The Dump A Man Form

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silver_tears
Dear _______________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.

I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:


(Check those that apply)

1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.


2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.


3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!


4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.


5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.


6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!


7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.


8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.


9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.


10. ___You have a hairy back.


11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.


12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.


13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.


14. ___You still live with your parents.


15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little concerning.


16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.


17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.


18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.


19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.


20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.




Sincerely, _________________________________

Tied Hiker
This thread is lame. Unlike my threads. big grin

LanceWindu
Very stupid indeed, most of those answers would make a girl a complete shallow *****.

BackFire349
I'll have to agree with the other guys. Anyone who uses one of those reasons to break up with a guy is indeed a shallow ****.

Shallow girls suck.

CandyKoRn
lol.. I think it's funny stick out tongue

therefore I am Lame? stick out tongue nah

BackFire349
If you have ever dumped a guy for any of those reasons, yes you are lame and shallow.

LanceWindu
A couple of them I agree with, but if you have to break up with a guy over them then you were only interested in popularity, not true love.

CandyKoRn
LOL.. just because I found it funny, and didn't take it seriously, unlike you guys.. You think i'm lame?

and No, I have never used any of them for reasons to dump a guy..

get over it.

BackFire349
Then you aren't lame.

You would only be lame if you ever dumped a guy for any of those reasons.

LanceWindu
I never said you were lame Candy, but no need to take it personally.

CandyKoRn
I'm not taking it personally.

What is pissing me off, however, is when there are threads that are disrespectful to women but in a humorous way, us girls just laugh and go along with it.

but, when it's the other way round, you guys get all defensive.
I seriously don't think this is ment to be taken literally..

BackFire349
Well with the shallowness and stupidity of some girls today, it is literal, as i know some guys who have had their hearts broken over some of those stupid reasons.

And i would laugh at the jokes if they were to be funny, the simple fact is, most jokes that girls create just aren't as humerous as the ones guys create.

Let the flaming begin.

LanceWindu
I'd laugh if it was funny as well...I laughed at the "What if guys ruled the world thread'

CandyKoRn
yea, I agree with the first paragraph.
I feel bad that there are some girls who are that lame..

I don't agree with your thinking girls aren't as funny as guys.
It's just guys are hypocrits.. they can't help it..

Sexist jokes are funny when it's at the expense of the female-side..
but when it's the other way round, it's stupid.. and personal..

is that how you see it? it's how I see it...

BackFire349
No, I don't take anything personally. Just jokes made by women are generally not as funny to me. This goes for female stand comedians, female television writers, ect. They just aren't as funny.

CandyKoRn
that's your opinion.. I just don't share the same view, case closed.

(as far as i'm concerned anyway..)

BackFire349
Most people feel the same way. Even my Mom does, she hates female comedians and jokes created by women, they just don't have it usually.

Of course there are exceptions.

Tied Hiker
Me saying a thread is lame is lame. Calm down CandyCorn. You are not lame. I was being my usual smart ass self. smokin'

BackFire349
You were also being truthful.

CandyKoRn
stick out tongue

CandyKoRn
what if it wasn't created by a female?

You see these things on the 'net everywhere.. or through e-mails..

you shouldn't state things as fact, when you really don't know.

Also, You and your mom isn't the majority.

ok?

Tied Hiker
People tell me my threads are lame all the time. After reading this thread, I tried to come up with a 'snappy' post to reply, but I couldn't. So I decided to call the thread lame. I admit it is a bit lame, but not because a girl wrote it. I'm sure there are funny girls out there somewhere.

CandyKoRn
how do you know "a girl wrote it" ???

Tied Hiker
silver posted it right? I was refering to her thread not the actual content.

Tied Hiker
How do you really know I am not a girl?

CandyKoRn
I'm talking about the supposed 'joke' that wasn't written by Silver, was it?

Tied Hiker
Or Backfire. He might be a supermodel for all we really know.

CandyKoRn
I doubt it.

Tied Hiker
THat' s racist.

BackFire349
She and I aren't all. They discussed this on a radio show around here, and most people called in and stated that they agree that female comedians as a whole just aren't as funn as males.

Also, I'm assuming that a woman wrote this because of it's content. Most men wouldn't write something like this. This doesn't make it factual, merely probable

silver_tears
well i dont mean any of those so dont take it personally i didnt mean anything by it big grin

Ushgarak
Blimey, there is some over-sensitive guy talk here! Good Lord. Don't take it anywhere near so seriously. I don't believe you guys specified they were bad reasons to break up. Like, yeah, and? As if this was in any way serious!

I'd happily write something like this- because it is parodying WOMEN, not men! It's almost an insider joke for women. I couldn;t write it because I wouldn't have the necessarily female perspective, but I still appreciate the humour behind it.

Candy is right, there have been tons of things like this written about dumping women. This whole 'women are not as funny as men' thing is a complete and utter irrelevance.

CandyKoRn
woohoo smile

Ushgarak
(waves)

Hi there!

Captain REX
laughing out loud Lame... stick out tongue

LanceWindu
Just note that all I said was I didn't find it funny...he's the one you want * points at BF *

CandyKoRn
I really don't care anymore..

The double-standards just pissed me off....

LanceWindu
I don't believe in double standards, just stubborn ness.

Ushgarak
That is because it is probably funnier TO women.

