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Okay, I thought of this one

Please forgive me, proud yanks.

So I'll just begin with them

1. The readers would have got introduced to "Samwize Gamgee".

2. Only one race would have survived the war, of course the men from Gondor. The White Men who came over the sea

3. The great Fingolfin will be nicknamed "Spike" - according to a false elvish generator.

that's happening anyway
keep on topic

nice one, really nice one

....now THAT is a good one. lol!!

5. Only 10 years after Aragorn brought the peace to middle earth,
Gondor would start another war just for fun.

lol this is fun to read lol.

6. Aragorn would have an affair with Eowyn

lol.....

7)Sam would be obease!!!!

Im tolkien was american maybe Gondor and Rohan would have put up a better fight...considering they are british and all and we all know the brits arent exactly the cream of the crop

Wy because we dont shoot until we are shot at?

Unlike americans, us Brittish dont think guns are an extention of the arm.

8.) MTV would shoot a season of "the REAL world" in Middle Earth.

am I getting it?

HAHAHAH!!!

There would have been a Burger King in The Gap of Rohan.

Also, Hobbits would be used for the big peoples amusement, much like Midgets are today.

10) The Misty Mountains would have been called the Starbucks Mountains

hysterical STARBUCKS!!

they would have redneck accents.

I don't think the title of the thread is 'Americans Suck and British People Rule...'. Although, maybe if he was American...


Oh, because of patriotism, he would have had the stars and stripes as the flag of Gondor... Unless he was anti-war, like the guy I stayed with.

If Tolkien was American, then certain phrases would be different.

It would be towns, not shires, favorite, not favourite, quotes would be "like this" and not 'like this', and Samwise would still be Samwise.

Really, this thread is becoming quite political, and as far as I can see (although, maybe not so far, as I am an American dumbass) American writers are no different than British ones, besides the grammar.

I'm almost positive that this thread wasnt really serious about the whole issue,Phoenix Song. It was to make fun of America using Tokien's writing style as a vent, just humorous. BUT if Tolkien really WAS American I think you have a pretty accurate description of what the books might be like.

yeah... with a sh!tload of explosions...

I know

I am very close to many of these members, however, politics is not allowed here, so yeah.

But thanks anyway.

The elves would have plastic surgery on their ears.

lol

nice one

& yeah, Phoenix i def. agree. I get enough politics around the house we dont need it here

hysterical

That one was good

eer

Aragorns press statement would then be "I did not have sexual relations with that woman... or her horse..."

I second that!

well, as a student of english lit, I've compared it with german, french and american lit, and my friend Joe ((an american lit student)) has done comparisons with english lit... I can say they are VERY different!

Arwen and Eowyn would have a catfight over Aragorn!

hug

hug

if tolkein were american, it would have been about frodo escaping from some place down a river on a raft with an escaped elf... or gollum... stupid huck finn, all of the american authors are obsessed with it

i third it... although i am american, i am very pro gun control... yeah micheal moore

*claps hands* another MichaelMoorian! hug

I thought it was great when he bowed to the boos at the republic convention

i quart it


Hi Phoe, I missed yo! hug

ha.....haha.....so funny......

hug Redneck accents are sexy nazzy, let it go

ok...i dont have a redneck accent tho... but some of my friends do

this thread is getting WAY off topic. No more politics, gun guntrol, redneck accents or michael moore. please, i beg you

After becoming king, Aragorn would have cheated on Eowyn with an overweight heffer of a woman.

That reminds me, poor Sven Goran Eriksson

Well, he will prove his worth tonight.

*muhahaha*

will he.....

i think that i just pissed my pants... not really, i'm just dying of laughter. it jrrt was american, no one would ride horses, they'd be in mustang convertibles, and there wouldn't be torches, there would be cell phones, and aragorn and eowyn would have at least one love child

I laughed my as off at that one too....

