tptmanno1
bit old but still funny
> Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH
> We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
> know if
> the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with
> us or
> it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
>
> AL GORE
> I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
> crossing the
> road represented the application of these two different functions of
> government
> in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the
American
> people.
>
> COLIN POWELL
> Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the
> chicken crossing the road.
>
> HANZ BLIX
> We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
> allowed
> access to the other side of the road.
>
> MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
> The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We
> don't
> even have a chicken.
>
> SADDAM HUSSEIN
> This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
> dropping
> 50 tons of nerve gas on it
>
> RALPH NADER
> The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by
> unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
> habitat
> on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a
> gas-guzzling SUV.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN
> To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
>
>
> RUSH LIMBAUGH
> I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting
> a
> government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is
> already
> forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome.
> Can
> you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens
> crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax
> dollars, I'm
> talking about your money, money the government took from you to build
> roads for
> chickens to cross.
>
> MARTHA STEWART
> No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing
> order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a
> certain
> level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
>
> JERRY FALWELL
> Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
> plain
> truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."
> That's
> what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
> And,
> if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
> all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
> whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
>
> DR. SEUSS
> Did the chicken cross the road?
> Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it
> crossed, I've not been told!
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY
> To die. In the rain. Alone.
>
> MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
> I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
> having
> their motives called into question.
>
> GRANDPA
> In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
> that
> the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS
> Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
> chicken
> tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a
> serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
> crossing the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON
> Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
>
> ARISTOTLE
> It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> KARL MARX
> It was an historical inevitability.
>
> VOLTAIRE
> I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
> its
> right to do it.
>
> RONALD REAGAN
> What chicken?
>
> CAPTAIN KIRK
> To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
>
> FOX MULDER
> You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have
> to
> cross before you believe it?
>
> >
> BILL GATES
> I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but
> will
> lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and
> Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN
> Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
> chicken?
>
> BILL CLINTON
> I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
> Could
> you define chicken, please?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS
> I missed one?
> Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH
> We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
> know if
> the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with
> us or
> it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
>
> AL GORE
> I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
> crossing the
> road represented the application of these two different functions of
> government
> in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the
American
> people.
>
> COLIN POWELL
> Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the
> chicken crossing the road.
>
> HANZ BLIX
> We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
> allowed
> access to the other side of the road.
>
> MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
> The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We
> don't
> even have a chicken.
>
> SADDAM HUSSEIN
> This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
> dropping
> 50 tons of nerve gas on it
>
> RALPH NADER
> The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by
> unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
> habitat
> on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a
> gas-guzzling SUV.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN
> To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
>
>
> RUSH LIMBAUGH
> I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting
> a
> government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is
> already
> forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome.
> Can
> you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens
> crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax
> dollars, I'm
> talking about your money, money the government took from you to build
> roads for
> chickens to cross.
>
> MARTHA STEWART
> No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing
> order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a
> certain
> level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
>
> JERRY FALWELL
> Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
> plain
> truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."
> That's
> what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
> And,
> if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
> all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
> whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
>
> DR. SEUSS
> Did the chicken cross the road?
> Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it
> crossed, I've not been told!
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY
> To die. In the rain. Alone.
>
> MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
> I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
> having
> their motives called into question.
>
> GRANDPA
> In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
> that
> the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS
> Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
> chicken
> tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a
> serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
> crossing the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON
> Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
>
> ARISTOTLE
> It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> KARL MARX
> It was an historical inevitability.
>
> VOLTAIRE
> I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
> its
> right to do it.
>
> RONALD REAGAN
> What chicken?
>
> CAPTAIN KIRK
> To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
>
> FOX MULDER
> You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have
> to
> cross before you believe it?
>
> >
> BILL GATES
> I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but
> will
> lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and
> Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN
> Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
> chicken?
>
> BILL CLINTON
> I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
> Could
> you define chicken, please?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS
> I missed one?