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ok, i put all of the posts together and this is the KMC wacky story:

The KMC wacky story


It was a windy day in the desert. A lone man walks farther and farther, with sand as far as the eye can see. He was banished for eating bread on a Wednesday. As he approaches a hill, he sees a palm tree... but is it a mirage? He walks up further, and he sees a pizza stand. But not just any pizza stand. A vegetarian pizza stand. He runs the other way screaming. Only to figure out that he walked into small tall fat guy. He bounced off of him and flew all the way to my house. then he got attacked by my crazy demented dogs and ran the other way all the way to boston. we pan away and a title fills the screen. "Lost in Boston", it reads. He runs down the street and gets hit by a bus, but bounces straight backwards and hits a lampost. Seemingly uninjured, he gets up, brushes himself off, and walks away, when a tall black man comes up to him and says "free your mind, Bob. The Matrix has you"
"wtf?" bob asked. "i aint the in the matrix. hell what is the matrix."
"where u are," black guy says.
"no"
"yes"
"no"
"yes"
tall black guy leads the other guy who now revealed his name was jack, so he leads jack into this underground building and tells him that he's in the matrix
guy : "you're in the matrix jack"
jack "no i'm not"
so black guy goes "dude. ur in the matrix."
Jackbob looks at black guy. "No im not. and who the hell are you, anyways?"
black guy stares. "You don't know who I am? I am the great, powerful Will Ferrell. I am Will Ferrell. *random hand comes down in Monty Python style and says "hey, aren't you related to that--"* No, I'm not related to the Architect, god dammit! WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT'S ME?! *silence*
Jackbob is confused beyond hell at this point. He then proceeds to exit, thinking he's in an insane asylum.. when someone blocks his exit.. that someone being darth vader. darth vader says, "luke, you are my father... wait a second, did i get it wrong again! DAMMIT! I'll get it right some day."
Vader looks at Jackbob. "Wait a minute, your not Luke. Sorry about that I'll catch you later i gess."
Jackbob stares at the closest window and hops out of it, only to find beneath him Chris Rock. He screams at Jackbob "You, kid, get me a coffee! AND DON'T SPIT IN IT!"
Jackbob runs off, scared, saying, "You're the boss, Mr. Rock!"
Chris Rock then says.. "No, you're the boss, and that's the problem!"
Jackbob gets a coffee, and on his way back, bumps into Nuclear MisSILE man! Jackbob looks up in admiration as nuke man runs after his zamboni driving nemesis, whose name is trinity the monkey lady. we see trinity being chased by nuclear misSILE man, only to realize that she had run over someone. but the person sprang back up and said, "hi, im bill clinton. Bill clinton says "hey were you be gettin to wit tat dare coofay?"
jackbob:i'm bring it to mr. rock over there.
clinton:well you ain't anymore *grabs coffay mug*
jackbob gets pissed and chases clinton, but falls into a hole, where saddam hussien is hiding. "sweet" jackbob thinks. "now i can finally lose my virginity! He rapes Saddam and ends up killing him. "well, kill two birds with one stone" he says, but then he sees a shadow approach only being Carmon Electra! Jackbob then erases the impure Saddam scene from his mind and says "hey" to her... She looks seductively at him and says "im actually male". He leaves the hole, questioning his orientation, and he despirately looks for a chick to hook up with, when he comes across A baby chicken who says "Quack!" He squints at the chick, then feels a tap on his shoulder. Its the black guy! he says: i told you you were in the matrix. Jackbob then gives in and says... FINE. What do you want to do with me then? The black guy explains the matrix is "you see, jackbob, the matrix is like a pizza. if you like, then its great. if not, then u hate it."
"what?" jackbob asks.
darth vader pops back in. "i dont get it either."
"well, the matrix is..."

