What is (or would be) on your answering machine?

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Lord Soth
I don't have a phone of my own yet, but if I did, my answering machine would say: "Hi, you've reached me. If you know who me is, then leave a message after the beep. If you don't know who me is, then why are you calling me?"

bader40
wacko

§pearhead
"Hi you've reached the (last name here)'s at (phone number), we aren't home or are otherwise unable to get to the phone, please leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Dogbert
"If your leaving a message, I probally don't want to talk to you and will just delete it. Feel free to leave a message anyway" big grin
That is my cell phone answering machine cool

pixie1
mine would be ......oh dont even bother

bader40
Sorry, was that a srious question? after reading Spearheads reply i suppose it must be

VallejoKid707
"Leave a message you beezys!"

§pearhead
im trying to be serious geek

nazgulinthedark
my friends message:

hello, youve reached the (lastname)'s at (phone number) were either out of the house right now, really busy and cant come to the phone, or we just dont want to talk to you. please leave a messsage at the beep

i thinks shes changed it but thats what it used to be

dave123
the best i've heard is starts off "hey". and theres a gap so you think shes actually answered, so you go to say hey aswell, then it goes "just kidding etc..."

i fall for it everytime embarrasment

Lord Soth
Sort of

steely balls
"Hello, wait hold on...shut up ***** i'm trying to answer the phone, what ...no i don't got the crack. Anyways leave a message after the beep."

§pearhead
"yo, you've reached jeremy...yeah, if you're my stupid ass ex, no! We're not gonna be friends anymore! if you're my boss, then its about time you used rogaine, and if you're not any of them people, leave a message. really, im a nice person!"

Baylin
Ive had a few messages over the years -

"Stop bugging me!"

"Sorry I cant be arsed talking to anyone right now!"

"Help I'm trapped inside my answering machine! Can you help? Leave a message. If not just leave!"

and the best one yet a recording of the engaged tone with the phone set to answer immeadiately!

SumWatTwisted
The one on my old cell phone was started out "Hi.....well ya going to say somethin'?" Then it would beep. Everyone fell for it!

leatherface12
Hello you have just bothered me so dont bother leaving a message and dont call back a$$hole.

HockeyHorror
"What did the five fingers say to the face...come closer ni**a....SLAP!!"

LOL
perfect answering machine

steely balls
" Hey you know what skip the talk, lets just get to the sex. Yeahhh, (I start talking over the porno music) Leave... message... after...the...beep
wait...wait BEEP."

N.Tonks
My answering machine says: "This is Adrienne's cell phone, leave a messege and I'll call you back." no expression

Mr. Bacon
screw off...

steely balls
that's what it's all about baby, you rock. When you say " And i'll call you back" you say it with meaning. "i'll call you BACK!!!!!!"

Random_Hero777
My good man, VENOMfan does a dead on impression of Sean Connery.

"You've reached Mr. (Last name) I hope you're pleased with your self, you can dial a phone. This is Sean Connery. Hahaha! Ass! Leave a message"

That's on my cell phone

VENOMfan
HELL YEAH!! watching people react to that is the best part

LeAtHerRFace
Its funny... I called my fren up and I heard "Hello.... Hello... are you there.. Leave a message." Little did I know, in the begging, I was talking to an answering machine. Damn I felt stupid after that. Im thinking about putting that on my answering machine.... nah, I aint dirtz.

leatherface12
lol. laughing

VENOMfan
i have a buddy who doe's that...I went apeshit on him once becuase of it

clever tho

LeAtHerRFace
Yes... clever.... blink

leatherface12
I would be pissed off if that happened to me and I would leave a message like freak you dumbass. laughing

VENOMfan
well here it is to my best knowledge

Hey........what's goin on.........ok...wait hold on let me get ricky......
((Ricky get's on, Im already like"HEY MAN I WAS TALKING TO YOU!))
hello?...........HELLO?...Ryan nobody is here.......((im all you bastard im right here!))........ok leave a message((then i flipped out on him))

leatherface12
lol I bet you gave him a beating.

VENOMfan
well he throw's partie's with free beer so i let it slide............but i did steel a pizza once, and i was DRUNK at the time so it was like twice the accomplishment

realworlddreams
my friend did that on her cell message, cept she did it w/like music in the background n all, so it seriously sounded like she was in her room or sumthin w/friends over, it was crazy...

LeAtHerRFace
laughing

big gay kirk
On my mobile i have the following...
"This is Captain Big Gay Kirk of the USS Enterprise... I can't talk right now, as Scotty has accidentally beamed us to the wrong planet, but if you leave a message, I will get Uhura to open a hailing frequency when we return... Spock, Spock, get me out of here Spock..."

big gay kirk
I do it in my best Bill Shatner blink Sad, huh???

Vampiree
a loud: 'GO AND F*CK YERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND DON'T CALL ME AGAIN!'

i slayed buffy
hey u have reached charlotte if your a hot guy or my m8s leave a mesage if not piss off

Krabs55
Hi you have reached Krabs55 , if you would like to leave a krabs sandwich that would be fine, if u would like to leave a message that would be worse but fine too .... thanks for calling

kalantiaw
i had this one from rush hour...

"if anybody need, i'm gona be working a big big case for the fbi"

shaber
I made up witty rhymes for my phone numbers which both end up with the machine hanging up on the caller!! big grin

NyC-gUrL
WE WILL WE WILL CALL YOU BACK (friends big grin)

shaber
to rhyme with 9, this had better not be a waste of my time, etc etc

to rhyme with 2, don't ring me pal, I'll ring you.

jacksparrow22
on my cell phone:hello? wait, what? oh just leave a message!!!

silver_tears
The nacho man song yes
It's actually on my cell, it's me and my friends yelling "Nacho, nacho man, we wanna be nacho men!!" sombrero2

lil bitchiness
Mine is...

*sigh* Hello, this is Heaven, God speaking....

( i read that somewhere and i decided to try it out)

burlyman
eek! rolling on floor laughing

BakaXero
"hello..... oh its you.....yeah..... i know..... i know..... oh! i know.....wait whos this? *BEEP*"

I called my friend once his answering service sounds like a guy gone skits... i thought i called the wrong number, i was thinking whats up this guys a**. he also used that you kicked my dog prank

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