Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

here are some of mine:

another

and another

one of my personal favorites

smore's

iv been waiting for this to set up nazgul heres a good one

http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/index.html

and another

http://groups.msn.com/dvcg2o69vq0acjeeru47naico5/homepage.msnw

ok thats all i have any else have more?

lol ive posted two dites, i have a pic of the one of saruman ecept he is lighting the olympic torch

hahaha i had one of when aragon buys a dog, it was super funny, but i don't know what happened to it, i've read all the secret diaries before they're halairious

i love theodens, i think it is amazing

who weilds the flame of arnor now you poncy tosser

found another, a round of applause for google!

boromir...

*TEEHEE!*

I've seen the diaries before sauron. Try this page:

www.stupidring.com

It is the most hilarious you'd ever imagine.

"One ring so slutty,
It'll go on any finger,
If you let it tempt you,
You'll end up on Jerry Springer!"

And this one:

Melody: Britney Spears, Oh baby baby.
Sauron's song to The One Ring:
Oh ringy ringy! How was I supposed to know?
He cut you off my finger!
Oh ringy ringy, I shoudn't have let you gooooo!
I'm not a good singer!!

the hugely funny, aragon buys a dog, that you google!

Hope u like these!
http://www.tolkien-movies.com/images/archive/humorous/schricker-advice.jpg

http://www.tolkien-movies.com/images/archive/humorous/kristian-gdflwater.jpg

http://www.tolkien-movies.com/images/archive/humorous/flannery-gondorians.jpg

uh, they arn't coming up, it's just boxes w/ a red x

heres another



Posted on Sun, Jan. 26, 2003

Why can't they just lose the ring in the sink?
DAVE BARRY

I finally saw the new Lord of the Rings movie, which is entitled Lord of the Rings II: A LOT More Stuff Happens. It's a tad on the long side (three days) but I am not complaining. My eyeballs were literally riveted to the screen, by literal rivets, from the moment I sat down until the moment I lost all sensation in my lower body.

Yes, this is a classic movie, the kind that makes you laugh; makes you cry; makes you wonder, over and over, if this would be a good time to go to the bathroom. Above all, it's a movie that makes you think about the issues raised by the plot, the main issue being: What the heck IS the plot?

I say this because it's a very complicated story, with numerous subplots and something like 11,000 major characters, most of whom have hard-to-remember names like ''Flagodirt'' or ''Grempkin.'' So today, as a service to all of you who were confused by this great movie, I present the following:

SIMPLIFIED SCREENPLAY FOR LORD OF THE RINGS II

(Scene 1)

FRODO: Darn! I still have this darned ring that I got in the first movie!

SAMWISE: The ring with the terrible power that causes everyone who comes near it to over-act?

FRODO: Yes! And to destroy it, we must walk, slowly, in real time, all the way across New Zealand!

SAMWISE: But who will guide us?

FRODO: How about a reptilian computer-generated creature with a bad comb-over?

SAMWISE: Dick Cheney's in this movie?

GOLLUM: Very funny, Hobbitt-breath.

(Scene 2

LORD ARAGORN: Well, my two trusty companions -- Legolas, the Strangely Tall Elf; and Gimli, the Comic Relief Dwarf -- in our subplot, we are pursuing Merry and Pippin, who have been captured by Orcs, and now we find ourselves in the Kingdom of Rohan, ruled by King Theoden, whose niece, Eowyn, will become my second love interest once the king is released from the spell cast by his trusted counselor, Grima Wormtongue, who is secretly in league with the evil wizard Saruman!

LEGOLAS: I have no idea what you're talking about.

LORD ARAGORN: Me either. I'm just reading the script.

GIMLI: Well, I'm really short!

(Laughter)

LORD ARAGORN: But enough explanatory dialogue. It's time for one of the estimated 17 big sword-clanging battles we have in this movie with hideous computer-generated monsters who always outnumber us by the thousands, although we defeat them every time, because we are courageous heroes!

LEGOLAS: Also, they have the hand-to-hand-combat skills of alfalfa.

MONSTERS: Arrrrrr.

SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

(Scene 3

MERRY: Well, Pippin, we escaped the Orcs, and now we are being carried around by talking trees!

PIPPIN: Apparently, the audience will swallow anything!

TREE: It gets worse! Later on, we engage in branch-to-hand combat! (Scene 4)

MONSTERS: Arrrrrr

SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! (Scene 5)

FRODO: How come, if I'm the protagonist, Lord Aragorn has TWO love interests, and I'm stuck in a subplot with Dick Cheney?

GOLLUM: Maybe it's because your big hairy feet make you look like you're wearing a pair of dead weasels.

(Scene 6)

LORD ARAGORN: Well, Legolas and Gimli, with the help of Gandalf the White, formerly Gandalf the Grey, also known as Gandalf the Beige, we have defeated the Uruk-hai in a giant computer-generated battle. Now we must make haste to the Really Big Rock of Karambador, before the forces of Ba'Zoot, led by the evil King Weltpimple, conquer the Mullions of Gneep and obtain the Remote Control Unit of Doom!

LEGOLAS: Now you're just making stuff up.

LORD ARAGORN: Well, it's not as stupid as the kung-fu trees.

GIMLI: I'm still short!

(Laughter)

(Scene 7)

FRODO: UH-oh! The movie is over, and I still have this darned ring! Do you realize what that means?

SAMWISE: That ''Weasel Feet'' would be a good name for a rock band?

FRODO: Yes, as would ''Kung Fu Trees'' and ''Combat Alfalfa.'' But my point is that the forces of Evil have been let loose upon the land, which means soon there will be...

SAMWISE: No! Not that!

FRODO: Yes. Another sequel.

MONSTERS: Arrrrrr.

LOL!!!!!!!!!

so who likes all mine, i think they are amazingly good

i read those on the internet a long time ago, but it was still holarious!

found it nazgulinthedark the saruman picture i was on about

This is hillarious, so hillarious.

glad to see ppl enjoying it

nazgulinthedark lets become a comedy duo, leaving chaos and laughter behind us

heres one that i found:

and another

the forgotten

Host: Members of the press, foreign dignitaries, honored guests, welcome to today's press conference. With the Lord of the Rings being a global phenomenon we've heard interview after interview from Gandalf, Saruman, Frodo and all of the other stars from the new movies. But today it is my privelage to present to you some special guests that you probably have not heard from yet: those who didn't make the cut for the films. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our first guest: Glorfindel!

