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Ok well i consider myself the greatest family guy fan so i know all the quotes, but what is your favorite quote, mine is from the episode entitled "Peter Peter Caviar eater" its during a flash back when lois and peter met and peter was the towel boy at lois' and margarite's summer villa, and when peter first sees lois he goes up to her and says "Hi I'm towel and I have a Peter for you"

or "Thats my mama"

I remember those...

I love Family Guy, but our cable got cut off a couple of months ago....hmmmm

ACK! I am trying so hard to remember the exact words of some of them...but I can't!

There are tons though, but I think I'm mixing them up...

"He's wearing a wire" by stewey(spelling?) in th episode when he and brian went on a trip

Brian: Oh, please, Peter, your excuses are lamer than FDR's legs. Meg & Peter: *gasp* Brian: Too soon?

"ohhh Peter, you are the height of just-too-muchery..."

yea thats a good one., heres another one from road to rode island,
Brian:*SPINS AROUND IN BAR CHAIR*
Lady next to him(LNTH):umm I think you had enough
Brian: what are you talking about you icresingly attractive lady.
LNTH: Oh stop
Brian: No you could be in magazines, you could, YOU COULD.
LNTH: Oh stop
Brian: yea and im not talking about like JUGGS or CREAMCICLE
LNTH:*WALKS AWAY*
Brian: call me!!......She'll never call.

oh how hillarious is that show

"oh peter, the spaniard would call you El Terrible

Peter: What the hell did you do?
Brian: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at risk.

"yeah... its in the window this time."

Sorry...I got another

"Hey Meg, 18 yet"
"No"
"Ohhkay..."

Mr.Weed: "Peter, are you sleeping on the job?"
Peter: "Ar, er, no, there's a bug in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate it"

Stewie: "No sprinkles! God help you if I find sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!"

Peter: "Heehehehehehehe, duty, heheheheheeeee diarrhoea"

*After Peter has angererd the Black Knight, the Black Knight swears if he ever sees him again, he'll kill him - but Peter shows up the day in the audience"
Black Knight: "What's your fat ass doing here?"
Man on fat donkey: "He's my only means of transport"
Black Knight "Oh, and what are you doing here Griffin?"

Woman: "Hey, whats your name?"
*Peter tries to come up with a different name*
Peter: "Er.....er........."
*Peter sees a pea on his plate"
Peter: "........pea........"
*Peter sees a woman crying and a tear on her cheek*
Peter: "........tear........."
*Peter sees a griffin fly by*
Peter: ".....griffin..........ah crap"

Also - check my sig.

Here is one of my favorite lines.

"You know who he took to the prom as his date"death's mother talking to peter.

"No who"peter

"His counsin!"Death's mother

(both laughs)

"That's weak!"Peter.

Now that is a great lline!JM

"Hello, 9-1-1? It's Quagmire here. Yeah, it's stuck in a window this time." -Quagmire

"A boat is a boat, but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat! You know how we always wanted one of those!" -Peter

"We now go live to Diane being a b*tch. Diane." -Tom Tucker

"Stay tuned for our special investigative report on the clitoris, 'Nature's Rubik's Cube'." -Tom Tucker

My fave Episode is one called "Wasted Talent" - where Peter wins a golden ticket to go to Pawtucket Pats brewery - some of the funniest things ever come from that episode:

*when Peter finds a Golden Ticket*
Man in street: "Run Peter, run home as fast as you can!"
*Peter runs home, and trips on a paving slab*
Peter: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ffssssssssssssssssssssssss, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, fssssssssssssssssssssssssss, aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, fffffffffffffffffsssssssssssssss, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,fssssssssssssssssssssss, aaaaaaaaaaah, fffffffffssssssssssssss"

and

"Go on buds, drink my suds, and you'll slip into pure inebriation. Though the beer it is free, you're just renting it from meeeeeeeeee"

"It's like I've died and went to heaven - only they realised it wasn't my time, and so they sent me back to a brewery"

Yeah, that was a good one.

"Hey, Peter. This one you CAN blame on the dog."

Meg: Wow, Chris, did you lose weight?
Chris: Well, I've been working out all week.
Meg: You look wicked skinny. I'm like, jealous.
Chris: Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your mustache.
Meg: I don't have a mustache... do I?