Frodo would`ve used an SUV to drive into Mordor - the one time any American has ever needed to use any of the off-road features of such a vehicle.

he would drive a hummer, those things are so annoying, that's probably another thing that euros make fun of us for...we deserve it too, freaking gas eating tank

They didn't have any fecking hummers when Tolkien wrote Lord of the Rings.

And Europe has much of this stuff as well

I don't like Moore or my country, but above all, I don't like this 'prejudice'.

I have to pretend that I'm from Europe to stop people from immediately labeling me as 'evil'. It's almost as bad as the labels that the Jews had in Germany. I see it the same way, and don't tell me I don't know about the Nazis, because I do. cry

In simple words, shut up.

this forum is seen as a joke...i know quite well that hummers weren't around when the books were written, i'm an intelligent person, i like moore, i'm hesitant on whether i like this country or not, let's just keep this forum going as a joke, i don't think that any real harm was intended

This reminds me of that advert they play in the cinema to switch off the mobile fones. Has anyone seen it? The Orange one with Sam in it?
"The return of the cellular fone".

no, i haven't seen that one...damn, i don't mean anything by my hummer post, please everyone take note of that...i like the commerical that is for mountain dew with the sled and the men are running it and the dog is on the sled, it's funny, i just described it really badly

not the forum, the thread

I know you're an intelligent person muse

I know that nothing bad was meant in the making of this thread, but still, I don't see terrible differences in Britain and America, except for--

accents
location of countres
size
monarcy (or dictatorship)
and things in America are less expensive

eezy, i know its a thread, i don't pay attention to many things, one of my friends gets mad at me everytime i all our homecoming dance 'prom'

nienna, see team america, i think that anyone who has doubts about america should see it, it makes fun of everyone

good points tho

Like JibJab.com?

Team America? O_o *searches*

Nienna hang on just because we have a monarchy it doesn't mean the UK is a dictatorship.

The queen is only the head of state she has no real powers

Monarchy, dictatorship? omg

Britannia rules the waves

Dictatorship !!

I meant dictatorship for America, Jesus people.....

huh? you compared

and Britain has a democracy, the Queen has no power

True, but it is still considered a monarchy....

i'm not goint to comment on the dictatorship of america, i'll just say that agent elrond's opinion and mine are very similar

Long live the queen.???

Long live the Queen

this thread should be more like, 'if tolkien lived in the 21st century'

That's exactly what I've been trying to say this whole time droolio

But I never thought of how to say it I'm soooo smart

Rename the thread.....

Eezy, what do you mean the queen has no power?

Your insane

the queen has lots of power

.....

for Parliament

If Tolkien were American...

Gandalf would have won the election

Not Saruman

Middle Earth elections fear

Kerry=Saruman
Bush=Gandy

None of them is Gandalf, Gandalf actually cared for environment, hence cannot be an American politician

point taken

i actually said the other day that dick cheney was like sauron, kind of not there but always watching and controlling bush, the equivalent of saruman. my friend told me i was obsessed, but what i said made sense, kerry is more like gandi,he cares about the people's rights



gandalf for president

I have a button that says gandalf for president...

it's prety...

Kerry is like....pippin, he gives both sides of every argument, and contradicts himself

but lets not talk about politics shall we?
Lets talk about...flowers

Roses are nice and they taste good.








Wait a sec that's the chocolate I'm thinking of

Lets talk about hats

lol don't even go there

btw we have to make a siggy with our outfits on

but i will get banned!

That's the rule

Fine, but if i get in trouble

Please don't just come with a hat

but i already bought my hat!

i hate interrupting people

but

topic? where have you disappeared to? cry weep

You can also buy a tux

The topic?Which topic?I'm afraid it's been hijacked

But if i buy a tux it will steal glamour from the hat

aww...cute. You guys have an inside joke.

I like muffins

and while were on the topic of duckies....

where did you get it, i want one really badly


and to sauron...


pretty pretty flowers

bookland.
IT was a while back...
check e-bay

ay yay senor