BackFire's TCM Remake Review

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BackFire349
As is well known throughout this site, I have not been an avid supporter of the remake of my favorite horror movie. I thought from the beginning it would serve no purpose other then tarnishing and spitting on the greatness that was the original. Sadly, after seeing it tonight, my fears and predetermined feelings were realized.

I'm not going to bother with a synopsis, it's so incoherent that it obviously doesn't care about story, but rather trying to gather as many cheap scares and 'thrills' as possible over the course of 90 minutes. This includes crappy gore, crappy scare tactics (you know the type, a shadow walking across the screen accompanied by a big noise created for an easy scare) and some of the most redundant and unflowing story I've ever seen. Trust me when i say that there is not one quality scare in this movie. They are all cheap jump scares that basically only affected dumb girls who were just itching to scream for any reason, simply because it was a horror movie. They would scream at the most basic and predictable moments, a cat scurrying across the grass acompanied by a loud noise would create some of the loudest and obviously false screams I have ever heard. It was very annoying.

Now to LeatherFace, the greatest character ever to grace a horror movie, but in this one, the most generic and typical villian you could imagine. He is more like Jason then LeatherFace. He is nearly super human in strength and in his ability to take pain. He was messed up pretty bad during the movie, but he just kept going as if he didn't care that much, this was made glaringly obvious by his overdone and over the top look, which was a far cry from his simple and believable look of the original. Also he was lacking his childlike and innocent mentality that made him so creepy yet likeable in the original. Also they showed his face at one point in the movie, at which point i said louder then i meant too "Unacceptable". That word basically sums up the whole movie. It was just unacceptable. It couldn't be accepted as realistic, psychological, gory or any other adverbs that could be used to describe a horror movie. The only word i can think of to describe it, was bad.

Now to the only plus i could give it. R. Lee Ermy (also known as the drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket) is the movies only savior. He pretty much stole the show as the comic relief. His character was demented, funny, and just downright awesome. He kicked ass as usual. That is the only plus side, the rest was a study and meditation on cliche's.

In a genre that has already had so many bad and repetitive movies, i can't help but ask myself, was this one really necessary. The answer to this question is simple. No, it was not.

Go watch the original, you won't find anything new or improved in the remake. Complete waste. Luckily I snuck into the movie after paying to see Runaway Jury, which was actually good, go see that one instead.

badkittykitty
damn bf ,but i hate to say it,but I had a real bad feeling about this movie...the first one is so f*cking scary to me because of the graininess and realistic feel.for some reason 'tcm' and 'the hills have eyes' are scarier to me than any other movie..so I thought about seeing this but knew it couldnt compare.
...just good to hear you didnt pay for it!

BackFire349
hills have eyes is awesome, sadly that's slated for a remake that will surely taint the original

badkittykitty
What?!!! man why do they keep messing with perfection..is Hollywood that unoriginal?

Fire
YES

Tex
The hills have eyes, is there a blind girl in that one?
I remember seeing a movie about cannibals in a desert, but it had a blind girl/woman in it, is this the same movie?

badkittykitty
LoL I think that was the hills have eyes 2,and it was super cheese corn..but it did have a family of cannibals in it that wanted to eat a baby!

Tex
Yeah, I saw Part II, never seen part I, I guess I'll wait till it comes on TV or something big grin

BackFire349
Good luck, it never comes on TV. You may be able to rent it.

Tex
nahstick out tongue

SlipknoT
The tcm remake wasnt that bad, wasnt great but it wasnt horribal

BackFire349
Yes, it was bad.

Tex
Ebert gave it ZERO starslaughing out loud

ragesRemorse
no i would say it was horribly done. Bay took away everything that i loved about this movie. The whole movie was just damn boring .If theres ever a word to describe the failure that is the TCMr then nothing else will matter because it surely be the end of times,No God would allow us to withstand another disaster , and depressing attempts that this movie tried to achieve.

Lord Soth
I can't believe people keep saying this is boring. I mean I was scared sh**less. However, I am not a veteran horror fan, so that's probably where most of it came from. But I have never been more scared in my life. But it was stil good, in a heart-pounding way eek!

Tired Hiker
Were all the family members in it?

BackFire349
They changed the family members around and added a bunch of them.

Tired Hiker
trip.

plenTpak52
I hear ya. Horror movies today are stupid. They only use stupid jump shots and, like you said, shadows moving without a host. There is no suspense in horror mives today. All they try is a no-BOO! All they use ares stupid "jerk" shots like that that give you a sudden heart attack (if you're stupid and you think they are scary, that is). Real suspense makes you breath harder, your eyes widen, and your heart beat slowly in anticipation, or just true fear. Thats why I think The Ring is great (that and its a great movie). There is real suspense. Not rapid jolt effects that, as you said before, BackFire, only dumb girls who are itching to scream scream at.

BackFire349
Yeah, it's a shame. But on the bright side, the over abundance of crappy horror movies only makes the good ones that much more special.

Tired Hiker
I'm thinking of going to see it right now just for kicks. But, at the ticket counter I'd probably decide last minute to see Kill Bill again for the third time.

