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How many women can u marry?

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the Reverend said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

Er...ha-ha?

And by the way, you really didn't write that, you just copy and pasted it!

I Don't Want to Go
Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."

"Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied, "So why is their dad carrying that rifle?"

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FAMILY BAIT
A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day.

The father says to the son, "I hate to tell you, but we've got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce. I've had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out."

He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hampton and tells her the news. The sister says, "I'll handle this." She calls Florida and says to her father, "Don't do ANYTHING till we get there! We'll be there Wednesday night." The father agrees, "All right." He hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?

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That's The Stuffing
Baby Bruno was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal. "What are you doing?" Bruno asked. "Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied.

"That's cool!" Bruno said. "Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"

steven my cat has better jokes!!

How Old Am I?
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.

Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,...
Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen;
and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying...

"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet!"

The Husband Store
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think...what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor...Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day

Am i meant to laugh at these?

Pretty funny.Just one question through.What do you mean by bbs jokes?JM

why did the mushroom go to the party?
































cause he was a fun guy

so far T.M had the best joke

thank u hh?

seeing as its christmas soon.

santa asks his wife "what's the weather going to be like on christmas?"
his wife replies "well its looks like its going to be rain...dear"

that ones so lame

I know. They all are.

ahh i love lame jokes

whats green and sings?

























Elvis Parsley

What has over 100 teeth and holds in a monster?
































































My zipper.

What do you call a stick that has been swimming in syrup

maple twig?

sticky! Do boom Pst!

I liked this one!

bb stands for badboy stupid

A penguin takes his car to a garage, to get it checked out, the mechanick says it'll take about an hour, to kill some time, the penguin goes to the 7/11 dinner, he orders some ice-cream, but with him having no hands the poor fella has to eat it with his mouth, after hes finished his ice-cream he returns to the garage, the mechanick says: looks like uve blown a seal, the penguin replies: no its jus ice-cream

Kind of hypocritical to call someone stupid, don't you think BB?

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on
Christmas Eve?
They go into town and blow a few bucks.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
Snowballs.

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

Why is Santa Claus always so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live!

What do you call a truck load of vibrators heading South from the North Pole on Christmas Eve?
Toys for tw*ts!

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play
with them.

Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls.