Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.

right this is touch and go, exa will eitherlove this or despise it lol
oh yes and the angery exa is scary even to me so be wary

*gulp* here goes

THE ENTIRE SILMARILLION OF J. R. R. TOLKIEN IN ONE THOUSAND WORDS.


AINULINDALE:

ILUVATAR: Ahem.
AINUR: Wow! Existence!
ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!
AINUR: LA LA LA!
ILUVATAR: LA LA!
AINUR: LA LA!
MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!
AINUR: Um. . . la?
ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!
MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!
ILUVATAR: LA, dammit.
MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: Right, you're out of the band.
MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for?
AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy!
ILUVATAR: Yeesh.



VALAQUENTA:

MANWE: I'm in charge!
VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And queen of the stars!
NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.
VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things.
IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.
ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens.
YAVANNA: I make things grow.
NIENNA: I'm sad.
ULMO: I live in the ocean.
AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.
NESSA: I dance.
OROME: I hunt!
VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy.
TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last.
MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA-
TULKAS: Grar.
MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.



QUENTA SILMARILLION:

VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone!
MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps*
VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west*
MELKOR: Hu hu hu.
VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees!
YAVANNA: Yep! Aren't they pretty?
MELKOR: Want shiny.
VALAR: Nope.
MELKOR: Why not?
VALAR: Because you're a jerk.
ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny!
MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock.
ELVES: AUGH!
UNGOLIANT: Want shiny.
MELKOR: Let's go get shiny.
FEANOR: I've made more shiny!
VALAR: Good, 'cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours?
FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!
VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&!(&.
MELKOR: Got the shinies!
UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny!
MELKOR: You can't have 'em.
UNGOLIANT: Grar.
MELKOR: Eeek! *runs*
FEANOR AND SONS: We're gettin' our shinies back. And YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM, Valar!
MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you're not. *stabbity fiery burny death*
BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!
THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY!
BEREN: Worth a shot.
LUTHIEN: La la la
MORGOTH: Ooo baby... *zzz*
BEREN: Got your shiny!
MORGOTH: you BASTARD! I stole those fair and square!
CARCHAROTH: Grar.
BEREN: Ow!
THINGOL: Got the shiny?
BEREN: 's in my hand.
THINGOL: And?
BEREN: Hand's not here.
THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny.
CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!!
BEREN: *dies*
LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la.
MANDOS: ... oh all right.
LUTHIEN: *returns to life*
BEREN: *returns to life*
LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny! In a necklace!
FEANOR'S SONS: *mutter*
LUTHIEN: *dies again*
BEREN: *dies again*
DIOR: Oo, Mom's shiny!
FEANOR'S SONS: WANT SHINY!
DIOR: *dies*
ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs*
FEANOR'S SONS: !*&(!)&*!.
EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar!
VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp*
EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!
MORGOTH: Eek!
VALAR: Got your shinies!
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies!
VALAR: Oh *!&(!&.
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies!
MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm*
MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*
VALAR: Well... um... okay.



AKALLABETH:

VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!
EDAIN: Cool!
VALAR: Don't come looking for us.
EDAIN: Okay.
ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!
NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!
GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.
NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?
GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!
NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: <3 <3 <3
NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?
ELVES: You're human?
NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?
VALAR: No.
NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.
ELVES: Fine.
ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.
NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.
ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?
ELVES: No.
TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?
GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.
AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.
TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!
AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!
SAURON: Okay.
AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.
SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.
AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .
ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!
SAURON: *makes chicken noises*
AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!
ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.
AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!
VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*
AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!
ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!
NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!
NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.
SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?
ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?
NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.



OF THE RINGS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE:

ELVES: Wonder what's going on over the ocean. This crafting deal is pretty sweet, though!
DWARVES: Yeah, seriously.
ANNATAR: Hi, elves! Wanna learn some cool stuff?
ELVES: Okay!
SAURON: They fell for it.
SEVEN DWARVES: Thanks for the rings! . . oooh, GOLD! MUST HAVE GOLD!
NINE MEN: Neat rings. . . Hey, didn't Mom die like six hundred years ago?
CELEBRIMBOR: Okay, how about we do three more and call it a wrap?
SAURON: How about I do one more and claim them ALL?
ELVES: AUGH!
SAURON: Bwa ha ha!
LAST ALLIANCE OF ELVES AND MEN: Push off.
SAURON: Make me.
ISILDUR: Whack.
SAURON: Ow.
ELROND: Hey, you got his ring. Let's ditch it.
ISILDUR: No.
ELROND: This sucks.
ISILDUR: Tell me about it. *dies*
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*
CIRDAN: Hi, wizards! You in the grey, catch!
SAURON: Okay, that's long enough. Movin' into Dol Guldur.
SARUMAN: It's not him. Also the ring's lost at sea.
RING: No I'm not.
THE WISE: Augh.
THE WEAK: Bad ring! Volcano for you!
RING: *melts*
SAURON: AUGH!
MORDOR: BOOM.
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*
ELROND, GALADRIEL: Road trip!
GANDALF: Hi Cirdan! Still got your ring!
CIRDAN: Cool. Let's go to Valinor!

^^didnt write that i found it on a LJ to which im not sure if i can post the link, but i can say that it is the work of camwyn

Niiice, very funny too!

I'm sad! *goes to put it in her sig*

all good except the whole Ainulindale

lol other than that it was quite excellent, i was reading the encyclopedia of Arda yesterday...

Discos - this has got me in the mood to finish the silmarillion

Dude, ROTFLMAO!!!

Excellent!

MY SHINNNYYY!!!!

as funny as that was....

I'll punch the next person to say "shiney"

omg

http://majin-germany.piranho.com/lmao.gif http://majin-germany.piranho.com/lmao.gif http://majin-germany.piranho.com/lmao.gif ROFLMAO!!

That's absolutely brilliant! Where's that from?


..AINUR: Wow! Existence!

FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!

THINGOL: Got the shiny?
BEREN: 's in my hand.
THINGOL: And?
BEREN: Hand's not here.

SHINY!!



*is punched*

hehe, shinney!

Discos - hand's not here

exa its on this page...theres some other links (molly j ringwraiths works are great!)

im not sure if this will be removed or not as i have a personal interest in it but in the words of gandalf it is not for me to decide, all you can do is decide what to do with the link in the time that is given you

http://www.upsaid.com/teachermom/index.php?action=viewcom&id=282

FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!




MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*

Thank ye



Lol I just noticed that in the Second Age "dad" from the original text was changed to "dude" because Palantír isnt Pharazon's but Miriel's dad

lol theres a rather funny spoof lying there, and she reads the original drafts the notes and archives of it

only you exa

natch...

did yah expect anything less from her???

