The KMC Crisis Hotline/Dear Sothy

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Lord Soth
If any of you have a crisis, or are asking for advice, come here! I can guarantee that I will never be serious and always be hilarious!

Baylin
Dear Sothy you've got to help you see I've got this itching...

Lord Soth
Have you flossed? Because if you've flossed the magical mushrooms would not have invaded your pancreas, therefore preventing the itch.

~Sothy

leatherface12
laughing

Baylin
I floss! But the itching wont go

Sir Bob III
dear slothy, my ass hurts

Baylin
have you tried flossing?

Lord Soth
Well Bob, if your ass hurts than obviously you have not washed your hamster

DeNiro
Sothy I have a serious problem. Now I have been leaving with this illness for all my life even when I was born. It is very embaressing and I dontknow if i want to explain here but maybe u can help. U see I was born with this rare diease called bigadickitous. Which means that my penis is over 10 inches long and it will grow on a average inch a year what can I do to stop this madness

Sir Bob III
niiiice







i wouldnt complain

Baylin
get your eyes tested stick out tongue

LarryTheArch
not lie aboutyour penis size would help

Lord Soth
You must become one with the kitchen appliance salesmen, they will show you the way

Sir Bob III
for his prick

Lord Soth
Next?

DeNiro
get my eyes tested laughing out loud That was good Ill bump that post laughing out loud

LarryTheArch
Dear sothy... i have a serious problem. See I have this problem where I start fights with @ssholes and B!tches on an on-line web stie called Uranusisacrater.com. How do I stop myself?

Sir Bob III
not go on the site

DeNiro
I wouldnt stop seems like fun

Lord Soth
You must do this in the exact order I give to you, or else the cure will not work

-Make me a pastrami sandwich
-Dance the dance of the naked blender f**king people
-shave your goat and burn his fur in an offering to the God of SPAM
-Sing the ancient chant of the ancient old people
-and then get really stoned and forget all about the site

Sir Bob III
i like the last one

LarryTheArch
thank you

Sir Bob III
dear slothy,
i have a problem with little boys that wear clothes is this normal
-micheal Jackson

DeNiro
What can I do to umm I dont know get a pop right now without getting up

Sir Bob III
hire a slave

LarryTheArch
hmmm... go up to a cop and say it... itll help

Lord Soth
Dear Michael,
It has been predestined by the all-knowing zits of fate that you would behave this way. My best advice is to kill yourself now

Sir Bob III
WOO HOO

Lord Soth
You must summon the shadowy demon-o'-jello by singing a fire hour hymn about the differences between butter, Parkay, I Can't Believe it's not butter and margarine.

Or you could get off your lazy ass and get the pop stick out tongue

DeNiro
Ill do the first choice eek! fu'ck getting up

Sir Bob III
you are too funny for your own good

DeNiro
Its hard to read his posts I got a crissis i cant spell and i cant read ur posts good

Lord Soth
It must be because you are possessed by the Sometimes-can-read-sometimes-can't demon. To get rid of this demon, flail your limbs about like you are being massaged by a fat piggish woman, and then the demon will be weakened enough to be beaten out of your head with a loofah sponge

LarryTheArch
heres a soltion: highlight 'em

DeNiro
It makes it even worse cause i got my highlight thing ona differnt color then urs prolly and it makes it imposilbe to read

VENOMfan
I fear for the livley hood of KMC......the Bacon Commando's abound and the mod's are helpless against their hickery smoked power. any idea's about how to twart these hooligan's?

DeNiro
Make me a admin stick out tongue

VENOMfan
BRILLIANT! *pop's open beer*

DeNiro
Ill drink to that beer

Lord Soth
We must implement a ridiculously difficult plan to invade the Bacon Commando's hideout using my secret Doomsday Device and pudding. After that, we will travel to the whore house and sex the night away while drinking the blood of diseased Mongolian bats

Lord Soth
I g2g watch a movie, will bbak to give advice tomorrow

DeNiro
going to bed what cd should i listen to

Baylin
The skittles they talk to me but I dont understand them

Corran
My boomerang won't come back, I've thrown it until I was blue in the face but my boomerang won't come back.

Lord Soth
I have some bad news for you then, Corran.....you're pregnant

Lord Soth
Fashion a translator out of the spleen of a komodo dragon and some tapioca pudding

Lord Soth
You must listen to a CD of a chicken dancing in the flield with its hippo lover while the sky rains gumdrops

Vampiree
dear soth,

so... what about our date? shifty

Dear Sothy; you see I have a friend (read Vampiree) and she's cheating on her husband. Should I say it to him; and how far should I run away when she reads this post?

Vampiree
dear soth. i've got a friend (read [email protected]) and i want to beat him up. should i use a baseball bat?

Dear Sothy I have a friend (read Vampiree) and i'm afraid that she is soon going to try to beat me up; but she'll hurt herself because she is so powerless. Do you think I should eat cakes?

