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A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals."

The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any bacon."

Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?

hysterical

hilarious

i dont get it.

i dont think anyone does

^ its a clever witted joke

Korri>

lol...to clever for me

Korri, you didnt get it?

hysterical

Shadow> u got it?

Just a little I think

It's funny though

Ok. A hint. The word involved in knowing this joke is a word which will get me banned if I post it.

So, were u right in getin that joke?

Yes

i dont get it.

YAYYYY!!!!!!

At least one person gets it!

wanna explain?

love the joke.
heres one for you




There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to
the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and
discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family
expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was
much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.

Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Having children is an
act of God!"

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said,
"Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much, we wear
rubbers."

No. It will make the fun+humour out of it. Read it again carefully.

OMG hysterical condoms

lmao

I have more, just ask and you shall receive

i am asking

A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the
IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders;
like the Enron or WorldCom guys. Anxious for his first high-
powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was
to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and taxes were
pretty straight forward and the Rabbi clearly very frugal,
so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a
little fun with the Rabbi.

"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with
the candle drippings?" he asked. "A good question," noted the
Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we
send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then,
they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor
somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had
a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on in his obnoxious
way...

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do
with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi
calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo
and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the
manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo
balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to
fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do
with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Yes, here too,
we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up
all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send
them to the I.R.S."

"The I.R.S.?," questioned the auditor in disbelief. "Ahh, yes,"
replied the Rabbi," the I.R.S." ...and about once a year, they
send us a little prick like you.

DP> hysterical

Damn that's hillarious! hysterical

MORE MORE! Please?

I understand the first one its halirius

i dont

LMAO

Pussy cat

does someone wanna explain?

I guess I could pm you the answer since I'd get in trouble if I just said it here plain as day

But be carefull while posting such jokes... I am not sure whats the merit here to grade some text as adult content but... this community uses PG-13 rating...

r u serious? shocking

lol

Shi--- i mean shiz.

hysterical

I got all of them but the third one actually made me chuckle...

(btw - well done!)

that was great

Which one? 1st? 2nd? or 3rd?

All o' em.

I haven't been here for a lil while and one of you ask for more so here you go





Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of
intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test
to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent
takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun
and says, "Go into that room and kill your wife." The guy
says, "No way," and leaves FBI headquarters.

The second guy goes through the same proceedure. He walks
into the second room but upon seeing his wife, decides that
she is worth more than a good job and he too, refuses.

Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his
wife. He walks into the second room and six shots are heard.
A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and
banging from the room. After a few minutes, the guy comes out
of the room. "What happened?" asks the FBI agent. "Some idiot
loaded the gun with blanks... I had to kill her with the chair."

...I guess he'll become a great FBI agent

took me a minute to get the joke...

you're sick man...

who me?
all I do is respond to those who ask for a new joke

GOOD ONE MAN! hysterical

heres a new one by the way







Three nuns from the Pick City Cathederal and Monastery were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of Playboy magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away his laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh sh*t."

hysterical

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head live together in an apartment. One day their building caught on fire. Everyone else got out but the three women were stuck on the roof yelling for help. The firemen below on the street were yelling at the red head to jump onto a net they were holding. One fireman said 1..2..3..and the red head jumped, but at the last second the firemen let go of the net and the red head hit the ground and died.
Then the firemen called to the brunette to jump on the count of 3. The brunette yelled, "No!, I saw what you did to my friend, I'm not falling for that!
The firemen said, "Don't worry, we like brunettes!" So the brunette jumped and at the last second the firemen let go of the net and the brunette hit the ground and died.
Then the firemen called up to the blonde to jump on 3. The blonde said, "No!, I saw what you did to my friends, I'm not falling for that! I'm not stupid you know!
The firemen said, "Don't worry, we like blondes! "Yeah right!", replied the blonde "Just leave the net there and walk away!"

hey pheonix

NO PUSSY FOR PAPA

Oh, crap. That's cool.hysterical

hey hun

ok... new joke









Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed.

Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile. The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives.

The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hungover and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.