That's how you see if I like something if I try to find out more about it (as long as there is more to be found out...), I do ^^



cf Lotr

lol in which case you like basically everything tolkien ever wrote....well that wasnt exactly a bombshell to me no2

Let's cause destruction and mayhem!

haha, that was so funny! i started to read the book, and now i need to finish it!

see, spoofs spead the love of one old mans dilusional over active imagination

Monty Pythons Fifteen Minute Silmarillion


Act I

Ornate Terry Gilliam title card, decorated with half-naked Valar cavorting with fruit and feathers:

"AINULINDALE"




Scene opens with black-and-white stock footage of knights fighting — lots of grunts and yells. Abrupt shift to close-up color footage of Michael Palin, in "Knights of Nih" garb, being attacked by the other five Pythons. Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam, both in drag, are biting his ankles. John Cleese and Eric Idle, in flowing fake beard and robes, arm hanging onto his arms. Graham Chapman, in King Arthur gear, has him in a headlock. Zoom in on Chapman. Caption reads, "Manwe: the good one." Zoom in on Palin. Caption reads, "Melkor, the bad one." Melkor breaks free, and the scene shifts to the same B&W footage as before. Finally we see Melkor tied to a spit and being slowly turned over a fire.

Melkor: It’s a fair cop.

Fade to black



Act II

Fade in on a cartoon stage. The curtains open, revealing a cartoon chorus line of high-kicking gods, goddesses, elves, orcs, humans and balrogs, pulling behind them a banner that reads:

QUENTA SILMARILLION"




Once the chorus line is gone, the curtain draws back out of sight, leading into…

Scene 1:

A group of gods and elves are sitting around underneath two trees, one decorated with white Christmas lights, the other with gold lights.

Manwe: Well, my friends, how do you like Valinor so far?

As the elves are about to answer, Melkor sneaks up behind the group and throws a convenient switch. The trees — and the screen — go dark.

Feanor: Er, just lovely, Lord. So….when can we leave?

Fade to black, then fade in again on…

Scene 2:

Zoom in on Feanor(Eric Idle in a black wig), standing proudly at the head of an elven ship, wig streaming out behind him and threatening to blow away. He crams it down with one hand.

Narrator: And so bold Feanor set out from Valinor in search of freedom — and those most precious of Christmas tree ornaments, the Silmarils, which had been stolen by Melkor in the confusion of the Great Party Crashing. With Feanor came his seven sons: Maedros (close-up of Idle again, but this time he’s wearing a false mustache), Maglor (Idle again, with a false beard), Celegorm (Idle with glasses), Caranthir (Idle, quickly slipping on a set of false teeth), Curufin (Idle, slightly desperate now, adjusting a Groucho Marx nose & glasses), Amrod (Idle, even more desperate, cramming on a cowboy hat), and Amras (Idle, franticly shaving his head), the lady Galadriel (Terry Jones in drag, simpering prettily) — and a bunch of other people whose names you won’t remember anyway. Feanor died shortly after his arrival in Middle-earth —

Amras, interrupting: Can I have his wig?

Narrator (continuing, somewhat testily): —leaving his sons to continue the quest for the Silmarils.

Fade out

Scene 2:

Fade in once again on the B&W stock footage of knights fighting

Narrator: And so it went, for years untold (in this fifteen-minute version, at least): battle and death, death and doom, doomed romance and death, and the occasional romantic doomed battle to the death…. Thus we come to the tragic tale of Beren and Luthien.

Beren (Chapman) stands arm-in-arm with Luthien (Jones) before the throne of King Thingol (Idle)

Beren: Even now, a silmaril is in my hand! (He pulls him arm out of his cloak, showing that his hand is missing.)

Thingol: Oh, right, very impressive. And you lost that stealing a silmaril from the Dark Lord, did you? Well, I call that convenient!

Beren (less confidently): Truly, lord: even now a silmaril is in my hand!

Thingol: Yes, yes, you said that a moment ago. I suppose you were just standing there holding the stone when some big bad wolf just came along and bit your hand off!

Beren: Er, actually….

Thingol: Honestly, just how stupid do you think I am? You expect to just waltz into my throne room one-handed and carry off my daughter like you’ve done me some kind of favor? You’re a loony! I mean, really: what good’s a silmaril in the hand, if the hand isn’t in this room?! You’d better go and find it, that’s all I’ve got to say!

Thingol continues to rant as Beren slinks offscreen.

Scene 3:

Narrator: Then there was the even more tragic story of Turin and Nienor.

Fade in on Turin (Cleese) climbing a low hill. Suddenly he catches sight of a nude Carole Cleveland lying above him.

Turin (falling to his knees in ecstasy): Thank you, Eru! (He rushes to the top of the hill and kneels beside her.) Here, my lady, take this cloak to warm you!

Nienor grabs the cloak – a little too quickly for Turin’s liking.

Turin: Ah, but not so fast, my dear! You mustn’t — mustn’t — mustn’t overexert yourself! Yes, that’s it! You mustn’t overexert yourself, not when you’ve been lying naked on a hilltop all night! (Aside, as she finishes wrapping up): Damn, that cloak looked so much smaller on me.

The two look each other up and down, obviously liking what they see.

Nienor: Strange, but you look just like my long-lost brother.

Turin: And you’re be a dead ringer for my long-lost sister….(The cloak conveniently slips off her shoulders, and his eyes bug out.) But you can’t be her, so let’s forget we ever said that, shall we?

Nienor: It’s already forgotten.

Scene 4:

Narrator: Finally, we come to the slightly less tragic but definitely much shorter story of Tuor and the fall of Gondolin.

Tuor (Chapman), standing before the gates of Gondolin: And so I tell you, King Turgon, that almost any day now, Gondolin will perish in a doomed battle to the death of romance.

Turgon (Palin): Yeah, yeah, right, of course. So…come inside, have a drink, stick for a decade or two.

Tuor: Thank you, sir, don’t mind if I do.

Scene 5:

More B&W stock footage, with narrator’s voice overlaying it

Narrator: And so it continued until at last the silmarils were recovered, and found their final resting places in earth and air and sea.

Earendil (Palin) holds up a silmaril, admiring it. Suddenly a cartoon hand reaches out of the clouds and yanks both the stone and him up into the stratosphere.

Earendil: Aieeeeeee!

Shift to Maedros (Idle with mustache) holds up a silmaril, admiring it. Suddenly a cartoon chasm opens before him, and he topples in.

Maedros: Aieeeeeee!

Shift to Maglor (Idle with beard) holds up a silmaril, admiring it, as he walks along a seashore. Suddenly he trips over a rock, and the silmaril goes flying — far out into the water.

Maglor: Aieeeeeee!

Narrator: Here ends the SILMARILLION.

Fade out



Act III

Ornate Terry Gilliam title card, decorated with half-naked gods, goddesses, and elves lounging in a hot tub littered with the debris of broken buildings:

"AKALLABETH"




Scene 1:

Fade in on Sauron (Jones, at his most unctuous) and Ar-Pharazon (Palin) walking along the shoreline of Numenor. The outlines of Valinor are just visible on the horizon.

Sauron: I dare you.

Ar-Pharazon: No, no, really, I shouldn’t.

Sauron: I double-dare you!

Ar-Pharazon: You know I shouldn’t. It’d be calling down the wrath of the Valar on Numenor.

Sauron (craftily): All right, if you insist: I (ominous blare of horns) triple-dare you!

Ar-Pharazon (gasping): You wouldn’t!

Sauron: Oho, but I would!

Ar-Pharazon: Well, then, Sauron, you leave me no choice. (He turns around and yells to a throng of Numenorians assembled behind him) Everybody into the boats!

Scene 2:

A cartoon ship strikes ground in a cartoon Valinor. Instantly a giant Manwe springs up from behind the horizon, holding a giant pail of water. He dashes the water against Ar-Pharazon’s ship, which tumbles backwards through the ocean until it strikes Numenor once more. The island flips upside-down and sinks to the bottom of the ocean. A tiny Ar-Pharazon is just visible, sitting on the bottom.

Ar-Pharazon (his words coming out in bubbles): I knew I shouldn’t have done that.





Act IV

Fade in on Gilliam-drawn map of Middle-earth. Dramatic fanfare introduces the title card, superimposed over the map:

"OF THE RINGS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE"




The title card fades, leaving the map onscreen. After a moment, cartoon smoke begins to billow from a cartoon Orodruin, and a dark figure rises up from the volcano’s mouth. It and all other characters in this story look and move jerkily, like paper dolls.

Sauron, holding aloft the One Ring: Hah!

An army springs up out of a trap door at the mountain’s feet. One anonymous fighter reaches out and snatches the Ring from Sauron’s grasp.

Isildur: Hah!

Isildur runs northwest across the map until he reaches Anduin, where a band of orcs springs out of another trap door and shoots him full of arrows. Isildur tumbles into the river and disappears.

Orcs: Hah!

Gollum pops up out of a trap door in the river, holding the Ring aloft.

Gollum: Hah!

Gollum runs up into the Misty Mountains, where Bilbo pops up and snatches the Ring.

Bilbo: Hah!

Bilbo runs back to the Shire, where he hands the Ring off to Frodo.

Frodo: Hah!

Gandalf pops up next to Frodo, loads him into a catapult, and sends him pinwheeling back across the map until he lands Ring-first in Orodruin.

Gandalf: HaHA!

Fade to black



Epilogue


The credits begin roll, underlined with mock-elvish subtitles: "Whai not trai a hólídë in Lorien thisse yír? Sí the lovelí trís, the wonderfúl teileiphón sístím, and maní ínterestíng furrí anímals..." Suddenly the music grinds to a halt and a new title card appears: "We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked, and the credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense at the last minute." The credits continue, this time with the epilogue running in the background:

More stock B&W footage of fighting, broken in succession by…

<OL>

<LI>Melkor tied to a spit, spinning faster and faster until he spins off into the air. As he falls, he knocks over the Two Trees, and the combined crash sends the Noldor flying into the air

<LI>The Noldor land in Middle-earth and immediately begin fighting with one another

<LI>Beren holds up his bloody stump for Luthien to see. "It’s only a flesh wound," he says, and promptly falls down dead. She falls dead on top of him.

<LI>Nienor: "You mean, he really is my brother? Ewww!" She jumps in the river.

<LI>Turin: "You mean, she really is my sister? Ewww!" He falls on his sword.

<LI>Turgon: "You mean, you were telling the truth? Aieeeeee!" A giant dragon foot stomps him flat.

<LI>A ring of seven Elves (all of whom look suspiciously like Eric Idle) play "Hot Potato" with the silmarils

<LI>Sauron whistles cheerfully as he paddles toward Middle-earth

<LI>Gandalf waltzes gracefully with his staff. As he disappears into the sunset, the screen fades to black for the last time.

omg LOLLOLLOL!!!!



Gandalf: HaHA!


...the wonderfúl teileiphón sístím...


"You mean, she really is my sister? Ewww!"

i also found a song by gollum
but i couldnt post that it would be off topic



wow storm look behind you!!!


At first I was afraid, I was trembling
Kept thinking I could never live
Without my Precious Ring
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking Baggins did me wrong
And I grew strong
Still I can hardly get along
I want you back
Here in your place
And so I’ll slink back to the world
with this sad look upon my face
I should have kept you on that rock
I should have put you on a chain
If I’d have known for just one second
You’d be causing me such pain

And so I’ll go, walk out this door
Can’t hide away now
‘Cause you’re not with me anymore
Baggins’ the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Did he think I’d crumble?
Did he think I’d lay down and die?
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to hate
I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my pain to give
And I’ll survive, I will survive
Hey hey.

It takes all the strength I have to leave the damp and dark
To step out under the white face
With my blackened heart
But I’ve spent oh so many nights
Just gnawing fisssshes by myself
I used to cry, but now I long to see him die
And I still want my Precious back
I’m not some foolish little person who’ll just vanish in a crack
And so he thought he could walk off and just forget all about me
Oh no, I swear I’ll own again that
Precious Ring that still owns me

And so I’ll go, walk out this door
Can’t hide away now
‘Cause you’re not with me anymore
Baggins’ the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Did he think I’d crumble?
Did he think I’d lay down and die?
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to hate
I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my pain to give
And I’ll survive, I will survive
Hey hey.







hey storm, nothing happened when you werent looking

LMAO, Sauron!!! LOL!!

The beginning part reminds me of band classes!

Here's my version of the Sil. It's kinda long and not yet finished, but I want to see whta you guys think of it.

The Silmarillion

In a great Void, there lived Eru.

Iluvatar: Hmm... new thoughts
Anuir: Hi
Eru: Where you come from?
Ainur: From your head
Eru: Let's sing
Ainur: Lalalalalala
Melkor: Boring. Memememememe
Eru: Follow the pattern. Lalalalalala
Melkor: Umm, no. This sucks. I'm out.
Eru: Well now that's over with, I have a vison. Ea!
Ainur: Cool! A world!


