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Post your jokes here, about Hp characters, be creative and have fun. So I will start the first one, not very funny though:

Goyle was using the floo powder network, and by mistake he ended somewhere in wild Africa. He was surrended by a wild tribe, that wanted to eat him. The shaman of the tribe ordered to his worriors to roll him on a wood, put patato under him, light up the fire and bake him (barbique) ,so the patatoes would get more delisiouse from his joices. But he warned the tribe:
" Roll him slowly. The patatoes would be more tastfull that way".
After half an hour the shaman came back to see how it was progressing, he was astonished seeing the worriors rolling Goyle very fast, so he said agrilly to them:

" DID I, or DID I not told you to roll him slowly?". Then the bravest of them in a frighten voice replied:
" well we rolled him slowly at the begining, but then he eate all the Patatoes".....

NEXT.............

sorry but i dont have any hp jokes and i havent heard of any either only your one but im sure someone could make one up um hears one neville ends using the floo powder network and ends up at hogwarts in the dungons with professor snape !!!!!!! arrgh

yeh, But try it your self is not that much difficult, I know that there are no HP jokes thats why is interesting to try to do it!

lol v.funny

Ok, since there are no volunteers I will post another one. But if I'm gonna end up alone posting jokes, then I will have to ask the mod to close it. Lets see for a week how it will go

this is haaaard!!!! <: (

well im sorry but i cant think of a joke !!!! and i always play jokes but i never thought of any harry potter jokes i might make one up later

ok.... her eit goes one:

Voldermort appears in Draco's dream and says to him:
"Meet me tommorow in the Forbidden forest , try to bring a black horse with you."
Draco wakes up in the morning very concerned, he can not find a horse, then he meets Dolores and tries to get an advise from her , so he tells her what he has been dreaming. On this Dolores says:
" Draco you prat, thats just a dream, common I'll come with you and you will see that there is nothing then just a dream"
Then both of them go to the forbidden forest, and in deed nothing has happend. But the next night Draco has another dream, this time Voldermort was angry and said to him
" Draco you full, I told you to bring a horse not a COW"

tell me what u think, should I continue with the jokes or ask the mod to close it????

haha that was a good one! NO continue they're good

LoL, that one was good, tell more!

well thats not so easy, but I will think another one soon, but it would help alot if other tried

those aren't very funny.

*kicks Electric in the a...*
Tell us better then

lol! yours are great uni

10x angel and by tommorow i'll have new ones ....

keep at it uni

yea there funny unicor keep making them up there funny as but i cant think of any jokes myself

In Malfoy's mannor Luciouse was explain the other death eaters how to make smart and intellegent baby wizards.
" You should focus on the left side if you are after a baby boy, while on the right side if you are after baby girl. But the most important thing is NOT TO Smile when you will see your wife naked".

Then Dumbeldore apperated and said to Luciouse:

" You couldn't resist smiling Luciouse"

what u think?

lol, i'm just impressed that you can write jokes! I'd try...but i'm sure mine would suck!

common pls lianslo, post it , don't worry, writing jokes is just a routine, once u do it, then it will just flow,

lol, i'm sure i'm trying to come up w/ one...but its hard!

ok,
*seats and waits for Lianslo to come with her joke*

oh dear...now the pressure is on!

ha, don't worry, anyhow I'm going off now, I'll be on somewhere like 4 hours from now.

By that time I hope that the entries would be IHCT, cause I won't be able to od a stauff tommorow morning at work (at this is a joke)
see ya

you can do it, yes you can! everybody clap your hands!

^lol...bye Uni! we'll see if i can get a joke together...i recently got distracted by defending the Bible...

what u mean by destracted by defending the bible???

probably arguing in the GDF against sum1 who says bad things about christians

either that or the whole "is or isnt harry potter the work of the devil" i duno there r sum pretty passionate ppl tehre

lol, i was in the GDF, and was posting in "Bible: fact of fiction" thread...therefore, defending my belief in the Bible

Well, this is about jokes not seriouse things.
I like the bible also

lol, sorry...i didn't mean to get us off topic!

um why is heimone so smart becoz she took some smart poition that she makes in the girls dormitorys without anyone knowing ha ha ok thats not funny i cant think of a joke arghhhhhhh

kewl pretty at least u tried

i wish i could write jokes i can only write fics i cant write jokes but you guys are great at it Uni you rock at hp jokes

A drunken Hagrid gets on the night bus, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks him up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"

Hagrid jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

weegie !!!! This was very cool

hysterical love it that was cool weegie

Mad Eye Moody walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is 20 galleons plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and Moody pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty galleons plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing he can't possibly have two glass eyes. Mad Eye then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye

lol

LOL , very funny but the one with Hagrid is my favorite

I agree

Mcgonagal was giving a big test one day to her students. She handed out all of the tests and went back to her desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. Mcgonagal noticed that Fred and George Weasley had attached 100 sickles to there tests with a note saying "A sickle per point." The next class Mcgonagal handed the tests back out. Fred and George got back there tests and 56 sickles change.

