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I forgot whether or not I've already posted this story. I searched, but nothing fit the example. So I'll summarize up until the 2nd part...

Shadowskill & I are writing a book about a shipwreck... la dee da... at the end, wait, I shouldn't tell you.

Okay, these teenagers/nineteen year olds are going on a trip to ireland, because Jessica is about to move there. Her bf, Dakota Lance Knight, is a Seto Kaiba-ish character (actually, he was made in Seto's form). Aw, forget it! Read the next part and give me suggestions/criticism. Plz.

(Song credit goes to Nickelback & Creed)

Vehicles of all colors raced by as Jessica ascended the mountain in her Humvee. Nel inserted her favorite rock music CD into the stereo and lowered the volume to an appropriate level for Jess's split nerves. Even cruising down the highway was a worrisome process, and Natalie was reminded very much of her mother. Jess shakily drank more tea from an insulated cup.

Hang me
Watch a while
Let me see you smile
As I die
Take me
As my body burns
Let me see you yearn
While I cry
(Creed, "Ode."

"Hey, Nel?" Jess began.
"Yeah?"
"Can we switch the song?" shivered Jessica.
Elizabeth laughed coldly, handing another CD up to Natalie. Silver Side Up. Jess frowned again, but averted her eyes to the road and tried not to listen to the near-metal music. The song began slowly:

Lost it in the Chester field
Or maybe on a gambling wheel
Lost it in a diamond mine
Dark as Hell and hard to find
(I really don't know, but it's Nickelback.)

Jess picked upher cup of tea and smiled faintly. She thanked God her friends knew what she liked, then sang along.

continue.

it started off nice.

Thank you... but that wasn't the beginning.


Soon, the city of Chattanooga was flying past. The airport approached. A low-flying plane rumbled by overhead. Natalie began to mumble about never being airborne in anything made by man, causing both of her friends to laugh nervously. Traffic lightened as the girls pulled into the airport parking area.
"Well, isn't that pleasant?" Beth verbalized incredulously, her hands on her hips.
Jess was the final one out of the Humvee, securing the doorsand adjusting the alarm signal. Suddenly, there was a shriek.
"Jess, is that you?"
The three whirled to see a tall, curvilinear young woman racing in their direction. Her waist-length flaxen hair bounced in waves behind her. Baggy indigo jeans and a country music tee was her ensemble. She ran shoeless in the candor of the parking lot. The girl stopped accurately before Jessica.
"Jess! We've been waiting!" she cried.
"We?" Elizabeth interjected. She stole a glance behind the newcomer.
There, walking in a paced manner, came Dakota. His expression was a winded one, compared to the blonde girl's refreshed appearance. Nel and Beth giggled spontaneously. Jessica sighed.
"Cody, you need to work out more," she advised solemnly. Then, just as her friends had done, she screamed in laughter. This was the way she always greeted her boyfriend, but he never joined in the thrill.
"No, I don't," he replied, dusting his jacket. "This, uh, Jasmine establishes an awful example."
"This is Jasmine?" Natalie implied, looking at her in wonder.
The barefoot girl nodded. Elizabeth and Nel stuck their hands out in welcome. She took each one in turn, gazing respectively into every teenager's eye. She never blinked.
"Hi," she began, with a surprisingly strong Irish accent.
"I warn you," Knight whispered to Jessica, "she's aggressively annoying..."
Jasmine twirled to face him and angrily punched his right shoulder. Dakota staggered backward a couple of feet, rubbing his sore shoulder.
"And strong, too..." he added quickly, before she could take another swing at him.
At once, thunder rolled in the threatening black clouds above. A huge raindrop hit Knight's tender shoulder. Everyone looked up.
"Oh, I love storms!" Nel said, shivering excitedly.
"Really? Me too!" Jasmine laughed.
Another clap of thunder shook the earth. Jessica wrapped her shaking arms about Cody's torso.
"Well, I don't," she muttered. "I'm going inside."
Cody gently bent to kiss the top of her head. They hurried for the airport entrance as Jamine went to retriee her suitcase for her. Nel and Beth picked theirs up and waited, while more colossal raindrops smacked the ground.
Circling the Humvee, Jasmine spotted a golden chain necklace on the pavement. Without thinking, as if her mind was being controlled, she stooped discreetly and grasped it. All of a sudden, she was surrounded by warmth. She smiled and took up Jessica's suitcase in her arms. Then, she united with the other two in a race for the airport.

I love this story! Write some more!!!

simple. its nice

I know it's simple, because I'm simple. I've actually already been trying to revise the complexity of the sentences.

its nice the way it is. but its ur choice to change it.

