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10. Impress the chicks with the size of your lightsaber.

9. Fry your neighbor's cat with electricity blasts.

8. Get your own Super-Class Star Destroyer on your Silver anniversery.

7. Get to say cool lines like "You feel LUCKY punk?" and mean it.

6. Blow up planets like Alderaan.

5. Always get to make an impressive entrance.

4. Be one of the few who can out quick-draw Han Solo.

3. If your son gets testy, you can just cut off his hand.

2. Don't need to take crap from little three feet tall green midgets who sound like Grover from Sesame Street.

And the # 1 reason to be a Dark Jedi is...

1. You get to have a cool voice like James Earl Jones.

10. Yoda. . . Ross Perot

9. Han Solo. . . Indiana Jones

8. C3PO. . . Jean Luc Picard

7. Grand Moff Tarkin . . . Bill Clinton

6. Blasters. . . .44 Magnums

5. Death Star. . . The MOON

4. X-Wing Star Fighter's . . . F15s (Jets)

3. Lightsaber. . . Flashlights

2. R2D2. . . Any All-Purpose machine

1. Jabba The Hut. . . Slugs

10. Bounty Hunter "Zuckess"....the BORG (*from "Star Trek: TNG"

9. C3PO.......................Richard Simmons

8. R2D2.......................7-Zark-7 (*from "Battle of the Planets" cartoon)

7. Chewbacca..................Alf or Harry of "Harry and the Hendersons", take your pick.

6. Imperial Stormtroopers.....Guards in "Judge Dredd"

5. Yoda.......................Sex Therapist, DR.Ruth Westheimer

4. Darth Vader................Shredder (*from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

3. Any character in "Space Balls"

2. Obi Wan Kenobi.............The Wizard of Words (* "Alpha-bits Cereal"

And the # 1 Blatant Rip-Off.............


1. Jabba the Hutt............."Roseanne"

1. What is with synthohal? In Star Wars we have hard-core booze!

2. The difference between an alien in Star Trek from any other human is a small bump, slit, or any other make-up deformity. Sometimes the only difference is hair style. Vulcans are humans (except with a little extension of the ears and a strange hairdo (remind you of Moe from the 3 stooges?)).

3. What in the world were the producers and writers thinking when they made those movies with Spock dying and then coming back to life?

4. Does anybody know why Star Trek: Deep Space 9 is called Star Trek??? The word 'trek' means a journey. And does the space station in Deep Space 9 trek? NO!!!!!

5. Why are there transporter rooms? Some of the episodes have Kirk beam from the bridge to someplace else. Also, every episode that has any transporting has the people beam back to the ship from any random place.

6. Why is there a Prime Directive? My guess is that it makes it easier for the writers to justify the wussy actions of Trekkers.

7. If you can replicate food, toys, whatever... why not replicate a huge fleet of war ships?

8. What's with those stupid episodes where a Star Trek ship blows up only to come back again because of a time warp?? How stupid can you get? OR ANTI-TIME??!! WHAT!!!! EXPLODES WHEN IN CONTACT WITH TIME???????

9. While we're on the subject of stupidity, Wesley Crusher. First, we can start off with that outfit, the one with the colors going across the chest. Then, how can a kid figure out something that an entire engineering team could not, including Data (an android with a mind supposedly faster than any super-computer we have now) and a huge group of scientists on star fleets flagship!? Finally, before even finishing star fleet academy, how could he even get close to being one of the bridge operators (ensign, to be exact) on the starfleet's flagship?

10. One, final thing, directed specifically at Timothy Zahn. Mr. Zahn claimed that the Enterprise could destroy a Star Destroyer simply by beaming bombs aboard it. However, hypocritical to Star Trek lore, beaming cannot be done through shields (otherwise the Enterprise could beam bombs aboard a Warbird, for example).

Where do you get this stuff?!

That as maybe (I find such petty complaint more irritating than amusing, most can be answered and an equivalent list could be made for SW), but if this thread is not made more relevant to this area I will move it to the GDF.

Ush, stern, but fair

OK Ush, who's bed did you get out of on the wrong side this morning.....

