bbs jokes

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badboy2004
How many women can u marry?

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the Reverend said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

Telperaca
Er...ha-ha?

Telperaca
And by the way, you really didn't write that, you just copy and pasted it! stick out tongue

badboy2004
I Don't Want to Go
Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."

"Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied, "So why is their dad carrying that rifle?"

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FAMILY BAIT
A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day.

The father says to the son, "I hate to tell you, but we've got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce. I've had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out."

He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hampton and tells her the news. The sister says, "I'll handle this." She calls Florida and says to her father, "Don't do ANYTHING till we get there! We'll be there Wednesday night." The father agrees, "All right." He hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?

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That's The Stuffing
Baby Bruno was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal. "What are you doing?" Bruno asked. "Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied.

"That's cool!" Bruno said. "Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"

nitro-swicked
steven my cat has better jokes!!

badboy2004
How Old Am I?
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.

Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,...
Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen;
and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying...

"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet!"

badboy2004
The Husband Store
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think...what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor...Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day

Candy Kisses
Am i meant to laugh at these?

Jackie Malfoy
Pretty funny.Just one question through.What do you mean by bbs jokes?JM

T.M
why did the mushroom go to the party?
































cause he was a fun guy messed

hh?
so far T.M had the best joke thumb up

T.M
thank u hh?

T.M
seeing as its christmas soon.

santa asks his wife "what's the weather going to be like on christmas?"
his wife replies "well its looks like its going to be rain...dear"

that ones so lame sad

hh?
laughing

no expression

drunk_nazgul
Happy Dance
I know. They all are.
Happy Dance

T.M
ahh i love lame jokes big grin

whats green and sings?

























Elvis Parsley laughing out loud

no expression

DanZeke25
What has over 100 teeth and holds in a monster?
































































My zipper.

SlipknoT
What do you call a stick that has been swimming in syrup

Nazgulinthedark
maple twig?

SlipknoT
sticky! Do boom Pst!

Lianslo
I liked this one! laughing out loud

badboy2004
18 vs. 65
With our soldiers in active combat this funny piece is sent in their honor

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.

You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

badboy2004
bb stands for badboy stupid

badboy2004
A penguin takes his car to a garage, to get it checked out, the mechanick says it'll take about an hour, to kill some time, the penguin goes to the 7/11 dinner, he orders some ice-cream, but with him having no hands the poor fella has to eat it with his mouth, after hes finished his ice-cream he returns to the garage, the mechanick says: looks like uve blown a seal, the penguin replies: no its jus ice-cream

Telperaca
Kind of hypocritical to call someone stupid, don't you think BB? shifty

badboy2004
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on
Christmas Eve?
They go into town and blow a few bucks.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
Snowballs.

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

Why is Santa Claus always so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live!

What do you call a truck load of vibrators heading South from the North Pole on Christmas Eve?
Toys for tw*ts!

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play
with them.

Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls.

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