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What elements of personality in parents, environment and upbringing do you think are necessary, or do you think constitutes as good parenting?

Patience is a must for any good parent.

Selflessness

They must be loving.

Selflessness, I agree totally Once you create a life theirs becomes paramount (IMO), I think it relates to unconditional love too. I don't think it's fair to say that as a mother/father made the child, that child should feel they owe their parents. The love received from the child should more than make up the 'debt', as it were.......

Patience too, there's nothing worse than being yelled at continuously for the tiniest mistake, no matter how old the child, mistakes must be made in order to learn. Patience is an excellent motivator, there's no better incentive to do something right than encouragement, especially from a parent.

They must know or learn when to be strict in order to maintain order at home

One thing I've learned is that you have to use anger (or a raised voice) as a tool. Screaming at a kid, while sometimes necassary, only serves to distance them from you and lower their self-esteem. Sometimes a well placed "YOU GOT THAT?" can help get a kids attention if you find them drifting off during a lecture. A raised voice can also let a kid know you mean business if they seem to be not taking you seriously.

This certainly doesn't mean you should ever cuss a kid out though. Say it loud and mean what you say, but leave the F word out of it. Easier said than done sometimes...

I don't have children, but I'll use my experience with my sister (6) and brother (3). When disciplining them, I not only had to be careful with regard to raised voice etc, I also had to ensure I didn't cross any boundaries set by my actual parents. This, also, is easier said than done.

My sister listened much better when I caught her interest in whatever I was trying to lecture her about. I found that by triggering her imagination she not only heeded what I was saying, but remembered what she had learned at a later date, which she didn't do so well if I simply yelled at her.

So, I agree that while harsh words may sometimes be all that will work, they should be used as a last resort. Children will always learn and remember when the subject at hand is attention grabbing, and to be honest, I often enjoyed disciplining her, because we became close. If she ever did anything wrong, no matter how small, it was me she came to. That's quite satisfying in itself.

you sound like youd be a good mom .


i agree w/ getting their attention helps more in the long run . a little trick i learned is to start whispering instead of yelling . that gets my 4 yr olds attention quik .

shes so nosey she cant help herself . shes got to know what im saying .

Yeah, totally, like how I used to always ask Caitlin for a hug and kiss goodnight, and if she didn't want to, due to being a grouch at bedtime, I used to kind of slope towards the door, shoulders hunched, pretending to cry. Next thing I know I've got a 5 year old hanging off my knees squeaking "Sweet Dweams Kewwy". Most adorable thing, a tot's heart strings

they should use the belt. Switches break skin too easily!

you got that right hun .

ahh whatcha talking about i was talking to the lady .

beating your children is wrong Shellie. you're a horrible role model to all the children on this site.

*sigh*

Sometimes, just sometimes, it's better if you just sit and look pretty darling......

you need a parent who doesn't let you get into trouble

She was talking to me, dumbass.

Point, but I think that's too general. It crosses the line into them living through you, and the line's so fine. I have made so many mistakes, but I wouldn't know what I know today if my parents had not 'allowed' me to do it.

double ditto

Better run B, and run fast........

he knows ill catch em

*sits there looking pretty*

teach kids the value of a dollar. Make them mow the lawn, rake the leaves, and take out the trash for $5 a week. It's some crappy work for minimum pay.....so get them working before they're old enough to have a work permit....child labor laws can't save them!

hmm, true. Parents have to give you privacy, but make sure you don't do anything stupid, such as, skateboard on your hands when you're bored (I'm living experience of that)

I always know where he is, I have my sources



Shellie, wanna join the LST??

i think that understanding that you have a life in your hands and that you have to make choices to give them choices

heck but what do i know im 14

what is LST ?

Link Surveillance Team

Quite a lot I'd wager. Surprisingly knowledgeable at 14

thanks i guess im a little smarter than i think that i am smarter that i think.............i think?

mmm.....could be good . you mean i get to watch his every move ?

count me in .

Ever get that feeling you're being watched?

So what do you guys think you would do as parents if you caught your kids drinking or smoking?

*notes name under "Co-Head Of LST"*

i would sit him down and tell him against god and if that doesnt work give him the just say no speach and then ground him for a month and a half then see how he likes the smack down

As simple as that question is, I think the solution would be problematic. What exactly could you say to your child if you yourself smoke, and drink? I would of course be as honest as possible with my child, about my experiences, explain the dangers etc, and let them get on with it. Watchful eye is better than short rope right?

And you are being watched. Right now.......

LvT

link

i have to finish tomorow , duty calls . seeya .

All the qualities my mom has....

Bye hun winkiss

Short, but very sweet. Fortunate too......

ive always frowned upon the use of drugs so i would definately show some authority i know some people who do use drugs and i wouldnt want my kid ending up like that

I get that, I have used many drugs, still use a varied amount, but I know that once I become a mother it will stop. As it stands, I am 19, loving life, and learning responsibility for myself.