suddenly megatron from transformers walks in and blasts the black guy with his fusion cannon. "what?" he asks. "damn. i thought that was starscream. where the hell are you, you traitor?"
then darth vader charges after megatron and then The power rangers come out and are squashed once and for all by Megatron. Darth Vader and Megatron stop their battle to laugh at their remains, as does the black guy and Jackbob. Then Jackbob asks "black guy, how did u come back to life?"
"oh, it's simple," he responds. "first, you take a bottle of lubrication oil..."
Megatron stares at the black guy. "damn you, you should be dead. NONE DEFY MY ORDERS!"
Suddenly, at the worst possible moment Starscream flies overhead. "Except me," he says.
"oh yes, except you," megatron sighs, and then he turns to the black guy and. Whacks him with a giant hammer, and all of a sudden, the black guy grows at an enormous rate and says. THIS IS MY CITY... MY CITY! And charges at Starscream and Megatron Starscream charges his null cannon and fires at the black guy. Black guy screams like a girl and says, "ok, ok, you win..."
Then Agent Smith comes in and says "Buwahaha, you shall all perish," and attempts to clone himself onto Starscream. All Smith gets out of it is a really sore face as he's punched he retaliates and runs away like a baby. Then Luke Skywalker pops out of nowhere. "I will not fight you father," he says, and Vader charges him. Skywalker does nothing and gets his head slashed off. All evil guys present (Vader, Megatron, Starscream, and Saddam's corpse) laugh. "That's how the movie should have ended." Then the evil guys shake hands and drink beer in celebration. They all get drunk and begin to get horny, rape one another, and jump into Saddam's hole, and are never seen again. Finally, the black man goes back to Jackbob, and says... "Anyhew, we had plans to get you out of the matrix, but this is good shit! Screw the war with the machines! Screw the one! Who needs that when you've got a 12 pack!" Jackbob, the black guy and Megatron walk down the street of Boston, in search of Pizza. But then Starscream flies by saying "I have all your pizza and you'll never find it," then he tries eating it, only to realize that he's only a giant robot. "Damn it!" In random anger he decides to fly to Boston Harbor. Jackbob and black guy blink in response. "ok..."
But they were unable to get pizza. but then black guy tells jack bob, "in the matrix, you can get pizza whenever u need to. all u gotta do is..." "...tap you heals three times.... wait wrong movie. All you gotta do is call out "Lassie!"... no that's not right either... All you gotta do is sing "You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant... with FEELIN' and you'll get your pizza." Sure enough, they got their pizza, and got the peperoni with four part harmony. Black guy turns around and looks at Jackbob who is staring blankly at him. "What?" Black guy asks.
"Alices Restuarant? WTF?" he asks.
"omg. THE SONG. A 25 minute song about a guy not getting chosen in the draft. OMFG. LETS JUST CALL DOMINOES."
*they call dominoes*
doiminoe guy : how can i rape you?
black goy : one large pepperonii
dominoe goy: sure thing, here or to go?
They agree, call dominoes, and get cheesy bread along with their pizza, and when stuffed, roll down the hill. Yes, the hill. There's a hill there. Because I said there was one. And there's nothing you can do about it. Then a giant flying pig flew overhead. And they looked up. And stared. And said together... "how beautiful!"
Then the flying pig takes a shit on them. They pout, but then an earthquake starts. It opens up the ground right underneat them. They start panicking and then they hug each other and watch the pig fly away into the sunset, black guy: isn't the matrix beutiful?
*record stopping screech* "WAIT! This isnt supposed to be a happy story!" says Jackbob.
*commence violence*
I knew you just wanted my love all along, you black man you! - says Jackbob
The black man replies "Thats not all i wanted," he says, showing him Jackbob's credit card.
"HEY!" he shouts. "MY CREDIT CARD!"
"Now i can buy all the gay porn i want," Black guy says.
Starscream suddenly swoops down and shoots black guy. Smoking crater is in his place.
"I wonder if hes gonna come back to life again," the decipticon sighs, and flies away again.
*black guy comes back to life, even blacker than before from being burnt* THey have to stop shooting me, black guy thinks. Then he gets an idea.
"Jackbob, it's time i teach you the ways in the force...i mean matrix...i mean... aw man. What movie is this?"
Magneto, Skeletor, Hitler, anonymous thug, Darth Vader, and Saruman, all in the background shrug. "Im so confused," black guy says. Then, Frodo walks by, and says... "Can you show me the way to Mordor?" to the black guy and Jackbob.
