Marriage vs. Just Living Together
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rogue21579
Hey everyone. I have to write a paper on the ethics of Marriage for school and you all could be a big help. If you are currently living with someone, please give the reasons why you are not going to get married or the reasons why you plan on getting married. Please also include your age as well.
For you single people, you can also give your opinions. State the reasons why you would want to get married or just decide to live together with someone. Thanks in advance to everyone! I greatly appreciate your future feed back.
(note: if wish to remain confidential you can always just pm me. Thank you)
finti
We choose just to live together dont see the difference between that and be married, in Norway we have the same rights as married couples so what the deal of getting married is beyond me.
mechmoggy
Same over here, there's no "need" to get married, because in the eyes of the law you become common law husband/wife without the certificate after spending a certain amount of time living together.
However, me and Mrs.MM decided to do it as a symbol of our commitment to each other. That and we had a nice holiday to have the wedding, and we had a cracking piss up when we got back to celebrate.
botankus
I would strongly recommend living together for three or four months if possible before getting married. That way, it's an easier out if it's not going to work.
Baylin
I've done both twice and regretted it so I dont think it matters either way!
Fire
they gave people who live together the same rights as married people here a few years back. personaly I don't see the fuss about it except you can throw ONE HELL OF A PARTY
Baylin
You dont have to get married for party you could have a "We're celebrating our non-marriage party"!
mechmoggy
I only celebrate things that are important.
Like opening time at my local.
Capt_Fantastic
I've never been married. I have lived with one of my boyfriends and that only lasted about six months before we simply couldn't handle it anymore.
As far as getting married, I might at some point in the future. That is, of course, if it's ever legal for me to do so in this country.
Fire
No Baylin idd I don't have to but ppl will spend a bigger effort in getting you gifts and being able to come to your party if it is connected to an actual wedding (atleast in my family)
Storm
gifts
Fire
idd
Baylin
I dont need gifts there's a enough junk in my house what with the wife and kids...
WindDancer
I like the idea of marriage under the law. Something happens to me and my wife becomes a widow she has to collect my insurance. If we are only living together life insurance will not cover it anything. So for me marriage under the law is important.
Gundark
Couples should live together AT LEAST five years before getting married. Of course that offers no guarantee but at least you can learn a bit more about the other person than marrying after a 'whirlwind' romance.
Also, people should date around, do the crappy bar scene, the crappy club scene, all that crappy crap and get all that running & playing out of their system before even considering settling down with one person.
Spoken from true experience, that.
Fire
I disagree on your second point gundark
Baylin
Indeed!
I learnt that lesson the hard way from my first marriage.
Storm
Then we would be 28
I was planning to work on children at that age if Fire agrees.
Gundark
Put that tongue back in fire, before I grab it and wrap it around your neck.
You're scared now, aren't ya ?
Hehehe.
Well now it wouldn't be any fun if we agreed on everything, right ?
Baylin
28 is a good age to have trolls, i mean children.
Gundark
28 sounds good to me.
Geez, I have labradors. How the hell would I know ?
Fire
True, but I think ppl who only have one partner in their entire life can be perfectly happy. (I'm gonna be living proof of it)
Darth Revan
I know several couples who have lived together unmarried longer than many married couples do. Personally, I think it's better that way... They are just as much, if not more committed than most married people. And if they ever decide to break up, it'll be a lot easier on the both of them, seeing as there would be no legal issues--just pack up and move out. Marriage means nothing anymore, the only real benefits are finance-related things. Plus I think after you've lived together for a certain amount of time, you automatically get all the benefits marriage provides.
JToTheP
"Living Together" is basically "Life Mates" you get a ring, but then you live together, but have no wedding. Children depending on the two people, but normally not.
Storm
Living together is considered to be more stressful than being married. One of the reasons is due to less commitment. It has also been noted that more than 50% of couples who live together before marriage end up apart either through just moving out or divorce later on.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, unmarried couples account for some 5.5 million households in the U.S. Evidence also shows that couples who live together may not discuss important or troublesome issues in their relationship.
Though other sources might claim the opposite.
finti
here in Norway the break up rate is much higher among the married vs those who live together.
And that living together is more stressful than being married must be the consideration of someone who is married.
Me and Monika live together our commitment are just as we should be married.
Storm
My commitment would also be the same, married or not.
rogue21579
Thank you for all your replies so far everyone!
Jackie Malfoy
Ok marriage is alot better then living with your boyfriend or girlfriend.Because you are married.
and you will know this guy or girl will not cheat on you.And hopfully had no relations before he met you.l
While if you are living with a boyfriend or girlfriend you have no idea how much girls he slepted with and have a change of him moving out anyway and leaving you,
So to me the marriage seen more fiten and less dangers.See you around.JM
Fire
lol you think that just because you are married he or she will not cheat on you BS
Storm
Marry to make your relationship secure is one of the bad reasons to get married. If your relationship isn't secure before you marry, there's no reason to think it will be afterwards. It may be harder for you to separate after marriage, but that doesn't mean you'll be happy.
finti
sounds like the reasoning of a 5 year old.
keep on dreaming
Jackie Malfoy
A five years old hu?I don't think so.For one thing you are responable to yourself not get any of those horrible sickness because you go around sleeping with someone who just lives with you.
