Trapped With God

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golden moon

Trickster
Was that a conversion type story? Or is it something somebody actually believed?

If it's fiction, it's very creative.

golden moon
huh? can you explain more?

Line
ah! a woman with a mission!

FeceMan
Too much telling, not enough showing. Little sentence variety. Does the information you gave about her in the beginning really matter to the story? Frequent use of passive voice.

FeceMan
Just so you know, I'm not bashing your story (I can see how someone might mistake the intent of my post).

Captain REX
Oi, not another person I've met who comments about passive voice! My lit. teacher does that enough!

FeceMan
Passive voice is the bane of my existence. Of course, I frequently use it when I post but not when I'm writing-writing. Passive voice often leads to telling, telling leads to boring, and boring leads to me being disgusted with my work.

O.A.R21
Right O captain REX

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