The Ainur can be divided intp 2 groups: Valar and Maiar

Manwe: I am the Blessed One. I command the winds and the air. My power is unmatched. Here's my wife, Varda
Varda: Hi, I'm Queen of the Stars. No words can describe my beauty. We live together on Taniquetil.
Ulmo: I'm Ulmo. I am the King of the Seas and live alone in the oceans
Aule: I am Aule, the great smith. Everyone likes me from elves to dwarves
Yavanna: I am Aule's wife, Yavanna. I created all thing that grow on Arda.
Tulkas: Blah, Blah, blah. There's Mando, Nienna, Lorien and some others no on cares about. As for me, I'm Tulkas, greates wrestler of Arda.
Melkor: Must...destroy...Arda...


Quenta Silmarillion
No intro needed

Manwe: Ah, Almaren. Beautiful island.
Aule: Hey, I made some lamps.
Manwe: Cool, I'll make them sacred. Ooh, bright light. Let's put them up high.
Melkor: I hate the lights. Time to make a place to chill. Good, now I need some homies.
Gothmog: We serve you. What is your bidding?
Melkor: Time to destroy the lamps
Manwe: Ah! Melkor's here. There's 14 of us and only one of him, so... let's flee! To Aman!
Aule: Me bored. Me make dwarves
Eru: No you don't
Aule: Fine, me destroy
Eru: Wait! Elves come first, dwarves go night-night
Dwarves: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Yavanna: No fair, animals can flee, but my trees can't
Aule: Well, make them move
Yavanna: Sure
Eru: Elves will we awaking soon
Manwe: Let's go destroy Melkor
Tulkas: Me kick Melkor's ass
Sauron: Hahaha, you missed me.
Manwe: You've been naughty. Time to lock you up, but we'll relaes you later
Manwe: Elves, it's time to come to Aman
Avari: No way! Middle Earth rocks!
Noldor&Vanyarure
Teleri: We confused. Some will come, some stay, and some go later.
Yavanna: Time to make another bright light. My pretty trees.
Elves: Ooooh. Ahhhhh. Special.
Feanor: Hi Aule, teach me everything you know.
Aule: Sure
Manwe: OK Melkor, you can go if you promise to be nice
Melkor: Sure..... Hi elves. You lost? Come with Uncle Melkor. He'll help you. Mwahahaha!
Feanor: I made 3 bright lights, you only have 2.
Manwe: Well, we had two lamps before, so we had four bright lights.
Feanor: Damn!
Melkor: Bright lights pretty. Wait! I'm evil. Why do I like bright lights? Bah. Must take bright lights
Ungoliant: Must... have... light...
Melkor: Have a tree, have two trees, have three... wait, they're only two.
Ungoliant: Trees dead
Yavanna: F*ck! I liked those bright lights
Manwe: Gives us your bright lights Feanor.
Feanor: N-O!
Finwe: Lalalalala. Oh, you are you? Argh!!!!!
Melkor: My Bright Lights!
Feanor: Oh sh*t!
Manwe: Now we have no Bright Lights. Oh well.
Feanor: WTF? You must help us! Melkor, I mean Morgoth is your enemy too.
Manwe: You no help us, we no help you.
Feanor: Fine, we're leaving. Maedhros, Maglor, umm and the other unimportant sons, come with me.
SoF: Yeah! Field Trip!
Galadrial: Maybe if I go to Middle Earth, I'll become famous for being the oldest elf their. Cool.
Feanor: We need these ships.
Teleri: Did the Valar say so?
Feanor: Umm, no. Die!
Mandos: I'm going to be lazy and give you all the same fate: death!
Finarfin: Well, I'm out. Bye sons, and daughter. See you, well, never.
*Meanwhile in ME*
Thingle: Oooh, pretty girl
Melian: I'm a maia. Be nice to me and I'll remain a women. Tock me off, and you'll be the first gay elf.
Thingle: I thought all elves were gay.
Melian: The other gay.
Thingle: Oh.
Melkor: Time to make war!
Orcs: AHHHH! Snarl!
Denether: I knew we should of used better weapons. Ugh!
Melian: Time to use my powers. Now, no one may enter our land.
Feanor: Row, row, row your boat rapid across the sea. We must get my bright lights back before Morgoth destroys them
Elf: Land ho!
Morgoth: More elves to kill. Go my orcs!
Feanor: Crap! We just got here. Kill them all! Hey, you look familar, like you were horrible tourtured and twisted. Oh well, DIE!
Noldor Elves: Yeah, we win!
Feanor: Time to get my bright lights!
Gothmog: I don't think so! Burn!
SoF: We'll save you, Daddy
Feanor: I'm dead.
SoF: That's alright, you'll go to Mandos. *Feanor's body burns* Ummm, maybe not.
Fingolfin: I'm king now.

Manwe: Ah! Melkor's here. There's 14 of us and only one of him, so... let's flee! To Aman!
Aule: Me bored. Me make dwarves
Feanor: I made 3 bright lights, you only have 2.
Melian: I'm a maia. Be nice to me and I'll remain a women. Tock me off, and you'll be the first gay elf.





omg LOL!

glad u like it. I'm getting to the 3rd battle scene soon.

After I'm done with this, I'll make a super-short version with as few words as possible.

I just realized i spelled Thingol wrong. I had it as Thingle

OMG!! That's hilarious, Agent Elrond!!

Next part, the part of Men.

