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I think this would be fun.. here's the first 20!

1. INSIST THAT THE SORTING HAT MADE A MISTAKE.. HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN GRIFFINDOR!

2. GIVE HIM A MICHAEL JACKSON CD & TELL HIM THAT THE KING OF POP CAN GIVE HIM BEAUTY TIPS - ESPECIALLY ON HOW TO DEAL WITH HIS PALE SKIN & RED EYES!

3. TELL HIM "DUMBLEDORE IS STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU, STICKING HIS TONGUE OUT!" WHEN HE TURNS AROUND & SEES NO ONE, SAY "GOTCHA!"

4. WHENEVER HE OPENS HIS MOUTH TO SPEAK, QUICKLY COVER YOUR NOSE & OFFER HIM BREATH MINTS!

5. TELL HIM YOU'VE MET PEOPLE MORE EVIL THAN HIM!

6. TELL HIM WORMTAIL HAS GOT A CRUSH ON HIM!

7. GIVE HIM MILK & COOKIES B4 HE GOES TO BED - LETTER-SHAPED COOKIES SPELLING "I AM LORD VOLDEMORT"

8. IF HE REFUSES, TELL HIM TO JUST PLAY WITH THE COOKIES AND SPELL OUT OTHER WORDS WITH IT!

9. ASK HERMIONE TO SEND HIM A SCHEDULE ORGANIZER & A WOOLY BLADDER FOR X'MAS!

10. PUT GLITTERS ON THE DEATH EATERS' CLOAKS!

11. STEAL & HIDE HIS WAND - TELL HIM LUCIUS DID IT!

12. SEND HIM A SINGING HOWLER - SINGING "SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES"

13. GIVE HIM A RED STRAIGHT-JACKET WITH A BIG LETTER "V" FOR HIS B-DAY!

14. TELL RITA SKEETER ABOUT A (MADE-UP) SWEET, ROMANTIC TALE OF HIS LOVE LIFE!

15. APPARATE & DISAPPARATE RAPIDLY IN & OUT OF HIS ROOM NON-STOP FOR AN HOUR!

16. ANYTIME HE ENTERS A ROOM, INSIST ON GOING IN FIRST & MAKING A GRAND ANNOUNCEMENT, COMPLETE WITH FAKE DRUM-ROLL & TRUMPETS.

17. CALL HIM "THE-MAN-WHO-LET-THE-BOY-LIVE" !

18. ARRANGE A TUPPERWARE PARTY FOR HIS COMING-BACK ANNIVERSARY!

19. ASK HIM QUESTIONS BEGINNING WITH "RIDDLE ME THIS.." STRESS ON "RIDDLE"!

20. WHACK HIM IN THE HEAD & SAY "MOSQUITO!"

Tell him that "Snake eyes is just NOT a good look for you, Voldie daahling!"

yeah, thats great!

22. SEND HIM A BAG FULL OF LOVE LETTERS AT VALENTINES DAY

23. CALL THE ANIMAL PROTECTION OFFICE AND REPORT NAGINI!

send him a bag of serenading Lockharts!

that was my first thought! but i didn't remember the name of them in english and candy owns the book...

live through one of his killing spells... it worked for Harry.

send him 100 pair of prof lockharts robes which he wore on valentines day for new death eater costume

(pink with red flashing hearts by the way)

I'm sure he wouldn't mind that!!!!!

Trickster!

Tell him that Lucious has been going around telling everyone "Voldy-woldy just asked me to marry him!!!"

never let Harry Potter die. Raddan.com has pretty pictures of Daniel Radcliffe! Harry Potter beating Voldy. that'd annoy him!

tss, tss, tss trickster! too, far! a LITTLE respect for my father!

For his b-day cover his eyes with eyepatches and lead him to the ministry of magic with a mollion aurors ready to attack. Instead of sayin "Surpise!" theyll say "Avada Kedavra!"

put him in a glass box and hang him over hogwarts for a week (that'll work on any one hehe)

give him a play by play on where he went wrong w/ trying to kill harry........now you see voldy, if you would have just raised your wand a little higher here (whips out a diagram) things would have gone a LOT smoother! You know, you really need good wand height in order to execute this move properly...

haha! good idea....that'll piss him off!!!

mwa ha ha haaa...*makes plans to do just that*

Beat the crap out of him

come on now, you've almost got it!....just swish and flick! .....hey EzzyIce, I think i might join you!

Buy a cd full of love songs and tell him to listen to it!

Also, get the queer eye for the straight guy people to come to his house and get a makeover!

look here

lol! i liked the stress ball!

um......tell him in a real sweet voice, you know how he feels, but dont worry I still love you then give him a coupon to a psycho therapist, to help him with his awkward feelings.

Start to stalk Voldemort and tell him that you like him and want to go out with him (It will be even funnier if a guy did it)

YAY! WE CAN BE TWO SEXY GIRLS IN CRIME!!!!

hey...maybe we should start a club!!!!

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jj!

apparate constantly in and out of presents

tell him that he probably needs a new style for his image and bring him some of umbirdges pink stuff!

for his birthday but him a pink silk night gown with fur........and matching silk slippers.

oh, yeah also give him a nice big pic of potter with a frame that says I forgive you.

Get rid of Nagi (i hope that i spelt that right!) and replace him with a cute little kitten!

lol i like this one

thank you pixie1

lol. these things r hilarious!!! i think i have run out of ideas...but when i get a sudden insperation...ill write it in! actually...i better go...sleepies for moi. bibi guys...

*lol*

Tell Voldemort that he failed the 7th year of Hogwarts and tell him he has to repeat that year all over again!

snap his wand in half and put it in hagrids pink brolly

lol...thats a good one...

Well this one is a blast, the number 99 to grab a banjo and sing Kumbaya, this one is just the best

put him in the same house as petunia and make him clean he toilet the muggle way

show him mr weasly collection of plugs

Let him eat the toffee that Fred and George made.... that can make his tongue really long.....

make him eat a canary cream and call him a chicken

hmmmmmmmm......send him purfumed love letters from his dad.

Make him watch chick flicks!

send him a love note from harry

I just found this thread, and wanted to bump it up!

Funny thread...

Go up to him, start breathing heavily and say, "Voldie...I am your father" with a straight face real slowly

hahahahaha funny.hahahahahahahahahaha

make him spend one day with hagrid and do hagrid's chores...

Just charm his wand so that when he says "MORSEMORDRE", an illusion of Harry will appear and say "Gotcha!".

Play "Hide and Seek" and tell him to hide first and then just run away and dont look for him...... or you hide and then just apparate far away and he'll be looking for you forever.

Take out a guitar and start singing and out of nowhere hit him in the head.

Say you know where he can get the Prophecy cause someone dropped it and take him deep into some forest and then say "Wait, we're in the wrong forest." and then keep going all over the wizarding world and and keep saying we went the wrong way.

chant os riddle house
voldie and wormtail stuck up a tree f-u-*-*-i-n-g .
then plaster it accross the quibbler and daily prophet because the prophet owes our harry bigtime.

my god i laughed so hard there


LMAO

that is hilarious.

Place a charm on him so whenever he walks into a room 'here comes the bride' plays

or an article by rita exclusive you know who (the coward known as voldemort) is not a pure blood wizard,
that would totaly do his head inconsidering the way he targets muggleborns and halfbloods lets out him surley then he loose credit with those of his deatheaters that don't know.

get dumbledore to do the most powerful accio spell.

accio voldemorts hair

make a pollyjuice.

look like voldy

and get one of your mates to take a pic of you naked with a sheep

hahah exa...and send that picture to the daily prophet =]

Im sauron

y r u on exa's name???

im not- i changed mine to shadowy_exa

exa is now 'exabyte'

If everyone started going around with 'the scar' on their head as a fashion trend, it would be a constant reminder to Voldemort of his failure and demise... although, it might annoy Harry as well and might seem like people are devaluing it Unless of course they are showing their alleigence to him

Dress up as Sauron the Great and say your a bigger badas$

I read this somewhere before! It's hilarious!!

look him straight in the eye and call him VOLDIE!

love it

quite good

Blow up his head with an unliftable engorgement charm.

