sick jokes

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Ness
Two men are occupying booths in a public restroom, when one calls to the other,
"There is no toilet paper over here, do you have any over there?"

The second man replies, "No, sorry, I don't seem to have any, either."

The first man then asks, "Well, do you have a magazine or newspaper?"

The second man says, "No, sorry!"

The first man pauses, then inquires, "Do you have change for a twenty?"
laughing out loud laughing out loud laughing out loud

bLooMiLiCioUs
blinkconfused

Baby Rach
laughing

Ness
3 blind mice hahahaha must ''see'' hahahah you will know what i mean

jacksparrow22
the sad thing is...people probably do that

NyC-gUrL
confused I did it oncestick out tongue

Ness
yep

Ness
i didn't wanna know that

NyC-gUrL
laughing out loud

Ness
ok yet she lafs about it //// i thought gurlz were clean and not nasty

Ness
One afternoon a blonde woke up from her nap and looked outside.
To her suprise she saw the house next door was on fire.
Being the good neighbor that she was she called 911.

The dispacher asked what her emergency was.
The blonde replied" the house next door is on fire".

The dispacher then siad I'll send a firetruck over, but how do we get there.

The blonde replied proudly.... "Duuuh, in the big red truck!?"


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Hey everybody! Says the Dumb Blond......
This has got to be the coolest chain letter I've ever gotten!
All you have to do is send it to 11 people and this little
video comes up on your screen and shows the funniest clip.
I can't tell you what it is but I was laughing so hard!
So spend a few seconds to send this and you'll be glad you did! thanks!


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Subject: Blonde Jokes (some are repeats)

1.) What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

2.) Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

3.) Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.

4.) What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

5.) What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.

6.) Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

7.) Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

8.) How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

9.) Why can't Blondes dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phones dial pad!

10.) What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

11.) How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.

12.) Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

13.) A brunnette goes to the doctor and as he touches every part of her body with his fingers she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!"
The doctor asks, "Where you ever a Blonde?"
"Yes I was." she replies. "why do you ask?"
The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

14.) A Blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said, "Oh look at the dead bird."
The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"

15.) A brunnette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21"
A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21"
Suddenly, the brunnette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The Brunnette goes back to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22"

16.) How do you drown a Blonde?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

17.) Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

18.) How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear

19.) Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

20.) Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".

21.) Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

22.) A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and wtahces her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?!"

23.) Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

24.) Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxioously,
"Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!

25.) A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband,
"Shut up...you're next!

26.) Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a year to realize she could play it at night

27.) What happenned to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.

28.) What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong

29.) Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

30.) How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.


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Submitted by, Chuck, Tampa, Fl. Thanks, Chuck

There are three ladies working in the same office. They begin to notice that each day the boss, who is also a female, leaves work early.
One day they decide that once the boss takes off they are gonna be right behind her, after all she never comes back or calls so how would she know.
So, they all three leave and the brunette was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting her dinner date.
The redhead was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The blonde was happy, happy, happy, to be home. But when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly, quietly, she cracks open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!
Ever so gently she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to go with them. "NO WAY!!" The blonde exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!

crazy_c
LMAO!!!!!!

Dirty Vader
A blonde walks into an electronics shop. "Hello, Can I buy this TV please?"
"No sorry, we do not serve blondes"

The next afternoon, the blonde returns with hair dyed. She now looks like a brunette. "Hello, Can I buy this TV please?"
"No sorry we do not serve blondes"

The next afternoon, the blonde returns with her hair dyed again. She now looks like a redhair. "Hello, Can I buy this TV please?"
"No sorry we do not serve blondes."
"How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"That's not a TV, its a microwave".

Ness
DUMB BLOND JOKES

Q.) Why did the blond have TGIF written on her shoes? A.) Toes Go In First
Q.) Why did the blond snort Nutra-Sweet? A.) She thought it was diet *coke*
Q.) What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands over her ears? A.) Trying to hold on to a thought
The blonde stayed up all night to see where the sun went. It finally dawned on her.
A blond was on a date w/her boyfriend and they went for a walk outside. The boyfriend leaned over to give the blond a kiss, but instead he blew in her ear. She replied with *thanks for the refill*
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying *21, 21,21* a blond walks up and sees her and starts doing the same saying *21, 21,21* suddenly the brunette hears a whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the blond gets splattered on the tracks. the brunette starts jumping again saying *22,22,22*
Q.) Did you hear about the blond that lost 85% of her brain? A.) her husband died
Q.) What does a blond say when asked what the last 2 words of the national anthem are? A.) play ball
Q.) What can strike a blond w/o her ever knowing it? A.) a thought
Q.) How can you drive a blond crazy? A.) hide her hairbrush
Q.) Why did the blond climb on the roof? A.) she heard drinks were on the house
Q.) how do you get a one armed blond out of a tree? A.) wave
Q.) What do you call a blond that dyes her hair? A.) artificial intelligience
INVENTIONS BY BLONDS

the water-proof towel
glow in the dark sunglasses
solar powered flashlights
submarine screen doors
a book on how to read
inflatable dart boards
a dictionary index
mechanical pencil sharpeners
powdered water
pedal-powered wheel chairs
waterproof tea bags
watermelon seed sorter
zero proof alcohol
reuseable ice cubes
see-through toliet tissue
skinless bananas
Do-it-yourself road maps
Turnip ice cream
toe implants
an all white flag
rolls royce pickup truck
JUST SOME JOKES ---> our town is sooo small.....

our city limit signs are both on the same post
the city jail is called amoeba, becuz is only has one cell
the McDonald's only has one Golden Arch
the 7-11 is a 3 1/2 - 5 1/2
the one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions
the phone book has only one page
there's nothing doing every minute
the ZIP code was a fraction
Second Street is in the next town over
there's no place to go that you shouldn't
a *Night on the town* takes only 11 minutes
the mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog
the New Year's baby was born in October

el_barto
lol laughing out loud

thorncrawler
i've seen turnip icecream!!!

DeNiro
wow i cant belive that u could possible get off topic with a joke thread. it went from sick jokes to blonde jokes ok well ill start us off on sick jokes again

what is worse then finding 8 dead babies in a garbage can???

finding one dead baby in 8 garbage cans


a mother is expecting to have a baby on april first so april 1st comes around and sure enough her water breaks. she goes to the hospital and she has the baby and the doctor is looking and it and starts whalling on it throwing it against the walls kicking it messing it up pretty bad and the mother goes what r u doing to my baby and the doctor says

HAHA April fools it was already dead when it came out



there back on topic stick out tongue

total metalhead
laughing out loud laughing out loud laughing out loud

omg De thats some funny shit!!! seriously sick though....

DeNiro
angel

russ_mathers
what dya call a blonde thats dead in the cupboard?

'Last years hide and seek winner'

total metalhead
laughing out loud cant beat a good blonde joke

russ_mathers
if 2 jews were in a car and fell off a cliff would u laugh or cry?

I'd cry....becoz u could've fitted 2 more in the back

(i know its raw, but its just a joke)

DeNiro
dude ur totally wrong with that joke it goes

how many jews can u fit into a car

answer 50,000

two in the front two in the back and 49,998 in the ash tray





ITS JUST A JOKE TAKE IT EASY IF U WOULD LIKE MAKE FUN OF ME

total metalhead
shut up De you damn fool. you make me sick

you said ppl could make fun of you big grin

russ_mathers
ne ways its a joke my m8 told me , theyre is such a thing as more then one joke

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