Take this list:

Top ten reasons for a guy to break up with a girl

1. Breasts aren't big enough
2. She won't give you a blow job
3. She will not listen to your well-crafted theory about why guys like you have a biological need to shag other women
4. She has a nagging Mum
5. She keeps wanting to talk after sex
6. She keeps wanting to talk when you want to watch the telly
7. She doesn't like the sports you do despite your best efforts to force her to watch the Superbowl
8. She moans when you don't believe her when she says she is fat
9. She expects you to remember every anniversary and birthday of her and all her friends
10. Breasts again

Now, that would be a list funnier to men than women, and some of them are very much reasons some men get aggravated with women, but it is not at all serious! And if a female member came along and said

"Those are shallow reasons to break up with a girl."

I would be like 'Huh? Well, DUHHH!"

This thread is just the same thing but with the sexes inverted

CandyKoRn
Same thing I was trying to get across...
Why take it so seriously in the first place?

Captain REX
That's shallow, Ush... stick out tongue

Ushgarak
Thankyou, Rexy..

LanceWindu
I still think those reasons make a guy shallow as well, I would never break up with a woman for any of those reasons.

Captain REX
laughing out loud

I thought that was funny...let's see what the gals say...

silver_tears
i found it funny laughing

Captain REX
You're not allowed to! You are supposed to call it shallow so Ush can say his line! stick out tongue

silver_tears
wats shallow bout it stick out tongue
its the truth wink

Captain REX
laughing out loud Agreed... wink

silver_tears
*looks over list* meh doesnt affec me either way angel

Ushgarak
!!!!!!!

Of COURSE they make a guy shallow! That is the point of the list! It's not a serious guide!

silver_tears
well i could care less its entertaining and so was the original big grin

CandyKoRn
Lol, I found them funny...

Ushgarak
Wow, I only made them up just now on the spot...

I think maybe my one is SO obvious that you girls are laughing at the men looking bad.

silver_tears
*sniggers under breath* no way thats possible ush roll eyes (sarcastic)

BackFire349
As i said earlier in teh thread, i said they were shallow reasons because i know guys who had their heart broken by dumb bitches who used these awful excuses. Plus, I just don't think any of them were funny.... The same thing goes for the list ush put up, i guess I'm just a bit more picky with jokes i enjoy.

Also, i know the argument of how women aren't as funny as men is irrelevent, but you have to remember, this is the off topic forum.

ChinaNiki
"As i said earlier in teh thread, i said they were shallow reasons because i know guys who had their heart broken by dumb bitches who used these awful excuses."

Okay, sometimes a girl has to give a shallow reason for breaking up wih a guy cuz he won't accept that you want to break up with him for the more acceptable reasons, like you just don't love 'em and such. I've known some pushy guys that have made me have to go [email protected] on 'em just to get them to stop bothering me and I can see where a girl might go shallow to get someone to leave her alone if they won't accept the end of a relationship. I'm not say it's a good thing, just that sometimes it happens.

BackFire349
Well my friends are very logical and practical like me, and I know they would have rather been told the truth then given crappy reasons. But, knowing the girls that they were with, they seemed shallow enough to be honest answers. Sad really, such stupid people roam the earth wasting space.

badkittykitty
ever see strangers with candy that jerry blank is definatly a exception bf, lol

frootlooplucy
lol, yeesh you guys take things seriously. take a chill pill... or something.

LanceWindu
Jerry Blank is a user and an abuser plus a loser.

badkittykitty
...and she had a thing for a donkey named Ramon*sigh..*

frootlooplucy
if you say so.

LanceWindu
I like her dad!!!

badkittykitty
I do..ever been to flat point high?

badkittykitty
he was the best!!

LanceWindu
Can't forget Principal Blackman

badkittykitty
or her brother,what a dick

LindsIsTightK
I found those last few comments on the first page to be a bit sexist. I happen to be very funny. As conceided as that may sound, I make my family and all of my friends laugh harder then anyone I know. I'm not saying women comedians are funnier then men, I'm just saying that there really are funny woman out there, they normally just aren't the stand up comedians wink

BackFire349
I haven't met/seen any.

Syren
*soooooo bumped*

OMG! laughing out loud

Sil, this is a classic smokin'

lil bitchiness
Damn right id dump guys for majority of the things on there! smokin'

Well done sista, well done indeed. Some guys who visited this thread obviously posses most of these qualities, so they objected!

silver_tears
raver right on girlfriends smokin'

leatherface12
Thats not cool. no

Raz Jr
1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. I seriously hope no one's ever broken up over that


2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. laughing out loud same as above


3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! fair enough


4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality. fair enough


5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself. fair enough


6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands! laughing out loud tis true I guess


7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants. maybe you just have some fat legs


8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess. I ain't going into gynetics are heritage


9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you. maybe you're just too short wink


10. ___You have a hairy back. fair enough


11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing. woah woah.... women can drive?? (jj...)


12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable. laughing out loud fair enough


13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation. laughing out loud


14. ___You still live with your parents. lol, depends on their age I guess


15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little concerning. no expression no hesitation there


16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker. shifty


17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner. again, fair enough


18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application. fair enough


19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip. yup, fair enough


20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time. ok, thats kinda harsh

- Conclusion:

the majority of those are acceptable yes some are stupid though stick out tongue but i realise its a joke, so what the hell

lil bitchiness
You realease the joke, but you sure as hell have sucked all the fun out of it. stick out tongue

Raz Jr
I do my best happy

yerssot
I thought it was the other way around

Raz Jr
laughing out loud

silver_tears
no expression

LarryTheArch
laughing

lil bitchiness
What the f**k? clever...

silver_tears
What the f**k? ditto

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