Jedi Priestess
My pal sent me these 
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an
order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We
don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You
don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I
can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I
shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady
behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our
things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so
she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy
that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had
no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need
some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery
to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote
thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key
and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there
and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was
typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With
that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager
what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"
and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with
their computers. One night he got a cal! l from a woman in one of the branch
banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my
terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on
his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message
"He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button
each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the
"lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take
her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants, the dispatcher tells
her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, The mother says," I
just gave him some ant killer." Dispatcher says, "Rush him in to emergency
room!"
Moral of the story is: Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an
order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We
don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You
don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I
can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I
shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady
behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our
things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so
she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy
that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had
no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need
some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery
to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote
thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key
and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there
and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was
typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With
that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager
what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"
and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with
their computers. One night he got a cal! l from a woman in one of the branch
banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my
terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on
his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message
"He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button
each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the
"lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take
her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants, the dispatcher tells
her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, The mother says," I
just gave him some ant killer." Dispatcher says, "Rush him in to emergency
room!"
Moral of the story is: Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.
