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Here's where everybody puts in a quote that's funny, but still means something.

Here's one of mine: Some say the glass is half full. Others say that it's half empty. I say that there's half a glass.

Granted, that might not be extremely funny, but I have a WHOLE lot more. Gentlemen (and gentleladies), start you quoting!

I know it is stupid but I say this all the time..
gravity kills when there is impact.

Some say the glass is half full. Others say that it's half empty I say you should stop thinking about it and drink it already

If pro and con are opposites, are progress and Congress? (my answer is yes)

The Bible Studies course has been recently changed to Theories in Mass Hypnosis 101. No one seems to have noticed.

College would be great if it weren't for all the classes.

Don't steal, that's the government's job

Capitalism can live in one of two states: Welfare and Warfare

god please give me the knowledge to change what i want, please give me the courage to change what i can, and please give me the knowledge to know the differnce. i think thats how it went

More or less

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

badkitty, I think that's a Deep Thought, by Jack Handey, from SNL...


stilll funny though!

What does not kill you... uh.... makes you a cripple ?
(bad joke, srry)

Haha! good eye..thats what it is!
its all I could think of

some say the glass is half full...others say "where the hell's my waiter"......not mine but

It doesn't matter if you heard it, read it, or made it up, if it makes sense, post it!

That which doesn't kill you will probably try again

Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.

Now matter how long you've been in the pool, when you get out you'll be just as wet.

Fighting for peace is like having sex for virginity

Never miss a good chance to shut up

If you decide not to choose, you have already made the wrong choice!

If you depend on others to make you happy, you will be endlessly dissaointed.

Half of worlds misery comes from ignorance. The other half from intelligance.

What is right is often forgoten by what is conviniant!

-I think therefore I will not
-Oppresors of the Proletariat will never be oppress by a presser.
-What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. Therefore it doesn't matter.
-Life is like a box of chocolates...............so keep buying them and you will make someone rich (candy stores owners)

"curiouser and cu.. what the f**k!!!!!!!!!!!"



damn im still wierd, i dont deserve to tell jokes

i guess you have to have read alice and wonderland ot get that one.

THE TURTLE IS MOVING

Okay, I didn't make this one up, but I still love it.

"The 50-50-90 Rule: If you have a 50-50 chance at picking something, 90% of the time you'll pick the wrong thing."

That is true

Yep

"When life gives you lemons, throw them at people."

Courtesy of my friend Mishi...

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt

Death is a part of life. It's just a lot less scary and painful than the rest of it

It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living

Fiction is our own reality

The absolute value of the density of raisins in the perfect raisin muffin is 16

It's not that I'm antisocial, it's just that I'd like for everyone to be banished to Uzbekistan

whoa that like blew my mind

It's amazing when you think about it, isn't it?

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's hilarious!

Courtesy of my friend's t-shirt...lol...

it's not mine, but i agree with it:

'Life sucks. And then you die.' - Mtv's Daria

thAT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME

OR THE MORE PESSIMISTIC VERSION

THAT I USE

LIFE'S SHIT AND THEN YOU DIE

When you die, your whole life passes in front of you. If you're blind, you only get the soundtrack.

Don't worry about life, no one got out of it alive.

If you go to bed with your ass that itches, you will wake up with your fingers that smell like shit.

If you love something set if free if it doesn't come back you shouldn't have listened to me.

A friend in need is...a friend you should avoid, agreed?

When I was born, I cried. Everyday I live on this earth I understand why.

Sticks and stones can hurt my bones but whips can only excite me.

or the good version!!! life is brilliant and death is even better!

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask it why it got me shot.

To succeed in business there are two rules:
1.Never tell all you know.

If you eat chinese food and you bite on a kittey claw, the chicken you ordered was probably caugth in an alley in bronx...

Money doesn't grow on trees because the banks own all the branches...

In each group there is an idiot. If you look around and can't find him, you must be him.

Politics
"poli" means many
"tics" are blood sucking creatures.

"Politics" is something centered around many bloodsucking creatures?

He who has nothing...has nothing.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease, 100% fatal.

