Whadda guys think?

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Jason_Krueger
I'm writing a story (I write horror and only horror if you didnt already realize) , but I'm trying to make original ideas for stories and i think the one im currently writing is a good one....ok heres a summary of the plot

Jake is struck by a car that crashed through his kitchen wall and sent into a deep coma. while under he is thrown into a picture perfect town, which Jake's mind leads him to believe that he has been a citizen in this town for as long as he can remember. his wife, 3 year old son, and best friend all act as if they've known him for ever. Jake also acts as if the whole crash just left him with a few broken bones, and that these people are his family.
while on a hunting trip with his friend, Ryan, they uncover a creature that can take on any form at any time and anywhere. it terroizes the town and murders everyone jake knows. at the end of the story when jake finally recovers from his coma, he is confused of what is going on. he is informed that he had been in coma for over 9 months. he also realizes that the creature in his dream was death.....and his will to survive was life. everyone who had been in his dream where all people all over the world under coma. when they died in jake's dream....they died from coma in real life and if they disappeared in jake's dream then they had awoken from coma.

I am currently calling it LIFE AND DEATH, but if anyone else has any suggestions on a good title....just let me know about it.....also please answer the poll honestly and not just being an ass.

Thank You.

HockeyHorror
started out good about the accident and comma, but is there anyway you can shift the plot a bit. something seems wrong. Buts it started really good.

well theres my honest opinion.

Jason_Krueger
what do ya mean ......im open to suggestions.....its still in the works

HockeyFace
So are you actaully making a little movie on a micro-budget or something? Well anyways I think that you should do a good paranoia sub-plot between the people. Also what about giving the creature a lair? Oh and explain to us why death kills people. Your idea has a lot of potential. Here are some titles:

The Survival Game

On Death's Turf

ragesRemorse
hey man, that actually sounds like a good story. Your basic premise seems to be intriuging. There is alot you could do with a story like that. As in deciding where to keep the readers. Would we know when reading the story that this town jake is in is only a figmant of his imagination or some kind of spiratual gathering place for coma victims? If not i think it would be a bit more suspensful. Another thing that seemed to be out of place, is death. It seems to be a good idea, but bad execution of incoorperation.

I'm not trying to shit all over your story man, because it does sound interesting, but maybe if you changed death around to give that character a more personal link with the characters. Maybe even somthing different with the people in the town, somthing dark, somthing jake doesnt or cant see about the town would be a good direction, but then again im sure you have a bunch of sub plots, keep us informed on how it goes

Jason_Krueger
yes when reading it whoever disappears from the "coma town" is forgotten by all the other people......also personal link.....like.....that death created this picture perfect life for the coma people and made the sense of comfort in it so they wouldnt suspect it was only a dream, but if they did escape death from killing them then they would find out that everything was a dream and they can control it?.....is that what u kinda mean?

Also, Death is the grim reaper.....hes hunting down the coma people who dont survive it and die in real life.....i thought of a lair, but i figured because death has no true form.....(i didnt want a cheesy skeleton in a cloak running around and slicing up ppl) its appearance would change everytime Jake saw it.......and if anyone is asking why im wanting opinions......well, im gonna write up a script for this and enter it into a contest that the winner gets his/hers script read by John Carpenter and made into his next movie......wish me luck!

LeatherLep43
hey, what script contest! tell me I want to know! I write too! Can you please pm me how to do enter the contest. or is it too late??

HockeyFace
Me too! Me too!

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