THAT'S a loaded question... but it was mine, and I hit my head on the wall if I get out the wrong side. Now I think about it, I DO have a headache.

It's just I see Trek fans making lists of what is crud with Star Wars and vice versa, and often they think these are triumphantly hilarious and irrefutable examples of why their chosen programme is better.

Anyhow, I'm watching this one...

Well, have to disagree on this one, I think it's funny...

Let's let it be for now and see how it goes.

Ok... but it IS a bit rich to knock Wesley Crusher when SW has an eight-year old destroying the Trade Fedeartion ship when all thiose pro pilots couldn't do it. Both franchises have their justification for it; why lay into ST? And the same goes for nearly every anti-ST point made there.

I got all of these jokes on another site. These are not any of my own complaints. I like to watch ST also I just thought those jokes where funny.

Also if you want to tkae this thread to GDF go right ahead it's al right with me.

Your call Ush.

I'm tempted to find one of the Star Trek lists about Star Wars... never mind. I suppose it is good here.

I'm pretty sure I can find one of those ST better than SW but if I post it here I wil probably get hate mail.

I think you went to a universety to figure that out

http://www.afn.org/~afn61815/bloomc4bcz.jpg




http://www.afn.org/~afn61815/bloomc5bcz.jpg

Jameous, where did you find that???? Poor GL.

It's from Bloom County. Bearke Breathed is a huge SW fan and he did this in the mid '80s.

Ironc how close he got the year isint it!

I have some more but they arent Bloom County.

maybe yes, and maybe no. I think I read somewhere that GL is a bloom county fan.

whatever those were they seemed to have disappeared You couldnt possibly post them to me please?

[email protected]

Once again I did not write these.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If.......
Author: Unknown
Your Jedi robe is a Camouflage color.
You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
At least one wing of your X-wing is painted with primer.
A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not the Force.
Your master ever said ''My finger you will pull..hmmm?''
You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
Your father has ever said to you, ''Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot.''

You might Be A Star Wars Junkie If...
Author: Unknown

When you're looking through your drawer for that other black sock, you aid your search by telling yourself, "Lock on to the strongest power source, it SHOULD be the power generator."
When riding your bike, you look behind you and accelerate wildly by pressing down on the petal with your right toe.
You've made your Kenner Darth Vader figure a "proper" cloak out of cloth, to replace the cheap vinyl one he came with.
You've kept the "good" action figures stored separately from the "bad" ones.
Whenever you went anywhere outside with your friends, you always walked single file, to hide your numbers.
You've written several letters to the President recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line.
You believe there really is a Lando System, they just haven't found it yet!
You've ever called somebody "laserbrain' - and meant it.
You've ever used fishing line to try the snow speeder - tow cables maneuver on your cat.
When you and a friend have been on one of those amusement park rides where you had to sit back to back, and you started calling him Dack and told him to stop whining about his approach vector.
Whenever your mother asked you to babysit your little brother, you always instilled confidence by replying, "Leave him to me. I will deal with him myself."
When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one."
As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always, "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard."
You actually CAN move things with the Force.
You've refused to enter a cave/cavern/tunnel without a handgun and a large stick.
When someone had apoligized to you, you choked him and told him that you accepted his apology.
When you waited for a friend to catch up with you, you told him to hurry up or he'd be a permanent resident.
The girl you've been going out with suddently tells you she loves you and you said, "I know."
You've composed lyrics to the SW theme.
You've tried to create your own Yoda puppet out of a green sock and some buttons.
You have lightsaber duelled with cardboard tubes, rolled up periodicals, or common garden vegetables.
When nobody else is around, you've seriously tried to draw something into your hand with the Force.
You've used one of Solo's lines in an intimate situation.
You've been pulled over by a policeman and when asked to see your drivers' liscence you replied, "You don't need to see my identification."
You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spelled Wookiee with only one "e."
You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir, droids."
You've ever found yourself in a chat room, training Jedi.
You've tried to make your own lightsaber.
You've gotten into a fist fight with a Trekkie.
You've told family and friends that your children LOVE Star Wars, even though they really don't, just so you can play with the toys!