(Quagmire sees a cheerleader stewie tied up in a bathroom stall)
Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.

^ that creeped me out but was funny

Meg: Wow, Chris, did you lose weight?
Chris: Well, I've been working out all week.
Meg: You look wicked skinny. I'm like, jealous.
Chris: Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your mustache.
Meg: I don't have a mustache... do I?

Stewie giving maybe five minutes of pure sarcastic jab at the 'You are the weakest link. Goodbye,' line. Also in the same episode,

Stewie: Well I'll love to stay and chit-chat but you're a total *****.

Peter:Ok that's it I am calling the police!
Louistewie I don't wanna have to go in there!
Chris:Your Beautiful!
Meg:Well I do have that dress that you hate!
Stewie:Arn't you little too old to be wearing braces!

Ok guys time to guess where these lines are from!Good luck!JM

These crack me up every time:

Peter:"Lois, if you strike me down I shall become more powerful then you can ever imagine"

(peter writes a letter to craig t. nelson to get coach back on the air, but whites out some text to make it say, "I will kill craig t. nelson"
Craig T Nelson:"Are you Peter Griffin?"
Peter:"yeah"
(nelson hands peter a gun)
Craig T Nelson:"Make it quick"

Peter:"Holy crap Brian, what am i going to do? Lois is gonna be home in a couple of days, and we're getting kicked outta the house tomorrow! "
Brian:"what do you suggest?"
Peter:"Get out your ring."
Brian:"Peter that's not gonna--"
Peter:"Come on!"
Both together:"WonderTwin Powers..... Activate!"
Peter:"Form of--- Steam!"
(pause)
Brian:Peter, we got these in a box of frankenberry

My fav episode is when Brian & Stewie go to London to see Mother Maggie. They're in Amsterdam, and stop for coffee. My favourite lines are;

Stewie: (really high) I think the reason why we die...
Brian: (Also really high) Hey man, I know exactly what you're going to say and....
Stewie: (giggling) Shhh! Shhhhh! Shush! (serious again) I think the reason why we die, is because we accept it as an inevitability! Whhha!

Sorry, I guess you have to see it to get it~ *lmao*

Brian: You want to take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoe?

Its gotta b from the 1st series Chitty chitty Death Bang
Chris:u want some ice cream b.day dude
Stewie:yes but no sprinkles, for every sprinkle i find i shall kill u.
and
Quagmireear Diary, Jackpot.
Chris:what about the time she strangled our other sister?
lOis;now chris we've been over this it was just a very bad dream
chris:but i remember it so....
both:IT WAS A DREAM
priceless

Oh and
Pervy old man:Holy moly it must be my birthday
(from method to madness)

Quotes huh...okay I'll play

Stewie: this is my house!
Peter: three days? that's tomorrow.
Brian: whose wife do I have to hump to get a dry mar-tiny
Stewie: who the hell do you think you are?
Peter: holly crap..I'm Black.
Peter: don't listen to him kids stay Black and proud.
Old gay man: I got some pop sciles in the basement.
Old gay man: bring your fat ass back over here.
New york preacher dude: god is good and he expect us to be good..cuz if your not he's gonna come down and bash ya freakin skull...
I think that's enough next!

Disabled Man: A sphincter says what?
Joe Swanson: What?
Disabled Man: Ha ha ha ha. You stupid bastard.

Disabled Man: That was pathetic. Tell your wife to come over to my place if she wants a little boom shacka-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom shacka-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom shacka-lacka-lacka-lacka-lacka. Boom.

Stewie Griffin: The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem... it's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much I want to "kill" her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh... I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"

Peter Griffin: You all know how observant I am.
TV Announcer: And now back to Star Trek.
Peter Griffin: Holy crap. Uhura's black?