The Press all shout at once while flash after flash blinds a blinking Glorfindel

Host: Quiet please! Quiet! Mr. Glorfindel, thank you for joining us today.

Glorfindel: Well, it's nice to know I'm wanted somewhere. You'd thinking saving Frodo's life would be enough to get me a little screen time, but noooooooooo! Glorfindel doesn't have a nice ass. Glorfindel doesn't have big ****. Glorfindel doesn't fit in with Hollywood.

Press: You mean New Zealand?

Glorfindel: Whatever.

Press: Mr. Glorfindel, this is actually the second time you've been replaced in a Rings movie, is it not?

Glorfindel: Yea, yea, Legless did my part in Bakshi's version- and look how good that movie was without me! For Elbereth's sake, Legless was scared of a pansy balrog. I eat balrogs for breakfast.

Press: Mr. Glorfindel, there are rumors that you, in fact, have never encountered a balrog at all, and that the famous Glorfindel/Balrog incident involved a different elf. How do you respond to these allegations?

Glorfindel: Bite me.

Host: Uh... yes. Um, let's bring out our next guest. Please welcome, Gildor Inglorion of the House of Finrod!

Gildor: Elen sila lumen ometielvo!

Flashes pop everywhere

Gildor: It's a pleasure to be here today, and I thank you for having me.

Press: Mr. Inglorion, what do you think about the upcoming films?

Gildor: Well I wish Mr. Jackson nothing but the best. He actually asked me if I wish to be involved with the project, but living in eternal happiness in the undying lands takes up so much of my time these days, you know.

Press: Gildor, do you think the scenes of Frodo meeting the you and the other elves would improve the Fellowship movie?

Gildor: Well I have always believed it's best not to meddle in the affairs of directors, for they are subtle and quick to anger.

Press: Mr. Inglorion, what do the elves on the whole think of the upcoming trilogy of movies?

Gildor: Is it not enough to know that they are about Middle-Earth? See them! Ask no more of me! My heart forebodes that ere all is ended, you will all know more of these films than Gildor Inglorion. May Elbereth protect you!

Host: Thank you, Mr. Inglorion, we appreciate your time. Now it is my pleasure to present to you, Mr. Tom Bombadil!

Tom: (with a whiskey bottle) Hey dol derry dol, ring-a-ding spectre, another rings movie, another ****in director. (Tom takes a swig)

Host: Tom, you're drunk!

Tom: Tom's got no job and no woman for goodness sake. Whiskey's all he's got so dammit give a guy a break.

Press: Mr. Bombadil, what happened to Goldberry?

Tom: Tom's not a movie star so he's gone rather hugless. That skinny ***** left me for some guy named Michael Douglas.

Host: Alright, alright, thank you for your time, Mr. Bombadil- we appreciate it. Now I introduce to you, ladies and gentlemen...

Tom: Dol derry dol! *cough cough* *hack, hack*

Host: Yes, thank you Tom. (pushing Tom to the back) And now, I give to you... Faramir?

Faramir: I'm getting so sick of these press conferences for forgotten characters! I save Frodo. I save Minas Tirith. I almost die. I marry Eowyn. Just what does a guy have to do to get into a movie?

Host: Yes, but...

Faramir: So I don't have a last name. Neither does anyone else after the fifth chapter! Do you know what it's like to see Rosie Cotton in the Rankin/Bass movies and still be sitting here without one freekin movie offer myself?

Host: Mr. Faramir,

Faramir: I suppose Jackson's going to have Arwen take over my role and have her do a lesbian love scene with Eowyn. That would be Hollywood today, wouldn't it? I think all of us who were cut out of the movies should unite! I think we should all join forces! I think...

Host: But Mr. Faramir, according to my information here, you have a big part in Peter Jackson's trilogy!

Faramir: I do?!

Host: I believe so.

Faramir: Ha! In your faces, Glorfindel and Bombadil! Losers! Later all!

Host: Yes. Well, ah... I believe our next guest is Mr. Radagast the Brown.

Tom: Hey dol derry dol! *cough cough* *hack, hack*

Host: No, Mr. Bombadil, we've already covered you, but thank you. Could we please have Radagast?

Radagast: Greetings!

Press: Mr. Radagast, were you surprised to be cut out of the movies?

Radagast: Well originally I was to be in the films. However, I could not locate the rest of the cast.

Press: What do you mean? I thought all the filming was in New Zealand?

Radagast: New Zealand? I was told that filming was to take place in Canada!

Host: Who told you that?

Radagast: My friend Saruman.

Host: Oh boy... Well, I guess that concludes today's Press Conference! I hope you all enjoy the movies!

Radagast: And may the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks!

Tom: Ho now! Dingo wingo... *cough cough* *wheeze*...

Host: Go home, Tom.

*Frodo logs into Middle-Earth chat*

Frodo: HIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Frodo: Hello?
Frodo: Is anyone here?

*Frodo looks at the userlist

Frodo: Ah, guess not, nevermind, I can wait!

*Frodo starts humming to himself

*Frodo bounces up and down, still humming

Frodo: hehehe, i'm so talented!

*Pippin logs into Middle-Earth chat*

*Frodo hums, bounces and rolls his eyes all at the same time

Pippin: Frodo what ARE you doing?!
Frodo: Oops! sorry, kinda got bored!
Pippin: Oh right....
Pippin: Is Merry here yet?
Frodo: Well what do you think?! Look to the right!
Pippin: Huh? Oh right, userlist....Frodo, Pippin...oh, i guess not then
Frodo: Duh!
Pippin: Hey!
Frodo: sorry
Pippin: So what have you been doing today?
Frodo: eating, sleeping and er....smoking....jeez wot a boring life i lead...

*Pippin laughs

Pippin: Who else is coming today?
Frodo: dunno, but Sam BETTA come, i had to force him
Pippin: lol. you think ne of the others will bother?
Frodo: Not sure, aragorns probably too busy slashing orcs, gandalfs too busy, er, being a wizard, and like legolas must me getting a manicure....
Pippin: oh right

*Sauron logs into Middle-Earth chat*

Pippin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Frodo: OMG!!!!

*Frodo hides

*Pippin leaves Middle-Earth chat*

*Sauron laughs at his friends

Frodo: friends??!!!!!