Thats not as funny either is it

hehehe
LOL

Q- What do you say to Fluffy the three headed dog?
A- Woof, Woof, Woof

Thats not funny, but its all i can think of at the moment!!

i love them all they're cool.

Q. How do you keep a witch or wizard in suspense?
A. I'll tell you tomorow


(There getting worse aren't they, lol. I'll try and put on better ones!)

Thats all for now, i gotta go!

lol ok see ya later

lol nice one weegie

come again weegie , u are really gifted, in mean time I will try to come with something. But for the time being I declare the joke with Hagrid as the best one so far

lol all these jokes r funny, especially the ones wit Hagrid and the first joke

thanks hot, but could you try one???

-wipes her tears from laughing so much- i love that joke with Hagrid

haya Auror chk, perhaps u can try one ???

lol nah im bad with jokes honestly lol you dont wanna ask

harry and ron were sitting down and talking about quidditch but they noticed fred and george laughing at them harry and ron decided they would go and see them but they couldnt get up fred and george put glue on there seats it was there knew invention .so r can u help us get out harry asked that would be 17 sickles or sit there for the rest of your lives said fred ok so that wasnt that funny but that was all i could think of

hahahahah

good one, give us more

lol woOooohoOooooo

Neville was doing his homework. He said to himself:

"Two feathers plus five feathers, that son of a ***** is seven. Three toads plus six toads , that son of a ***** is nine...."

His grandmother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

Nevile answered, "I'm doing my homework, grandmom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the granmom asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, she asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my grandson ?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The grandmom asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a ***** is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

well not very funny though

Uni that rocks hun I love it. laughing

When Draco Malfloy was a little boy, always when asked about his name, he would proudly reply: "I'm Mr. Malfloy's son."

His mother told him that this was wrong, and that he must say,
"I'm Draco Malfloy."

One day Mr Flitch spoke to him:
"Aren't you Mr. Luciuse Malfloy's son?"

Draco replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Little Seamus Dean told his mother he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered he inocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ?" she exclaimed in surprise.

"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
didn't move."
--------------
Molly whose sons were always getting into mischief, finally asked George: "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

George thought it over and said:
"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and Fred will keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, you two, come in or stay out!'

you rock hun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks dear , I hope u liked it

I lmao hun, thanx they are brilliant you are a genius.

hug's and kisses.

*goes red*

'grins'

, love ya hun

'blushes wuv ya matey'

ok, here goes one:

One day Hagrid as a member of the Order was chasing/hunting Luciuse, Wortmail and Goyle senior. As they were flying on their brooms, suddendly the three of them crashed and ended up in an old mountain, they were captured by a group of magical wild people. In order to release them they had to fulfill three tasks:

1. To sweem a lake
2. To break an arm of a Greezly
3. To sexually satisfy the wildest woman in the tribe

Sp wormtail went first, he jumped in the lake, but then he realised he couldn't sweem so he was done. Next went Luciuse, who sweemed the lake, then he entered the cave for the Grizzly, but never came out.

Then it was Hagrid's turn; so Hagrid sweemed the lake, then he entered the cave, the wild people heard a lot of screams and yells, but Hagrid remained in the cave for some like two hours. When he came out he said:

" Where is this WILD woman so I can break her arm?"

LOL thats funny

ocean, maybe u can tell one?

ohh i am really bad at telling jokes .. but i will try to think of one today and if i can think of one i will tell it

ok

OMG I LAUGHED MY A*** OFF HUN

I'm glad ...

unicor> muah.. muah.. muah.. i love u! the last one was HILARIOUS!

btw do u know I m Scar? the temp hospitality ghost

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi Scar, Nice to see ya again,
Bt, why did you change ur name for ?

was Scar a nice one?

very nice one though, but now maybe u can ,make up a joke ?