Fingolfin: I'm king now. Time to divie up the land. I call Hithlum
Finrod: I got Nargothrond
Turgon: Nevrast for me. Oh, hi Ulmo. What? A new city site? Cool! Time to go to Gondonlin.
Thingol: Stay off my land.
Maedhros; Yadadayad. We get East Beleriand.
*Time passes*
Morgoth: Elves look weak. Time to Attack!
Orcs: Die!!!!!!
Maglor: Crap, I have no defenses. Help me!
Fingolfin: Push them back! Hey, do I know you? Umm, nope. Die!
Maedhros: They hit us hard, but they're retreating. Lay seige to Angband!
Morgoth: Crap, I'm 0 for 3.
*More time passed*
Morgoth: Lookie! I made a dragon. Now we can win!
Glaurung: Roar!
Fingon: Oh no you don't. Come, slay the dragon!
Glaurung: Ooops. I'm out of here.
Fingolfin: Yeah, now we're 4/4,
Morgoth: That doesn't count! That was just a small battle.
Fingolfin: Fine, but we'll still win the 4th.
*yet more time passes*
Finrod: What's that strange sound?
Beor: Who are you?
Finrod: I'm Finrod. Who or what are you?
Beor: I'm Beor, son of, ummm, no one. Cool, I'm the first. I'm a man. Wait! If you're an elf and I'm a man, how can we speak to each other?
Finrod: Ummm, I can read your mind.
Beor: Cool, what number I am thinking of?
Finrod: 1654738.567465
Beor: Damn, you're good. We'll call you "Nom" Well, there are some more of my buddies coming. Know any place where we can crash?
Finrod: We got a place called Estolad not far from here.
Beor: Alright, let's go.
Haldad: New lands!
Green elves: Go away, we don't want you here.
Haldad: Fine, we'll go north.
Caranthir: What are you doing here?
Haldad: Mind if we stay here?
Caranthir: Nope
Marach: Hey, Baran, can we chill nearby?
Baran: Go ahead.
Fingolfin: Welcome, The Afterborn, Apanónar, Atani, Big Folk, Big People, The Children of the Sun, Engwar, Fírimar, The Followers, The Heavy-handed, Hildor, The Inscrutable, The Mortals, The Night-fearers, The Second People, The Self-cursed, The Sickly, The Strangers, The Usurpers, The Younger Children of Ilúvatar. Wow, you guys got a lot of names. You guys can live with us.
Finrod: Beor's guys, you can come to with us to Dorthonion.
Fingolfin: Marach's people...
Marach's people: We're called the House of Hador
Fingolfin: OK, House of Hador, you can live in Hithlum.
Thingol: None may live in my lands
Melian: Don't worry, none may pass the Girdle of Me, except for some dude of the House of Beor, but that's not for awhile.
Bereg: I'm pissed off. Let's go. Back to Eriador!
Morgoth: Go my spies! Spread your lies! Make Men and Elves hate each other! Mwhahahahaha!
Spies: It's not working.
Morgoth: Damn, so much for the easy way. Go, my orcs. Drive off the men.
Ocrs: Kill!!!
Haldad: Retreat! Build a stockade!
Morgoth: Oooh, a siege. This could be interesting.
Haldad: Raiding Party!
Orcs: Party-Crashers!
Haldad: Crap!
Haldar: Daddy! Damn, now I'm dead.
Haleth: We can win
People: Nope, suicide time!
Caranthir: Time to be the hero! Die evil orcs!
Haleth: Thank you. I didn't think we would survive.
Caranthir: Well, I was here for a few days, but I wanted to create some drama and waited until you almost died.
Haleth: YOU WHAT!!!!!
Caranthir: Umm, you can head north and have our protection.
Haleth: Thanks, but no thanks. We go west!
*Some time later*
Haleth: This place looks good.
People of Haleth: Time to back to our old ways that nearly got us killed
Other People of Haleth: We'll follow her.
Thingol: You can't live here.
Finrod: Yes they can, but they have to protect your flank.
Thingol: Fine
Haleth: Duh!

"Fingolfin: Welcome, The Afterborn, Apanónar, Atani, Big Folk, Big People, The Children of the Sun, Engwar, Fírimar, The Followers, The Heavy-handed, Hildor, The Inscrutable, The Mortals, The Night-fearers, The Second People, The Self-cursed, The Sickly, The Strangers, The Usurpers, The Younger Children of Ilúvatar. Wow, you guys got a lot of names"





Suicide time yey

OMG! That's funny.

Thank you. I should have the 4th battle up soon

next part, 4th battle and part of the Quest of Silmarils (Brigh Lights)