After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter!

im not entirely sure i got that right

if i did... ewwwww

I'm sure you did.....
Hey, how was vaca?

you left your dog at my kennal..... It was sooooooooo funny, no one could get it to answer to its name cept me"here kitty!!!"

good, but im glad it's over

hello

this joke is just wrong!!!
therefore you ppl will either love it or hate it(depends on how insane you are)





There was a farmer who owned a bull and a female cow and was trying desperately to mate the two. No matter what he did the bull didn't want any.

Finally he went to a friend who claimed to have had the same problem. So he asked him what could he do. The friend told him that he had to stick his arm up the cows pussy and rub it on the bull's nose. After doing so the bull went crazy and started humping the cow over and over.

With the success of the bull the farmer starts to wonder if this will work for him. So that night he gets in bed and starts playing with his wife. He rubs his nose with his hand and gets the biggest boner he has ever gotten.

He wakes his wife and tells her to look. She looks, and with a mean look on her face says, "You woke me up to show me that you have a bloody nose."

I'm srry sniper. we missed you tho!!!

that is completly sick

eww

hee hee hee







A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!"

"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get the second black eye?"

"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I pushed it back in."

you little b!tch!

i didnt know you were on here!

bwahahahahahhahahhahhhahhah

you'll neva get rid of meeeeeeeeee

you are cruel

Hey Sniper, sup bro, Panda hey love i miss ya ... DarkPheonix ...l harassing sniper is MY job damnit

depends how hard i wanna try...

you registered @ nawgie?

hiya john

assface! you're here too!

sniper is trapped

sniper ... your ass will be meeting your face soon enough

my oh my.........

yes sniper, all your buddies are here.








back on track, new joke




A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.

"Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married, so this is pretty much my husband."

The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.

The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?!" he asked.

His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband."

The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.

The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the football game.

"For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried.

The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"

wait a min..... what do you mean by little?!

haha

thanx a bunch guys. your all off my VIP list cept for Panda.. luv ya hun

this is sooo mean!
LOL


One Sunday morning Joe burst into the living room and said, "Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, Joe's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you.. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

Joe was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We are getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, Joe, I am very sorry about this."

Joe was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I am never going to get married", he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm f*cking her."

The boss says, "You f*ck your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

ok, sniper .. it's time to burn down this thread

heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!1

sorry, fine no more sister jokes ok?

*loads the M19*
ready when you are

*gets his Fuelrod Cannon* NOW! *opens fire* rifle

*open's fire*

HEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHA *fires until weapon over heats*

*part of the celing hits DP on the head*
now she's even shorter

I AM NOT SHORT AND YOU ARE GOING TO GET THIS SITE CLOSED!!!!
STOP IT NOW


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

... this is not the first time this has happened

*HIDES*

*gets out flamethrower and lights walls on fire*

Now that's a joke

sigh.....
you are the bane of my existence

that was to sniper and tobypoo

HAHAHAHAHA

toby-POOOOO

not a joke, a promise

and thanks DP, i really do try hard

uhhhhhgggggg



whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

just kill me now

hello again ppl, my internet is working with me

YAY just in time for caranage *chases DP around w/ a flamethrower*

FIRE YAY

*cocks pistol*
one to the head?

no sniper

ummmm... you can kill me w/ fire,.... hello does the word pheonix mean n e thing to you?

she said to kill her now

no sniper!!!!!

no later not now

sit... stay.....

gasp*

I thought you were on my side!!!!!!

*arms the wristblade* maybe we should kill her with this ... all slow and painful like

thats where you were wrong hehehe

hahahaha

what do you say sniper ... up for the hunt?

so which one: torture or quickly

*pulls out the spear*
ready

i say wound, then let her run for a while before finishing the job

hehe

pheonix you better start running now

dont talk to me

i hate you both!!!!!!

both? theres three ppl here

aww, i know

*runs at you with the spear*

raaaaaaaaaaa!

*kisses Panda then disappears* BOO! *reapears behind DP*

*kisses john back, then chases him*

no more picking on me ok?





yeah like your gonna listen to me

aww, why not?
*wraps arms around panda*

for now im good

pokes you with spear

well i've got to go for now, ttyl all later specialy you sweetie *hugs and kisses panda*

*kisses john* bye bye ttyl

peace chief