Fill his house with bubbles of Droobles Best blowing Gum or luminous balloons that never burst.

Stick a pink wig to his head.

Share skiving snackboxes around to his deatheaters.

Fill his house with Weasleys Wildfire Whiz-Bangs.

(I know this is a really old one, but call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live. I love that one! )

Sing that 'Killing me softly' song when he's about to kill someone.

Tie Draco up and draw a scar on his head. Then yell, Voldie, we've got scarhead! When Voldie is ...finished...with Draco, jump up from behind some bushes and yell, Fooled you!

Rotl!

That be me

love it lol bloody brilliant but let it be Draco from JKR s series not the Draco from H/D fic's

Tell him the pale, snakelike look is getting old and advise him to change it. When he's sleeping, give him a makeover and dye his hair pink. If he gets mad, insist that he refused to take your advice and you were just trying to help. For added pleasure, get into be with him and have a friend take a picture of you before he wakes up. Send it to the Daily Prophet.

call him "sweetie"

Give him one of fred and georges fake wands right before he goes to fight harry

Sing 'Tom Tom The Pipers Son' but with added lyrics

Tom Tom the muggles son, spell backfired and away he runs!

nicelol1

Reveal that he's been the good guy all along...

love it lets mess with his head

laughinglaughinglaughing
thats a good one

tell him he needs to put make up on?

OMG those are bloody hilarious!

When he finally has harry beat
Keep teleporting harry away when voldy does the killing curse

lol thas one way to!

Ask him how his folks are

Get a red pen and draw a lightning bolt shape on his head while he's sleeping

Call him "Voldie"

Sell "I luv HP" t-shirts at Death Eater meetings.

Buy him tickets for Potter:the musical

Ask him, "could the dark mark be a bit more, you know, attractive?"

Give him a very large book and tell him the book will tell him how to kill harry, but in fact its just a dictionary

Make 101 clones of Harry that can't b destroyed 2 follow him around telling him he is very pritty!

Convince the deatheaters that Voldemort now wants to become a hippie and get them to decorate his room with flowers, peace signs, and incense.

Change the deatheaters' masks to Harry Potter masks.

Replace his wand with a magical eight ball whose only response is, "Harry Potter will defeat you"

Bewitch his voice to sound high and squeaky.

!!

I suck at these things you guys are brilliant

lol i luv this thread

101 Ways to Piss off Voldemort
here they are:

1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'

23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....

26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?

27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.

28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'

29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.

30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.

31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.

32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, o dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.

33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.

35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.

36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'

37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.

38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'

39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.

40. Buy him a stress ball.

41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

42. Call him Tommy-boy.

43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.

44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'

46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.

49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'

51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry'.

52. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.

53. Throw him a 'care-bears' themed birthday party.

54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.

55. Politely exclaim now and again that you 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'

56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment'

57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.

58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.

59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.

60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'

61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.

62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London....

63. Throw tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.

64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.

65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.

66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.

67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.

68. Tell him Lucius did it.

69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.

70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.

71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'

73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling'

74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'

76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'

77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.

78. Lecture him at great length on why he shouldn't use the unforgivables.

79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy'

80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.

81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.

82. Cuddle him at random moments.

83. Sign him up for Little-League.

84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.

85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.

86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie'

87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.

88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.

89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.

90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.

91. Write sonnets for him.

92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.

93. Offer him icecream cake.

94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie'

95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak'.

96. Mock his baldness.

97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')

98. Get him drunk.

99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah'

100. Let him catch you trying on Death-Eater robes.

101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive



^^http://groups.msn.com/TomFeltonandDanielRadcliffe4eva

how long diod it take u 2 come up with all of hthose???