Brian Griffin: You're really going to take back donated gifts on Christmas Eve?
Peter Griffin: Yes, now here's the plan. We'll enter through the air conditioning duct here. Which will be guarded by lasers three inches above the floor, now you'll have to squeeze yourself to the size of about a sponge and then crawl across the floor like a dolphin or some other amphibious mammal.
Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?

peter: (talking about Brian) OH my god..you can talk!
.I forgot that one.

white kid with hat on: hey guys you wanna go push the jainitor knowing legally he can't push us back?
Quamere: how old are you little girl?
Girl: 16!
Quamere: 18?
Girl: moooom!
Stipper: how old are you?
Chris: old enough to know your a whore.
Quamere: I like were this is going Gitty gitty!

lol

Originally posted by Mainstream
white kid with hat on: hey guys you wanna go push the jainitor knowing legally he can't push us back?
Quamere: how old are you little girl?
Girl: 16!
Quamere: 18?
Girl: moooom!
Quamere: I like were this is going gitty gitty.
Stipper: how old are you?
Chris: old enough to know your a whore.

like seriosly, this show is probalbly the only show where i can say i LOVE EVERY Ep. and bc of this i prolly have way too many favorite eps and favorite quotes for that mater. however, i saw a really great ep recently and its one of the best ever; the one where peter is jealous of louis having guy friends.
( Peter dressed up in a suit standing in front of a mirror with Loius too dressed and standing by his side)
*Louis fixing Peter's tie and admiring him*
louis: look at that handsome guy!
Peter: *gets angry at man in mirror* that bastard! *breaks mirror* LMAO!

Hahaha I like the die one hahaha...And the one with the rings the wounder twins thing hahah I don't remember how it goes

My fav quotes....?? Hmm there are so many but I have time so here we go.

On the episode "Death's a *****"
Death: Peter Griffin?
Peter: This is Peter Griffin - <Points to a lamp>
Same Episode
Stewie talking to Death: Hi there, Stewie, Big Fan
Again Same Episode
Death: Aww he's a good kid, I just hope his teen years are better then mine
FLASHBACK
Car Rocking
Death: Oh Sandy! Oh Sandy!
Sandy: Oh De... (She Dies)
Car stops rocking
Death: Aw crap I'm gonna be a virgin forever...Or am I?
Car rocks again
On the Episode "Death Lives"
Death: Hey you can't go in that way
Peter: I aint as hell goin in the other end!
Death:Fine stay here in limbo in your stupid body, oh and another thing when the lighting hit you, you soiled yourself, enjoy!
On the Episode "Road to Rhode Island"
Stewie: And the lord said to Abraham to sacrifice his first son and Abraham said I can't hear you please speak into the microphone
Brian: Say something about my mother
Stewie: Oh yes, I never knew beatrice as a dog but I knew her as a coffee table
Brian: Alright you can stop!

Just like I can stop, I'll say more later on, after these are commented on!

Yes, i'd like 6,000 chicken faGitas,please..

"It's my Sex-box and her name is Sony."

"NOOOOOO. Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damn longears, trying to take Easter away from Jesus. Anyway, what was that you were saying?"

"Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that."

The list just goes on and on. And the new season starts May 1st!

"Cigarettes killed my father, and raped my mother."

Peter: I dont agree with what you just said, but ill defend to the death your right to say it

peter: royal flush wonder woman, lets see you pair(wonder woman unhooks her bra) or Man in white cloak: "what the hell are you"? stewie: "i'm a boy(zzzaaappp) victory is mine!"

The Don: daughter what troubles you on this the day of my daughter wedding?

2 ghost girls: come play with us

Stewie: all work and no play make Stewie a dull boy! (pulls out a gun)

Brian: serious) I made you..so in a sense I am your father!

Peter: (scared and defensive) that's no true!

i like the when Lois is giving the Piano lesson and stewie says:

Stewie: A little quiter please im trying to watch the history Cahnnel here!

Lois: i will be right back Billy i have to get another lesson book

Stewie runs over to billy and beats his ass, then sits back on the couch like nothing happened.

Lois comes back to billy and notices how beat up he is. " o Billy what Happened!/?

Stewie: o yes billy tell us what happened? says Stewie with an evil smile

Billy looks at Stewie and the at Lois and says: uhh...i.......fell

Peter: Is your fridge running
Man: Yes
Peter: I bet it runs like you, very homosexual-like

Brian: you want an explanation...god is pissed!

Peter's dad: holy mother..it's the holy father!

Brian: playing with that wheat thresher..always playing with that wheat thresher!

Stewie: I love Crack..I'm koo koo for crack

Stewie: good news Slappy..I've decided not to kill you.

Stewie: I'm hot..now I'm cold oh Slappy what have you done to me?

Lois: you can't hit me I'm a girl.

Peter: sometimes I wonder.

