shake zula
this was sent to me by email today. i just thought i'd share it with you guys...
WORK ETHICS - Expert advice from David Brent
1. Never walk without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look
like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their
hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you
carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false
impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast
without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't
exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer
revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you
get caught by your boss - and you "will" get caught -- your best defense
is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving
valuable training expenses.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it
looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as
today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you
know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need
halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just
because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because
they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your
calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you
and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know
they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious
even though you're being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the
impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss'
room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g.
9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that
you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of
books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound
impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped
over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still
on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around
elsewhere
11. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake
WORK ETHICS - Expert advice from David Brent
1. Never walk without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look
like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their
hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you
carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false
impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast
without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't
exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer
revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you
get caught by your boss - and you "will" get caught -- your best defense
is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving
valuable training expenses.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it
looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as
today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you
know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need
halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just
because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because
they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your
calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you
and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know
they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious
even though you're being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the
impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss'
room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g.
9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that
you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of
books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound
impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped
over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still
on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around
elsewhere
11. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake
I'll have to rmemeber all that