Vampiree
dear sothy. i have a friend ([email protected]) who's SO VAIN that he can't even see that i'm right behind him. should i wear pink socks?

dear sothy I have a friend (vampiree) who is so vain that she can't even reckognize a simple illusion and see I AM right behind her. Should I stop drinking water and start to drink only vodka; I think that water makes me drunk.

Vampiree
dear sothy, i've got a friend ([email protected]) who thinks he's a demon. ain't he pathetic? should i paint my nails black?

dear sothy I have a friend (vampiree) who thinks she's a vampyre. Should I pretend I'm a vampyre slayer eventhough I'm demon king?

Vampiree
der sothy, i will kill my worthless friend. thanks for the advice.

Korri
dear sothy, i am mentally challanged what do i do?

dear Sothy; every time when I'm in an argueing mood someone wants to kill me. Should I kill them first?

Korri
well im no Sothy but....huh

You've got something to say ha bub?

Korri
bug?

bub; it was a simple mistake.

Korri
oh ok blink

anyway...back to the topic.
Dear sothy I'm so confused that I don't know what to say. Should I stop talkin' or just start with random stupidity?

Korri
i just realised this is a ripp off of Deniro's advice thread! RIPP OFF!

Corran
Damn, in that case that means my contraceptive pill doesn't work.

Lord Soth
To [email protected] and Vampy: It is obvious (to me) that you are both about to spontaneously burst into flames. My advice is [email protected]: butt out and Vampy: don't be so obvious shifty

Lord Soth
You must set all of your worldly possessions on fire and then sue the insurance company. After they give a huge settlement, normal intelligence will be bestowed upon you

Lord Soth
I didn't know, the idea just came to me the other night......and rip only has 1 p

VENOMfan
hmmm these Bacon Commando's are clever i just realized the bastard's took the Pepsi right out of my fridge, what should i do call the police or go on a Bacon shredding Vigilante grilling spree?

Lord Soth
This is a blatant act of war by these Bacon people. What you need to do is to summon an army composed of living toasters and mutated radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars

nazgulinthedark
dear sothy,
i have a hole in the bottum of my sock, what should i do?

Lord Soth
Repair it with an extract of alien liver (acquired on a moonless night in the middle of Kansas while dacing with a lighting rod), and peanut butter

A needle an tread'll do the trick too wink

Baylin
I nearly misread that as I have a hole in my bottom what should I do with my sock? stick out tongue confused

§pearhead
dear soth, i lost my marbles. where did they go?

Inwë Nólatári
Dear Sothy,
Hello....this is hard to say, I am SUPER obssesed w/ Orlando Bloom. I personally don't think this is a bad thing, but I think I scare people when thy realize I know every thing about him (did you know his favorie group is Coldplay?) what do I do about the stupid friends who don't support my love for Orli?

Inwë Nólatári
oh yes, have another issue...Consapation...dang it I just can't poop...WHAT TO DO!!! I'm typing on a laptop on the toilet...WON'T.....COME......OUT!!!!!!!!

Scythe
ME TOO!

Lord Soth
Well, there are several ways to find marbles

My best suggestion is to run screaming into the city, naked as the day you were born, and then run into a department store, steling a microwave while screaming prayers to Lucifer.

And then you find a lovely young lady and go to a formal dance with her. After making a profound connection and thinking to yourself, "this could be the one...", shove her face into the punch bowl, and then plug in the microwave and electrocute her.

Or just buy a bag of marbles, but the first one is more effective laughing

Lord Soth
Set all of your friends on fire, while singing an old Frank Sinatra song. Then they will suddenly realize you're stupid obssession is not so stupid.

Or you could just get a life, sis stick out tongue

Lord Soth

Baylin
Help me! I hokied when I should have cokied now the yellow and green spizuts want me to pay up and I havent got enough blue to juice to cream!


ARGH!!!

Lord Soth
You must frolic in the fields of cacti until you become unrecognizable as a human being, and then jump into A POOL OF ACID laughing

Vampiree
a-hem... somebody DIDN'T ANSWER my question... *sob sob*

Lord Soth
I was swamped, darling.....

Well, here's what we're going to do.....dinner and a movie, and then we go set people's houses on fire, is that okay?

Vampiree
ok happy

Baylin
Soth, I tried the acid bath but now my livers fallen out with me is refusing to metabolise any more alcohol...

Lord Soth
Well then your screwed, Next?

Baylin
confused sad

Lord Soth
Well, I'm sorry.....there is one cure though, but nonoe of my patients have been able to achieve it......

Deep in the dark darkness of the dark place, there is a box. In the box, there is a box. In that box, there is a box. And in that box, there is another box. In THAT box there is a jeweled bird. You must sell that bird on eBay for EXACTLY $4,562,781.90 and then you must collect the money and burn it in offering to the dark and merciless god of fluffy pink bathrobes. Then that dark and evil god will lift your curse.

Lord Soth
nobody wants advice anymore, this makes me sad.......sad

Baylin
done! big grin

Lord Soth
And how is your liver?

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