*Sauron is now known as Merry*

Frodo: MERRY!!!!!!
Merry: Sorry couldn't resist
Merry: u think Pip will come back

*Pippin logs into Middle-Earth chat*

Frodo: i'll go with a yes
Pippin: phew! he's gone!
Pippin: Meeeeeeeeeerryyyyy!!!!!!!1
Merry: Piiiiiiip!!!!!!
Frodo: boy, i feel left out!





*Legolas logs into Middle-Earth chat*

Frodo: Leggy!!!!! my man!!!!1

*Frodo gives legolas a high five

Legolas: Do you have to call me that?! and right back at ya with the high five thing....
Frodo: yes i do.
Frodo: Ne1 seen Sam 2day?
Legolas: nope
Frodo: how bout u two?
Frodo: hello?!
Legolas: mayb they're PMing?
Pippin: sorry Merry just called me, we were on the fone

*Legolas rolls his eyes

*Frodo smacks a hand to his head

Frodo: do u realise how pointless that is?????!!!!!!
Merry: What?
Legolas: nm, leave it frodo, we could b here a while!

*Gandalf logs into Middle-Earth chat*

Legolas: hey gandalf
Frodo: yo gandy!!!
Merry: hi!
Pippin: hello
Gandalf: hello everyone! and frodo do you HAVE to call me that? and what's 'yo'?!
Frodo: jeez u guys need to get with it!
Pippin: get with what?

*Frodo screams with frustration

*Legolas covers his delicate ears

*Merry goes to fone someone

*Pippin goes to answer the fone

*Gandalf does nothing really but didn't want to b the odd one out by not doing an action

*Estel logs into Middle-Earth chat*

Frodo: Waaaaassssuuuuupppppp!!!!!
Legolas: hey
Merry: heylo
Pippin: erm...yo?
Gandalf: good afternoon

*Merry is now away (on the fone)

*Pippin is also away (on the fone)

Frodo: er hang on, whos Estel?!
Estel: it's me!!!!!!!
Legolas: do we know you?
Estel: you betta do or i'll.....
Gandalf: I think i would know if i knew a lady called Estel....
Estel: I'M A GUY!!!!!!!
Gandalf: oops, sorry, my mistake....
Gandalf: are you sure?!
Estel: YES!!!!!!
Legolas: ok ok chill!!!
Frodo: yeah watch the CAPS or u'll get kicked. so who ARE u?!
Estel: i'm Estel
Frodo: Riiiiiight. ok then. and er, Estel would be???!!!!!
Estel: For god's sake! ARAGORN
Legolas: Ohhhhhhhh! Y didn't u tell us u were transexual?!
Estel: I AM NOT TRAN.....

*Estel gives up and resorts to trying to kill Legolas instead

Legolas: Aiii!!!!!

*Frodo is still confused but laughs anyway

Gandalf: Oh i remember now! Estel, yes yes, quite...
Frodo: quite what?
Gandalf: quite nothing...that was the end of it, it was just a quite
Frodo: Ok, now u've just confused me Gandy
Gandalf: dalf, ganDALF, honestly boy....
Frodo: honestly boy what?
Gandalf: no that was just honestly boy, i trailed off, thats all
Frodo: i just don't get u ganDALF

*Gandalf gives up

Frodo: don't you mean GanDALF?!

*Frodo ducks the staff GanDALF aims in his direction*

*Gandalf throws his....

Gandalf: Oh u beat me to it
Frodo: as always
Gandalf: whats that supposed to mean?!
Gandalf: ARE YOU IMPLYING I'M SLOW?????!!!!!
Frodo: hey u sed it, not me!
Gandalf: LOOK FRODO BAGGINS, JUST BECAUSE I AM OLD, DOES NOT MEAN I AM SLOW.....
Legolas: oh here we go again, and he used the last name too - its gotta b serious!
Estel: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!!
Frodo: there you go with the trialing off again!

Samwise logs into Middle-Earth chat*

Frodo: Saaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!! u made it!!!!
Samwise: Hello mister frodo
Samwise: and everyone else
Legolas: hey sam!

*Gandalf is refusing to talk but motions a wave to sam

Estel: hi sam!
Samwise: Estel? whos she?
Estel: HE!!! i'm a HE!!!! ARAGORN!!!!
Samwise: oh right, beg ur pardon
Samwise: where are merry and pippin?
Legolas: on the fone.....weird hobbits
Samwise: oh ok
Samwise: er...gandalf y aren't u talking?!

*Gandalf says bcause frodo was annoying

Samwise: are you insulting MY MASTER?????!!!!!!
Estel: YAY another fight!!!! this is fun
Legolas: Y does a fight always start?!
Frodo: GanDALF was the confusing one, come on sam, lets leave
Samwise: ok mister frodo

*Frodo leaves Middle-Earth chat*

*Samwise leaves Middle-Earth chat*

Estel: ohhhhhh, that could been good! 2 v 1!!!!
Gandalf: jeez they were so infuriating!
Legolas: oh dang! i'm late for my hairdressing appointment! must dash!

*Legolas leaves Middle-Earth chat*

Estel: its all about the looks with elves....
Gandalf: yes, quite.....
Estel: Gandalf, y do u do that neway?
Gandalf: what?
Estel: trail off.....
Gandalf: oh dear lord, i'm leaving this insane place!

*Gandalf leaves Middle-Earth chat*

Estel: jeez! i only asked! wow - i can sure clear a room huh?!

*Estel looks around*

Estel: merry? pippin?!
Estel: dang..... alone....oooook this looks kinda pathetic....i'll go find Arwen or slay some orcs....much more fun!

*Estel leaves Middle-Earth chat*

*Merry gets off phone and get's back on IM*


Merry: so what has everyone been talking about?!
Pippin: they all left!
Merry: HOW RUDE!!!!!!!
Pippin: and boromir never came - that was rude too!
Merry: er, Pip, boromirs dead.....
Pippin: OMG he is????!!!!!! wait ....... i knew that! oops, my bad!
Merry: wanna go raid farmer maggots crop?!
Pippin: yeah! meet u there!

*Pippin leaves Middle-Earth chat*

Merry: trust me to be the last one left!
Merry: ohhhh that means i can get away with breaking the rules!!!!
Merry: gandalf is a <censored> pig!

