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Let's face it, we all have problems. No one is immune to them. I can help. I've been a practicing psychiatric physician, for, oh...about 47 seconds now, and I have the answers that you so desperately need. All consultations are private, except for the other members who can see it, and free.

Dr Moose is here to help.

....

You're obviously suffering from some sort of emotional instability. I mean, really, who comes into a doctor's office and just starts laughing?

how old are you? just curious...

I do..... hysterical

Old...really old.

I seem younger and more immature though, don't I?

I see lunatics.

HELP ME! I have problems with my personality

i think you're younger than me lady

Now now...in here, we prefer the name 'nuts' or 'loonies'. There is no need to medically classify anyone.

You obviously think you are a ninja. That can be a real problem, especially if you have no actual martial arts training. I think what you need is to focus on the positives in your life....are you able to dress yourself? Can you chew gum and walk at the same time? These positives will help you overcome obstacles.

I have my doubts, but if age is an issue, we can discuss it.

How old are you?

86

Thanks, doctor!

About Clovie, we celebrated her 86 birthday 3 weeks ago

I take that back.

I'm 8.

You're very welcome. If there is anything else, please let me know. And spread the word, I'm here to help.

*strolls in*

*looks around with disdain and lights Marlboro*

So Doc, what you gonna 'classify' me as?

didn't you believe me? cry

*pats Clovie's head*

I believe you darling

I'd have to get to know you first...but, at a glance...

First of all, with the Marlboro, I'd say you have a death wish, but it gives you a confident, sexy kind of aura. However, the obvious disdain tells me you have a inate fear of doctors and possibly pianos as well, but I can't be sure about that last one...

thank you hug

An 86 year old who just got their licence?

Either you guys have the toughest driving laws, or you are schizophrenic.

truth bag

so you think how old am i?

*puts hand in air*

My name's Kez and I'm a Schizophrenic

Speaking like Yoda you are...A Star Wars complex you have?

I would guess around 16?

Tell me about your childhood.

I didn't have a childhood.

And Klaudia's 18

Interesting. So, you were just born a rally big person?

am i?
i haven't seen star wars

and i'm not 16.





@ kez keep your information to yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ Clo - Sorry hun!!! cry

@ Moose - I was born with breasts and a complex, yes.

take that crying smilie away from me crying1

That's tough. I was born with hooves and a bad complection...

So, tell me, the breasts, they have been a downfall for you?

What nation do you reside in?

poland...

Nope, my breasts are pretty perky, it's the rest of me that seems to droop. I mean, I've been this big person for so long now. All I want to know is, when will it end???

Let's explore the breasts some more...
*slaps himself*

That was unprofessional.

Big person in what way? You are giving, warm, generous?

How does this make you feel?

it doesn't make me feel anything at all.

Big heart, big mouth and big eyes, height; I guess I'm kinda tall. I have ample booty (considering I'm slender) and I also have freakishly long fingers. So......

You can feel me if it helps

touched

hug

I think I love you.

everyone does


kerry i have never seen your pic nono

I had loads of modelling pics done a few months ago, but my friend downstairs (he took them) sent them to my email and I never received them, and he deleted them off the disc as soon as he sent them. I'll have some more done because I was really surprised, I actually looked quite good. THEN you'll see me

Moose, I never love on the first date.

really??? when????????????????

When I get them done. I have to find someone semi professional, I don't want tacky pics diva

i know who can make good pics... but no point in telling that

*can't wait*

I can see the loonies' nuts.

These pictures, even the tacky ones, may help me form a better analysis. But...in my professional opinion, I'd say you're a well endowed....er...adjusted woman who wants to be my nurse.

Woah, three whole pages (almost) until some genius got there!!

Corran winkiss

Pffffft!! Me? A Nurse? Honey, I'm a Club Owner/Dancer/Barmaid

But the fringe benefits....



Are my nuts showing?

OK, I'll do it

Gotta go now though, catch y'all later hug

Later.

