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Bruce Wayne is in New York to sponsor his latest invention (handyman belt that supplies all the needed tools inside) at Madison Square Garden when all hell brakes lose, teen vandals steal the belt and run like hell. Jonah Jamison has all his camera men swamp Bruce with pitures until he is nothing but a big laughing stock to the entire city. Later that night Mr. Waynes butler, Alfred pays Jonah Jamison alittle visit. Who wins?

Alfred all the way. He's a renaissance man, knowing a bit of everything and more than enough to take out that pompous braggart Jameson.

abit of everything??? he knows all of ecerything, alfred would beat the likes of thanos and galactus, JJ is nothing to him

id like to see him go up against aunt may

Don't start with the Aunt may shit. Alfred has spent years with Bruce and I would think he has picked up on some of Bruce's moves. And J. Jonah? He's just a big mouth who I would like to see killed by Green Goblin.

JJ is a stubborn j******, he wouldnt let alfred get his way unless alfred pulls out the old (and i do mean old) wits. If he could raise bruse, who i bet wasnt an angel, in the end, alfred wins

JJ would start cussing at him then Alfred would say "learn some manners" then take off his glove and start viciously slapping him in the face with it until he was unconscious (or just kicked him off and went to smoke a cigar)

You fools! Alfred is X- secret service or something like that. Elite British spy. Amongst many other things. JJ is just some hardheaded bastard with a camera,

I can believe that! I think the royal butlers academy would'nt be exactly the only school Alfred's been to. Bet he's got some nifty Aikido-moves down his sleeve, even at his age. Besides that, Alfred is even more 'cool' than Mister Blonde, he stays in control. While Jonah J. is a chainsmoking microwavedinner-slobbering high-tempered loudmouth!
Alfred would go in there and lecture Jonah like a schoolteacher, resulting in Jonah getting up, very pissed of, to punch in Alfred's nose.
Just how Alfred wants it, cause the gentlemens code forbids giving the first strike. Jonah lunges out at him, Alfred evades the punch, hooks his leg and hits him in the neck just before Jonah breaks his nose landing on the floor.

Fini

Good show Pandemoniac! Good show! And right you are!

Indeed.

You know what would be a far better thread, is the Avenger's butler (forgot his name) vs. Alfred.

Too easy. Alfred would take him.

Unless it was a swearing contest...

alfred vs jameson = who cares?

Obviously Cosmo Kramer cares since he created this thread.

Jonah would be Alfred into a crippled bloody pulp and tell him to get out of his office as he puts out his cigar on Al's broken glasses.

Cosmo specifies that Alfred pays Jonah a visit. In other words, he has his infamous prep time that he uses for most of his victories. Batman may have a problem with killing, but Alfred does not. Alfred plans to dispatch Jonah with extreme prejudice, punisher style. He shows up at Jonah's apartment wearing a black trench coat, an AK-47, and a smile. He kicks down the apartment door and begins spraying the place with bullets. After a few moments of shooting the place up and laughing hysterically, he begins to search the area for a dead body. He finds no one. After checking the bed, he turns around only to see Jonah swinging down from the ceiling he was hanging from and gets a drop kick to the chest. Jonah runs toward the AK-47 that was knocked to the ground, but Alfred does a quick roll towards the gun and kicks it out of the way. Jonah throws a right hook that Alfred blocks. Alfred quickly gives Jonah a palm strike with his right hand, breaking Jonah's nose. Jonah tackles Alfred through the window. They both begin to fall 12 stories. Batman sees Alfred go out the window and springs into action. He quickly swings by and grabs Alfred, saving him. Spiderman sees Jonah go out the window and springs into action. He quickly takes out his camera and take photos of Jonah falling, laughing at him. Jonah was able to maneuver his fall, just barely being able to bounce off a van and landing on a robust woman. He is taken to the hospital as he swears vengeance.

So, I guess I pick Alfred to win.

You DO realize that God slaughters an innocent kitten every time you make one of these threads, right?

You're giving Jonah too much credit Matches.

Alfred shows up just like you said, Jonah is busy yelling at an employee. He sees Alfred and drops that obnoxious cigar out of his mouth. Sweat is visible on his brow and he begins to plead for his life, wishing Spiderman outside his window. After some begging and a wet pair of pants Alfred can take no more. He mercilessly beats Jonah with the butt of his gun and soccer kicks while he cries and begs for his life. Alfred uses the AK to shatter his JJ's office window, telling him to jump or be shot in the groin. JJ begrudginly jumps out the window, landing on a fat woman killing them both.

Hmm, the AK is not really a gentlemen's weapon, now is it? Nor is the tactic of perforating every square inch of an office to get your kill.
And coming to that, why would Alfred want to kill him? That would be quite the overkill in avenging this situation.
Alfred's all about subtlety, and so would be his revenges.
So this might be how he wants to pull that shit off....
Alfred waits till after office hours, when Jonah is one of the few left in the building, goes to his office and shoots Jonah with a tranquillizer-dart before he can even open his flappin mouth. He closes the door and waits till everybody else is gone. Ofcourse Alfred has a Voice Modulator 2000 (tm) so he can impersonate Jonah to get rid of any questioning folks at the other end of the door as he waits.
Then using a combination of mindcontrolling drugs and hypnosis Alfred makes Jonah think he is A) a mid-aged shoefetish housewife, or B) a tight leather sporting gay disco-king.
This because 2 important events are going down in the city that evening: the '2 hours only 80% discount super shoe-sale' at the Pedal Palace. And the annual 'Shiny bums all moves allowed super disco dance contest' at the Grand Moustache gayclub.
Both events monitored closely by TV stations, so lots of camera's.
So Alfred dresses up Jonah according to any of the 2 locations he want to send him and let's Jonah let it rip!
In the end Jonah will be on TV dressed like a soggy tard of a woman, screaming and pushing around in a hysterical hunt for high heel shoes, or doing all disco moves known to mankind in bottomless leather pants, chesthair all over the place.
Alfred rendezvous with Jonah in the end, taking him home and applying some anti-drug and some sleeping pills, lifting the hypnosis just before he falls asleep.
Now let's see who will be more embarrassed after Jonah gets back to work....

Good show Pandemoniac. Damn good show!

Excellent job to all of you. You have completed your objective, making me laugh like I havent in days.

Glad I could be of service.

Yes this thread was a great one.

lol

Mr. Pennyworth would school Mr. Jameson, the stogie-sucking braggart that he is, and show him the polite manner one conducts affairs in society. Riding crop to the backside!