(falling of the roof..)
Peter: ahhhhhh ( a web hammock catches him.) thanks spider-man.

spider-man: everyone gets one.

Peter: Ah Lois remember when I was the 3rd Hardy boy.

Lois: Peter, their was no 3rd Hardy boy.

Peter: just like their was no Apocalypse?! He shots he scores!!!

Meg: "Give it to me, give it to me, Neal."
Neal: "That oughta work just fine."

Diane- Tom's dared me to do the news topless, I've got the goods but do I have the guts? Find out at 11.
Tom- That's breaking news and maybe Diane's Boobs later tonight.

Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane....
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers!

TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: We now return to the Smurfs...
(on television screen)
Smurf #1: Hey, did you have a good time last night?
Smurf #2: Smurf-tacular!
Smurf #1: Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette.
Smurf #2: Oh man, as soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me.
Smurf #1: Shut the Smurf up!
Smurf #2: Yeah!
Smurf #1: Right in the Smurfing parking lot?
Smurf #2: That is freaking Smurf.

Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze."

"Diarhea. Oh sorry. What is diarhea?"-Peter

"It's not that I want to kill her. I just don't want her to be alive, anymore"-Stewie

Never watched the show, I've downloaded a clip fo theirs though.
"This isnt Art, This isnt even entertainment, this....BLOWS! *Farts forever and lets a squeak at the end* *Everyone laughs*"

Peter: Aww man! I hate Trivial Pursuit, it always makes me feel so stupid.
Brian: More stupid then that time you locked your keys out of the car?
(Cut to Peter inside the car with his keys lying outside his car door.)
Peter: Damn it! Hey! Hey! Somebody! Hey! Sir! Sir! Sir! You see those keys there? Sir! Si-! (man walks away) Screw you! (Sticks a bent straight hanger out of his window and trys to catch the keys on the hanger. The keys fall.) Oh wanaaahhaahaaa!

Peter: (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.

stewie: you know what else is funny (farts loudly) AAHH damn i broke a blood vessle

asian reporter- now that you have escaped jail what will you do
prisoner- well im gonna bang my girlfriend then kill chris griffin
stewie- Oh my god did he just say he was going to bang his girlfriend on tv!

brian-aw what the hell be the best damn hooker you can be

man- oh my god theres a bear in my oatmeal!

peter- its ok chris mister rogers looks at women naked (clip to mister roger looking at the next door neighbor getting undressed mr rogers helloo neighbor

brian- ill pay you six bucks to run around naked
stewie-make it eight
brian-fine (stewie runs through the center of the mall yelling "i just got out of kevin spacey's basement"

(stewie jumps on brians back) "go luke" brian- this is pointless
stewie- that is why you fail

Blacky Weather Report-IT'S GONNA RAIN!!!

peter- you know if i wasnt so sure your were a lesbion i'd say you were coming onto me

*Black Knight walks up to crowd*

Black Knight- "Hey whats your fat ass doing here?"

Guy on fat donkey- "He's my only means of conveyance but I guess I do spoil him"

Black Knight- "clearly you do"

stewie: thats it its always been about the damn cookies (stewie walks away) dont let her see you cry old man

Peter-"Women are not people, they are things built by the lord jesus christ for our entertainment"

Brain-"I loooooove chocolate, its sooooooo good. But I cant eat it because it will make me fat, but its soooooooooo good"

Peter-"You wanna know something? I always thought that... dogs laid eggs...... and I learned something today"

Loise's dad- "My god he's violating sea-breeze"
Peter-"No he's just awkwardly positioning himself.. Oh now he's violating sea-breeze"

(those are all different quotes from different episodes)

cleveland: i'm going to kill Quagmire

Quagmire: giggity giggity giggity gigg giggity...
to lois will you go to the bath room already

This is one from stewie.

"here is something nasty (farts) Ahh I broke a damn blood vessel."