Here's some more. Hope it's not too boring. I still need the criticism, guys. Don't just give up on me!

The tempest raged for another hour, trapping travelers inside the building. Elizabeth had discovered sleep in the uncomfortable band of plastic chairs. Jessica had been meditating for fifteen minutes beside a sleeping Dakota, who had somehow gotten cozy on the tiled flooring. Jasmine and Natalie, on the other hand, stood beside the glass entrance doors to watch the rain plummet to the road. In Jasmine's hand dangled the golden necklace.
The unadorned chain was like a light to her in one sense: she had seen it before. But where?
"What's that?" Nel questioned suddenly, initiating a startled gasp from Jas.
"Oh, this?" Jasmine regarded the chain. "I don't recognize it. I found it on the ground in the parking lot. But, somehow, it relieves me."
Nel siezed the necklace and examined it. Seeing nothing familiar, she handed it back to Jas, shaking her head.
"It's not Jessica's."
"I would keep it even if it were hers," Jas said at once.
Natalie peered at her suspiciously. Who dod this girl assume she was? Nel would not let her harm or offend Jessica.
"I can comprehend your opinion," Jas implied sadly. "You must think I'm barmy. But this necklace makes me feel protected, as if my father were still alive..."
She trailed off into silence. Nel gazed downward.
"I... I didn't know you lost..."
She couldn't finish her sentence. So maybe this girl wasn't a threat. She sure hoped not, because the whole group was exhausted of drug cartels, angry terrorists, and crazed assassins.
Nel launched into another question.
"Why aren't you wearing shoes?"
"Because I don't feel like it," snapped the annoyed response.
"Well, fine, be that way," Nel stated in mock anger.
"I'm sorry," Jas resolved." I just need to calm down."
Natalie nodded briskly. Jasmine kept talking to compose herself.
"...So, tell me about that escapade you four chanced on last spring."

~~TRT~~

The flight from Chicago had wearied Thomas, but he supposed he still possessed the energy to collect the teens and proceed to the good old Emerald Isle. The thunderstorm had subsided, and the going was excellent, but one feature still vexed Thomas. Who was that old woman at the airstrip? Why had she requested him? And why had she bestowed upon him the mysterious golden chain bracelet?
"Make sure the blonde one gets it."
Those were her precise words. But what did they mean? Struggling to unearth an explanation, Thomas overlooked the fact that there was an additional airplane on his tail. He couldn't identify the name or pilot. It seemed to approach out of nowhere; then again, extraordinary occurrences had been pursuing him all day. He contemplatively decided to radio the aircraft.

Keep goin'! Right more 'bout Thomas!!! And especially Knight!
Ah, Dakota Knight...

Umm... I've only written a little about it...

Write s'more anyway!

Jessica opened one eye. Jasmine and Nel were still in serious conversation. She beheld her watch.
"Six-thirty?" she shouted, concerned. Passersby turned to glare at her skeptically. She smiled in apology.
"Uh, nothing wrong here, except we kind of missed our flight..."
"Ah!" smiled a man in the crowd. "It happens to me all the time!"
Much to Jessica's curiosity, the man had fair hair and a sonorous Irish brogue. Or was it just her overactive imagination? She required more tea, without delay.
Just as she was making her way to the airport's snack area, Jasmine and Natalie had caught up with her.
"What was that all about?" Nel hissed, obviously embarrassed at Jess's outburst a moment before.
"You guys, I think we've missed our plane," Jess sighed.
"Well, that can't be correct," Jasmine interjected.
"Why not?" Jessica questioned, confused. She perceived the impression that Jas knew more than she was revealing.
"I hired a man to pick us up in a single-pilot airliner."
"Wait," Nel interrupted. "You mean a bush plane?"
Jasmine reflected on the notion and nodded.
"Yes, that was it."
Nel and Jess moaned in unanimity, for the bush plane conveyed back recollections of Jamaicans terrorizing the p[lanet for drugs. They both shivered.
"So, when was this guy supposed to come back for us?" Natalie inquired, trying very hard to keep her mind off of Sean Roper.
It wasn't working.
"Uh, well..." Jas trailed off into oblivion.
"You don't know!" Nel barked, irritated with Jasmine. Jas bowed her heafd shamefully, looking at her icy cold toes.
"I do know that he was supposed to be here thirty or forty minutes ago..."
"That's not settling," Jess answered softly.

I forgot all about this thread.
I'll post more during the duration of the summer. Who knows, maybe I'll get good ideas from you guys.