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Thank you, yes....yes...no? Yeah, ok...Good...Nice...Super! YAY!

Eh, hello, people...I've heard some wonderful things said about me and I've heard some terrible things said about me...Both of them make me happy and both of them make me sad. It is life, this roller-coaster!

Anyway, from the beginning of time (and before that too...), people have asked questions and sought answers. In this world, people need to know things and people need to help them.

I ask you, you ask me. Here be the basis of this thread:

Ask me any question you want. It can be about my wonderful-self...It can be about you...It can be in regards to your life...it can be in regards to the world at large...My debt to you is to answer your question in my most honest - yet delicate - fashion. I will leave no stone un-turned and no root un-pulled.

Ask away and we all may learn a little more...

can i ask you to leave

so whats the real point of this thread?

Why would MG want you to leave?

drunk- cause he is always so mean and insulting to me cry

Awwies... *hugs MG*

Umm... why are you mean and insulting?
And do you think I'd be the type of person to be mean to you?

You can ask me to leave, but presently I don't want to so I won't. As a side note, I must mention that my intentions are not to go around insulting you. It appears that you don't seem to understand me a lot of the time, and therefore get offended. I hope we can change this unfortunate state of affairs and build a bright future...

The 'real point', as you put it, is the quest for knowledge and understanding...I stated as much in my original post.

like im going to read any of that^

just came in here to read what drunk said

A great many wars have been fought because of misunderstandings...Language can be the tool of knowledge and trickery...

I don't think you would be mean to me.

yawn

Read any of what?

all the stuff that you are writing-

Hows life on the other side of the tracks? Hows the surreal treating you? Any room left in existance without reason?

I guess you read the last one though...

i'd advice the new guy to just lay low for a while....no offense but my first impression is that you've got a relatively large ego...i'm sure you're a nice person and all that,but take my advice,you've gotta show us that part of you..after the world has known what kinda person you are they'd take pretty much anything if they know you're actually a nice person and all....
just my experience here i've seen so many newbies get ragged all cuz they made a bad 1st impression.......

I like these questions...

Life on the other side of the tracks is much the same as life on the other other side of the tracks...things happen, things don't happen and everything stays the same whilst ever changing...

The surreal is something I dabble in only on occasion, as if I was to submerge into it totally then perhaps the surreal would not longer be surreal.

This final question is a tricky one...either you are saying my life lacks reason, or you are asking it in a more general sense...However, my answer to both remains the same - Always find a reason, but don't always obey that reason.

i think she was being sarcastic

This ^ is sound advice. However, sometimes I think that if someone is so OTT, then it must be quite obvious to most that the perceived arrogance, is purely that; perceived.

The best response to sarcasm is sauvity. I'm sauve.

not everyone can tell that though

that's what i meant about egoism....

In time, they will...till then I worry not.

Singapore is a beautiful place...you have some amazing places to eat there...

I stole this, so there is a right answer. Both parties need to be happy with your decision. Ready, set, go...


"At Paris, in the roastmeat cookery of the Petit Chastelet, before the cookshop of one of the roastmeat sellers of that lane, a certain hungry porter was eating his bread, after he had by parcels kept it a while above the reek and steam of a fat goose on the spit, turning at a great fire, and found it, so besmoked with the vapour, to be savoury; which the cook observing, took no notice, till after having ravined his penny loaf, whereof no morsel had been unsmokified, he was about decamping and going away. But, by your leave, as the fellow thought to have departed thence shot-free, the master-cook laid hold upon him by the gorget, and demanded payment for the smoke of his roast meat. The porter answered, that he had sustained no loss at all; that by what he had done there was no diminution made of the flesh; that he had taken nothing of his, and that therefore he was not indebted to him in anything. As for the smoke in question, that, although he had not been there, it would howsoever have been evaporated; besides, that before that time it had never been seen nor heard that roastmeat smoke was sold upon the streets of Paris. The cook hereto replied, that he was not obliged nor any way bound to feed and nourish for nought a porter whom he had never seen before with the smoke of his roast meat, and thereupon swore that if he would not forthwith content and satisfy him with present payment for the repast which he had thereby got, that he would take his crooked staves from off his back; which, instead of having loads thereafter laid upon them, should serve for fuel to his kitchen fires. Whilst he was going about so to do, and to have pulled them to him by one of the bottom rungs which he had caught in his hand, the sturdy porter got out of his grip, drew forth the knotty cudgel, and stood to his own defence. The altercation waxed hot in words, which moved the gaping hoidens of the sottish Parisians to run from all parts thereabouts, to see what the issue would be of that babbling strife and contention."

Beautiful, Joycean words, but I eyeball no question...perhaps I am a lonely fool on a hill...

Does anyone else seek knowledge and truth whilst I await an update? No fee...just me.

Whats your favorite band?

Generally speaking I like the 'rubber' kind, but if you are talking music I like...Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Sublime and the Roots. Word.

Slayer?

