Post your blonde jokes!
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Here's a funny one:
A blonde wanted to get her haircut so she went went to the hairdresses and he sat her down. He then saw her listening to something with air plugs. He asked her to take them out and she said "I cant! I'll die!" so he asked her again and she said the same thing. Fustrated, he ripped them from her ears and she fell down dead on the spot. Confused, the hairdresser took the air plugs and put them in his ears. He heard somebody saying "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out."
thats funny....heres one
A blonde walked into a store and asked how mcuh that tv cost....the man said..sorry but we don't sell things to blondes.....the next day she walked in has a burntte and again asked the same thing...the man said..sorry we don't sell things to brunettes...so the next day she walked in has a redhead and he said..sorry we don't sell things to redheads..the girl got mad and said...I ve died my hair...3 times jsut to see how mcuh that tv cost...why won't u tell me..the man said its a mirowave
I know its chessy but its cute
a blonde was doing the ironing when the phone rang.
but instead of picking up the phone, she picked up the iron and burnt her ear.
so she went to the doctor and told him what had happened. Then he asked "what happened to your other ear?" and she said "the son of a
b!tch rang back!"
what do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
(no offence to any blondes, in any of the jokes im about to post) here we go:
Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason
that you're weaving all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh
officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved
to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved
to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror,the
officer replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener."
How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?
There's M&M shells all over the floor.
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs.
"Here we go again."
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun
game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of
fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she
declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated,
says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This
catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no
end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from
the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches
into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the
Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The
lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no
answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and
hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back
to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde
reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.
A blonde girl has just gotten fired. Her boss has always called
her a dumb blonde.
She is driving down the road when she sees a blonde girl in the
middle of a wheat field rowing a canoe.
She pulls over, gets on the roof of her truck,and says,"IT'S
BLONDES LIKE YOU WHO GIVE BLONDES LIKE US A BAD NAME! BUT IF I WASNT SCARED OF WATER I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!"
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.
A blonde decides to show her husband that despite what everyone says, blondes really are smart.
While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a mink. He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room.
He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what's with her wearing the two coats?
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, ''FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!''
Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?
A: The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw a herd of elephants walking across the plains with sunglasses on?
A: Nothing, she didn't recognize them.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish.
The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!''
"Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went.
Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!''
And off she went.
The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''
A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.
thats all i got for now, more later!
a blond was driving down the street a truck was in front of her. they came to a traffic light the blonds gets out of her car and runs to the truck and knocks on the window and says "my names honey and ur losing ur load" the truck driver ignores her and drives off. soon more traffic lights and the blonds gets out of her car and runs to the truck and knocks on the window and says "my names honey and ur losing ur load" the driver of the truck ignores her again and drives off. soon more traffic lights the truck driver stops gets out runs to the blonde's cars knocks on the window and says "my names Bob and im driving a f**king gritter"
that aint very good
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