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Haha, nice name

Anyway, I'll post any poems/rhymes that I write and feel like typing up in here, they're not great (as poetry isn't my forte), and when I do write poetry it seems that I'm better at hiphop style rhymes than actual poems (and they go very much along the RATM style of things) So I'll post stuff here, and you can post comments in here or in the Constructive Criticism thread thanks!

(and don't hurt me too bad if they suck cry )

---

Walked through the door
Fell to the floor
Opened up my eyes
And then I realized
That I couldn't see
What was in front of me
And now here I lie
Wondering, why?

This one I originally wrote in the Rhyming Game thread over in the OTF (or whatever the hell it was originally called), it was my first attempt at an actual hiphop rhyme and I think it turned out pretty good

---

Watch out, here I come, get outta the way
If you don't look out I'm gonna make you pay
So what if you think that I'm only a girl
Time for you to get out and see the real world
I know who I am, I know what I can do
And if you don't like it then I say **** you
You're all just mindless non-thinking drones
Don't think for yourself may as well be clones
Time to get out, time to rebel
Time to stop taking what they have to sell
May as well be a sheep led to the slaughter
Tryin' to save yourself you give them your daughter
Get out of this mindset learn to think for yourself
Open up your mind with the key off that shelf
The one that says this way to freedom
But beware there'll always be some
Who'll say that people always need to be lead
Don't realize one day they'll end up dead
Run down by us who're sick of it
Don't want to deal with this spineless shit
So what I have to say is throw your fist in the air
Stand up shout out take a risk take a dare.

cool

I like 'em.

And I see what you mean about them being RATM influenced

OMFG we should have a battle

But, I can see it now, we'd be rapping obscenities and apologising profusely at the same time, it totally wouldn't work. I lover you too much hug Great stuff babes

Haha that'd be so funny...hug thanks doll.

And yes Trickster, I like RATM a lot

Thanks Sarah

My entry for the poetry contest...it's about suicide, which isn't exactly my favorite subject in the world (due to a close brush with it I had), but I had an idea...

---

no one knows
why she did it
but she did
and everyone is left
to pick up the pieces

"she had everything
going for her" they say
not knowing how she
really felt
not knowing at all

there could have been
a million things
that led her down
this road
but no one will ever know

the note was simple
it didn't say much
"don't blame yourself
there was nothing you could do
it's not your fault"

nothing else it said
no peek into her mind
no hint of what could have made her
pick up a knife
and end her life.

clapping

This contest is seriously smokin'

Wrote this two nights ago, when I was in a really depressed mood for no apparent reason whatsoever...I got teased a lot in high school, so that was kinda the inspiration for this, I guess....

----------

alone
in the center of the circle
everyone is staring
pointing and laughing

what have I done now?
what it something I said
or did?
why do they single me out?

I try to run
to hide away
but they won't let me
jeering and taunting

finally I can take no more
a crack appears in my facade
of nonchalance
a single tear runs down my cheek

I try to hide it
but they notice
their teasing continues
gets stronger

I cover my face
and run
finally I escape
but their lauging still follows

it never truly goes away.

cry I know exactly what you mean... which renders your poem powerful in my book hug

Nice. And very nice. And very true, too. Been in similar shoes with myself as my only friend. Good stuff all around. Here, this Lager's fer you!

Umm, yeah, just wrote this out of nowhere... it's not a depressing poem for a change!!!

---

Anticipation
Only a few days left
I don't know how much longer
I can wait
As it gets closer
Time seems to slow to a crawl
I wish it would speed up
Let the remaining days
Melt away
Disappear into nothing
But I know
That all too soon
My long wait will be over
And my dreams will come true

I like that poem loads Alana! Especially the way each line break indicates a break in speech, yet it is still non-rhyming

Dammit man!!!!
Ur rhymes are on fire.

this just came out of nowhere...another spur of the moment poem like the last one...

---

Bliss
Every moment
Nothing but happiness
I never thought
I could feel this way
All I can hope
Is that it lasts forever
But of course it wonn't
We can't yet be together
For a few wonderful days
But not forever
And now I'm alone
Once more
Missing you
But all I need to do
To feel happy once more
Is to remember
Our time spent together
And look forward
To being together once more.

Oh yes, that's beautiful... I can recall feeling exactly the same way sweetie, EXACTLY the same

Originally posted by Lana
My entry for the poetry contest...it's about suicide, which isn't exactly my favorite subject in the world (due to a close brush with it I had), but I had an idea...

---

no one knows
why she did it
but she did
and everyone is left
to pick up the pieces

"she had everything
going for her" they say
not knowing how she
really felt
not knowing at all

there could have been
a million things
that led her down
this road
but no one will ever know

the note was simple
it didn't say much
"don't blame yourself
there was nothing you could do
it's not your fault"

nothing else it said
no peek into her mind
no hint of what could have made her
pick up a knife
and end her life.

greatness

Way to dig up an ancient thread, Bilb

Thanks

Originally posted by Lana
Way to dig up an ancient thread, Bilb

Thanks

I'm glad she did, kickass poetry, especially that one about Bliss.

Omg your stuff is awesome!

Thank you!

Originally posted by Lana
Way to dig up an ancient thread, Bilb

Thanks

quiet you

Originally posted by Lana
---

Walked through the door
Fell to the floor
Opened up my eyes
And then I realized
That I couldn't see
What was in front of me
And now here I lie
Wondering, why?

You didn't realise you were staring at the floor?

Originally posted by bilb
quiet you



Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
You didn't realise you were staring at the floor?

......

This comment is not worth a response, but I shall anyway.

Did the thought occur to you that people don't necessarily fall face-first?

Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
You didn't realise you were staring at the floor?

Originally posted by Lana




......

This comment is not worth a response, but I shall anyway.

Did the thought occur to you that people don't necessarily fall face-first?

should we mention its a a friggin metaphor as well?

I really have no idea where this came from. It sorta just popped into my head, and as I haven't really written anything for months, I figured I should post it.

--

a chill
like ice down the spine
what's going on?
I thought everything was fine

a drop
of water from my eye
falls like a raindrop
from a cloud-filled sky

torn
my heart ripped in twain
inside I feel
like I have been slain

alone
never again with you
your life torn away
and mine started anew

cry great poem .. tragic but great

Originally posted by bilb
cry great poem .. tragic but great
Very tragic, but I've felt like that before.... great poem yes