*Merry is kicked from Middle-Earth chat*

Now, these are funny! I have one downloaded in my files, but it's bitmap, so i can't up load it.... it's arwen and eowyn "mudrustling" for aragorn, but they aren't literally, you guys have probably seen it.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=88286

go on that and click on watch this movie

if it says someone is stealing bandwith go on www.newgrounds.com and theres a little search bar, type in one rin to rule them all2

ok

those IMs were hilarious!!

did anyone try my link to the newgrounds thing, it is sooo great

haway people this cant be all there is

he he he he so silly

VERY silly, i'll try to find more sauron, theres probley alot in my 'sent mail' folder

this is hilarious man keep 'em comin!!

here's a really funny spoof from newgrounds.com:

One Ring To Rule Them All

sauron is so stupid!

LOL
wow, wow, wow, cool film

Stupid indeed

LOL!!!
so hilarious!!!!!!!*sides split frm laughing*
:laugh

right yoiu know that one ring to rule them all, was it the one where sauron gets pizza, because ther is another

one ring to rule them all

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=88286

then click play movie

it might stop loading, in which case right click in the screen area and click play

heres the direct link

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/content.php?id=88286&name=88286_onering_part2.swf&title=One%20Ring%20to%20Rule%20ThemAll2&date=1070254800&quality=b&uj=0&w=550&h=400

isnt it excellent,


p.s that IS leneord neamoy (sp) singing the bilbo song

when sauron ties the ring to hobbits and lowers them into the flames of mt doom

and he doesnt realise he is destroying the ring n at the end hes git WAYNE YOU DIDNT TAKE THE RING FROM THE HOBBITS, YOU IDIOT

I saw this before you posted it.I was lmao at it at the first time.

i think that it is the greatest lotr spoof of all time

hee hee

it was showing it a line at a time, and it wa getting lower and i was like no, cant be, omg it is, then i saw the trousers and was like phew

lol lol lol...............omg they were good
reading lotr parody right now
its great

you guys are riotous

outta control!

that baring pic...disturbing for some reason...

I think Gigli was more entertaining than that.

Of course I'm a tough critic of animation.

gigli? explain plz

and fini was it a book, or is it on the web, if so post a link please

For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips. 1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?" 2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better." 3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat. 4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring." 5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies. 6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts 7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson." 8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!" 9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians 10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs. 11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck. 12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style. 13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!" 14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins 15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!" 16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre. 17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?" 18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie. 19. Start an Orc sing-a-long. 20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

lol

another

even more disturbing than the drawing one

may i introduce you, to mini saruman

LOL!!!!!!!!!!
omg i soo fell off my chair there......
HAHHAA!!!!!I StILL CANT STOP LAUGHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol i was looking at them before i put them up right, took me an age to find whats on the harry potter one

you made them yourself?!

no, i got them from someone in an email, my mate, and i was looking at them wondering whether to put them up

on the naked one, you can clearly see where the added bits are but on the mini saruman...its pure amazing

i think im the only one still posting the pictures and spoofs up in here

but dun stop!!!!!

i wont

now you have all heard about another aragorn being fired before filming, well thats not all, there was originaslly another balrog, but he wasnt scary enough apparently, he has also acted in ghostbusters, can you guess how it is yet,

breaking news, apparently p.j didnt like the second balrog either, although this one at least made it onto the set with some inside help i have managed to smuggle a picture of this actor out

hahaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll try to find some

http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/humor.html

there are some things money cant buy, for everythiong else theres mastercard

http://www.d-realm.fsnet.co.uk/moinesofmoria.htm

lol then go onto next and keeep going

Too funny, i love the one with the Monsters INc. guy in it> lol

damn i'm slpitting my sides

http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/humor/LotE_humor.jpg

http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/humor/Gandalf_humor.jpg

i had that you shall notr pass one before, i printed it off and got this shop to put on a plain white and a plain black t-shirt

oh man gd idea!!!!you mind if i do it too?
ooohhh that legolas one tho....*swoon*

http://www.geocities.com/ladyofthering09/spoofa.jpg

that pic doesn't show.......

sorry. It was elijah saying "opps, i think i just swallowed the ring"

BREAKING NEWS apparently aragorn and the balrog are not the only second choices, we have recently learned that gandalf was played by a different actor the names white, gandalf the white

it is funny , and i was trying to post another one, but it won't either.
It's frodo in bed, you know when he is taken to the elfs, and he say's "i didn't think i had that much to drink "

you wondered why dwarves dont fight much in lotr, well they do, its just no-one really saw them

omg that looked so real!!!!!!

BOXES!!!!LOL!!!

in fact it has come to our attention that viggo was not second choice at all, but third

reeeaaaalyyyyy

as this picture shows

hha!!!!omg that looks sooo damn REALISTIC!!!!!!

while looking for rotk spoiler pictures, i found this

now i know his stubble has been getting a bit out of hand, but i mean hes really let himslef go with the facial hair this time, looks at the size of that beard

so now pretty much everyone everywhere knows that lotr is going down in history, but apparently some actors did not think this way, as it has recently come to light that none of the lotr cast are his first choice as my next few posts prove

julia roberts said no to the role of arwen

and mr tobey mguire said no to frodo

and we could of had a legolas dicaprio

and our undercover reporter managed to sneak into orlando blooms dressing room, we have a picture of him mkae-up less

faint hearted or nazgals, turn away now

thank GOD orli was innit for leggy instead of leo*pukes*

i think leo looks elvish on that pic

also a muppet lotr special??


Frodo: Bert
Sam: Ernie
Pippin: Elmo
Merry: Zoe
Gimli: Rowlf the Dog
Legolas: Scooter (Scooter is not a very good choice, I know...I need suggestions!!!)
Aragorn: Kermit the Frog
Arwen: Prairie Dawn
Eowyn: Miss Piggy
Denethor: Crazy Harry "Crazy Harry plays with fire!" (not to be confused with Herry Monster!!)
Hobbits at birthday party: Fraggles (or Fraggles could play the elves at Rivendell)
Gandalf: Oscar (Outside of Moria)G: "If you'll all shut up and get lost for a few minutes,
maybe I might just figure out how to open this door. Now SCRAM!"

