my good name!

Actually, I think he's improving it. Although, he's a tad odd. He seems to be putting me in a bad light on the DS. When he does... well, he dies. Then you MUST come back to comfort Edna.

Uh-oh... I ahve a bad feeling about this...

Careful! If he's doing what I think he's doing...

What's that?

Oh dear... bad bad bad... um... give him rope to hang himself with! Trying to directly stop him will be a VERY bad idea...

You snooze, you loose bud.

Sorry..

Well queeq darling, just use your force lightning on him.

Does that come overhead lifters, and some four-barrel quads?

Oh sorry. that's Greased Lightnin'

(Flings cigarette on ground, crushes it with shoe) "Tell me about it, stud."

*picks up Gundy's discarded cigarette and puts in cigarette receptable*

let's not litter, please; must not deface our natural beauty, but feel free to bleed it out of RC.

Keo, Charmed I'm sure....

You're the one that I want (you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one that I want (you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one that I want (you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh
The one I need (the one I need), oh yes indeed (yes indeed)

Hey! Stop putting me off! I'm trying to concetrate here!

Fair but no longer a maiden? Excuse me but what exactly are you insinuating RC?

Let's not get caught up in that again...

Yeah..just ignore it.

Now then... Edna must be the key to escaping this place...

Yeah, stick with her...she'll protect you.

If only I could communicate with her...

Maybe you need to try the Vulcan mind meld. (Oh finti is gonna hate me for that one.)

She'd need to BE here for that to work.

Well there's only one thing left to do. Put you in carbonite.

No no no, I know I CAN get out of this one...

No way man. Vader is here with a bunch of stormtroopers and a couple of ugnaughts. You're going in, baby !!

I VERY much doubt Vader is at the strange and mysterious place...

(Ushgarak, meditating, has finally managed to sense the bar)

OH MY GOD!

EDNA! EDNA!!! THAT'S NOT ME! STAY AWAY FROM HIM!

*Ghostly Voie*

~~Use the Force Ush, use the Force~~

HE'S BUYING HER A DRINK! OH MY GOD!

And... SHE HIT HIM WITH A BOTTLE! That's worth a KISS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

~~Reach out with your feelings~~

What could possibly get me back there... something to do... with me...?

DAMN! He has her too distracted...

Phinney! PHINNEY! You HAVE to tell her! TELL HER TO SCREAM OUT MY NAME! QUICKLY!

ush u trapped here give me a sign.

PHINNEY! Thank God you can hear me! Quicky! You must get Edna to shout out my name at the bar! My clone will try to stop you! Be careful!

Ok, Keo, we're out of here! Let's go!

(Braces)

*flashes lightsabre, grabs Ush, and takes off*

~~The Force will be with you - Always~~

antone have crystals for a green lightsabre

So now I'm all alone here.... talking to myself.... hmmmm... I'll just wait here then, shall I, sir? Yes...

*moves away slowly from queeq*

I told you not to eat those tulip bulbs..

Leave him there, he can do less harm.

Harm? Moi? Whatcha talking about?

Besides, I am everywhere.... there'll be no escape for you this time.

He is a god...a great tulip god..

Queeq a god, oh my go....hmm pull the plugs on the dijks.

Go ahead, turn me into Neptune.

OK, who was the god of chaos then?

I am that in my spare time.

Set
(Seth, Setekh, Setesh, Seti, Sutekh, Setech, Sutech)

Egyptian god of chaos who embodied the principle of hostility if not of outright evil. He was associated with foreign lands and was the adversary of the god Osiris. Seth was usually depicted in human form with a head of indeterminate origin, though said to resemble that of an aardvark. He had a curved snout, erect square- tipped ears and a long forked tail. Sometimes he was represented in entirely animal form with a body similar to that of a greyhound. He was said to be the son either of Nut and Geb or of Nut and Ra, and the brother of Isis, Osiris and Nephthys. Nephthys was sometimes given as his consort, although he is more commonly associated with the foreign, Semitic goddesses Astarte and Anat. Despite his reputation, he had an important sanctuary at Ombos in Upper Egypt, his reputed birthplace, and had his cult was also prominent in the north-eastern region of the Nile delta.

For a time during the third millenium BC, Seth replaced Horus as the tutelary deity of the pharaohs. However, the story of Seth's murder of Osiris and subsequent war with Horus gained currency and Horus was restored to his original status. The war with Horus lasted eighty years, during which Seth tore out the left eye his adversary and Horus tore out Seth's foreleg and testicles. Horus eventually emerged victorious, or was deemed the victor by a council of the gods, and thus became the rightful ruler of the kingdoms of both Upper and Lower Egypt. Seth was forced to return the eye of Horus and was himself either castrated or, in some versions, killed. In some versions Seth then went to live with the sun god Re, where he became the voice of the thunder. In the Book of the Dead Seth was referred to as the "lord of the northern sky" and held responsible for storms and cloudy weather. Seth protected Re during his night voyage through the underworld against the Apophis-snake. On the other hand, Seth was a peril for ordinary Egyptians in the underworld, where he was said seize the souls of the unwary. Among the animals sacred to Seth were the desert oryx, crocodile, boar, and the hippopotamus in its aspect as a destroyer of boats and of planted fields. The pig was a taboo in Seth's cult. The Greeks later equated Seth with their demon-god Typhon.

You missed out the important spelling, which is Sutekh.

Stories aboyut the Set-meister, quite my favourite ancient God, go on forever. Some unpleasant stuff with lettuce...

Interesting...

closing topic..

Oh great, now he thinks he is some kind of god.....