For the guys..........

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silver_tears
After posting all those threads focussed on women i decided to start some for the guys on here.
U know ur all cool wink

IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GUY

Pity us men.........

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're a ***.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.

Celsius
RIGHT ON!!!

The Force
rock

silver_tears
big grin glad to help big grin

silver_tears
Because I'm a Guy...

...I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

...when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

...when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

...I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

...when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

...I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger-how the heck could HE know where we're going?

...there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

...I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is ok, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?

...I am capable of announcing, "one more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection?

...you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

...I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

...I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

...and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.

silver_tears
and im not a guy dont take that the wrong way stick out tongue

silver_tears
Ladies...read and heed!

SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister.

Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game DO, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.

If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship."
We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask.
We DID water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that.
No, you can't have the remote control.

Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to.

Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation is not.

Check your oil.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Nothing says "I love you" like sex in the morning.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
Share the closet.
Share the bathroom.

Your brother is an idiot.
Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
You have too many shoes.
You have enough clothes.
Anything you wear is fine. Really.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Dogs are better than cats.
Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, its just like every other cat.
Don't make us guess.
Don't cut your hair. Ever.
Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.

thats cute big grin

silver_tears
this is kinda reallt sexist but its to prove that im not a favoritist

why men like bikes more than women.....

1. Bicycles don't get pregnant.
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don't have parents.
4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You'll never hear, "Suprise, you're goning to own a new bicycle" unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.
16. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.
17. If you say bad things to your bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.
18. You can ride your bicycle as long as you want and it wont get sore.
19. You can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it wont get frustrated.
20. Your parents wont remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.
21. Bicycles don't get headaches.
22. Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
23. Your bicyle never wants a night out with other bicycles.
24. Bicycles don't care if you're late.
25. You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
26. If your bicycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
27. You can ride your bicycle the first time you meet it without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
28. The only protection you need to wear when riding your bicycle is a decent helment.
29. When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you
had the last time you were on your bicycle.

silver_tears
I luv ya guys love

DeNiro
I ony read the first post the others are just to long for me

AliasNeo15
^right on evil face

silver_tears
illiterate stick out tongue

MaverickIce
Preach!

jacksparrow22
you said the word bicycle a lot!

silver_tears
lets count them eek!

$
If men wrote Problem Pages.....

1)

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college room-mates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

AliasNeo15
^yup, thats wut i think about all the timethumb up

$
If men wrote Problem Pages......

2)

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it at least twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

AliasNeo15
^What the f**k? now, that is crazylaughing out loud

$
If men wrote Problem Pages......

3)

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and should be encouraged. The man is a Hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young, single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great opportunity for you to clean the house too)!! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

AliasNeo15
^yaHappy Dance

$
If men wrote Problem Pages......

4)

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it on your own time and ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself whilst doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

AliasNeo15
^these are goodstick out tongue

$
If men wrote Problem Pages.....

5)

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing this up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is extremely stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should, he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

AliasNeo15
i like wut u keep on saying at the endthumb up

$
If men wrote Problem Pages.....

6)

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal?

$
laughing Done........

BackFire
http://www.maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=women_smell


Funny article about women farts.

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