Ok im not good but here i go

One day Ron, Hermione And Harry were eating lunch. Harry got up to go to the bathroom.
"We have too much bloody homework today." grunted Ron.
"I'm already done." said Hermione.
"AAAHHHHHH! GET OFF ME!!! HERMIONE GET IT OFF ME!!!" screamed Ron as a spider fell on his shoulder. Harry bursted out in laughter.
"I knew that would scare you. You should have saw yuor face." said Harry still laughing. The next day Harry was sitting down and all of a sudden Snape came right behind Harry and put his wand up to Harry's head.
Harry turned around and said "Ron your so stupid. You think i would fall for that?" as he pulls off the mask.
"Darn it" said Ron.
The next day Umbridge shows up right behind Harry. Harry turned around and snorted with laughter.
"Ron, Umbridge left last year. What makes you think she would come back after what happened?" said Harry.
The next day Voldemort goes up too Harry and stands right behind him. Harry is unawere of Voldemort until everybody stands up and points at voldemort and screams.
Harry turns around and says " Nice costume Ron." as he tries to pull of the mask. The mask would come off. Frustrated now, Harry tries again as hard as he can, but still to no sucsess. Voldemort then puts his wand up too Harry's head.
"AAAAHHHHH!! WHERES MY WAND!! DUMBLEDORE!! DUMBLEDORE, VOLDEMEMORTS HERE!!" screamed Harry. Ron comes out laughing.
"You should of saw your face Harry. Ok Voldemort, you can go now. Your job is done." said Ron.
"Job?" asked Harry, "What did you give him?"
"I gave him...."
"Go on." said Harry
"The Prophecy and...."
"AND!!!''
"Your wand." said Ron as he started too Run away.

I know Its not funny... but at least i tried.

LOL

give us more .................

ok i finally thought of one...
it is so original... i thought it up all by my self

Q: what is black and white and red all over?

A: the daily prophet!!!!

see i told you it was original!! :P

........

'grins' it's ok hun at least you tried

hahaha... i know its not funny... but i said that i would post a joke if i could think of one so i had to post it

it is funny, who said that it was not funny???? give us some more ocean..

Two months after the final victory over Voldemort, Harry goes to Dumbledores office... "Dumbledore," he says, "I've got a problem..." "Go on, says old Albus, caringly, "tell me all about it..." "Well, says Harry," yesterday, I dipped my wand in batter, and deep fried it.... the day before that, I dipped my broomstick in batter and deep fried that... last week i did the same to all my spellbooks, and today I had a terrible urge to dip myself in batter and deep fry myself...." "Harry, Harry," says Dumbledore, with a pleading look in his eye..." I know Voldemort is dead, and it seems like there is very little left for us to do, but you've got to stop frittering your life away..."

hahhahahhaaaaaaaaaaa , very funny

hahah thats really funny

lol

bump

Hi harry! I notice your scar have change position again... where is it originally? in the middle or far left of ur forehead:P

harry made a bet with fred and george that he could make ron stay up the hole night so just before they went to bed harry put spiders all over rons bed and ron screamed and wouldnt sleep in it so the next night to get harry back for his sleepless night he puts a bogart in harry's bed so when harry pulled the blankets he saw a dementor and voldimort .....argh said hary and he knew it was his turn to have a sleepless night!

ok so that wasnt that good but that was all i could think of!

u r doing quite well prtangl

here i go...


Why was harry potter expelled from hogwarts?

He was caught by McGongal playing with his broomstick!!!!

lol

LOL, you guys are good!
big gay kirk's batter joke made me laugh out loud!
I'll put some more jokes on another day, but not right now.
c ya later!

hurry up weegie, you know that I always love ur jokes ... the one with Hagrid is still my favorite

Hey Uni why dont you pick your brain and throw us all a joke

There real kool keep making them!!!!!!!

yep wegie we wait, I promised guys/girls I will come with some jokes soon, I have been neglecting this thread for a while

bump

This not a Joke but:

HARRY POTTER SUCKS.

Harry Potter>chair<LOTR or ME

How dare you!

*picks up gun and shoots seretur*

*Donges Bullet*
*Picks up the bow and shoots Dan and Harry potter*

HP SUCKS. The author was smoking something when she wrote it.

LOTR>boxing
HP>boxed
LOTR fans>clapclapping
HP fans>sadwalksadwalk

alrighty u need a life and plz get out of here if you hate harry potter this much. .

I just don't understand why you guys like it. And I didn't espect for you to take it so ciriosly. (Sorry for the spelling)

It is a diffrence of opion you should respect that and not bash us for it. How would u feel if we came into the Lord of the Rings form and did that?

I like the book because its a good story and it makes it makes magic happen with out going over the top, plus its well written. . not like lord of the rings is, but more current

I have to appologize for what I said. I realize that it was uncalled for. I don't know what I was smoking what I said that. Again I am sorry.
drunk< this must have been me what I wrote it

alright.. ppl now come up with some nice jokes...

