grey fox
chapter 5
Last off, Snake had been taken by Big Boss' trap, Solidus was off to the movies, Liquid snapped and Meryl is drunk off her ass. Let's see how this turns out.
Snake: So, what did I miss?
Big Boss: A chunk of crap on your shoulder.
Snake: Damn! (Runs back into the washroom)
Fox: Oh my god... you guys are twins?!
Liquid: Of course we are! Now die!
Meryl: Heehee, my face is red.
Liquid: Would you shut the hell up and die with dignity?
Natasha: Does this happen often?
Big Boss: Every holiday with presents for the last six years or so.
Natasha: Ah.
Liquid: I never get anything!
Big Boss: Then stop giving me viagra!
Liquid: What the hell else do you people like?
Big Boss: Hookers!
Snake: (comes out of the washroom) Alright, got it. Not again, what did wee miss this time? The anniversary of your first ass kicking?
Liquid: Shut up! I take all this to heart.
Natasha: That's an understatement.
Fox: Hmm, that's a better model than the one the Boss has in his warehouse. Where the hell did you get that one?
Liquid: Snake's smart friend.
Snake: (zipping up his jeans) Don't call Otacon a friend.
Big Boss: Alright, let's do what we always do, and talk whoever the hell it is out of his fit.
Liquid: That won't work this time!
Meryl: Hee hee.
Snake: You say that every damn time.
Liquid: This time I mean it!
Snake: You say THAT every damn time.
Liquid: No, this time I REALLY mean it!
Snake: That one too.
Liquid: Alright, start the pep talk.
Fox: Right.
Big Boss: Alright, what pissed you off this time?
Liquid: You people refuse to acknowledge me, even when I help you!
Big Boss: You see, its because you whine like a little English girl.
Liquid: Snake whines too!
Snake: You poured hot coffee on my balls, what do you expect to happen?
Fox: Excuses, excuses.
Snake: Shut the hell up.
Big Boss: And because you refuse to do any work.
Liquid: My beautiful silky hair would be ruined!
Big Boss: Act like a man!
Snake: Use a better shampoo!
Big Boss: And because you come off as gay.
Liquid: It's the accent isn't it? I can't help that!
Snake: We never even lived in England!
Liquid: You sent me away to boarding school!
Big Boss: Only because your teachers said they couldn't help your twisted little mind.
Snake: We got you every time, man.
Liquid: Dammit, I should pool ideas first!
Fox: Like you pool you 'friend's' phone numbers?
Liquid: I hate this family! When I'm in a high class residence I'll be laughing at you!
Big Boss: And when your man leaves you because you're too feminine, I'll be the one laughing.
Liquid: Bloody monster...
The door is flung open. Solidus: Bastard wouldn't let me in! Said I wasn't old enough for the porno. What did I miss?
Big Boss: Liquid snapped again.
Snake: Pretty much.
Fox: I expect to get laid.
Natasha: I wouldn't.
Fox: Hell with this, I'm getting tanked.
Solidus: Oh, Liquid. I managed to bring that blond kid back with me.
Raiden: Hey Liquid!
Liquid: (angles around behind Snake) Dear Lord, distract him or something.
Snake: Hey Raiden. Been practising?
Fox: (finishes Meryl's drink) The hell? You've been with him?!
Snake: Now Fox, you're the only one!
Liquid: And you call me gay?
Solidus: You are gay!
Big Boss: You smell out your own kind, eh?
Raiden: Wow, you people are mean. Oh, I brought my girl Rose with me!
Liquid: Thank you Jesus.
Rose: Hello! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise I'd be the prettiest girl here.
Meryl: *****! (Tries to throw a knuckle in her face)
Snake: Whoa, slow down girl!
Meryl: I thought you liked a fast girl?
Snake: Excuse us for moment.
Meryl: You lost your chance.
Snake: Shit!
Rose: Jack, I don't like the skanks here...
Natasha: Speak for yourself, *****.
Raiden: Ah, come on Rose, Liquid's the man!
Solidus: Sure, assuming your looking for a good- (gets smacked on the head by Liquid)
Liquid: Don't motivate him!
Raiden: What does he mean, motivate him?
Snake: You sure are slow, aren't you?
Raiden: Hey Rose, he called me slow, what should I do?
Rose: Hit him or something.
Raiden walked towards Snake, going to give him a shot in the face. Fox caught him by the hair and took him down.
Fox: You've done a shitty job on this kid.
Big Boss: You want to hear about doing a shitty job on a kid? Listen to this. A couple years back, George over there wanted a coke. I told him to piss off. Some old ***** told me how to raise my kid. I told her to piss off. All the while, dipshit here stole a drink. The old ***** made another comment on my parenting. I showed her how responsible I was by taking the shit down and feeding him my boot. That hag ran for some help and I had to disappear her. Anyone want some coffee?
Solidus: Thanks for brining up some painful memories.
Big Boss: I was shocked when you stopped pissing the bed.
Liquid: Ha!
Raiden: Heheh, that is kind of funny.
Meryl: Yup. My face is really tingly. Hee.
Natasha: So, you trying to date rape her or something?
Snake: I'd rather not, but if I can...
Meryl: So your using me as a last resort?!
Fox: You bet your fine ass on it!
Natasha: Frankie!
Fox: What?!
Big Boss: Arg! I'm in a room with a bunch of idiots....
Liquid: Dad?
Big Boss: What is it?!
Liquid: Were made from your DNA right?
Snake: Don't be stupid! Of course we are...
Liquid: Well I guess that make you an idiot as well, papa?
Big Boss: ARG! (Walks out of the room chanting) Don't kill the boy, don't kill the boy.