Not really my bag, but I respect their ferocity and fun...much better than boy-bands like 'Linkin Park' - ugh. I used to like Korn - 'Follow The Leader' is a classic album...but now I'm into more ridiculous stuff like 'The Darkness'.

I never really liked Korn

But you like Linkin Park!?!?!?!?!?!? Please say no...

Dear god no.

Thank you for addressing me correctly and I am happy with your response.

Any more for any more?

uhhh, do you like midgets?

I like a leg or an arm, but I couldn't eat a whole one.

what about wigglys

Please excuse my lack of clarity. The bum and cook are ready to fight one another. Your job, or the question is, what would you do to have them both walk away happily.

Are you a stalker? I bet you are.

Tis is a perplexing riddle you tell, master enema...

If I approach it in purely practical terms, I feel Mr.Porter should halve his stave and consider it as a sacrifice served.

If it requires more profound a judgement, then I yet have it not, but shall ponder thus henceforth till an agreeable answer is reached...

I am an inch over 6ft, so my strides are indeed long and stiff.

Ruminate, wise one.

I have already admitted I'm an idiot, so I can venture the next guess without fear of recrimination...

Porter gives up the sticks as they are a veritable load upon his back and the cook walks off appeased. Yes-yes or no-no?

Nope.

Should I be paying greater attention to the language or is that merely a tricksy device to put me off of the greater simplicity of the riddle?

Yeah, it's a machination if I've ever seen one.

I noticed a couple of twingles in there, but I'm currently flummoxed...I shall return in 4 hours for another bash.

NOTE TO MODERATORS: I just used the word flummoxed and that is surely a first here at KMC, do I win a prize or something?

"Who is Spain?"

"Why is Hitler?"

"When is right?"

"Where was that stooped and mealy-colored old man I used to call Poppa when the merry-go-round broke down?"

"How was trump at Munich?"
AND
Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

How do I shave around my knees with out getting knicks?

enema...The porter should pay a cent for a scent. Does this work?

Imperial_Tempura...

Spain is rare and precious.

Hitler is because.

Right is now.

He was skulking around the dirty back streets.

Trump was fine, but tramp found the place too expensive.

The Snowdens of yesteryear are now mere hills, as bigger and better mountains have usurped them.

I like and don't like your quixotic questions, they cultivate and don't cultivate a quenching of the thirst.

Morning_Glory...

Use an industrial strength lawn-mower fitted with releasable moisturiser.

Close, but no.

The twisted language and double-negatives have my head spinning and my goat choaking...So, my next postulation is that they both walk away.

Either that or the decide that the French are indeed ass-holes and then shoot themselves in the head.

?

Or perhaps it is this...Being the fools that they both are - and being the fool that I undoubtably am - I declare that the sound of the porter's money should be a sufficient equivalent to the smoke of the cook's bird.

And there it is, Ladies and Gentlemen...Another abstraction of genius from the fingers of Ou...

Who else in this fair city wish me to dispell more wisdom?

The sound one is the right answer. Nice job.

Got any more for me, you verbally diarrhetic mongoloid?

Rather impressive ego you have there.

Thanks. Do you have a question that needs answering?

Very true.

Thael and dark1365...Thanks to both of you, but there's no need for jealousy...I'll let you in on a little secret...shhhhh...don't tell anyone...shhh...Feed your ego with Miracle Grow every night before you go to sleep...I don't wear pajamas, but if you do, take the Miracle Grow after you put them on...I don't know why, but it sounds reasonable...GOOD LUCK!

...

unfortunately for mankind theres no form of weed killer for
egotism. Good luck with the "Miracle-Gro" thing you got going on there ( http://www.miraclegro.com/ )

OuBE, do u have a girlfriend?

Definitely not by my standards!

Yes, I do...Although 5 days a month I wish I didn't...

ok Ou Be Low hoo, our new Jesus...

how are you?

Ahhh...In time, dear child...in time...You're obviously too young to understand the implication of what I posted...

Do you want to ask me a question about it?

I'm good and fruity, thank you for asking.

Um no.

Then don't post ignorantly...I see that the smiley that you used means, in internet-speak, 'wtf' - as in 'What the f...uck (are you talking about?)...

I offered to explain, you declined, so please don't be so ignorant in public places.

Thank you.

Dark, I understand that you find Ou Be to be somewhat of a nuisance, which begs the question, why do you still choose to participate in his thread?

Since I am a lethargic bastard, I'll cut and paste my musings from the "Firm and Juicy" thread regarding such. If you've got an issue with someone, report the thread, or simply ignore the user using your ignore list, located in your profile.

Thank you, drive through.

Done. Thank you, cinema.

you've been here before?

i live for the food
makes keeping healthy so freakin' hard not to mention i gain weight every year during hols cry

You bloody bastard...oh wait thats what yoiu are talking aboot

who is

Any flammings or bashing and this thread gets closed.

WD

Explicit detail, but totally BINGO!