Money can't buy love, but it can rent a very close imitation.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can sure make misery easier to deal with.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead

A tree only hits a car in self-defense

Life's a lot like a bird: It's cute until it shits on your head

There is no gravity. The Earth sucks

-There are two kinds of people: Those who remember and...and...and...

well here are mine they r mostly bodybuilding things but there really not all that funny at all

you can never be Too Big.

bodybuilding is not just 90 minutes every night in the gym it is a lifestyle

Shut the fu*ck up and do it pussy

If i knew u were going to ***** after the workout i would have told you that the womens arobeics class is in the other room

When certain people say they'll give their 2 cents worth, they sure aren't overpricing.

Non-conformists of the world, unite!

If history is doomed to repeat itself, then bring on the beheadings!

Death is hereditary

It's too early in the morning for suicide

What happens if your scared to death twice

Today in Art we were going to paint a nude model, but the teacher sent her to the office for violating the dress code

Sure, go ahead, try to hit me. But I must warn you, I am a master of the martial ar...OUCH! Dude that hurt!

here's a quote by Ras Kass the guy in my sig. Good intellectual rapper.

"Two wrongs dont make a right, but three rights make a left"- Ras Kass

lol

from the day we a born we are slowly dying

my mum gave me life and slowly she take it away from me

if i had a dollar for everytime i got a dollar then i would have twice as many dollars

Don't worry about what other people think... most people don't think

People say I look strange without my glasses... Well, they definitely do!




((heehee, Baylin has complained about me steling his quotes, so I will say that this is his!! ))



TM used under licence from Baylin 2004

HEY! THATS MINE!!!

heehee, but it was so good!!

Well you can use it so long as you add - TM used under licence from Baylin 2004

K, I'll do it now

Thanks, did I forget to mention the licence fee...

Not til you've read Harry Potter! I am adamant on this

Well if goes towards anything I've got all the books I've just not read em yet.

Well, thats a start

there are 3 types of people...
those that can count and those that cant

god is busy can i help!

Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie

Advice: What we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps

A friend is someone who will help you movie. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a body

System of a Down: A system that loses power excessively

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliaphobia: the fear of long words

If you keep your feet frimly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants

To err is human; to forgive is against company policy

Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes to the bone!

DUDE!!! Thats Abe Lincoln who said that!

spoken like a true boarder!

It's philospophical and it's funny, I thought it belonged

I wanted to kill myself by drowning; but I don't know how to swim
If someone hits you with bread; you throw a grenade on him

well said!

-Never hit a man with glasses: hit him with a baseball bat

-As the saying goes, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" I say: "If you can't beat 'em, beat 'em!" They will be expecting you to join them, and you will have the element of surprise.

If you decided you are indicisive, what have you done?

Another "DEEP THOUGHT" by Jack Handy...

"My friend once told me he found Jesus, and I thought 'YAHOO! WE'RE RICH!' Then I realized he meant something different."

... off topic, but funny.

Dont know if this has been posted:
Before I was unsure now I...just don't know!!! (I say this all the time)
I rarelly have doubts and I'm never wrong!
Reality is an illusion created by man.

I saw this one posted here:
God, save me from your followers!

I love this one! Its translated thou so it might sound weird in english!
Theory is knowing everything but nothing works!
Practice is everything working but not knowing why.

In reality we have theory and practice...Nothing works and we dont know why!

Nice Kes

these are some random quotes by my friends

My bra is giving me bra burn.

My bouncy bed is under my ball!

Just in case you're like, picking your nose or something.(the reason why my friend always has to knock on the door)

I guess if you liked to put your head in the stool. (this was actually said by a professor on being drunk.)

-But ocifer! I swear to drunk I'm not God!

-God created man in his own image. Man, being the gentlemen that they are, did the same for god

-I'm not religious becase certain peopel are never incinerated by bolts of lightning

I dont eat breakfast because I love you.
I dont eat lunch because I love you.
I dont eat dinner because I love you.
I dont sleep because...I'm hungry!

Ohhh, these are great, where do you guys find them?

Indeed.

This is great the best thread for a long time

My fav one is
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it

"Take me drunk, I'm home"

"If there is an exception to every rule, is there one to this rule?"