*Even more time passes*
Morgoth: I'm bored. Time to start another war.
Noldor Guards: *sigh* This is boring. Hey, what's that? Ahhhhh! Fire!
Morgoth: Mwhahahaha!!! Now I can win.
Glaurung: ROAR! ROAR! ROAR! BURN! BURN! DIE!
Balrogs: Fire in the hole!
Fingolfin: Sh*t, we're getting our *ss wooped. Time to do something utterly stupid and suicidal. Die Morgoth!
Elf Shrink: If you're suicidal, there's help. Don't let suicide be a perminate result of a temperary problem.
Fingolfin: Umm, whatever. Morgoth! I challenge you to a duel.
Morgoth: Ha! Fine, let me get my hammer, Grond. Let see, where did I put it? Hmm, so much clutter. How hard is it to loose a huge weapon. Ah, here it is. Thank ors #4646473, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for holding it up for me. Oh wait, it crushed you. Oh well, there's plenty of orcs to fill your slots. Back to business, alright Fingolfin, die!
Fingolfin: What was I thinking?! Time to leap out of here.
*Grond misses Fingolfin and leaves big crater*
Morgoth: Now stay still while I pick up my over-sized and heavy hammer and prepare to crush you.
Fingolfin: How about I stab you in the foot? *stabs foot*
Morgoth: AHHHHHHH! Pain!!!!
Fingolfin: Wow, you're such a big baby. *stabs again*
Morgoth: Hey, evil dark lords have feelings too. *sobs*
Elf: *watches fight* How long do you think this will go one for?
Orc: Me dunno. Me bored. Me no like fighting. Me want to grow flowers.
Elf: I thought orcs just want to kill.
Orc: Only if some one says so.
Elf: Will you follow my orders?
Orc: I guess.
Elf: Nice, go kill that orc over there.
Orc: OK
Fingolfin: Legs sore, pain in chest, can't keep on jumping
Morgoth: Pain in foot, shoulders tender. Must kill elf-dude
*Crushes Fingolfin with Grond*
Morgoth: I win. Wanna play again?
Orc: Sire, he's dead. He can't play again
Morgoth: Everytime I play with Grond, someone dies. Oh well, here, catch.
*Orc tries to catch Grond, but is smashed*
Morgoth: Well, he can be wolf-food.
*Thronodor appears and takes Fingolfin's body*
Morgoth: Whoa! What's that? Is it on our side?
Orc 2: That's an eagle, elf-friend. I think it would be wise to follow it.
Morgoth: Hey, I make the evil plans here. This scene has gone on for too long anyway. Send out more orcs to kill elves and men.
Orcs: Death!!
Sauron: Evil time! Attack Minas Tirith!
Orodreth: Crap, must flee.
Sauron: Nice tower, I'll keep it. I shall call it Sauron's Tower.
Werewolf: Grrrrrrr
Sauron: Fine, I'll call it Tol-in-Gaurhoth, but everyone else can just call it Isle of the Werewolves
*Some time later*
Easterlings: We come from the east, so we're called easterlings
Men: How creative! We too came from the east, but we don't call ourselves easterlings
Morgoth: Hmmm, I see a new ally
Barahir: Well, my 11 companions... wait, now ten, nine, eight. Crap, I'm losing guys. Run!
Beren: Sorry I'm late, what did I miss?
Barahir: Nothing much, except our DEATHS!
Beren: Sh*t
Morgoth: Hunt the last person down, though I doubt he'll do anything important if he lives/
Beren: Damn, these mountains are high and full of spiders. At least there are no bugs. Whoa, who's that?! She's hot!
Luthein: Hiya, you are you?
Beren: I'm-I'm-I'm...has anyone told you you are good-looking?
Luthein: Hehehehe, yeah. Most guys act like you right now when they see me.
Beren: I know why.
*Beren and Luthein spend time together*
Luthein: You're nice, but I don't think this will last.
Beren: Why?
Luthein: My father. You see, I'm an elf, well half-elf?
Beren, so you're part man?
Luthein: Part maia, mother's side. Anyway, he's, well, the king and doesn't want a man to marry his daughter.
Beren: Oh. I want to talk to him.
Luthein: Really?
Beren: Well, no, but I think I should to continue this saga.
*Enter Menegroth*
Thingol: Who are you?
Beren: I am Beren, son of Barahir, great-great-great-great grandson of Beor.
Thingol: Beor? Why does that sound familar? And how'd you get here. I thought no one could cross the Girdle.
Melian: Well, I told you some one from the House of Beor will pass.
Thingol: Oh yeah, now I remember. Well, what do you want?
Beren: To marry your daughter.
Thingol: Marry my daughter? Captain, bring out my random-feeling cards. I don't know how I should feel.
Captain: Here sir.
Thingol: Let's see, ooh, 2 in 1 card. It says "Do both: laugh hysterically, then be really mean." OK. Everyone, join me.
All: Hahhahahahahahahahaha
Thingol: Enough! Angry time! How dare you say you want to marry my daughter. She will marry an elf-prince, not some lowly man.
Beren: I'll do anything for love. Please, yet me marry her.
Melian: Excuss us. I have an idea. *mumble mumble mumble*
Thingol: Very well, I will allow you to marry Luthein if you bring me a bright light to light my castle
Beren: Where can I find a bright light?
Thingol: First, you can check the lamp store down this hallway or go to *dramatic sounds* Morgoth's lair. Mwhahahahaha.
Beren: When I said 'anything', I didn't mean anything. Oh well. It's better than 'The Bachelor'
*Beren sets off for Angband*
Finrod: hey, do I know you. You look familar. You must be Barahir's son.
Beren: I'm out to get a bright light. Thingol's shop didn't have one, so I'm heading to Angband.
Finrod: Bright light? Hmmm, I know just which one to get.
Beren: Really? I'm thinking of getting a Phillipps Lightbulb. I heard they're long-lasting.
Finrod: *to himself* wow, what and idoit. *to Beren* A Bright Light isn't no plain-old light. A bright light is THE Bright Light, the one's in Morgoth's crown.
Beren: Can you help me?
Finrod: Well, I swore an oath to recover the Bright Lights for my dead Half-Uncle, but I swore an oath to protect Barahir and his family. Oh well, I'll die either way, so off we go to Angband. Come, fellow elf warriors. Orodreth, you're in charge of the city. Don't leave it.
*Beren, Finrod and Co travel to Angband, but are caputed by Sauron*
Sauron: Hahaha. I will feed you to the wolves. I should start with the leader, but I drag this out and kill off the lesser, unimportant soldiers no one cares about. Now, I must be off. Evil thigs can't be done by themselvs. I'll just assume everything went to plan and you all die.
Beren: This guy is suppose to be evil. I think he's a crackpot.
Wolf: Grrrrrrr.
Soldier 1: Gulp
Soldier 2: Now I'm dead
Soldier 3-last one: Bye, my lord.
*Meanwhile in Doriath*
Luthein: I can't stand it. I'm going out.
Thingol: You're not going out to find your friend?
Luthein. No.
Thingol: OK, have fun. Be back for dinner at 6.
Luthein: What a moron.
*Luthein travels, some stuff happens, blah, blah, blah and meets Celegorm and Curufin*
Celegorm: What do we have here, bro?
Curufin: A pretty elf-maiden. Huan, what do you think?
Huan: Dude, I can't speak yet.
Luthein: Then, why did you just speak?
Huan: Umm, bark, bark.
Luthein: That's what I thought.
Celegorm: C'mon. Let's go to Nargothrond
Luthein: How about, no.
Curufin: Too bad. You're coming with us.
Luthien: This sucks. This sucks. This sucks.
Huan: Hey listen up, I have a plan.
Luthien: Hey, aren't not suppose to talk.
Huan: This is the first time I can talk.
Luthien: Well here's my plan. I'll pretend I'm ill. Someone will come in and I'll do some fancy moves and...
Huan: I have a better idea.
Luthien: OK, we'll do that
*Back at that place that no one can remember its real name*
Finrod: It has been an honor to serve you.
Beren: Don't say things like that.
Finrod: Well, I'm going to die.
Beren: True, but...umm, I got nuthen to say.
Sauron: I'm back. Wolf, kill the man. Well, I'm off again. More evil thing need to be done.
Wolf: Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Beren: Good bye, Luthien, my love.
Finrod: AHHHHHHH! DIE WOLFIE!!!!!!!
Beren: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Finrod: Wolf dead; I'm dead.
Beren: Nooooo. No. No. No. Finrod, why?
Sauron: Back again. Alright Finrod, your turn to die-what the...? What happened? Your suppose to be dead, not Finrod. Oh, why? Why?
Wolf: Hey, don't you care about me? I'm dead!
Sauron: Whatever. I have more werewolves.
Orc: Milord, there's someone outside.
Sauron: Well, send out a werewolf.
Orc: I did. He hasn't come back.
Sauron: Send another. I'll leave you alone for a while. Evil business must be taken care of.
Luthien: Another werewolf? How many does he got?
Huan: Grrrrrrrr. Killlll.
Luthien: Did you speak?
Huan: No.

omg

*bows*

LOL!

"Morgoth: Hey, evil dark lords have feelings too. *sobs*"



Huan: Grrrrrrrr. Killlll.
Luthien: Did you speak?
Huan: No.

when was the second time Huan spoke? I know he spoke to Luthien while in Nargothrond and to Beren b/f he died, but can't remember when he spoke the second time.

He also gave Beren advice once

OMG!!!

It seems Sauron has some compition. He found a funny story. I'm writting my own. Second half of the quest is almost done

almost done with the Quest of the Bright Light.