Dr. Moose is taking a break too.

bye kerz buhbye

Odd questions plague my brain and keep me awake at night, and often during the day.

Questions like "how can a moose type" and "why is it that all the cute chicks get there names translated into nice pretty things and i get stuck with "Super Lesion stump boy".

Help me doc....

*snorting laughter behind his hoof*

Good questions young man...not easilly answered.

Well, first off, most people don't know, but us EVOLVED Moose, have a tiny opposable thumb that allows us some manual motor skills that many others, including humans don't have. Hours and HOURS of training as well as some discreet plastic surgery have also helped.

On to your second question.

Look pal, don't piss in my cornflakes. I know which side my bread is buttered on, and if giving a cute girl a nice name is gonna help my chances of getting a date for the Forrest Ball, then I'M GONNA TAKE IT!

Another laugher! Is there anything I can do to help you?

This thread didn't really fulfill it's task. There are more lunatics and inbred yokels at KMC than ever before. PLEASE people, for the love of God, LET ME HELP YOU!

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
This thread didn't really fulfill it's task. There are more lunatics and inbred yokels at KMC than ever before. PLEASE people, for the love of God, LET ME HELP YOU! please help me cry.... Im thinking about going to a friends house for a movie... the problem is.. .... Ive had his coffee in the past... its soooo good too ... how do I go for a movie but not... coffee? bag

Originally posted by Shelbert Lemon
please help me cry.... Im thinking about going to a friends house for a movie... the problem is.. .... Ive had his coffee in the past... its soooo good too ... how do I go for a movie but not... coffee? bag

Essentially, there is no hope for you in this instance. Your obvious nymphomania knows no bounds and the poor bugger has no idea what the hell he's in for. I'll pray for him.

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
Essentially, there is no hope for you in this instance. Your obvious nymphomania knows no bounds and the poor bugger has no idea what the hell he's in for. I'll pray for him. IM for serious... I need a coffee fix... prey for him. He does, after coffee with me... well not all the time.. he says Ive put a spell on him... whatever I want I can have but IM not like that... I only want some company and coffee.

Originally posted by Shelbert Lemon
IM for serious... I need a coffee fix... prey for him. He does after coffee with me... well not all the time.. he says Ive put a spell on him... whatever I want I can have but IM not like that... I only want some company and coffee.

Wow, this is worse off than I imagined. I've got a surprise for you though. Bring out Shellie's old roommate, Nailz! Nailz, come on out!!

jerry

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
Wow, this is worse off than I imagined. I've got a surprise for you though. Bring out Shellie's old roommate, Nailz! Nailz, come on out!!

jerry Nailz! shock.... thats not even right, whats that skank want with him....

doesnt matter, he will be busy with me tonight... Ive decided. Movie and a Coffee.

Originally posted by Shelbert Lemon
Nailz! shock.... thats not even right, whats that skank want with him....

doesnt matter, he will be busy with me tonight... Ive decided. Movie and a Coffee.



Anyhow. You're a big boy Shellie. You'll have to make up your own mind on this matter, and God rest the soul of the poor bastard who's making the coffee.

Can't you just have Decaf at home?

hysterical

STOP reminding me how AWFUL I was nono

Originally posted by Syren
hysterical

STOP reminding me how AWFUL I was nono


Hooo.....Kerry..... You and the marlboros, and your booty....and your perky boobs....wow.....

I still think I love you.

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~


Anyhow. You're a big boy Shellie. You'll have to make up your own mind on this matter, and God rest the soul of the poor bastard who's making the coffee.

Can't you just have Decaf at home? boy? ..... Im no boy diva ... .. besides... Id give my left nut to have some coffee tonight.. its not like Id be hurtin anyone. I dont see what the big deal is.


Decaf?... no, I need something strong and bold. I wont find that in my pantry....

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
Hooo.....Kerry..... You and the marlboros, and your booty....and your perky boobs....wow.....

I still think I love you.

Yeah, because you're easily pleased. Don't you look for more in a woman now you've matured a little? I mean, who the f.uck did I think I was?