HOW Is that possible that a five years old can think of that.It is your choice acouse but you should use it if you want to keep yourself safe.
I am not saying it is a sin or anything but living with someone might be good in a way that you will see if you want to marry that someone.
But it also is a risk because in the meanwhile you have no idea what those guys slepted with and so on.
Do you really want to live with someone and decide not marry them.Well what was the point of living with them?
No point a five years old would be like I am going to just sleep around till I find that guy and live with him and die and all that stuff.Just because I decided to act imature.
The mature way is to think what you are doing make sure non of you guys have sexual illness that wil happen if you sleep around all the time.
While you are married you can stop running around your fun has just began.But if you want to act like sleeping arund with people until you are married is a good thing.
I think you are the one that should dream on.No llife is going to be good after taht.But acouse you should know this or maybe you are still a child and does not.
See you arund.JM
Mr Zero
"just" living together.. JUST?
Jackie Malfoy
Yes my friend JUST with caps it was either that or without and I like caps a whole lot better!Don't you?SEE YOU AROUND,JM
finti
Ok marriage is alot better then living with your boyfriend or girlfriend.Because you are married.
using because as an argument is just like 5 year old do to make a point.
Live a little longer and experienced a bit more before you so bluntly talk about the cons of "just" living together.
The only difference between living together and being married is a piece of paper that says you are a married couple.
I know marriage seems like a fairy tale and adventure for a teenage girl, at least the wedding.
Tell you what I am not married never gonna marry either, me and my girlfriend live together and have done so for 9 years now
We are just as committed as married couples.
You need to wake up from that dream of yours that married people dont screw around cause they do.
Jackie Malfoy
Marriage couples stew around too.That is right.One question if you are happy living with your girlfriend get married.It is not that hard.Plus if you do not that means you are unsure of your relionship is that correct?
Because if you are then that is why you are not marrying her.You my friend are living in a dream that will end good if you don't do anything about it.
See my point?JM
Storm
With living together, rogue21579 meant living together as a couple in a relationship. Not just as friends or roommates who occasionally get it on JM.
finti
never seen the reason to marry, I am happy as it is now.
no we are very sure of our relationship.
I see marriage as a religious thing, and I aint fan of religious things.
In Norway you eiterh mary in church or you marry before a judge at the court house.
When you have lived together for two years you notifiy the authorities of the situation and your rights as a couple is just the same as a married couple. We are just as much togehter as a married couple only diffrence is they have a document saying they are married, we are listed as living together. It is just in the wording
dave123
the correct term is cohabitation
BackFire
Definately living together. There are too many downsides and consequences to marriage, also it's too expensive and a bit pointless. You can do and feel the same way about a person without being married.
Corlindel
Hey! I prefer to live alone :P
And visit my girlfriend house often. But living together is fine too. I dont see any valid reason to marry ...maybe some finantial and tax advantages here in my country. But I dont need any more papers and contracts in my live.
I saw enough divorces in my work
What reaaly mather is love
Jackie Malfoy
Then if you are not sure why are you living with her?You are going to break her heart and maybe her life if the relionship is not doing very good.
IN fact relionship is not a toy that you can pass to one girl to another sleeping with alot of people until you find that one.You wil wake up as a old man and relised that your life is over and you did nothering possible to get married or be with someone.
Hopfully soon you guys will relise this.But for now I doubt if you think of this that offen.Feeling will get hurt and sleeping with someone is different after a while and then you lose that person.
Going back as a old man you may even relised that you should had marryed that person.Well too late now.LIfe is too short to go around playing the field.
And counting your life like this is not going to get you anywhere.JM
Silver Stardust
Jackie, no offense...but you're 14. What could you possibly know about love and marriage? You don't seem to realize that people can live together without being married and still be faithful to each other.
Darth Revan
You're forgetting one very important piece of the puzzle here: divorce! Being married does NOT mean you have some kind of magical, unbreakable bond between the two of you. Like I said before, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And I can imagine that if a couple had lived together for several years before getting married, they would know what they were getting into better, and stand a better chance of staying married. As I also said before, I know several couples who are unmarried, and have lived together for ten or fifteen years. They are more commited than most married people I know. Living with your gf doesn't mean you're sleeping with as many girls as you can find, and I don't know where you get that. Dr Laura, maybe? Dr Phil? Your local pastor?
finti
who said anything about being unsure about our situation. We are sure of our relationship and we aint gonna marry cause to us it is enough just to live together.