Orc: Sir, we sent out all of our werewolves.
Sauron: No we haven't. Send out *dramatic close up and sound* Draugluin!
Draugluin: GRRRRRRRRR! HOWL!!!!!
Sauron: Awww, you're so cute. I'm going to play with you all day. Yes I am. Yes I am. Good boy. Go kill our friends outside.
Wolf: Hey what about me?
Sauron: Alright, I had it up to here with you. Get over with it. I don't care about you. Besides, you're DEAD!
Huan: Grrrrrr. *wounds Draugluin*
Draugluin: Why'd you have to be so mean? I thought we were friends.
Huan: Well, I just don't like you.
Luthien: Was that your second speech?
Huan: Dude, chill. I'll tell you when I speak again.
Sauron: What happened?
Draugluin: Well, I was going outside, but this wierd flying thing picked me up and I was like 'Whoa' and they're like 'whoa'. We chilled and did alot of stuff, you know, traveling the galaxy...
Sauron: Aren't you suppose be be mortally wounded?
Draugluin: Oh yeah. My famous three words: Huan is here. *dies*
Sauron: Who the hell is Huan:
Draugluin's spirit: And I thought this guy was smart.
Sauron: Someone, they thos rotting corpse away from here.
Draugluin: I thought I was your favorite, your homey.
Sauron: It seems you guys forget that YOU'RE DEAD!!!!!!!!!
Wolf: Now you know how it feels to be replaced.
Sauron: Time to do this my way.
*Enter fight scene*
Wolf-Sauron: Mr. Huan, welcome. The good thing about being me, is that there are so many of me.
Huan: Dude, I killed all your buds.
Wolf-Sauron: Right, DIE!
Huan: ARGH!
*Both wolves bite and slash each other, but Huan emerges victoriously*
Sauron: Damn, umm, bye.
Huan: And he's suppose to be the future dark lord. Bah!
Luthien: Is this your speech?
Huan: That's it. From now on, I'm always speaking.
Luthien: OK, time to destroy the tower.
Huan: Isn't it a good idea to recuse your love and capture the tower, not crush him inside the wreckage.
Luthien: Too late. Oooops.
Beren: Hi, what are you doing here?
Luthien: Saving you.
Beren: I don't need to be save. I could have gotten out. I'm a big boy now.
Huan: Why? Why am I surrounded by idiots.
Beren: Hmmm?
Huan: I mean: Bow wow.
Beren: Well, Finrod's dead, so let's go one with our quest for the Bright Lights
Luthien: Finrod's dead? Well, he's a Noldor elf, so he was going to die.
*Outside Angband*
Beren: We;;, what do we do now.
Luthien: Ring the door bell.
Beren. OK. *Ding Dong*
Speak: May I help you?
Beren: We're here to see Morgoth to get one of his Bright Lights.
Huan: YOU IDIOT! Don't tell them your plan.
Beren: Hahahahaha. j/k. Umm, we're here to deliever Morgoth's new load of wolves.
Speaker: I should warn Morgoth about the Bright Lights thing, but since you were kidding, I won't. Hold on, I'll open the door. Today's a quite day, so everyone's sleeping. Please be quite.
Luthien: Well, that's good for us.
*Enter Morgoth's Chambers*
Morgoth: No...no...no...no. I don't get it. With Evil Dish Network, I get 50000000 channels, yet nothing's on. Wait, who are you?
Luthien: Hello, you totally hot stud.
Morgoth: *drools* Hello, lady. What can I do for you?
Luthien: *takes off outer layer of clothes, Morgoth stares at her* I'm so lost and lonely. I was wondering if you got a place where I can sleep?
Morgoth: You can sleep with me-I mean sleep in my bed. Most people think my bed is hard, but it's really soft. *Takes off outer armor*
Beren: OK, this is getting wierd. Put him to sleep.
Morgoth: AH! A spy!
Luthien: I don't know any spells like that.
Huan: Night night.
Morgoth: Zzzzzzzzzz
Beren: Now for my knife that's not really mine, but no one knows to do its job. Ooops, it broke, but I got a Bright Light. Oooh, it's pretty and...
Huan: Bright?
Beren: No, sizzlewala
Luthien: WTF?
Beren: Fooled you!
Morgoth: Fooled you too, I'm not asleep. Now die!
Luthien: Hey, lot at these. *exposes her breasts*
Morgoth: Mama! *falls over asleep, really asleep*
Huan: Follow me!
Beren: Where?
Huan: Where do you think?
Beren: Lala land.
Huan: *smacks Beren* I don't know about you, but I'm getting the f*ck out of here.
Luthien: Let's follow the talking doggy

i am no competition for you *steps down*

OK, this next scene is a total rip-off of the Matrix Reloaded and the Burly Brawl, but it's still cool

Carcharoth: Grrrrrrrrr. I'm back.
Huan: Who are you?
Carcharoth: Suprised to see me?
Huan: I don't even know who you are?
Carcharoth: You don't realize our connection?
Huan: No
Carcharoth: I don't know how it happened, but whatever happened, happened for a reason.
Huan: What reason?
Carcharoth: You killed my, Mr. Huan. Afterwards, I knew the rules, I understood what I was suppose to do, but I didn't. I couldn't. I was compelled to stay, compelled to disobey. And now I stand here because of you Mr. Huan, because you I'm a new wolf; free.
Huan: That's nice.
Carcharoth: Thank you. But as you know, appearences can be deceiving, which brings me back to the reason we're here. We're not here because we're free; we're here because we're not free. There's no escaping reason, no denying purpose, because you as we both know, without purpose, we would not exist.
Carcharoth 2: It's purpose that created us
Carcharoth 3: Purpose that connects us
Carcharoth 4: Purpuse that pulls us...
Carcharoth 5: ...that guides us...
Carcharoth 6: ...that drives us...
Carcharoth 7: It is purpose tha defines us.
Carcharoth: We're here because of you, Mr Huan, we're here to take from you what you tried to take from us. Purpose! ROAR!
Huan: ARGH!
*Big fight that really doesn't happen, but it's kinda cool*
Huan: I have killed all of your friends, but I still don't get who you are.
Carcharoth: Look past the flesh. Look past it all. See who I really am.
Huan: No. No. NO! It's impossible.
Carcharoth: Not impossible, invetitable.
Beren: I had enough of this. I'm leaving.
Carcharoth: No you don't *Bites Beren's hand off*
Beren: AHHHHHHH! It hurts!
Thorondor: Hero time! Let's get the hell outa here.