Were you aware that Star Wars is rubbish? Here is an article recently posted at BBC Online:

While the world gasps in amazement at the news of the new "Star Wars" episode - "Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones", here is your useful set of arguments when it comes to convincing starry-eyed, young-middle-aged clods clutching their original Greedo action figures and cuddly Banthas that their entire life is based on a contemptible lie. May the Force be with you.

Jar-Jar Binks
Ewoks - was this a Lucasfilms attempt to copyright teddy bears?
Wholesale wastage of British acting talent.
"Return of the Jedi". The whole film.
Did we mention Jar-Jar Binks?
Pre-acting classes Harrison Ford, never more convincing than when frozen in a block of solid goo.
Bun-like ear muffs as a female hairstyle, no more flattering for Natalie Portman than Carrie Fisher.
Dialogue along the general lines of "travellin' through hyperspace ain't like dustin' crops, boy!"
That special edition re-release with the dodgy CGI Jabba the Hutt spliced in.
Establishing the law that the biggest box office goes to the stupidest films.
Jar-Jar Bloody Binks!
Wholesale wastage of Samuel L. Jackson.
Fast-food merchandising tie-ins.
The cluttering up of the SF shelves at your local bookshop with worthless tie-in junk passed off as novels.
Princess Leia's slave girl outfit in "Return of the Jedi" aside, the remarkable lack of sexiness. There's more steam in ten minutes of "Flash Gordon" than in all four "Star Wars" films to date.
Anyone remember "Caravan of Courage: The Ewok Adventure" and "Ewoks: Battle for Endor", episodes seven and a half and eight and a quarter?
Not including a proper death scene for Peter Cushing.
Delaying Mark Hamill's discovery of a true career as a voice-over artist playing comic book villains (he's the best-ever Joker).
Murderous syntax of the contrived and annoying wise sayings Yoda comes out with.
George Lucas's persistent attempts to persuade people that children like Jar-Jar Binks and they're who he made the film for in the first place, bless him.
Passing off an embarrassing plot device as a religion.
Cute comedy relief robots.
What was the name of that kid in "The Phantom Menace", you know the one? Yes, Haley Joel Osment. No, wait a minute. Jake Something. He was dreadful.
Taking up a ridiculous amount of neurons in Kevin Smith's brain that could more profitably be used making his films better.
Press conferences and news stories trying to get excited about the title of a sequel - anyone care what they call "Alien 5" or "Lethal Weapon 5"?

Well, I'd probably go along with the comments on Lethal Weapon, or Alien. But He dissed Star Wars!! He must die!!!

Well, obviously...

Let's be civilized. No killing people... Let's just beat the crap out of him.

"Are you Magnolia Fan?"

"Yes"

"Did you say "**** SW! **** then in their stupid ***s?"

"Yeah"

*Let the beating commence*

Anti-Jarism is such a typical blase' point of view. I'm all for a difference of opintion but the worldwide conspiracy of the Anti-Jar Consortium is not reasonable or rational enough for its existence to be justified. It's a consortium of ideological terrorists who seek to deprive the rest of the world of the boundless treasure who is Jar Jar. We Jarists have been countering their attacks for years (hard to believe it's been going on for 2 1/2 years).

Constructive criticism is fine but the misguided zeal of the Anti-Jars is certainly not constructive. They don't even understand the depth of "Jar Jar Bloody Binks." We should tell them, and all the other haters, that they can complain all they want but they can't take away our spirits or our imagination. And that's their entire goal - to destroy peoples' spirits and imaginations and turn them into soulless, mindless, collectivist commodities of the coming global police state.

It IS? Gee, I thought they just didn't like being reminded so harshly that this is kid's stuff...

(And yes, I KNOW that Jar-Jar doesn't have to be ONLY liked by kids, but you can see my point, yeah?)

Jar Jar would have been a whole lot better if it wasn't so hard to understand what he was saying and if GL had help writing his lines.

That's not the only thing