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Volume 1

Yesterday I received a phone call from a customer saying they needed a job quoting urgently and that we'd need to come grab a sample part and see the application straight away so we could prepare a tooling and production quote over the weekend.

'Just bloody great', I thought. So I jump in the car with my old man and we head over to the customer about 11am. We are heading through a place called Handsworth, a rough area to say the least, but we were based there for 7 1/2 years and never had a spot of trouble so it never concerns me going there.

There's one road in particular on this route which always has scores of parked cars on either side of the road, meaning whenever I've gone down there its always a game of drive a few yards then nip in between parked cars to let someone past, and so on until you escape the road.

I see two cars heading towards me with no place to pull in, so I turn left into a gap to let them through. I take the car out of gear and keep my foot on the brake. Then from nowhere a car travelling at high speed smashed into us from behind.

At this stage the car stalls and there's the sound of smashed glass and my dad is holding his chest in pain. He had a triple heart bypass not so long ago, so obviously I'm very concerned with his health.

I spend the next minute asking if he's okay and trying to stop my hands shaking.

Volume 2

Once I've established my dad is okay, I look into my rear view mirror to see an old F-reg Rover 800 series with a badly smashed front. Apparently he'd not been looking ahead of him and also travelling way too fast for this road.

I get out of my car to approach the driver, and to be honest I was going to call him a shower of arseholes because I was pissed off about my dad being in the car.

As I walk towards his battered car, he drops it into reverse and with a screech of tyres reverses several meters at high speed. I realised immediately that he was driving without insurance, MOT, Tax or maybe had drugs in the car. Who knows, but basically he wasn't gonna stick around to exchange details.

What I did next seems a bit odd to say the least; I shouted, "whoah! you f**ker!" and ran into the middle of the road to prevent his escape. At this he started revving the engine and releasing the clutch. His car wheel-span and began moving fastly towards me. I side-stepped right to start my escape and he turned the wheel towards me again!

He hit me square in the legs and I performed a Starsky and Hutchesque roll onto the bonnet. Luckily I rolled to the right and after what felt like an eternity I rolled off the front wing and onto the road, relatively unhurt.

After dusting myself off, I called 999 and explained the incident to the police, who felt the accident wasn't serious enough to send out a car and gave me a log number to take to my local station to report it in person!

So me and my old fella decided that the meeting shouldn't be a total loss, so we went to it and then headed for the police station to report it all.

Volume 3

After an hour in the police station I was sent away with some forms to complete, an officer did want to interveiw me as they said a "hit and run was very serious". Up till that point I hadn't thought of it as a hit and run, let alone that it was intentional.

Anyway, at the old bill station my legs are starting to really hurt so I thought it best I go to the hospital and get myself checked over, my dad also decided he'd go to his doctor too.

So I'm at the hospital with Mrs.MM, who I'd phoned and explained what had happened. There they checked me over and said I needed X-rays to check my legs properly.

They send me down to the x-ray unit and the lady asked where she needed to x-ray. I rolled up my trousers and pointed to the spot, "take those trousers off and get on the table", she says.

At this point I start panicing cus I'm not wearing any undercrackers. "Errrrm.........I'm errrrrrrm not wearing and errrrrrm.....underpants", I said, sounding very much like Alan Partidge. The woman turns her nose up and me and throws me a rag and says, "You can cover yourself with this!". Oh the shame.

Anyhoo, after 4 hours I find there's nowt wrong with me except a few bad bruises and cuts. Nothing to worry about at all.

We went to a party last night and I spent the entire evening being called Starsky by my closest friends. Ain't life funny.

it is when you aren't wearing any underpants

holy crap mech! thank god you and your dad are alright.I hope they find that areshole..Grrr

Oh, Jeezuz............

Nice Mech, very nice.......

to your dad, hope he's ok........

Whoa Nice to know nothing too serious happened.

Yeah, my old man just has bruised ribs from the seat belt and we've both got a bit of whiplash today.

My legs are a bit bruised and cut, but nothing serious.

I had no idea when I woke up that I'd be in a car crash and ran over.

OMG! That's horrible!

Poor Mech and Mech's daddy, and especially the nurse!

I would call that attempted murder!
And the police didn't even want to come out?!?
That's just crazy!

Horrible!

You didn't get his license plate number?

You must have been out in the country?!?

I mean how far could he have gotten with a car like that without being pulled over?

Outrageous!

Poor Mech!

So is your insurance company getting you a new car?

Tex actually shows feeling eek

My dad got some of his number plate, but I was too busy rolling around on the ground after being run over. ( it sounds funnier every time I say it!)

We were in the city, he probably just went and stashed it at a friends house. The police have found no trace on the number, so they're assuming he had false plates.

The insurance company are contacting me Monday about the car; its still drivable, but it needs a lot of work on it. They'll give me a loaner whilst they repair it.

it was more like : 'bla bla bla bla bla'

It looks like if he was saying it, he would be talking really fast!!

Tex's only concern was nearly losing the best male lover he's ever had.

Don't let Ush or Bf overhear you mechy

Them two! Ha! No match for our wonderful Mechmoggy *pinches mechs ass*

*does the same to the other side*

Tee hee!

that little smilie cracks me up

I know it reminds me of Virginia for some reason

I didnt read it - too long

but i'll regurgitate what everyone else said

im glad youre ok!

Damn, Handsworth SUX. That stoopid a-hole, and the pigs wouldn' send out a car or anything?!?! They suk too

There's a problem, so it's the town's fault... yeah, in fact you're right, we should burn it down...


Glad you and your dad are ok Mech.

poor poor mech....are you ok.....? How's your father? Did you get a license plate #,....that would make your life easier...I hope they catch the jerk

poor pantless mech...

We got some of his number Jules, but the police have found no trace, could be false plates. Luckily I've got two witnesses, so my insurance shouldn't give me any grief.

I still refuse to wear pants though.

I hope you got the licens plate of the car Mechie

Read my previous post Finti, its no good, people like that always get away with it.

It could have been much worse, there have been stories in the paper when people have tried to stop cars from escaping like that and they've been run over and died. The important thing is we're ok.

Actually, i live in the same area as Mech and ive been to handworth and its a crappy area

that's what i had done

the secret is not to tell everyone though

Lazy biatch's!

I read it Mech! I find your storied interesting and the fact that your title had Vol1, vol.2 vol.3 in it, was even more of an encouragement to read!

I was thinking of writing it in a Tarantino stylee with the underpant scene first, the running over second and the crash last. But I thought I'd leave the funny bit till last, just so everyone knew I was alright and back to my old self.