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Im not going to tell you much about this story not even the title except that its not what it seems at first.Read a few more post to get to what the storys really about.

Darold woke up to his alarm clock at six o'clock in the morning.It was time to get ready for work.He worked for Bank of Dawninville a cheery little town in Nevada that nobodys ever heard of.As he slowly got up from his bed and thought of his job he suddenly got depressed.Another day at the work with Mr Hadden.Mr Hadden was Darold boss and a mean one at that.One time Darold almost got fired for being 2 minutes late.Another time he got in big trouble when he forgot to pick take his things out of his locker for the weekend.Thats how strict Mr Hadden was he had an eye and an ear on everything that goes on in his bank and theres nothing that gets passed him without him knowing.After Darold was showered and dressed in a shirt and tie he quickly brushed his teeth and head to work without breakfast.The traffic was long and he ended up being ten minutes late to work when he got in Mr Hadden was on a rampage."WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOUR TEN MINUTES LATE!!!"Mr Hadden yelled in Darold face.Darold kept quiet."IF THIS HAPPENS ONE MORE TIME YOUR FIRED!!!!"with that Mr Hadden walked off.Darold quietly made his way to his servie booth everyone stopped looking and returned to there work."He angrier then usuall"Darold to Elen who worked right next to him."Well he didnt get his cofee this morning"."That must be it"Darold said with a smile.Mr Hadden then stormed over to Darlolds booth."Darold did mail those reports to Mr McMullen like I asked you to?".Darold froze."Well....?"."I forgot"Darold said glumly."YOU FORGOT?!?!?...I CANT BELIEVE THIS YOU FORGOT!OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS TO DO.MR MCMULLEN NEEDED TO GIVE THOSE TO HIS BOSS BY THIS AFTERNOON NOW ITS GOING TO BE BOTH OF OUR HEADS....YOUR FIRED HAVE YOU THINGS OUT IN TEN MINUTES!!.Darold put his head in his hands."Im so sorry"Elen said trying to comfort Darold."Its ok"Darold said sadly.Darold began packing up his things.When he was done he said goodbye to Elen and left.

OKay, well keep going, so we can find out what its really about.

Well, I'll be readin yur future posts, then so i can find out what the story is really about. Good start, tho!

thanx

Well im just saying this story isnt gonna last forever its not that long, but heres another segment!

The next day Darold got up and 8:00.He threw on a pair on a nice pair of slacks and a button up shirt.He polished his shoes,straightened his tie,ate a bowl of cereal,and went off to find a job.

He returned with a job as a clerk at grocery store.A job to keep him on his feet until he could find a better one.He checked his answering machine and found a message from Megan."We have an apointment at Doctors Shribes this afternoon at 4:00 be there".

Later that afternoon Darold and Megan where at the counselor office."First I want to know why your both here"."Ill start"megan prompted"First of all I want to talk about what been going on at home.....he doesnt appreciate me or at least he doesnt act like it anway.I mean hes at his dead end job all day while I stay home and clean and do laundry.I spend at least and hour and a gald cooking and when he eats he doesnt even thank me for the meal.I mean hes either at work,with his friends,or on the couch and frankly im sick of it"."Are you done?"the doctores asked."Yes im done"."Ok then Darold its your turn"."Well first of all id like to say im sorry I dont mean to not appreciate you but im at work allday with the boss from hell and when I come home I just dont feel like talking.Im sorry"."Darold....I...im not sure this is going to work out.This isnt the first time this has happened and im sure it wont be the last"."What are you saying?"."Im saying....im saying im with Jeff now"."WHAT?!How long has this been going on?!"."For about a month"Megan replied.Darold got really angry grabbed his coat and stormed out."Dont ever talk to me again!"he yelled back.He got in his car and drove home.

I didn't like it, it just didn't capture my attention
Stormeister I know you can do better then that.......

Thanks for the suggestion ill try to make the next bit better

Can you tell me what exactly was wrong with it so I can improve?

That night he was with his best friend Ethan."I just didnt know what to say so I just walked out without saying anything"."That the problem with you...you always where soft"Ethan answered with a chuckle."It like you can never get mad at anybody no matter how much they may hurt you"Ethan continued."You think so?"Darold asked.Ethen nodded.

The next morning Darold woke up slowly.He glanced at the clock,7:30,he didnt have to be at work for another 2 and a half hours.He got up and went downstairs.He was tired and rubbed his eyes as he checked his messages."You have one new message"the answering machine said.Megan started speaking she sound really tired and exhausted "Darold call me as soon as you get this.Somebody has stole my car I mean our car and we need to speak to each other so call me back"the phone hung up.Darold immediatly dialed Jeffs number.Megan answered."Hi"she said."Hi..are you okay?"."Yeah im fine but the car isnt"."How did this happen?"."I drove it home last night at nine o'clock and when I woke up this morning it was gone"."Okay,okay Ill contact the insurance company"."Ok"she replied."Look I got to go.Do you need a ride anywhere?"."No jeff will drive me where I need to go"."Oh okay"storm said glumly"bye"."Bye Megan answered.Darold hung up.Why would somebody want to still my car he wondered.

Hmm... It has potential, but it seems a little repetitive and samey, if you get my drift. It's too easy to predict what's going to happen next. Also, without trying to sound like a nitpicker... Relax, take your time, nobody's going to drop a bomb on your house if you don't finish in a certain amount of time. Use punctuation and paragraphs... This whole thing:

"Hi"she said."Hi..are you okay?"."Yeah im fine but the car isnt"."How did this happen?"."I drove it home last night at nine o'clock and when I woke up this morning it was gone"."Okay,okay Ill contact the insurance company"."Ok"she replied."Look I got to go.Do you need a ride anywhere?"."No jeff will drive me where I need to go"."Oh okay"storm said glumly"bye"."Bye Megan answered.Darold hung up.Why would somebody want to still my car he wondered.

... is a mess. You switch one of the character's names halfway through (I'm not sure who you're refering to when you say "Storm", it lacks apostrophes, after reading it through a couple times I no longer knew what was going on.

This is better:

"Hi," she said.
"Hi..are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, but the car isn't."
"How did this happen?"
"I drove it home last night at nine o'clock, and when I woke up this morning it was gone."
"Okay, okay, I'll contact the insurance company."
"Okay," she replied. (this is where it got really confusing and I honestly didn't know which character was talking...)

Yeah I did have a problem with writing the words I usually dont like writing storys like that because it takes up alot of space but ill try

More of the story coming in a few days