Balrog: Sweetums (You know, the really big monster, played "Jack" in the Muppet Movie)
Treebeard: Dr. Teeth
Galadriel: Big Bird
Boromir: Cookie Monster
Butterbur: Swedish Chef
Bombadil: Gonzo
Goldberry: Camila
Oliphaunt: Snuffleumpiguser...Snufalumpaguser...Snuffy - oh you know who I mean
9 Nazgul: the rats (Rizzo the rat = Nazgul king)

Sauron: The Count (Sauron: "NINE rings for mortal men doomed to die ,
ha-ha-hahahaha
Mouth of S.: Uhm Dark Lord, Sir? The Nazgul King hasjust been slain in
battle
Sauron: What? Damn!!! EIGHT rings for mortal men...]
Gollum: Animal "Prech-ous! PRECS-US!! PRECS-US! PRECS-US!"
Elrond: Grover
Gwaihir: Sam the Eagle, of course
Theoden: I don't know. Maybe Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, with Beaker as Grima?
Or Bobo the Bear?
Saruman: Ack! I don't know. Who's left? Fozzie? Waldorf or Statler(those 2 old grumpy guys)?

frodo realises on the slopes of mt doom that he bought the wrong ring

why doesnt he take the memory pills

it means do you think we should tell her about the pirranahs in there

hahaha! die arewin! get washed away by nazgul waves!!!

hehe it not that great, but look what i made!

That was funny, stare at it pip, lol, rofl

lol beat that david blaine

Bravo!!!!

im a big queen fan (im only 13 and i like queen and elton john, is that normal)

and that fits perfectly

lol

These r really funny!

lol that was soooo hilarious!

come on people, i think the last 3-4 pages have just been me lol

i was in there some to, the first 3 pages were just me

about fraud of the ring: at first i thought gandalf was going to say "fall off easy in style". j/k!

1. Balin emerges from the depths of Moria, claiming he "fell asleep in the tub".

2. Galadriel discovers Pippin singing the praises of a bath while he takes one in her mirror.

3. Boromir uses the ring, saves Gondor, destroys Sauron and becomes a wise and benevolent ruler. Book ends 40 chapters sooner.

4. Orc-slaughter competition between Legolas and Gimli becomes so fierce, they take to killing some of the smaller, uglier men of Gondor.

5. Farmer Giles of Ham shows up at the Pelennor Fields and saves Gandalf's life.

6. Pippin hits on Eowyn in a dark corner of the Houses of Healing: "The hands of a Hobbit are the hands of a healer too, you know..."

7. In the happy days after the defeat of Sauron, Gimli keeps his promise and visits Mirkwood with Legolas -- where they are eaten by giant spiders, whom everyone had forgotten about.

8. Aragorn discovers that he is not, in fact, Elendil's heir. His older brother Mutt, after having lived with Ghan-Buri-Ghan & Co. for decades, lays claim to the throne after all the "dirty work" is done.

9. Ents and Elves dispute over title of "first-born". Elrond has Quickbeam made into an armoire; Treebeard grinds Glorfindel into mulch.

10. The Shire, mobilized by Merry and Pippin and now hungry for vengeance, annexes Bree and slaughters "the big folk".

Special bonus plot twist:
11. Gollum adapts to molten Mt. Doom environment, and later plays a critical role in Fourth Age crisis.



TEN REJECTED PLOT TWISTS LOL

LOTR IN TWO HOURS



THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING


Frodo: Hi, Gandalf!
Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring.
Bilbo: Okay. Bye!
Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo.

Frodo: Doo-de-do.
Nazgul: Boo!
Frodo: Eeeek!
Merry: (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek!
Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek!
Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now!

Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends!
Frodo: No time for you, weirdo.
Tom Bombadil: (disappears)

Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my business cards and write "Bad", and I'm all set.
Gandalf: I never saw that coming.
Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs and war machinery which were in plain sight.
Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the canonical dungeon deep underground. Oh, wait.

Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile.
Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right?
Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right?
Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring. (laughs) It's okay, I'll save you.

Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet?
Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little worm.
Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names-
Sam: Hmm, looks like swords work too.
Strider: Go away, bad men!
Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered by this one Ranger!

Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell!
Merry: That was easy.
Pippin: Don't knock it.
Sam: Elves are cool!
Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need trouble.
Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here!
Legolas: Same for me!
Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now.
Gandalf: But I just got here.
Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real reason. Certainly not because I have larceny on my mind. Nope.
Strider: Look, they fixed my sword! (swish) Wheeeee!

Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and leaves are so-

Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from?
Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains could be cold on top?
Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines.
Strider: Let the dwarf have his way.
Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door.
Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside.
Boromir: What a bunch of dicks.
Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem)
Sam: Such magic.

Merry: Ooooo, dead dwarf over here!
Gimli: Boo hoo.
Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!!
Gandalf: Twit.
Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep an army fed in these abandonded mines?
Boromir: (Slash)
Legolas: (Pfft)
Gimli: (Whack)
Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship.
Frodo: Ouch!
Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our quest has failed!
Frodo: Just kidding. I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick while I was standing in profile to y'all. Pretty funny, eh?
Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really ticks me off.
Gandalf: We are so doomed.
Strider: Not if we run away! (does so)
Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows)
Hobbits: (already in the lead)
Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot outrun the demon!
Legolas: We don't have to . . .
Gimli: . . . we just have to outrun you.
Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard. (drags Gandalf down with him)
Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen!
Frodo: I'm over it.
Sam: Yeah, let's go, there's no food here.

Legolas: Wondrous are these woods!
Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves.
Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well, "warned" is more accurate.
Galadriel: I know you better than you know yourselves.
Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your time?
Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror.
Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here? What mirror are you babbling about, there's just this birdbath full of water.
Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be!
Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you take the ring.
Galadriel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost the instructions.
Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it.
Celeborn: Check-out time!

Pippin: (singing) Row row row your boat, gently down-
Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is enough.
Strider: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling.

Boromir: Give me the ring.
Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible, it also apparently teleports me away from your clutches.
Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my kingdom! Where is a rake I can step on, that it might strike my head? Ah, this will do nicely. (whack)
Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous place in the world.
Sam: Works for me. (they leave)
SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!
Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny sword pathetically)
Pippin: Christ, look at the size of these guys, we're dead meat.
Boromir: Fear not, little hobbits, I shall blow my special horn and we shall be rescued by soldiers . . who are . . hundreds . . of . . miles . . away . . guess we are pretty stuffed after all. (dies)
SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!
Legolas: Look at my form. Damn, I'm good.
Gimli: I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes the grass grow.
Strider: Looks like Frodo got away. Well, there's no chance in hell I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so let's go the exact opposite direction.
Legolas: Okay.
Gimli: Sure.