If I met me then, as I am now, I'd punch myself right in the face.

Originally posted by Shelbert Lemon
boy? ..... Im no boy diva ... .. besides... Id give my left nut to have some coffee tonight.. its not like Id be hurtin anyone. I dont see what the big deal is.


Decaf?... no, I need something strong and bold. I wont find that in my pantry....

Shh...it makes the story more interesting.

This conversation is getting TOO HOT FOR TV!!

Originally posted by Syren
Yeah, because you're easily pleased. Don't you look for more in a woman now you've matured a little? I mean, who the f.uck did I think I was?

If I met me then, as I am now, I'd punch myself right in the face.

Oh Kerry, I'd punch you in the face too.

No, wait, I meant I'd punch me in the face too.

We all do stuff that we aren't proud of. My God woman, I pretended to BE a MOOSE! I think I'd actually convinced myself.

Besides, you were cute.

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
Oh Kerry, I'd punch you in the face too.

No, wait, I meant I'd punch me in the face too.

We all do stuff that we aren't proud of. My God woman, I pretended to BE a MOOSE! I think I'd actually convinced myself.

Besides, you were cute.

Thanks Moose, it's so good to know you care enough to physically assault me should the moment call for it

Oh, so you wouldn't really punch me? cry

You're still pretending to be a Moose. Um leftright

Yeah. WERE cute? mhm

Originally posted by Syren
Yeah, because you're easily pleased. Don't you look for more in a woman now you've matured a little? I mean, who the f.uck did I think I was?

If I met me then, as I am now, I'd punch myself right in the face. I think I want coffee with you now... that was sooo great droolio


Im terrible bag


Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
Shh...it makes the story more interesting.

This conversation is getting TOO HOT FOR TV!! this isnt interesting... this is my life


I want some English coffee... I dont know whats wrong with me, why do I want it sooo much?

Originally posted by Shelbert Lemon
I think I want coffee with you now... that was sooo great droolio


Im terrible bag


Wait, what? blushing

I'm drinking instant coffee right now. Shitty, instant, English coffee

Originally posted by Syren
Thanks Moose, it's so good to know you care enough to physically assault me should the moment call for it

Oh, so you wouldn't really punch me? cry

You're still pretending to be a Moose. Um leftright

Yeah. WERE cute? mhm

I wouldn't just physically assault anyone, y'know?

I might.

Hell no! I AM a Moose honey! Pfft.

Kerry, you're beyond cute now.

Originally posted by Syren
Wait, what? blushing

I'm drinking instant coffee right now. Shitty, instant, English coffee its true ... touched can we have a movie night sometime?


Your used to it... perhaps you need som shitty American coffee to cleans the pallet flirt1

Originally posted by Shelbert Lemon
I think I want coffee with you now... that was sooo great droolio


Im terrible bag


this isnt interesting... this is my life


I want some English coffee... I dont know whats wrong with me, why do I want it sooo much?

*strokes beard* Fascinating.....Fascinating......


.o0{It's times like these where I wish I was less good looking and more smartererer....er..... )

A prime example of why animals shouldn't be allowed to join forums. ermm

Originally posted by Lady Fianna
A prime example of why animals shouldn't be allowed to join forums. ermm

You know, you've been quite insulting of me now for some weeks. It's akin to a little girl hitting the boy in the school yard whom she secretly has a crush on.

Dr Moose's diagnosis: Fianna loves me! Fianna loves me!

Isn't it the other way around? The little boy bullies the girl he has a secret crush on because he's unable to display true affection, being male.

But the little girl bullies the boy she genuinely thinks is an imbecile. In my experience dodgy

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
*strokes beard* Fascinating.....Fascinating......


.o0{It's times like these where I wish I was less good looking and more smartererer....er..... ) like Im wanting things that are or not possible?..... ..... then I dont see the problem... I see the solution

Originally posted by Syren


Isn't it the other way around? The little boy bullies the girl he has a secret crush on because he's unable to display true affection, being male.