I gotta go to bed guys, night xxx

night

I don't mean harsh words so much as the tone and volume of the words. Like they say about dogs and other pets, they don't understand the words you speak to them so much as they react to the tone. You can say the exact same thing with different inflection and get completely different results with kids.

Another thing that has helped me is being into the same things they are. Having a common ground of video games, comics, cartoons and other so-called kid stuff makes our time spent together a lot more fun. The drawback to that is trying to get them to understand that the "card game show of the week" and other crap shoved down kids throats is not as cool as Star Wars or Akira. Having geek arguments with kids is such a losing battle its not even funny.

BTW, in regards to the previous thread FINALLY closing...that just proves my theory that once the Cos has spoken, the discussion is over. So put that in your flisum and flosam it.

I agree, people should never use babies as a weapon, or the sole reason of changing something in their own lives. And they should never have a child just to give their own lives meaning. You are totally right.

With regard to the child in a shop, I got the perfect image as you described it, it's something seen every single day isn't it? More's the pity.

I don't, however, think that the parent should be able to answer everything the child asks. The child learning from the parent is necessary, but I don't think the parent knowing the answer to everything is a necessity in itself. I have learned so much from my little sister it is beyond belief.

Tone and volume, yes, along with body language. The way you say something, they way you put it to the child, is more likely to get a reaction and have them understand than the particular words used.

Common ground, good point. That's kind of what I meant when I said I try to get them interested when lecturing, or simply helping. A child has so much to learn, every day, that it is naturally difficult to keep them amused for long periods of time. So common ground is always going to be an advantage, for obvious reasons

Cos spoke? When? I didn't hear a thing

for someone who is not a mother yet , you r quite right & seem like you've been one for ages , dear .

im impressed .

Thanks, I was very close to my younger sister, unfortunately I don't see her very much at all now.......

can i ask why ?

Of course.

Basically, I'm the eldest child of four, my full brother (16) and my half sister (6) and brother (3) live with my father and stepmother. I am currently living on my own, due to leaving home at 16. I did return to my father's twice, but felt out of place. At 18, I left for the final time and did not contact them for 9 weeks. In this time, I got myself into all sorts of trouble, and have only just sorted myself out. My mother has helped me do this. I visited my father and family about three weeks ago, which was absolutely lovely, but it was very hard when it came time for me to leave again. I understand now how difficult it must have been for my father to hold the whole family together while I was being such a prat, but at the time I truly thought he was just trying to ruin my life, as you do! So, things are coming together once again, but slowly, and it is hard for me knowing that had I just put that little extra effort in when living there, I wouldn't have torn the family apart the way I did. But, in my defense, I am the eldest of four, and my father placed the Role Model badge on me from a young age. That in itself is an extremely difficult role to play. One is not allowed to make mistakes for fear of the younger siblings copying, it's unfortunate, but seems to be the way these days.

well im glad things r looking better for you . you seem wiser now and have good hindsight .

Thanks, hindsight's a b!tch but it's also a guarantee

so did we all decide to take out the whips and cattle prods so they could be put to good use on the youth of America yet? or are we still letting some 3rd party raise our children?

aww...what a good daddy you would be......

*doesn't know how to take this comment*

So......

/

I also think that a parent needs to be around, my own father spent a lot of my childhood in another country, due to being in the RAF. It still saddens me now, thinking how different our relationship could have been had he actually seen me develop.

there was a difference in my two older girls & two younger girls w/ their daddy being around or not.

in the begining he was in the army & out in the field alot . manda & jess were babies at the time . after a job cut & we decided to get out of the military came josie &rachel . he was a civilian w/ a reg day time job so he was there for that bonding time w/ his duaghters .

my point is for my older two it was harder for them cuase they didnt know their daddy that well till he left the army & could spend time w/ them . while my youngest two had the benifit of daddy being there from day one .

it was the best decision we made .

Exactly. My father even had to choose whether to go away for three months and miss my 16th birthday, or go away for three months another time and miss my GCSEs. He chose to miss my birthday, and then I ended up leaving home just before my GCSEs anyway. I often wonder if I might have stayed at home longer if my father had actually been around. I'm not saying I was neglected, or even ignored, when he was around he was the best father, but I think I could have done with continual discipline, not just lectures etc every three months.

ynow what i dont know what i would do if i was a parent and my child died
two of my freinds had died but ive never thought about the fact of the parents raising them that must be really bad

I think a good parent should be not too strict, but not too lenient to start with I'm sure there are more, but this is just very important about me, I think very strict parents never manage to control their children, and I'm huuuugely against hitting them and grounding them and all... if the child co-operates, a talk would do

Fine line there, very fine line.

thank you, had the luck of getting raised by good parents

Ah, but don't get me wrong, both my parents were all I could have wished for as mother and father, but it was my surroundings and upbringing that caused grievances.

we do not raise a hand to any of our girls . when the situation calls for a needed punishment we will put them on restriction .

most of the time a talking to will work . there are some things though that need a punishment other then talking . in those cases you talk w/ them about it & then ground them explaining why .

its also VERY important for the parents to back each other up . a united front so to say . there are to many kids now that know how to play one parent against another . they need to know thats not gonna happen .