THE END

LOL GO GLOIN

...'Alas! alas!' cried Legolas, and in his fair elvish face there was great distress. 'The tidings I was sent to bring must now be told. Smeagol, who is now called Gollum, has escaped.'

'Escaped!' cried Aragorn. 'That is ill news indeed. How came you to fail in your trust?'

'Not through lack of watchfulness,' said Legolas; 'but perhaps through over-kindliness. We had not the heart to keep him ever in dungeons under the earth.'

'You were less tender to me,' said Gloin with a flash of his eyes as old memories were stirred of his imprisonment in the deep places of the Elven-king's halls. 'We were on a quest to defeat a dragon, and you trapped and waylaid us.'

'I'm not sure that "trapped" is exactly the right word,' Legolas replied.

'"Trapped" is exactly the right word,' Gloin cried, his anger building. 'Look it up in the dictionary if you have to.'

'Well, I always interpreted "trapped" to imply a certain amount of enmity, and planning,' Legolas tried to explain. 'Yours was more of a "capture", I think-'

'No, we were "trapped",' Gloin insisted. 'It's not my interpretation, it's what happened. I was there, you know.'

'I don't think we're interpreting the word the same way,' Legolas insisted. 'I can't subscribe to your interpretation.'

'Can we get back to the Ring?' Glorfindel asked.

'No, no, wait a minute,' Gloin said hotly, returning to the Elf. 'What's there to interpret? We were "trapped", by definition. How can you cay we were "captured" but not "trapped"?'

'It's a question of intent-' Legolas began.

Gloin cut him off. 'I didn't say anything about intent,' he snapped, rising to his feet. 'Did I say anything about intent? We were trapped. I didn't say anything about what anybody's intentions were (though they certainly must have had a foul and evil intent to waylay us on our great and noble Quest). I didn't say anything about "intentions". Don't be putting words in my mouth.'

'Hey,' Legolas insisted, 'I was only talking about whether we "trapped" you or merely "captured" you. But I wouldn't have brought it up at all if I'd known you were going to get all hysterical.'

'Oh! So now I'm hysterical?' Gloin shouted. 'You liar! You put words in my mouth and then lie about me.'

'I - what?' Legolas gasped, trying to follow Gloin's angry words.

'Every time you open your mouth I'm going to remind everyone at this Council that you're a liar,' Gloin vowed.

This was too much for Legolas, who stood and turned away. 'I don't think we two can hold intelligent discourse any more,' the Elf said angrily. 'Whatever you may say, I'm no longer going to listen to your words.'

But Gloin stood and, rounding the table at great speed, grabbed Legolas and shouted into his leaf-shaped ear. 'Gonna ignore me, huh?' the angry Dwarf shouted. 'Gonna call me hysterical and then ignore me, huh? Well, ignore this! Liar, liar, liar!' he yelled, directly into Legolas' face so there would be no chance of ignoring him.

'Can we get back to the Ring?' Aragorn asked.

'No, wait, my honor's been besmirched,' Gloin demanded. 'I'd be happy to talk about the Ring, but everyone else here keeps on impugning my character. And I'm sick of it.'

'Will you shut the hell up!' Boromir shouted, standing suddenly and pulling his great broadsword in his rage. 'I'm sick and tired of your arguing! Shut the hell up and listen! We were talking about Gollum and the Ring! Can we get back to that, please?'

'I don't think the current conversation is being very constructive,' Aragorn agreed.

Gloin looked at the two Men, a surly look on his face. 'Oh, sure, it's easy for the people who aren't involved in the argument to play at being peacemaker. Their honor isn't at stake! But if either of you were involved in this argument, you'd understand that dropping it isn't as easy as all that.'

'I've been in many a battle-' Boromir announced.

'Yeah, I bet,' Gloin said dismissively.

'Maybe you could both just put this behind you, so that we can get back to weightier matters,' Aragorn suggested.

'Why are you taking his side?' Gloin snapped at the Dunedain, indicating the silent Legolas with the edge of his axe. 'I think I've already had enough crap from you and your ancestors. Wasn't it Beren who murdered the Dwarves who were transporting the Nauglamir? And now you suddenly want to elect yourself as peacemaker?'

Aragorn said no more; and taking Frodo by the hand he walked silently away from the incensed group, who took little notice of the departure.

Bilbo, who had Gloin's friendship in days gone by, turned quietly to the angry Dwarf. 'It seems to me that you and Legolas are not exactly listening to each other too clearly right now,' he said simply. 'Maybe you both ought to just relax, maybe agree to disagree, as we say in the Shire. I mean, we're old friends, yet Dwarven ways are sometimes strange even to me! Think well, Gloin! Will you not calm down?'

There was a pause, and Gloin seemed briefly to consider these words; but after a moment, his former anger and pride recaptured him and he remained steadfast. 'No, I cannot allow his heinous lies to stand,' Gloin insisted. 'I did not undergo all that I have to come to this Council just to be called "hysterical" by some liar.' He glared long and hard at Legolas as he spat out this word. 'And I don't think you should be siding with the abuser here.'

'This is just making me sick,' Glorfindel suddenly announced.

'That's it! I've had enough of these lies,' Gloin snapped, and turned to Elrond. 'I'm complaining about the behaviour of Legolas and Glorfindel. I want you to throw them both out of the discussion!'

'I agree with Gloin!' shouted Gimli.

'No,' said Elrond clearly and distinctly. 'I'm not going to play referee for you. Sit the hell down and start behaving like adults. That's the very last word I'm saying on the subject.'

There was a short pause. 'These Elves,' Gloin muttered angrily under his breath. 'They always reply both no and yes. Can't trust any of 'em. Unruly bastards.'



A long silence followed. Finally Gandalf cleared his throat and attempted a change of subject. 'I was down in Rohan the other day,' the Wizard began. 'Wormtongue lied to me of Theoden.'

Gloin arose again, pulling his axe from his belt. 'Are you trying to imply that I'm a liar?' he demanded...