But the little girl bullies the boy she genuinely thinks is an imbecile. In my experience dodgy

And THAT is why you are my secretary and not a proper doctor.

Ms. Syren, please take a dictation.

Ahem. I, Ms Syren, shall never offer my opinion to Dr Moose EVER again, lest I be tied to his bedpost and flogged mercilessly.




Actually, what are you doing after work? naughty

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
You know, you've been quite insulting of me now for some weeks. It's akin to a little girl hitting the boy in the school yard whom she secretly has a crush on.

Dr Moose's diagnosis: Fianna loves me! Fianna loves me! *pulls out a pin and sticks it into the giant balloon that is your ego*

I refer you to Syren's answer. It is quite sufficient.

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
And THAT is why you are my secretary and not a proper doctor.

Ms. Syren, please take a dictation.

Ahem. I, Ms Syren, shall never offer my opinion to Dr Moose EVER again, lest I be tied to his bedpost and flogged mercilessly.




Actually, what are you doing after work? naughty

Consider me officially offended mhm

Seriously though, dictation or no dictation, I'm right. Say it

Syren, I killed off Talia shock

Originally posted by Lady Fianna
*pulls out a pin and sticks it into the giant balloon that is your ego*

I refer you to Syren's answer. It is quite sufficient.

It's understandable. You're too smitten to speak for yourself. It's ok. Let's try to be professional, ok?

Originally posted by Syren
Consider me officially offended mhm

Seriously though, dictation or no dictation, I'm right. Say it

Right, you were my nurse, sorry. I forgot why I hired you, other than the fact that your legs are so long that they end somewhere behind your ears..... droolio

I can't and I won't mhm

Originally posted by Lady Fianna
Syren, I killed off Talia shock

jawdrop

I will probably hate you for the next hour or so. Do not be alarmed, consider it my grieving period cry

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
Right, you were my nurse, sorry. I forgot why I hired you, other than the fact that your legs are so long that they end somewhere behind your ears..... droolio

I can't and I won't mhm

stfu

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
It's understandable. You're too smitten to speak for yourself. It's ok. Let's try to be professional, ok? It's so hard though Scott, I mean I just love you so much, how am I supposed to deal with it? I know that you're only attracted to Norwegian truck drivers but surely we can work something out?

Originally posted by Syren
jawdrop

I will probably hate you for the next hour or so. Do not be alarmed, consider it my grieving period cry



stfu I accept that. cry

Originally posted by Syren
jawdrop

I will probably hate you for the next hour or so. Do not be alarmed, consider it my grieving period cry



stfu

God, I am just so pompous, aren't I?

but my hottness makes up for it.

Originally posted by Lady Fianna
It's so hard though Scott, I mean I just love you so much, how am I supposed to deal with it? I know that you're only attracted to Norwegian truck drivers but surely we can work something out?

Silly Svend, that's what attracted me to you in the first place.

*makes crazy "Honk the horn" sings by pumping his fist in the air*

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
Silly Svend, that's what attracted me to you in the first place.

*makes crazy "Honk the horn" sings by pumping his fist in the air* So now you've just moved on? Just like that? cry

wOw the tables turned quickly in here droolio.... Im feeling so much better about having coffee tonight.

Originally posted by Canadian Moose
I take that back.

I'm 8.

*bans*

Originally posted by Lady Fianna
So now you've just moved on? Just like that? cry

Well, apparently you don't have your truck anymore, so.....no big rig, no Big moose. nono

Originally posted by ~Da Moose~
Well, apparently you don't have your truck anymore, so.....no big rig, no Big moose. nono Meh, I've got a Big elk all lined up, I'll get over you.

Originally posted by Syren


Isn't it the other way around? The little boy bullies the girl he has a secret crush on because he's unable to display true affection, being male.

But the little girl bullies the boy she genuinely thinks is an imbecile. In my experience dodgy

Bah, by your logic I would be madly in love with Irenemhm