TheFilmProphet
The story? I think its been pretty well covered in earlier reviews, but just in case not everyone caught it before, it goes like this (SPOILERS, obviously):
We start out with some voice over about blood or something silly (more on this later) then we get a shot of Iraq. A helicopter swoops in and drops off some high tech military looking cats. They climb up this huge staircase into some type of ruined temple. Once inside we find out these are all vampires searching for someone. The vamps are led by Danica (Parker Posie). Suddenly, quicksand spills down and one of the vamps leans his gets yanked in. He pops back up spouting blood like a fountain from where his head used to be. Out of the hole, an armored hand lunges up and then this nasty bastard pops out all decked out in some old school knight-age armor. His mouth opens and we see a flash of fangs then....
Intro our hero. First let me say Blade kicks a lot of ass in this film. And the new weapons are delicious. First one we get to see is this whip-thing with a dagger on the end. It's not really a whip - it's retractable. Best I can describe it. Next we jump into a sweet car chase that ends in Blade accidentally killing a human. "Set your ass up," the victim says. On the roof Danica watches with her handy Rodney King cam.
The Feds get this tape and a lead on where Whistler and Blade are hiding out. Whistler tells Blade he's getting sloppy, and he can't do this alone.
Enter the Night Stalkers. Abigail (whose intro I'll just let y'all enjoy when you see it -- fyi: she probably has the best weapons & she's smokin hot) is Whistler's daughter. And Hannibal King (played by the ever funny Ryan Reynolds) used to be a suck-head but took the cure, and now he kills them.
Blade's boathouse gets bum-rushed by the feds and Whistler goes out with a bang. Once Blade is taken in, we find out the head of the FBI is a familiar. There is a hilarious scene where Dr. Vance gets all talk-therapy on Blade. "When you drink blood, do you find yourself getting sexually aroused?" Blade's reactions to his questions had us dying. We then find out Vance is a familiar too, and they are transferring Blade over to the vampires. The NS break up the party and rescue blade.
Back at their "honeycomb hideout" as King likes to call it, they fill Blade in on the arrival of Dracula, aka Drake. Apparently they've dug him up for some vampire "endgame." Drake taunts Blade into a foot chase and leads him up to a rooftop with an infant hostage he snags along the way. Drake tells Blade that next time they meet Blade will die by his sword.
We find out that the NS have something called the Day Star Virus that they are going to use to off the entire vampire race. The only problem? It will probably kill Blade as well. The NS get ambushed and most die. King gets kidnapped, so Abigail and Blade crash the vampires central HQ and the final showdown begins. Blade and Drake dance a little sword swinging tango and..
The end? I'll get to that in a second. But first, let me tell you what I absolutely loved. RYAN REYNOLDS steals the show. This guy is so damn funny, it's unbearable. And it doesn't hurt the movie at all. It really juices it up. He and Blade have this animosity going on that is priceless. Blade is such a badass that when you hear Hannibal King tossing one-liners Blade's way, you flinch for King. I thought Blade was gonna slap him silly. The only suggestion I have is: there are some instances where less would be more with King. Sometimes I felt, okay that's one too many jokes in a row. Don't get me wrong, Vamp Wilder cracked me the F-up, but they could cut a joke or two out. Also, there is this weird jump when Danica says she's going to turn King back to a vampire. He suddenly - for the first time in the whole movie - goes completely serious. She's cracked King's armor, and it's a great scene. It's very believable. But, we cut to something else and when we come back - King's back to cracking jokes. That felt weird. However, I wouldn't sacrifice the "cavalry" bit that occurs right after. Funniest moment of the film.
A lot of the action is exactly what you'd expect and more from a Blade film. The car chase was beautiful. Blade is ruthless on these vamps. The EFFECTS were surprisingly tight. We were prompted that this was a "work in progress," but I didn't notice anything missing. The ashing is the best I've seen from any of the Blade films. There's this one scene where Abigail shoots a vampire, he ashes and his fried skull lands on the hood of a car with a THUMP. In other scenes, we watch skin zip off and then skeletons sizzle and ash. Tasty stuff like that abounds.
THE DRACULA MONSTER -while we unfortunately don't get to see enough of it - is horrific. He's like a towering, thorny, horned, pumped version of the skinless dude in Hellraiser with an Aliens-Predator hybrid mouth. The vampire dogs were also pretty sick. There's a funny bit when King has to battle it out with them.
TRIPLE H surprised me. He's funny and reminds me a lot of Deacon Frost's sidekick in the first film. PARKER POSEY is hilarious. She struts in like a slutty,trashy, spazoid vampire queen. A buddy of mine didn't dig her, but I totally ate her performance up. When she and King were in scenes together, they play off each other nicely.
HUMOR: I guess that is the main surprise in this film is that it's so damn funny. It's a good surprise. The scares are there, the gore is there, the ass kicking rules, the soundtrack is hot, and so the added humor is a bonus. Oh, and Ryan Reynolds might get the most laughs, but the funniest line of the entire film is said by Blade, and I won't give it away cause when he says it the crowd went nuts. I'll just say it's classic Blade.
Now with all that said, the one thing I hope-hope-hope (fingers crossed) they change is. THE ENDING. I saw one guy in front of me raise up his hands like "what the..." and i saw a few heads shaking. I don't know if they're gonna change it or what, but it involves some weird dying exchange between Blade and Drake that just comes out of left-field. I think it can work, but they need to set it up much better. Also, the voice-over (at the beginning and end) absolutely must go. It is not needed and it does nothing but insult our intelligence. We got what they were shooting for without hearing it.
Hopefully the filmmakers get enough feedback from those yellow response cards they had us fill out and they'll change the ending, because other than that beef, Blade: Trinity was one funny, gory, bass-thumping, ass-kicking, vamp-ashing hell of a ride.