...and now the Quest is over with:

*In Doriath*
Captain: Beren is back. He claims to have a Bright Light
Thingol: What! He's back! I thought he'd be dead.
Captain: Here he comes.
Thingol: Oh crap. *coughcough* What business do you have in my city?
Beren: I bring you a Bright Light.
Thingol: Show me.
Beren: It is in my hand. Here. Ummm, other hand. Wait, I only have one hand. Crap! I had to stick out my hand with the Bright Light to the wolf.
Thingol: Hahaha. Unless you bring me the Bright Light, you cannot have Luthien.
Beren: Great, another quest. Here we go again. To Angband!
Captain: He have reports that a great wolf is approaching. It maybe the wolf that has the Bright Light.
Thingol: Cool, if we kill it and get the Bright Light for ourselves and screw our one-handed buddy over there out of his girlfriend. Sweet!
*Neldoreth*
Carcharoth: Welcome back Mr. Huan. We missed you. Like what I done with the Bright Light.
Huan: It ends tonight
Carcharoth: Of course it does. I've seen it, but all know that I'm the one that beats you.
*The two hounds race towards each other and fight. Everyone else stares blankly*
Carcharoth: Why Mr. Huan, why do you presist?
Huan: Because I choose to.
*More fighting*
Carcharoth: Is it over?
Huan: For both of us!
Carcharoth: NOOOOO!!!!!!
Mablung: Oh well, cutting time. Ohhh,a hand... and a Bright Light, but who to give it to?
Thingol: Me! Me! MEEEEEEEE!
Beren: No, me! I got it first. Give it to me.
Thingol: I'll make you a captain. Give me the f*cken Light.
Beren: I'll be your friend.
Mablung: OK, here Beren.
Beren: OK, here Thingol. Now I can marry Luthien.
Thingol: Damn, a promise is a promise.
*Some time later*
Beren: Crap, I'm dying.
Luthien: So am I.
Mandos: Wecolme to my Halls. Please, take a number and wait in line.
Clerk: You are number 13567 and 13568. Now calling number: 7.
Elf Spirit #7: Whoohoo!
Luthien: I don't have time for this. Lalalalalala.
Mandos: Nice music. OK, you can come back
Luthien: I want Beren back too.
Mandos: Well..... I could do that, but both of you would be mortal.
Luthien: Damn, alright.
Beren: Yeh! I'm back to life.
Luthien: So am I.
*Later*
Beren: Dead again
Luhtien: Me too.
Mandos: Sorry, I can only to that once.
Luthien: Falalala Falalalalalala Tafalafaltala
Mandos: Fine, back to life again.
Beren: Yeh! I'm back to life again
Luthien: So am I again.
*Later*
Beren: Dead again.
Luhtien: Me too.
Mandos: Alright. No more
Luthien: *more music*
Mandos: Damn. Go
Beren: Yeh! I'm back to life again
Luthien: So am I again.
*Later*
Beren: Dead again.
Luhtien: Me too.
Mandos: No more!
Luthien: lalala.....
Mandos: Not working.
Luthien: fafafafafalalalala
Mandos: I'm so weak.
*time passes*
Mandos: I'm on vaction. No more reincarnation. Bye.

!!!

I think you can guess that Of Beren and Luthien was my favorite part, since it was so long.

Battle of Unnumbered Tears. Exa, if you can add to anything I missed, i would like that very much.

*Some time later*
Maedhros: OK, time to defeat Morgoth. Who's with me?
SoF: Memememememe!
Maedhros: OK, Himring and Himlad are with me. Nargothrond? How about you? Orodreth?
Orodreth: Ummm, no
Maedhros: Ummm, yes
Orodreth: Our city must remain secret, so we're sending a small force
Turgon: Orodreth, you're a moron. I'm sending 10,000 from my hidden city of Gondolin
Orodreth: Where's that?
Turgon: In the Encirc- wait! If I tell you, it's not a secret.
Maedhros: Anyone else?
Fingon: I'm in. Hithlum will support you.
Edain: We cannot resist a challenge. We're in.
Thingol: Count me out. I'm staying in my own land
Easterlings: We'll help.
Maedhros: O-K
*Battle before the Gates of Angband*
Morgoth: Yeh! Now I can be 2/5!
Elves: Sh*t, we're losing again.
Easterlings: Hahahahaha, we double crossed you. Hail Morgoth, the Dark Lord of the world.
Other Esterlings: Hey, we're still fighting for the elves.
Hurin: Day shall come again! Day shall come again! Day shall come again! Day shall come again! Day shall come again! Day shall come again! Day shall come again! (ect up to 71 times)
Gothmog: You are our prisoner. Muhahahahahaha.
Hurin: Damn
Huor: Bro! No! Ugg, my eye.
Glaurung: Me back. Me burn. BURN!
Azaghal: Ahhh! Buring! Dead!
Fingon: Must..keep...fighting...die!
Gothmog: Die!
Turgon: Now I'm king
Maedhros: Sh*t, we lost.

Discos - damn straight

Turin's tale, simplified.

*Some time later*
Turin: I do alot more than this, but I'm too lazy. He's a piece of advice: Don't kill a petty-dwarf and don't build a bridge that allows a city to be attacked. Ok, my bad. That was a big oopsie, but hey, at least I killed Glaurung. Here's a reinactment.
Glaurung: Roar! Roar! ROAR!
Me: Argh! Die!
Glaurung: Ugggh, dead.
Me: Haha, I killed the dragon.
Turin: ...and that's what happened.
Beleg: Hey, hi friend. Ahh! WTF?
Turin: Ooops, may bad.
Nienor: Hi, you look good and familar. Have me met beefore?
Turin: You do look cute and familar. Oh well. Let's get married.
Nienor: Sure.
*Some time later*
Nienor: I remember you. You're my brother!
Turin: You're my sister. I married my sister.
Nienor: Must kill myself
Turin: I wonder if that dragon-spell had anything to do with this. Oh well, suicide time. Ah!
Morgoth: Man, that's one f*cked up story.

I never read it. I haven't even read the LotR books yet.

blech, time to get the finger out and....flick the pages

anyways I wasnt bothered to read it as well, I got round to it though and was very impressed with the first 50 pages

Time to work on the Ruin of Doriath.
BTW, the Beren and Luthien part took up 6 pages, nearly half for my story.

Any responses?

LOL..Agent Elrond..you know you're awesome!!

I was especially cracking up with the Matrix rip-off..

Beren and Luthien is classic too. And Turin..

lol i no. I'm actually coming up with an idea for "Lord of the Matrix" Have no idea who Smith will be yet. Anyone know why the Dwarfs attacked Menegroth?

You mean the Dwarves of Nogrod after Thingol's death? - revenge because some of their kinsmen had been killed by Thingol's men when they had tried to steal the Silmaril they should have used for the Nauglamír but afterwards their army was destroyed next to the river Ascar (hence the name Rathlóriel, "goldenbed" - the dwarves lost all the jewels they had stolen in the sack of Menegroth there)



Lord of the Matrix?

Lord of the Matrix

yeah, I'm going to have the matrix be the matrix and ME be thr real world. i still have know idea who's going to be smith. i need someone who's an enemy to both sides

oh man this is to much for 3 pages my sides are acking
its all to funny

sauron that was wayyyyyyyyyy too funny. the person who came up with that ON!!!!!