BackFire349
You should see kill bill again, it's more enjoyable.

plenTpak52
I've seen in twice already within less than 24 hours of eachother. So good.

Tired Hiker
Kill Bill rules.

badkittykitty
Amen!

chico23
I'm not going to see the remake of TCM. I love the original and I know no matter what they do they cannot make it better EVER! Thanks for the heads up though Backfire.

BackFire
it's what I'm here for smile

Fire
I read somewhere in a mag that the remake really sucked big time

Dogbert
Hey, I have a question. Was The TCM really a true story? My friend swears that this really happened.

BackFire
You're friend is incorrect.

TCM is roughly based on the real life serial killer Ed Gein, who died many years ago.

He used to steal corpses from a graveyard, make utensils and furniture out of their bones, and lamp shades and Masks out of their flesh.

This is the only truth behind the movies.

LindsIsTightK
As warped as that sounds, I think that is one of the coolest things ever, and now I want to see this movie.

BackFire
See the original, it has alot more scenes dealing with these events.

LindsIsTightK
I heard the original was even scarier though, and I'm a wuss BF, you know that stick out tongue

BackFire
The original is indeed terrifying on a level all it's own.


It's more disturbing and mental dementing then normal scary.

LindsIsTightK
Well if the original scares you, then what is it gonna do to me? confused

BackFire
It doesn't 'scare' me. I think 'scared' is the wrong word. It disturbs and distresses you, and it's realism haunts you after viewing it.

Tired Hiker
The original is so great. I still haven't seen the new one.

BackFire
The original still holds such power and shockingness, even after seeing it 200 times.

Tired Hiker
It's so creepy how the guy at the gas station warned them not to go snooping around some old house, and then he ends up a member of the family.

BackFire
Yeah. The whole movie is just so forboding.

Tired Hiker
Indeed. They were doomed from the get go. I felt bad for the truck driver at the end. That whole deal must have really feaked him out.

Lord Soth
Hey, BF, here's something for you. I have a friend who says that the remake is (and I quote): 'a hell of a lot better than the original'. Your thoughts?

BackFire
I never responded to this.... Well here goes...


You're friend is incorrect and obviously doesn't know a good horror movie from The Ring.

hunchy
The Ring sucked as did the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake...in my opinion.

tabby999
and the saddest part about the remake, in my opinion, is that people everywhere think that in america there actually was a guy, with a family of rednecks, wearing other peoples skin who killed people with a chainsaw. at my school in one of my classes i had an argument with some of the girls because they think the "police footage" at the end of the remake is real and that story really happened. as much as i said "not only is it only BASED on a story, but they would NEVER stop looking for a cop killer who also killed other people with a CHAINSAW" they still beleive in it. were breeding idiots people, and these movies are food for their idiocy.

Micheal_Myers
-sigh- I feel stupid for saying this right now.But I liked the remake actually.Now dont jump on me...I can explain...no place around where I live has the original TCM....A sin?...Yes I know...My only chance to see this movie was...god forbid...the remake...I saw the remake...and I liked it.I think the reason I liked it was because I didnt see the original.But now I want to see the original even more...knowing how much better than the remake it is...I have to see it...

Ack!And guys?...I dont wanna be the reject here.But those damned jumpy shock scenes really do drive me crazy.They do kind of scare me...maybe I am just a pansy and all but correct me if I am wrong but it somebody just pops out of nowhere and its your friend with a little jump out suprise thing whats the first thing you ussually say?
well in most cases I know of its..."Dude, you scared the shit outa me.."Or something applying to this matter.So the kind of Jumpy scenes should kind of scare people...and I dont really think its just girls...since I myself am a guy...But anyway...I must see this original TCM!!!

tabby999
yeah, i jump when that shit happens too, but its not because i was SCARED, it was because i was STARTLED (spelt that wrong), its a cheap tactic to make their movies seem scary.

and dont worry, we wont hang you up for liking the movie, you have the right to (well i think that was, BF is a bit of a TCM Nazi so watch outwink)

Micheal_Myers
From the way you guys make it sound I would probably despise this remake if I had seen the original.So now I must go on a quest to somehow obtain the original TCM!

tabby999
just buy the damn thing, its $10 Aus on ebay TOPS. or just order it off amazon

Jackie Malfoy
I don't like any classic remakes most of it sucks big time.JM

Cowboyography
I liked the remake. Its not nearly te caliber as the original but Damn Biel is so sexy it makes the movie worth owning!!

tabby999
i dunno, like i say to most people who say a hot chick makes the movie good, if i wanted to see a hot chick, i'd watch porn, not some ditzy ***** ruining a movie for me

Stokely
This movie sucked. I love the original, especially Sally's hysterical laugh and Leatherface's dance at the end .

I can hardly remember anything from it other than Jessica Biel being half decent. Didn't they do some bad 'Blair Witch Project' ending?

BlackC@t
I liked the remake.

BlackC@t
Jessica Biel is not ditzy.

Wolfie
I liked the remake. I think you have to see that first to actually appreciate it. Of course, after I saw the original, I wished I hadn't bought the special edition remake and just got the regular version. I still think it's okay, not NEARLY as good as the original.

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