Peter: I think my Alphabets are giving me a message
Brian: What Do you think it is
Peter: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Brian: Peter those are cheerios

or
Stewie: Blast I hate lois When I grow up I hope to be a homosexual

or even
Chris: Guess whate word I'm thinking
I'll give you a clue it's not Kitty
Meg: I know is it Kitty
Chris: Witch witch get out of my head

cleveland: glen Quagmire your dead

palpatine: good let the hate flow through you
lois:your not helping

Quagmire-"Lois I'd do everything to you"
Lois-"What?"
Quagmire-"I'd do anything for you"

peter: our rating are higher than alyssa milano

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.

lois: mommy will be up later to kiss you goodnight
stewie: burn in hell

attention restauranters testicals that is all

my favorite scene is when stewie words f*** you to brian and he walks away pissed, adn stewie says, "What, I said vacuum!"

Or
Peters on the phone with some guy, "Um ya, I'm retarded."
then he walks into a girl bathroom 'flings open stall door, girl screams'
"Sorry retarded, dont know any better,"-peter
"Oh, thats ok," -lady in stall

Stewie: Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

Stewie (in car with Brian, says to police officer): We met on the Internet. He lured me into the car with promises of candy and funny stories.

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

Peter: Hey, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs just like you....very homosexually

I win close the thread down.

the Dog: Better then that time you tried you're hand at genetic engineering?
Peter: *comes in with a moose head* Lois, where did we keep the Tylenol.

I'm Surprised nobody said this quote:
"Milk,Milk, Lemonade, around the corner Fudge is made."
To me that's the best quote yet!!!

Chris: Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit!
Doug (Chris's Zit): You traitor!
Doctor: Whoa, that's a doosie! I bet some of those awful kids at school call you Zit Face?
Chris: No
Doctor: Papa Zit?
Chris: No
Doctor: Pus Peak?
Chris: No
Doctor: Fat ass?
Chris: Well..yeah..
Doctor: TSk, tsk..oh, that's terrible!

Brian:Bonnie quit with all your questions your ruining eveyones good time like peter did when he went to entertain the dying children.

Peter: Alright so im at the DMV the other die long lines, long lines at the DMV but you'll find out all about that when you get older(dead silence)
Moving on so i finally tried Viagra(Kid moans)Oh we got a joaker in the audience then something you wanna say there mr hickler!
Kid: Dying hurts
Peter: tell me about it

Lois: Sweetie, it's brocolli. It's good for you. Now open up for the airplane!

Stewie: Never! Damn the brocolli, damn you and damn the Wright Brothers!!!
Lois: My, aren't WE fussy tonight?ok, no brocolli.

Stewie: Who the hell do you think you are?
Lois: Honey it's not going to go away cause you don't like it.
Stewie: Well then my goal becomes clear. The broocolli must die!!

So, Broccolli, Mother says you're very good for me... Well, I'm afraid I'm NO GOOD FOR YOU! The first rule of war is Know Thine Enemy, and I know THIS: Cold KILLS broccolli! It's so simple! All I need to do is build a machine to control the global environment. Forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genius with A CHANCE OF DOOM!
-Stewie Griffin

The Road to Rhode Island song

stewie: this is my rifle this is my gun *grabs his nut* this is 4 fighting this is 4 fun

stewie: damn you and your estrogenical treachery
stewie: we're playing house...roman Polanski's house
stewie: what the hell are you doing those are my graham crackers...why you gin soaked dewberry I'm going to find something to strike you with excuse me
stewie: i have a message from billiam, he told me to tell you i killed him

"THE CONCEIT OF YOU HUMANS, THE ARROGANCE!!"

repair man: yeah, it appears a half eaten meatball was clogging up the in-take
peter: well did you save it?
repair man: ummm...no
peter: you bastard.

can anyone remember the one where Mayor West is protecting quagmire, and then he cant stop laughing?

Stewie to Meg: "Oh yes, this regardless of everything else you've done will be the end of you. I mean the way you dress won't have an effect, the way you look doesn't matter. No, it is this one thing that will be the end of you. I mean do you hear yourself!? I just may kill you tonight."

May not be exact but close enough.

is it comprehensible.....

Peter: Chris, you're not fat, you just come from a long line of husky griffins like your great great uncle jabba the griffin...
jabba the griffin: raja nabadua gola wookie nipple pinchie

lol

Lion guy- "Eye of thundera, give me sight beyond sight" *stares at girl through the wall taking a dump*

Peter: Hi im Peter Griffin, My friends call me Peter for Short

Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: No
Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: No
Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: YES CHRIS OK, WERE THERE!!
Chris: LIAR!

Hummana Hummana. POW right in the kisser