Live thread be ALIVE!!! you are one of my better ones!! you shall not die!!!

hey i want 50% ownership, i am the one who has saved it from, the dreaded second page of threads (DUM DUM DUUUUMMM) about 6 times, lol

http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/bakshi/bakshi.htm


not supposed to be humour but damn what was bakshi thinking

Ahhhhhh! it's on the second page!!!! NOOOOO! MY 50% SHALL NOT DIE!!!

the council of elrond
http://groups.msn.com/dvcg2o69vq0acjeeru47naico5/whatreallyhappenedatthecouncilofelrond.msnw

http://www.geocities.com/elfgirl06/WEATHERTOP

http://www.freewebs.com/forests_of_mirkwood/humor.htm <- this is funny

Sauron, go on Fanfiction.net and post those. Sheesh.

or you can go the the general fiction area of kmc.

yeah but i only want my fellow lotr fans to see them,

and was that meant to be a like they are good enouhg to show everyone, or was it so everyone can point and laugh

my 50% will stay here

we shall not let it slip

The Confused Memories of a teen reader


(Scene: a dark foggy place then a girl walks on stage with a microphone)

Girl(Tapping mic): Um..testing 1,2,3 is this on? Think so, anyway err...
(looks up)Eru? Sir? Are you sure this is a fitting punishment? I mean there-

(Hears a loud thump, like someone dropped a piano.)

Girl: Uh...I guess that's a yes! Well, um... (Now in bright chirpy voice)
Hi Everyone and welcome to the Confused Memories of a Teen Reader, me. Tonight
we focuse on The Slama- The Semil- er...(Chews nail and looks at script that
'appeared' in hand)

FANS: THE SILMARILLION!!!

Girl(Brightens): Yeah! The Samil-

FANS: SILMARILLION!

Girl(Sigh): What they said! Where was I? Oh yes. In the beginning there was
the Music and the Music was with Eru and Eru was-

(Loud groans from the fans)

Scary sounding Fan: Skip it!

Girl: Who said that? (Looks around)

Scary sounding fan who is Melkor stands up out of the fog: I did.

Girl(Trembling): M-m-e (Seems to be stuck in a stutter)

Impressive sounding voice: Leave off! (Manwe steps out of the fog, followed by
Varda)

Manwe: Now look Melkor, I want to hear the rest of the story and if you don't
you can go back to the Void. (Frowns) How did you get in here anyway?

Melkor: The door. (A door lights up)

Varda: Well if you're not going to leave, then please sit down and don't
interrupt again, you're scaring our guest. (Turns to the girl) Please continue!

(Melkor goes back to his seat)

Girl: And the Music was of Eru and the voices of the Valar joined with his
and all was peaceful until they noticed someone singing off-key.

Melkor: DID NOT!

FANS: DID TOO!

Melkor: DID NOT!

Varda(putting a hand to her head): Children! Please!

(Silence, for now!)

Girl: The off-key singer whose evil melody tried to take over the world was-

Varda: Dear, perhaps for the sake of peace, we should skip this?

Girl: Ok. Then after the song sang the world into being the elves came and the
world was beautiful and M-m-e- HE got chained up (Growl from Melkor) And
anyway, I didn't think that was too much to do with the Sumaril-

FANS: SILMARILLION!

Fan that sounds suspiciously like Feanor: IF YOU MISPRONOUNCE MY BEAUTIFUL
JEWELS JUST ONCE MORE-

(Fans that look supiciously like his sons sit on him) Redheaded son of Feanor
missing a hand (Smiles at the narrator): Continue please!

Girl: Okaaay! Then Thingol built his Halls of Stone-

Dwarven sounding fan: The DWARVES built the Halls of Stone.

Girl: The Dwarves built Thingol's Halls of Stone and Thingol married Melian
a Maiar that kept butterflies-

Melian: Nightengales!

Girl: Nightengales. Umm...then Feanor created the Silmo- Silmi-

FANS: SILMARILLS!! (Start complaining)

Feanor: Shut up! This is the best part of the story!

(Booing and fighting break out in the audience)

Girl (Continuing quickly): Feanor created the precious jems-

FAN with strange voice: Precioussss? Iss it oursss? Our preciousss?

Feanor: Wrong story Smeagol, go catch some fishess.

Smeagol: Ssssmeagol isss going!

Girl: And at least he said they were the most beautiful things in the world
but no one could really know because-

Feanor: THEY WERE!
(Feanor is sat upon by his father, mother, wives, sons, and Huan the Talking
Dog)

Girl: Because he kept them locked up and only wore them for fiestas.

FAN1: What's a fiesta?

FAN2: Is that some kind of chariot?

FAN3: Isn't that Rohirric?

FAN4: No you dumb Noldor, a fiesta's a ship!

FAN1: Well that makes sense! He only wore them for ships? Come on!

FAN3: Who are you callin' a dumb Noldor, ya sissy Teler!

FAN4: Sissy is it? I'll show you!

FAN3: Yeah?

FANS1&4: Yeah!

(Fighting errupts yet again. Manwe claps his hands to call for attention
but no one's listening. Melkor taps him on the back and whispers something.
Manwe shrugs. Melkor lets out a demonic scream- nothing happens. Varda sighs
and clears her throat. All fighting ceases instantly.)

Girl: Umm... And the Jewels were stolen by M- HIM and HE killed Feanor's dad
and Feanor swore an oath-

Other son of Feanor with nice voice: Don't remind him- or us!

Girl: And so it was that they came to Middle Earth

FAN2: Middle _Where_? Y' mean Arda?

FAN4: Ahem, you seem to have completely forgotten THE KINSLAYING.

(Collective groan from the audience.)

FAN1: Not AGAIN!

FAN5: The HORROR!

FAN4: I see...dead people...

FAN1: I might be able to explain that, you see, we are dead.

FAN2: NOO!!!!

FAN3: You HAD to remind us, didn't you!

FAN4: Listen, the Teler have many grivences, this is only the worst one.
Why is it we are almost always forgotten? Why do people think of us as
strange if we like to sing? WHY WERE WE SO DARN EASY TO KILL?? I'LL TELL YOU
WHY, 'CAUSE NO ONE CARES!! (Starts sobbing)

FAN1: There there, I care!

FAN4: I know...(sniffs)

Girl: Can I continue? Please?

FAN4: WE WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!!

FAN1: Of course not!