"Sure, sounds fun!" replies Jackbob.
We see a panning shot of the black guy, Jackbob, and Frodo, walk into the sunset, setting out on their quest. saruman: dude how did i get here?
he runs up to black guy and tries to make him spin on the floor li,e gandalf for not telling him what movie it was. The black guys escapes just in time to keep up with the others in the everlasting pan shot that's really big. "I hope Mordor is like a vacation spot," Jackbob says to Frodo. Frodo blinks.
"Uh...yeah it sure is!" he says. Then an old gypsy man walks by chanting. Frodo pokes the OGM and then the guys goes "AHFHG"and then frodo gets turned into a...turkey.
"We're off to see Mordor! The wonderful mordor of...moz," frodo sings sourly. We then look back, and see Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas...
"We're hot on their trail" says Aragorn. "The footprints are not yet a day old"
"I'm not good at cross country!" says Gimli! Then out of nowhere comes a go-kart. "SWEET!" he exclaims. they then run through a feild of beutiful flowers and fall asleep.
Its a kart from Mario kart.
Mario rushes by and chucks a shell at Gimli who goes flying.
"I hate my life," he sighs. "DAMN YOU MARIO I WILL GET YOU!"
We leave Mario and Gimli to battle it out. We see that Frodo's turned into a really large turkey and Jackbob and the black guy want something from Frodo.... you'd think it'd be the ring, but actually they're kinda hungry. All of a sudden Bowser pops out. "Roar" he roars. "Roar"
WE ignore Bowser cuz hes a ***.
And what is this? Starscream comes flying down and blasts the shit out of him. What a surprise. Then Frodo spontaniously turns back into a human again, and they all eat the remains of Bowser for dinner. Night passes, and in the distance, we can hear chants. The chants sound a bit like The wierd evil guys from wizard of oz. Then Dorothy runs into the camp of the three men.
"Oh, please good kind sirs, can you help me?"
The love-crazed men stare at her...
"Only if you do us a favor first..." The black man says
"What would that be?" Dorothy asks
"Well.." the black man begins... and grins
"You see, lady," aragorn says, "all you gotta do is"
Black guy pushes him over. "You see lady, take us to mordor! We dont know where it is." Others stare at him. "im gay remember?"
"Oh yeah" they say.
THen they glare at black guy and kill him. This is the fourth time black guy has died.
go get me a large pepperonii pizza dominoes, the other one never got delivered. Then everyone else wonders how Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli spontaniously appeared with Frodo, Jackbob, and the black guy, who somehow was revived, again...
"Easy!" says Aragorn, who points to the speeder that Luke lent them a few miles back.
"Off to Mordor!" the odd groups exclaims. "We're off to go to Mordor!" they start singing. "The wonderful mordor of...moz!"
They hop onto speeder and zoom off.
Vader and co. finally come out of Saddam's hole, finally sober somehow. Along with an army of Agent Smiths that came back to life after the matrix was repaired, they march toward the only safe place left, in intent to do battle with the free peoples of.... the planet.
black guy: isn't the matrix beutiful?
*big ugly pig flys over head*
The matrix reloads after that unexpected turn of events, and everything continues as normal.
The planets name is now Hobo 13.
The army of smiths then meet up with the starwars clone army and they clash...and some people die. Yup.
Back to the speeder, Aragorn and legolas look up. "Wheres gimli?"
"uh............" frodo looks strangley suspicious.
"what did u do?" they look back and see starscream sitting in the back. dont ask me how he fit. he just did.
frodo pushes starscream off of speeder, "all taken arre of!" he yells back at aragorn
Back at the mario kart raceway, we mario driving around. suddenly an axe flies into him and he dies. gimli walks up and picks up the axe. "yay i got him" he says.
Meanwhile back at the speeder...
But Starscream cannot be taken care of that easily! His desire for the ring is too extreme... he gets some big megabooster thingys and is about to crush the speeder with pure velocity.... but then out of the blue a giant pepperonii pizza hits him, throrghing him
He decides that the ring is utterly retarded and he blasts the ring to pieces with his null cannon...the collateral damage kills everyone else (except black guy who comes back to life). Starscream stares in shock. He just saved hobo 13!
*blak guy gasps*
He asks " are you gay too?"
"No, I'm not," says Starscream.
"Aww, shucks. So..." the black guy says to Starscream... "whyju do it?"
"Oh, it's not over," Starscream says."