@ Seretur: There is only one way to apologise, and that would be to tell us a HP joke

I don't know anysweatdrop

Hi all i'm loving these jokes!

I'm not very good at jokes, but i'll give it a try:

Malfoy, Crabbe & Goyle (seniors) had all been caught by the order of the pheonix, and sent to the ministry of magic for their involvement with Voldermort, and other horrible crimes. Fudge tells them that they face execution by a muggle gun-squad for their horrible crimes against muggles.

Malfoy senior is up first. The firing squad aim their guns at him, and Malfoy tries to think of a way to escape. So he shouts "AVALANCHE!"
In all off the confusion, Malfoy manages to get away.

Next up is Crabbe senior. The firing squad aim their guns at him, and Crabbe, thinking of how Malfoy escaped, shouts "FLOOD!"
In all of the confusion, Crabbe manages to escape.

Finnaly it is Goyle seniors turn. As the firing squad takes aim, he thinks of how Malfoy and Crabbe escaped, and thought he would give it a try, so he shouts "FIRE!"


OK i know i knicked the joke. Sorry!

Hahahahahahahaha
One of the best so far .....

It should be nominated for the joke of the week

thanx, you're making me blush

I;m seriuse :

I got one though:

Grabbe and Goyle senior were walking in Leaky Cauldron. They stopped for a drink, under their table a black dog was also resting. Remus and Mad Eye passed by and moony said to remus: " Look at the dog and the two ass holes"... Goyle senior heard that, and once the Order members disappeared he started looking in the back of the dog. Then Grabbe senior asked him:

what are u doing for Merlin's sake
Goyle replied: I'm looking for the second ass- hole because they said the dog has 2 ass-holes

That was funny

cool Uni

harry potter haterz!!! i duel u all and i win!! hahahaha!!

pureblood maybe u can give us a joke??

hey Uni do u have a date for the dance?? PM me plz!

yes he does hun (ME)

OK, I shall bravely make an attempt. Really, I should go straight to Gryffindor, for taking such risks! ha!
Anyway.

- Do you know why Goyle never talks to himself?

(and it isn't because he can't talk mates...)

- Because he was told "never to talk to something if he couldn't tell where it had its brains".

(hope I didn't post this twice, in case I did, sorry, I thought the first time hadn't worked...)

lol

these r really funny guys!
keep it up!!!!
i will try to think of one but it may take a while!!

Okay so I don't tell jokes because most of them are horrible (and very gay no pun intended) but I'll give it a go.

'The proper way of eating a popsicle' Harry mused. 'Is not how you eat it. But how you suck it without dribbling.'


*Hides under a rock now that she's done*

Pureblood, there are no Harry potter haters here to duel cause that one person left take a chill pill. Oh and you're right Kiera Knightly sux

its alive!!

Now it's dead!!

come one people post some jokes! I am trying to think of one..but if you all are going to be this dry then what the heck is the purpose of this thread?

OK, one more, but I don't know, this one doesn't sound pretty clever to me... ah, can't come up with anything else right now, so...

- What should Harry have done, that dreadful day, not to get that scar?

- He should have bolted away...

(I told you it was gonna be poor...)

ahahaha no it was ok.

Top Ten Signs Your Kid Is A Wizard

10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple smoke

9. You say, "Do you think that lawn is gonna mow itself?" But then it does

8. Your child gets busted shoplifting a newt

7. Can turn lead into gold, but he can't remember to take out the trash -- am I right, parents?

6. He wears shiny red satin robes -- and you're just praying he's a wizard

5. Favorite discount electronics chain: The Wiz

4. Refers to Halloween as "amateur night"

3. He's only 12, but somehow he's dating Gwyneth Paltrow

2. His homework ate the dog

1. You catch him in the bathroom polishing his wand

The Top 5 Indications Harry Potter
Is Going Through Puberty


5. His voice cracks while casting a spell, causing it to rain naked Tracey Ullmans.

4. All that awful, awful poetry.

3. Last spell learned? "The Incantation of the Unscrambled Spice Channel."

2. No longer invited to sleepovers at Neverland Castle.

and the Number 1 Indication Harry Potter Is Going Through Puberty...

1. "Erectius concealioso!"

Okay. One good one.


One day professer Lupin was walking down the hogwarts halls and as he turned the corner he was face to face with hagrid. Hagrid then said to him, "I saw you last night.
(Pick your favorite. 1) Harry. 2) Snape. 3) Sirius) With ------. I saw you two go into the shreiking shack. There was howling and growling and screaming and bombing."
"Yeah?" Lupin said. "So what?"
then hagrid says, "It wasn't a full moon."

I got this off of someone else but you'd get a kick out of this.