I think only one can replace these 101 ways: Let Voldemort take a lecture from Prof. Umbridge on "English Composition".

(I hate English Composition )

Tassie those rock I LMAO

Put make up on while he is sleeping and dye all his clothes the same colour as lockharts were on valentines day

lol.... ^^^^^^^^^

lock him in a room with lockheart with out a wand

tell him he looks like a teletubbie

tie him up and lock him in a room with a million harry potter look-a-likes

in fact that wud annoy me!

tell him he looked smashing on the back of quirrels head

when he's trying to sleep keep whispering in his ear "harry pottaaaaar"

if you have a death wish: walk in on a death eater meeting and slap lord voldemort on the back like your mates and say "there you you are Tom my man where ya been all these years"

at a meeting every time he opens his mouth make clucking noises

oh i have one!!!
get him one of those badges that say 'bald is sexy'
...oh my lord i d-didn't see you there your not angry are you? *sniggers*
"CRUCIO!" *screams* ok ok i'll take that as a yes forgive me my lord!! but dont you admitt the badge is true why dont you wear it to the next meeting? what you say you'd rather eat nagini!? thats it im calling the RSPCA!!!

Redecorate were eva they have there meetings with posters of his favourite people dumbledore and Harry

tell him he needs a facial .. lol

Ask him if he has eva herd f the sun b4?

or in the P/S tell him he was two faced lol...

heehee

Yup

harry potter lookalikes sounds scary

we could clone harry!!! like make copys of him or something! lol that'd be funny

yup ...very kewl

Pretend 2 b an over obsessed fan Get like every thin from the papers about him, go through his trash (if he has any) stalk him take a zillion of photos.....That would scare me

just a tiny lil bit

jump

Hmmmmmm

Oh wow Voldemort, you look just like Yuda from star wars ahhahahaahh

bumping

...don't know if something like it has been said, but.

-Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
-Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....

Lock him in a room with a dolby 7.1 surround sound system and a looping album of Phil Collins, WITHOUT Ridalin

Tell him he has sand in his Vagina whenever he gets cranky

lol....

Put him on the Steve Irwin Show:

Steve Irwin: Crikey, have a look at this lil' beauty, this has to be the rarest snake in the world
Voldemort: I am no snake, I am LORD Voldemort
Steve Irwin: I'm gonna atempt to sneak up on him now and TACKLE him to the ground
Voldemort: You will do no such thi...AHHH
Steve Irwin: Quick Terry, get the rpes, I'm gonna bind his legs togeth...CRIKEY, Me ARM!!!!

lol... very funny....

I lmao thats hilarious hun

transfigure all his clothes pink and give him imperio and make him dance swanlake.

Don't know if something like this has already been said... but-
Make him read hours and hours of horrible fanfic in which he and Dumbledor get together in the end.

lol.....

dont mind me i was just testin summit

LMFAO.....Steve annoys me sooo much

me too...

muahahaa, i luve this picture

LMFAO...Thats an awsome pic

<<BOOOOO! You're it!

'Why? I thought Voldemort was supposed to be lying low, or are you telling me he's going to jump out from behind a dustbin to try and do me in?' >>

^the lines that were next to the picure^ LOL

indeed ... i'd love to be able to draw like that

me too!!

cast a conjunctivitus curse at him and say whos for hide and seek voldies it , the leg it

Insist that he tries your mother's home baked shepards pie and when he says no forse feed i to him except it is filled with bubo tuber

HEY!!!!! FAMILIAR FACES IN A STRANGE PLACE!!!!!!!!! POC PEOPE HERE!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! APG AND EL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! *does backflip, falls, and breaks back*


owww...

Call him "Mister. Voldy.", and refer to his Death Eaters as "Drinking Mates".

lol
hey JJ! lot of potc people here now! we're taking over!!

lol..

Don't know if it's been said but force feed him laxitives

hey these are really funny.. i dont have any myself ... but i think that if u did any of these things to voldie then he'd probably avadra Kavadra u. but there funny none the less