My parents used to use that very saying, "If I catch you playing your mother/father off against me, there'll be trouble."

good saying .

to many kids now days know just how to play mother against father & visa versa .

Beating your children is your god given right as a parent.

Mother's have a right because they should be able to pay the children back for the pain they caused during birth.

Father's have a right because those little Nazi children will be sucking money from their pockets for a minimum of 18 years.

It's also great exercise and a wonderful way to release stress.
Imagine how many calories you lose chasing your screaming children around the house with a belt as they run for their lives...and don't get me started on the cardio involved when lacing into their rear ends.

you're to much .


my girls dont get spanked . but they do have a healthy since of knowing it could happen if need be . so grounding works for them .

this coming from a mother who said. "if you don't....etc....I'm going to have a cow!!!"

and got a response of "Good...then we won't need to buy milk anymore" from her little girl.

never said they werent mouthy somtimes , hun .

She said that?

OMG, how proud would you be?

Remninds me, my little brother had ADHD until the age of about 11/12, but when he was 6 he was at his worst.

I came home one day and there were about 5/6 adults at my front door, yelling at my brother. Apparently, he'd jumped onto the boot of a neighbour's car and proceeded to leg it over the top, down the bonnet, and onto the next car. He covered about 10 cars in all, I think.

Anyway, these car owners were demanding to see his trainers, and when he took them off they marched up to the cars and matched up the grips on the bottom to the marks on the cars.

My mother, god bless her, asked him what the hell he thought he was doing, running up the boot and down the bonnet of all those cars. My brother then pouted, adamant that he didn't do it. My mum, exasperated, told him his trainer grips matched the footprints covering the cars, to which my adorable, yet nutty younger brother replied, ever serious, "I didn't! I ran up the bonnet and down the boot!!!

Absolutely classic, and so memorable, even to this day.......

classic arent they .

I shudder to think how my mother would have reacted there!

In the UK tools aren't needed

see that's my damn point. That kid running up and down cars isn't "cute" he's a little delinquent. If i ever had the audacity to do that, my father's foot would have been permanently lodged in my ass. Didn't take more than a couple of belt slaps across the rear before I realized right from wrong...But you'd never find me walking on people's cars, stealing, or back talking my parents.

I'd follow SkyNET's example and make liquid metal versions of me and call them B-1000s

i never said it was cute . i said "classic arent they " . in what they say , not what they do .

"...I know this hurts..."

And the best part of physical punishment against your kids is that you can use the cheesy line. "this hurts me more than it hurts you..."

Then you can unleash hell upon them...while you're at it, might as well add a couple of whacks just to release that tension from your undoubtably sh!tty day at work.

you were brought up old school huh .

But if they come off an assembly line then it's OK.

No not really. I probably got the belt no more than 10 times in my life. But those 10 were all it took. Ever since I've been 16 my father and I have been closer to best friends than father/son. He's the reason for the roof over my head, but I'm the reason there's food in his stomache.

well i was brought up old school while my grandmother was still alive . she'd make us go outside and pick out a switch for her to get us w/ . if it wasnt to her standurds then there would be hell to pay .

yah, luckily i sat down and watched a Michael Jackson & the Jackson 5 special with my dad. He saw how they had to pick out a switch and told me that was cruel and he'd never do it to me.

Though i do believe one time he was in such a bad mood for something that i did, that he might have wacked me with the wrong side of the belt. But he was never one for big belt buckles.

Switches can break skin....that's way old school.

Not sure what "old school" means, but I was beaten up a very great deal.

Well Shabers. Now adays it seems inhuman to give your kid a spanking or put a belt to their rear end. Almost all parents in the US don't do it because they're afraid they may lose their kids because of child abuse and what not.

I think the lack of physical punishment now adays is a leading cause of why youths are such punks now adays. Instead parents bend over backwards to give kids what they want. 12 year olds with cell phones. Pfft. You shouldn't get a cell phone until you're old enough to drive. it's not like you'll be somewhere without a parent very often anyways.

I personally believe in tanning some ass, but hitting kids with closed fists, hard objects and anywhere but the butt is pretty wrong. Atleast IMO

Well, I received some hand slaps on my cheek and butt. The few I got were mostly on my butt though. And I spent some time in the "corner".

I think experience plays a key role.
Most parents grow and get better with each child they have, or at least that's the case with my parents.

Being a high school teacher and a mom, I think that it's very important that parents stay away from reliving their school years through their children. For example, the parent reliving their high school sports glory days through a kid that does NOT want to play a sport. I have kids in my classes that will play a sport they absolutely HATE. When I ask them why, they says becuase their parent MAKES them play. Just wrong I think. Then theres the mommy who dresses like shes still in high school, trys to "hang out" with her kids friends, etc etc etc. I mean grow UP for god's sake.

will not!