Raiden: HAAAHAAAHAAAA! Isn't that great liquid?!
Fox: I guess I'll finally be able to kill that would be British pansy.
Raiden: Your own dad wants you dead! Cool, huh?
Liquid: You're a bloody idiot.
Snake: Meryl, you okay now?
Meryl: Don't even talk to me!
Snake: Another drink?
Meryl: Hit me.
Fox: Damn, me and that chick would be a perfect couple. Drink?
Natasha: Don't push your luck.
Fox: Damn Slovak.
Natasha: What was that?
Fox: Kid's got no comeback.
Solidus: That boy ain't right.
Big Boss: Bad enough to pick a kid up, but his ditsy girl too? You got some fetish.
Solidus: I'm going to sue you when I need money for therapy.
Big Boss: I'll see you in court.
Solidus: I don't need help yet.
Big Boss: Oh, you do.
Solidus: I hate you.
Big Boss: It looks like we both got something in common, boy.
Snake: Meryl, you want to get out of here?
Meryl: Hee, sure. As long as I don't have to see that *****.
Rose: Ho!
Raiden: Now girls, we don't want to be fighting...
Snake: That girl puts out, don't she?
Raiden: Damn right.
Rose: Jack, not here!
Meryl: Who's a ho now, ho?!
Rose: You want some of this?!
Meryl: I don't want what pansy boy already has!
Rose: That's it! Jack, let's go!
Raiden: See ya, Liquid!
Liquid: Err, right.
Raiden: (grabs his bag on the way back) See ya sir!
Big Boss: (salutes) There goes a true American.
They leave.
Big Boss: You can actually deal with that little turd?
Liquid: I knocked around some guy who was trying to have his way with him.
Snake: You're heroic.
Liquid: Don't patronize me, I've got nothing you want.
Fox: Maybe he wants some of that brotherly love.
Liquid: You tanked?
Fox: Well, I'm not sober.
Liquid: I had figured as much.
Solidus: Oh, shit!
Big Boss: What's the problem, you late?
Solidus: That kid swiped my (flips off Big Boss) bag!
Big Boss: Oh, he has your bag alright.
Snake: That's vicious.
Meryl: That girl is going to get hers. hic
Solidus: You don't understand! That has the identity of the Patriots in it!
Fox: Not a football man I take it.
Solidus: Not them!
Big Boss: Patriots you say? Last I saw of them, they gave me the name Big Boss. I lost an eye in operation Snake Eater and I get a freaking codename. I HAD A DAMN CODENAME! I WAS SNAKE! YOU HEAR ME!?
Solidus: I hear you. Do you hear me?
Big Boss: MY HEARING'S GOING, SPEAK UP!
Snake: Is that a bad thing?
Solidus: I need those names to know who to kill!
Liquid: Kill yourself.
Solidus: (gives Liquid a shot to the head) And I won't be able to liberate the mindless masses of the United States of America!
Big Boss: You want to liberate the masses? I want to create a land where our own are treated like heroes instead of baby killers! And I say to them, if I wanted to kill a baby, ain't none of you left alive in this room!
Liquid: Senile fool.
Solidus: I need that bag!
TO BE CONTINUED
grey fox
CHAPTER 7
Snake walks up to the door and rings the doorbell.
Snake: Hope she's home...
Colonel Campbell: Hey Dave.
Snake: Hey Colonel.
Campbell: Come on, that makes me feel like an old man. Call me Roy.
Snake: I'll call you Roy when I have a full beard and kill my twin. Probably a mullet too.
Campbell: Err, right. So, you're here to see Meryl?
Snake: Yes. That or I took an interest in old men.
Campbell: Really?!
Snake: Where's Meryl? She has jugs.
Campbell: Hey, one more check is all I need.
Snake: Look, I have to deal with the threat of being raped everyday at my place. You can't scare me, old man.
Snake lights up a cig.
Campbell: Heh, thought I had you.
Snake: Hell's gonna freeze over before you stop chasing skirts.
Campbell: Hahaha, that's my goal. Come on in, I'll lend you some more of my 'books'.
Snake: Score.
They go inside. Snake sees Meryl on the couch watching TV.
Snake: How's life, gorgeous?
Ocelot: (coming back from the kitchen with a Pepsi) Watch what you call my woman, 'Snake'.
Snake: What the ****?! You're dating that freak?! He hangs out with my brother for Christ's sakes!
Meryl: Look Snake, it was fun, but you aren't quite... oh hell, your whole family is trailer trash, you've been smoking since you were 9 and your best friend's a drunk bastard who lives with some mail order bride. And your brother is cool.
Snake: I meant Liquid.
Meryl: Oh, could you not mention that to anyone?
Snake: Hell, if I told anyone you like Liquid, they'd just think I was trying to piss you off. And hell if it's Fox's fault that his dad ordered a 10 year old hooker and died before she got delivered!
Ocelot: That's what happened? I thought she followed him home from the dump.
Snake punches Ocelot in the nose.
Ocelot: Dammit! You'll pay for that one, comrade!
Meryl: See what I mean? Who the hell would punch a guy because he ripped on some poor girl?
Snake: I punched him because he was dumb enough to get close to me after you dumped me!
Ocelot: Not because she looks like she's constantly covered in dirt?
Snake punches Ocelot again.
Ocelot: Stop doing that, I'm not smart enough to lose my looks!
Snake: Then you won't want to be near when my cig's pooched.
Meryl: Snake, I think you should get out.
Snake: Whatever.
Snake walks out, putting his cigarette out on Ocelot.
Ocelot: Arg, my good cheek!
Snake: I will win her back.
Will Snake win her heart over?
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