We start out with some voice over about blood or something silly (more on this later) then we get a shot of Iraq. A helicopter swoops in and drops off some high tech military looking cats. They climb up this huge staircase into some type of ruined temple. Once inside we find out these are all vampires searching for someone. The vamps are led by Danica (Parker Posie). Suddenly, quicksand spills down and one of the vamps leans his gets yanked in. He pops back up spouting blood like a fountain from where his head used to be. Out of the hole, an armored hand lunges up and then this nasty bastard pops out all decked out in some old school knight-age armor. His mouth opens and we see a flash of fangs then....
Intro our hero. First let me say Blade kicks a lot of ass in this film. And the new weapons are delicious. First one we get to see is this whip-thing with a dagger on the end. It's not really a whip - it's retractable. Best I can describe it. Next we jump into a sweet car chase that ends in Blade accidentally killing a human. "Set your ass up," the victim says. On the roof Danica watches with her handy Rodney King cam.
The Feds get this tape and a lead on where Whistler and Blade are hiding out. Whistler tells Blade he's getting sloppy, and he can't do this alone.
Enter the Night Stalkers. Abigail (whose intro I'll just let y'all enjoy when you see it -- fyi: she probably has the best weapons & she's smokin hot) is Whistler's daughter. And Hannibal King (played by the ever funny Ryan Reynolds) used to be a suck-head but took the cure, and now he kills them.
Blade's boathouse gets bum-rushed by the feds and Whistler goes out with a bang. Once Blade is taken in, we find out the head of the FBI is a familiar. There is a hilarious scene where Dr. Vance gets all talk-therapy on Blade. "When you drink blood, do you find yourself getting sexually aroused?" Blade's reactions to his questions had us dying. We then find out Vance is a familiar too, and they are transferring Blade over to the vampires. The NS break up the party and rescue blade.
Back at their "honeycomb hideout" as King likes to call it, they fill Blade in on the arrival of Dracula, aka Drake. Apparently they've dug him up for some vampire "endgame." Drake taunts Blade into a foot chase and leads him up to a rooftop with an infant hostage he snags along the way. Drake tells Blade that next time they meet Blade will die by his sword.
We find out that the NS have something called the Day Star Virus that they are going to use to off the entire vampire race. The only problem? It will probably kill Blade as well. The NS get ambushed and most die. King gets kidnapped, so Abigail and Blade crash the vampires central HQ and the final showdown begins. Blade and Drake dance a little sword swinging tango and..
The end? I'll get to that in a second. But first, let me tell you what I absolutely loved. RYAN REYNOLDS steals the show. This guy is so damn funny, it's unbearable. And it doesn't hurt the movie at all. It really juices it up. He and Blade have this animosity going on that is priceless. Blade is such a badass that when you hear Hannibal King tossing one-liners Blade's way, you flinch for King. I thought Blade was gonna slap him silly. The only suggestion I have is: there are some instances where less would be more with King. Sometimes I felt, okay that's one too many jokes in a row. Don't get me wrong, Vamp Wilder cracked me the F-up, but they could cut a joke or two out. Also, there is this weird jump when Danica says she's going to turn King back to a vampire. He suddenly - for the first time in the whole movie - goes completely serious. She's cracked King's armor, and it's a great scene. It's very believable. But, we cut to something else and when we come back - King's back to cracking jokes. That felt weird. However, I wouldn't sacrifice the "cavalry" bit that occurs right after. Funniest moment of the film.
A lot of the action is exactly what you'd expect and more from a Blade film. The car chase was beautiful. Blade is ruthless on these vamps. The EFFECTS were surprisingly tight. We were prompted that this was a "work in progress," but I didn't notice anything missing. The ashing is the best I've seen from any of the Blade films. There's this one scene where Abigail shoots a vampire, he ashes and his fried skull lands on the hood of a car with a THUMP. In other scenes, we watch skin zip off and then skeletons sizzle and ash. Tasty stuff like that abounds.
THE DRACULA MONSTER -while we unfortunately don't get to see enough of it - is horrific. He's like a towering, thorny, horned, pumped version of the skinless dude in Hellraiser with an Aliens-Predator hybrid mouth. The vampire dogs were also pretty sick. There's a funny bit when King has to battle it out with them.
TRIPLE H surprised me. He's funny and reminds me a lot of Deacon Frost's sidekick in the first film. PARKER POSEY is hilarious. She struts in like a slutty,trashy, spazoid vampire queen. A buddy of mine didn't dig her, but I totally ate her performance up. When she and King were in scenes together, they play off each other nicely.
HUMOR: I guess that is the main surprise in this film is that it's so damn funny. It's a good surprise. The scares are there, the gore is there, the ass kicking rules, the soundtrack is hot, and so the added humor is a bonus. Oh, and Ryan Reynolds might get the most laughs, but the funniest line of the entire film is said by Blade, and I won't give it away cause when he says it the crowd went nuts. I'll just say it's classic Blade.
Now with all that said, the one thing I hope-hope-hope (fingers crossed) they change is. THE ENDING. I saw one guy in front of me raise up his hands like "what the..." and i saw a few heads shaking. I don't know if they're gonna change it or what, but it involves some weird dying exchange between Blade and Drake that just comes out of left-field. I think it can work, but they need to set it up much better. Also, the voice-over (at the beginning and end) absolutely must go. It is not needed and it does nothing but insult our intelligence. We got what they were shooting for without hearing it.
Hopefully the filmmakers get enough feedback from those yellow response cards they had us fill out and they'll change the ending, because other than that beef, Blade: Trinity was one funny, gory, bass-thumping, ass-kicking, vamp-ashing hell of a ride.