"What the hell else is there to do?!" raves the black man
"I know what I have to do." states Starscream, "I need your speeder." and takes it and runs off. "No. I am evil. EVVVVILLLLL!!!!!" starscream flies away, pissed at himself. "aw man. i saved the world. what kinda bad guy am i!" he flies back to decepticon hq and we dont see him again until...we bring him back later. The black guy wanders the fields, the endless fields. He comes across a dead goat.
"Is it male?"
...
meanwhile at mario kart racing, luigi comes onto the scene and runs into mario, who now even dead, has his foot on the pedal and is driving.
Suddenly a hunter guy starts shooting. black guy turns around and sees...elmer fudd. Whewre the f*ck is that wabbit?" he asks the black guy.
The black guy turns around, and we see Bugs Bunny at a very suggestive pose, bending over...
Elmer Fudd runs away. Suddenly admiral pelleaon from star wars flies over in a star destroyer and randomly blasts the shit out of everything. then it flies away.
starscream looks up. "ooh...someone evil...wait for me!" he cries after them. he runs in a useless atempt after the plane thing. In Space...
*Pan of a giant moon-shaped star craft*
Planet Hobo 13 locked. Estimated time of arrival: 15 minutes.
"No! I won't tell you where they are!" a woman with funky hair says
back on dead lukes speeder, they are speeding. u heard me. a cop pulls them over for speeding. they sit there for a half hour as their license gets checked and so forth. then...
"THIS IS LUKE SKYWALKER'S SPEEEDER!" the cop yells. The cop steals it and sells it on eBay for a large sum of Republic Credits. He then reports back that he found nothing at the scene. the hero guys blink. "this sucks," they say. They decide to go home and drink some beer All of a sudden ,random kids run past their house. They're being chased by a white rabbit. "GIMME MY TRIX!" he said.
"FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT!!" the lot of the drunkards exclaimed.
"silly trix, rabbits are for kids," they slur drunkenly.
The black man then waits around a corner for the rabbit to pass by.. and then jumps the rabbit. and the rabbit eats him. Then the entire planet of Hobo 13 is destroyed as no suitable resistance group was around to stop the death star. Everybody died. Except the black guy, who to this day floats around in space, looking for a male partner.
THE END.
or is it?

THE END!!!

Is there a readers digest of your posts

?? here is the actual thread http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f61/t22039.html

^ditto! BBEEEEEAAAUUUUTTTIIIFFFUUULLL!

Just TWO? I give it EIGHT!

^they must be GENIUSES! http://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gifhttp://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gifhttp://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gifhttp://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gifhttp://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gifhttp://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gifhttp://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gifhttp://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gifhttp://www.killermovies.com/forums/images/moresmilies/clap.gif

And Now I Know Why I Dont Enter The Matrix Forum Ever

WHY?! It's hillarious! Add you dont go into the LOTR or SW forums either?

woo my loving public loves it...thx guys.

(Psss this story's better)

then the new one? yeah...they've desecrated a classic.

Oh and about us being geniuses...yeah we are.

We most definately are. And I'm so bored that I just feel the need to BUMP THIS TO THE FRIKIN TOP for everyone else to enjoy!

Original thread was like 7 pages, this is the compilation. Enjoy, share, save for the generations!

feck, back when I was a newbie...*sigh* no progression whatsoever

WOW that was great