Girl: Then the Noldor came to Arda and there were many battles and Men
appeared.

FAN holding a comb: Them! Great!

FAN holding a harp: Oh stop being such a snob Saeros! You deserved what you
got for teasing Turin!

Saeros: Huh! So the 'Friend of Men' is going to give me a lecture?

Finrod: Not that it would do much good, you won't listen.

Saeros: I just don't get you! I mean, letting yourself get killed for one
of them!

Finrod: There's a lot of things you don't get Saeros, this isn't the first,
nor will it be the last!

Saeros: Oh really!

Finrod: Yes, really.

Varda: Finrod, Saeros, break it up!

(Silence)

Girl: And umm...then lots of people started building hidden cities. Gomd-

FAN7: GONDOLIN!

Girl: Nagarath-

Finrod: Nargothrond.

Girl: And Thingol's halls. And the men moved west and Fingolfin dueled the
Dark Lord and died.

Fingolfin: Am I left handed?

Girl: Huh?

Fingolfin: Am I left handed?

Girl: I...I don't know...

Fingolfin (holds up a book with the cover showing his fight against the
Dark Lord): I could have sworn I was right handed. And my hair's the wrong
color! Who makes these books anyway?

Girl(shrugs and continues): Beren and Luthien met and fell in love and Luthien
was the fairest being ever to walk the ea-

Angry voice: WAS NOT!

Luthien: Was too!

Arwen stands up: WAS NOT!

Luthien: Ahem, Arwen. I was half elven, half Maiar. You were half elven.

Arwen: Huh!

Luthien: Petty jelously doesn't become you dear.

(Arwen sticks her tongue out at Luthien and sits down again.)

Girl: But Luthien's bride price was a Silar- S-i-l-m-eril!

FANS: SILMARIL!!!

Girl: So Beren and Luthien stole a jem from Me- HIS crown-

Finrod: And I died.

Huan barks.

Luthien (looks at him): And Huan died too, but that was later.

Girl: And Maedhros and Maglor tried to-

Curufin and Caranthir interrupt: Not them! Us!

Girl: Tried to steal the jem from Beren and almost got killed and almost killed Beren
and Dior got killed after Thingol got killed and Turumbar killed Beleg-

Turin: It was an accident!

Beleg: You had to remind me!

Girl(rapidly speeding up): And Gwindor's girlfriend fell in love with Turin
and Gwindor died and she died and he married his sister and they both died,
then their parents died and the dragon was already dead but not before
he incited the sister-

Nienor: I have a name!

Girl: To kill herself and Doriath and Gobdel-

FAN1: Gondolin!

Girl: all fell and Nargothrond had fallen before that and Maedhros fell off a cliff with a Samer

FANS: SILMARIL!

Girl: And Maglor threw the other one into the sea and Earendil made the
first spaceship so the elves won the spacerace because Earendil's Surmar

FANS: SILMARIL!!

Girl: became a star and Numenor was created but
it sank and everyone who was still alive lived bitterly and sadly to the end
of their days though occasional adventures and battles livened things up.

(Total silence, broken by the occasional sob. Everyone seems slightly shocked
that that's it.)

Girl (Nervous chuckle): With no further ado, I will now introduce Peter Jackson,
a man with a plan. His act is entitled: Lord of the Rings OR Confused Dreams
of a Man Who Once Read this Book in 10th Grade and thought: THAT WOULD BE A
BRILLIANT MOVIE. Goodbye and goodnight! (Exits quickly,)

Peter Jackson: Umm...hey! Big turnout tonight!

FAN7: Hey, if he cut some characters from LOTR, don't you think we could
cut one act Varda?

Varda (considers): Alright, but wait until all the Valar have left, we didn't
see anything until it was too late.

(EVIL LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE)



THE END!

The Council of Agent Smith
Agent Smith: Strangers of distant land, friends of old. Mis-terr Anderson, welcome to Riven-dell. I've been expecting you. You have all, with the exception of Mis-terr Ander-son with whom I have other unfinished business, been summoned here to answer the threat of Peter Jackson. Return of the King stands at the brink of destruction. None can escape it, well, maybe except me because I have a recurring role in The Marix trilogy, and perhaps Gandalf who cleverly plays his mutant self in the X-men movies, and of course Legolas..
Neo: Ahemm!
Agent Smith: Well, moving on. You will unite or you will fall to bad reviews. Every living being connected to Return of the King is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the spoiler, Frodo.
Frodo: Sauron will appear at the Field of Cormallen where he and Aragorn will have a deadly duel...
Agent Smith: Enough! *SHUDDERS*
Boromir: So it's true.
Boromir: It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Star Wars. Why not use this spoiler? Long have we, Lights Industrial and Magic Studio, kept people flocking to the cinemas. Why not anger the Tolkien fans and keep them coming to see Star Wars instead?
Gandalf: *rummages through Boromir's saddle bag and finds 3 light sabers, 2 unwashed underwear and an autographed Darth Vader Helmet* Ah-hah! Just as I suspected! Spies of Star Wars!
Agent Smith: Agents J and K, take him away. * Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones walks in and starts pulling Boromir out of the council. *
Boromir: No wait! I still have some lines left! Who's gonna say my lines?
Neo: I'll gladly stand in for him. I've been in so many box office movies lately that I could use the bad guy character backlash.
Agent Smith: * Irritably * You'll do. Just don't forget our unfinished business later. Now, where was I?
Boromir: * voice fading * And what would a ranger know of this matter? Gondor has no king! Gondor needs no k...
Gandalf: It's time for a commercial break.
Agent Smith: What? Is it time already? Councils are getting too commercial (no pun intended). Alright, the Council of Agent Smith will be right back after this commercial.


Legolas stand on top of a rock boulder. Aragorn's voice fades in from the background. "Legolas, what does your fair elven eyes see?" Legolas squints. "A bunch of squiggly dots are kind of moving but I'm not sure..." Sun glare stopping you from catching bad Uruks? Get Tree-Killer Loops for the ultimate cool shades in sun glare protection. Now comes with night vision for stalking ring bearers. Order now at 500-TREE-KILLER-LOOP! Disclaimer: No trees were actually killed in the process of making our product.


ok this one's kinda lame

lol its good

i lik them espcly the pick-up lines.
-Hi im Legolas- That one wld do it 4 me

just him showin up in front of me'd do