I've visited, but only for a few days...I spent most of my time in the amazing night markets looking for delicious curries...soooooooooo good! I live in Taiwan, so it's only a short flight from here...You've got some cRaZy rules about chewing gum though!

what does your UN mean

Joyce's Ulysses: What is the longest character name?

Are you talking about the United Nations? If you are, it's not mine...



Literal to the point of the ridiculous...

'Molly Bloom sits awake in bed yes and remembers her youth in Gibraltar yes and her many sexual partners yes in one unbroken stream of consciousness yes and recalls the day she yes gave herself to Bloom while munching some heavily symbolic seed cake yes'...etc...

No, punctuation ^ ...So, could this be the 'longest character name'?

USER NAME

penis?

My mistake! My User Name means that I am able to be recognised when I post...Everyone's got one! If they didn't then no-one would know who was posting!



No, thanks...I've already got a rather healthy specimen of my own...

No, sir, that isn't it. When I read it it struck me as comical that this character's name took up two lines, so I remembered.

Aha...I am one of the lesser mortals who have yet to swallow the book whole...rather I have digested selected portions and have enjoyed these not insubstantial morsels, yet any time I attempt to finish the entire course, I suffer from indigestion...Tis my folly for being not quite the Gastronome I wish to be...

Something is igniting my senses though...I just can't quite get through to it yet...

do you drink pee pee?

I think being an obstinate lil' ****er helps.

how do you pronounce your name?

'Ou' is pronounced like the final sound of 'who' without the sound...
'Be' is be is be is be.
'Low' is pronounced like the initial sound in 'loud' without the sound...
'hoo' is the same as 'who' but spoken with less emphasis.



No you do not drink 'pee-pee'! 'Pee-pee' is the result of drinking, not a choice of beverage...although some people are fond of showering in it...

This thread is beyond hilarious. Absolutely fabulous!

There's that sarcasm again! It's too much, ma'am...it's too much...

Im not actually being sarcastic - I think you are hilarious, and your sarcasm works because its used intelligently.

Im not bullshitting. You take that in whatever way you like.

Here you go again...Raising the bar on what is sarcastically tolerable...think of the eye-balls! THINK OF THE LITTLE EYE-BALLS!

I NEVER EVER think of the eye-balls. Is that not clear by now?

Besides, i like to hear them pop! *pop*

No, it is not 'clear', because your sarcasm has forfeited my ability to see. I now have vacuous chasms where my eye-balls once sat...they didn't even pop...simply deflated like tired, old fairground balloons...sad, really...

You dont have to 'see' in order to be clear. However, i am dissapointed that your eye-balls did not pop, but only deflate - what a waste.

Ou Be Low hoo isn't funny.

actually he kind of is.

No. As funny as he might seem, you know deep down inside that he isn't.

Oooo...it looks like the sarcasm bug is contagious! Beware, people...beware!

I don't think he was being sarcastic.

ANOTHER one gets bitten by the bug!

When everyone is being sarcastic does it cease to exist?

Here's a question. Do you ever find your gimmick stale, or tired as others do?

No.

He was being soooooooooooo sarcastic

My 'gimmick'? Are you talking about those balloon animals I'm so very fond of?

I'll take that as a no. I was just curious, anyhow.

Curious about the balloon animals? I can make you one too, if you ask nicely like a good boy...

I'd rather you just bedazzle me with your ornate lexicon, if you please.

I trust your use of 'ornate lexicon' is ironic...good work!

I shall continue to please...

are we sure that raz didn't create this guy like tiny tim

Maybe. No normal guy could get so egotistical like that.

Fiends, Rainmans and countrybumpkins...Lend me your ears...Thanks for the compliments, but I am 100% au naturel. Your love and affection is like golden drops of rain sprinkling my face with peace and comfort. Cherish me and I shall cherish thee...

You are blessed, O SlipknoTed one! Walk free and unbound in my garden of plenty...

how do i get my white socks to turn orange?

Rub them on the head of a ginger person...

ok

Orange dye.

You're a borderline genius. Work it, baby, work it!

Pee on your socks Morn.

Are you insinuating that Morning Glory has orange urine!?!?

I gotta question.

What happens if your G-key on the keyboard can't come up and you have to keep typing Gggggggggand you can't stop it?

You make as much sense as you normally do.

Should you feed a hobo or yourself first?

You should feed on a hobo, thus satisfying your appetite and negating the hobo's.

what should i get, ploo or schmoo?

An interesting choice...However, I feel I should refer you back to my previous response to one of your questions...It's seems to resemble a cap that fits...

Oh wise one, a young girl was giving me 'f*ck me eyes' should I follow it through?

You should say "Thank you, but eye-sockets are not designed for such a thing...". Whatever you do, don't follow through as this will result in unsightly nose-dribble...

Are you sure? Do you know from experience?

Sure I'm sure I'm sure...The last time it happened I had to use a loose noodle for a thread and a pine-cone for a needle to get the damn thing back in the pocket...Go south! It's ultimately more fulfilling...

Ok. I will give you a progress report later.

I like the way you work it, no diggity...you gotta jazz her up.