Jackie you need to understand that marriage aint a security pad, here in Norway there are more married couples breaking up than couples who "just" live together. It aint all that important to be married, you live together for awhile and then you realise that there is no need to marry cause the arrangement you have works out just fine. I am just as devoted to my girlfriend as married couples are to their spouses.
dont know why you get back to the sleeping around thing all the time, it is just as easy or as hard for married people to sleep around as it is for one commited in a realtionship where they "just" live together
Darth Revan
Nonono... It's almost as likely that a married couple will break up as a nonmarried one. And if they do, they have to get a divorce, which is a huge pain in the ass. It's much less painful for both parties if the government is not involved, and all they have to do is pack up their stuff and leave. People don't choose to live together unmarried because they don't think their relationship is as strong as a married couple's... People throw marriage around so much these days that it no longer means anything.
You might say a lot of pretty sounding things at a wedding ceremony, doesn't mean either side will keep those promises. A lot of married couples cheat on each other. And being just a youngling as you are, I doubt you've heard of a creature called a swinger... They like to go out and basically have sex with a bunch of other people. Often married ones.
silver_tears
Personally I still believe in marriage, to me it's the ultimate commitment, if you love someone and are willing to bind yourself to them sort of speak, then that's true commitment in my eyes.
And yes it is expensive, but if you only plan on doing it once, why not do it right?
Plus if I ever have children, not that I want any
, I would want them to be able to say that their parents are married specially if we plan to raise them as being catholic
But that's just me, of course living together works, different things for different people.
finti
yeah but you speak out of a religious view and for you marriage is right.
I aint religious so to me marry and living together is an equal thing
I have a daughter and we are her parents just as much as married couples are parents to their children, but again you did mention the religious so I understand and fully acknowledge your view because thats what wouold be right for you.
what our young friend havent understood though nor accepted is that other people sees things diffrently and they have the right to do so, so it must be up to them what is best or the right thing for them.
oh and Silver the thing about having a child will probably change at least if you ever get married which I am certain wou will
silver_tears
The thing is I have friends who have parents who aren't married and have been together for 20 or so years perfectly happy, immense trust in those relationships in my opinion
And you're probably right, I will most likely change my mind about children, but at the moment they're very far off on my priority list
finti
well thats an honest view on things so........
dave123
for a 16 year old, i wouldnt have thought kids would even be on the list
finti
never know what could happen in the back of a 57 chevy you know
silver_tears
I have my career and future home already planned
So I'm special
silver_tears
what's a 57 chevy
dave123
a car, sweetie
and you can't be sure how your life will go.... things change
silver_tears
Apparently if you ever experience deja vu, it means your life is right on track
And I had deja vu like a day ago
JToTheP
Is that true or opinionated?
dave123
its from subjective data, and therefore not a fact
silver_tears
It's a theory by Silvia Brown, my friend is a nut and reads all her books and stuff
JToTheP
I perfur the combo of both, which is obvious. Living together, sharing a living quarters, and then marriage. So basically marriage over life-mates, I want kiddies.
Cinemaddiction
How you do feel about 7 years?
pr1983
live together first, then get married if you think it'll work, its good to know what your getting yourself into.
JToTheP
I'm sure she's questioning if you care at all about her by then.
Darth Revan
I wonder why Jackie hasn't come back
ff6
I'm living with my boyfriend from 2 months, before that we lived together during the university 3 years. I gratueted last year and went home(other town), he had one more year to do. Now I came back and we are living together. We are planing to get married, but not yet. We just started to work and earn some money, we dont have an apartament, not even a car... But it I like living with him, you know somebody only if you live with him a couple month.
And if you say that 28 is a good age to have children, we have more 4 years.
finti
Well ff6 that is your choice to deceide that you want to get married, and 28 is a very good age to have children. If you are 24 now you have some time to save up a bit, live life a bit and most of all gain life experience. So good luck to you.
A4E
uh... deff livin' together, cuz Ill NEVER get marriedm and I doubt Ill live with someone for a long time... so none really
rogue21579
70 hits? Not too bad. Time to right my paper. If anyone has anymore comments keep them coming. Thank you to all who replied.
Jedi Priestess
good lord why?
Well Ive done this both ways. My first husband I did not live with. Ended in divorce. He cheated. Second husband I lived with for 5 years before we got married. We had a daughter, but still didnt get married. Why did we get married? We got married when I found out that after he was on my medical insurance through work , that if he were to die, I was not entitled to his social security benefits because Social Security doesnt recognize common law marriages nor could we have filed income taxes jointly. Did it make a difference living together? Hell no!! This one cheated too.
Things like this are all dependent on the type of people. Some people are content to live together forever without that piece of paper. Other people feel the need to make it official. To each his own, there is no right or wrong answer.
finti
in Norway they dont make a difference between married couples and couples living together, it is we who chooses who will be the beneficiary on our insurances. And since we have a child together that child automatically become the beneficiary.
Jedi Priestess
That's insurance Fin I am talking about Social Security which is paid by the government.
finti
we dont have the same system here with Social security as you have in the states, everything here is covered by the insurance. Should have written that first time around, sorry for not making it all clear
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