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What happens when a 15 year old 9th grader gets pulled out of public school and thrown into boarding school!?

all hell breaks loose. lol
i dunno what?

Originally posted by HPfanatic
all hell breaks loose. lol
i dunno what? I think so too...what happens...p.s. id this like your life or just made up?

"Uhh is it six already" Maggie Hennings thought to herself as she heard her mom comming up the stairs. "GET UP, im leaving in thirty minutes, i have a huge meeting this morning with a client and I CANNOT be late because of you, GET UP" Mrs. Hennings screamed as she slammed the door open making Maggie jump. " That Woman. . ." maggie told herself as she forced the covers back and walked down the hall towards her bathroom. As she flicked on the light, she knew today would be a bad day. She had a huge cowlick in her straight hair and a new zit on her chin. "Oh what a great truesday."she said as she turned on the water to wash her face. Maggie put on some makeup and got dressed still trying to wake up. As she tumbled down the stairs tripping on her four year old brothers shoes, her mom threw maggie her lunch and told her to get in the car. Maggie waved goodbye to her brother mack and gave her dad a kiss on the cheek and opened the screen door to a freshly layed pile of snow. "Even better, . . .cold, wet, snow" She said to herself as a bitter breeze blew her face and sent goosebumps up her. She got in her moms S.U.V and put in her i-pod headphones, dreading today.

Made up haha!

i c...interesting....go on...write more!!!

coolio!! still sounds interesting. i'm hooked.

ok a little more. . and then im going to bed.

As Mrs. Hennings pulled into Henley High School, Maggie pulled out her headphones and put her i-pod in her moms glove compartment, ( her school didnt allow *electronics*) Maggie hopped out of the car and waved goodbye to her mother, and headed across campus to her locker. "Only 4 more days till christmas break, I can do this" She said as she pulled on her hood. Maggie had lots of friends, but none that she was really close to. "Lets see todays a hmm A-day .. Uhh english first then biology, spanish,math,art, lunch, then history. Maggie knew today was going to be a LONG day.
And it was, it seemed like forever until the last bell rang to leave school. Maggie spotted her moms car in the carpool line and hurried to get in. On the way home her mom was talking on her cell to some client named "James Brody" . . "no those quotes arnt right, WELL if you cant get them then get johnathan to, No im sorry i didnt mean that" Maggie looked outside and kept thinking about the one thing she wanted more than anything for christmas, a ticket out of this town and down to Floridia to S.C.A (south coast academy). A high school boarding school away from snow and parents. As Mrs. Hennings skidded out of the driveway back to work, Maggie went inside to see what her dad and mack were doing. Mr. Hennings was a author. . well trying at least, He also took care of mack, when he wasnt in pre school.


Ok im so tierd. . eyes burning. . .haha night guys. .post more tommororw!

Thats awesoem keep going!!

thanks trackchk!

Off to school, write more when i get home~

You start school at 8...LUCKY!!!! I get up at 6...schiool at 7 and that sux cuz im what u call a late sleeper not a morning person!!!

Originally posted by bookworm4lyf
You start school at 8...LUCKY!!!! I get up at 6...schiool at 7 and that sux cuz im what u call a late sleeper not a morning person!!!

i'm luckier, my school starts at 9.15!! i still have to get up at 6.30 though cos i live ages away and i have to get a bus yawn

and the story's great O.A.R21 , i love reading other people's stuff

yay! im back school seemed to go on FOREVER today. . ( If it makes you feel better bookworm4lyf we get out a hour later!)

Maggie went through the kitchen and into the den to watch some (well needed) T.V. Not ten minutes later Mack came zooming by the tv trying to catch the cat and make her hiss. "Ok. . ill just go see what dads up to" Maggie told herself as she flipped off the T.V and hopped over the Tramitized cat. Maggie went up the stairs, then up another flight of stairs to her dads loft. Maggie walked through the door and saw her dad fiercely typing on his computer. " Hey dad, can i um talk to you for a minute." she asked quietly. "Give me . . .. um. . .. 10 minutes alright mag" He said Inbetween words. Maggie went back downstairs and into her room. She flipped on her computer and started to do research for her upcomming history project. About thirty minutes later the phone rang, "Hello Hennings Residence" Maggie said to the reciever. " Hey um Maggie its Ben." Maggie froze and her heart kinda did a flutter, THE BEN was calling me, THE BEN WHO SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO MODEL BEN!" Maggie said to herself. "Oh hey whats up" she said calmly. "Yea i was just wondering if you could help me study for our big math exam after break, but i mean if u were busy or something id unders.. . NO Id love to, i mean yea sure" Maggie spit out. Just then Maggie heard Mack downstairs screaming. "Hey um i got to go, ill talk to you tommorow alright!" she said in a pumped up voice. "Sure see you then" Maggie hung up and sat there before she realized that Mack was still crying.
As Maggie rounded the corner into the den she saw Mack, his face all flushed and his cheeks wet with tears, screaming at the top of his lungs. Just as went over to him, her dad came bolting down, "No its ok dad, i got him" Mr. Hennings said alright and ran back up to his loft. "Whats a matter buddy?" she asked Mack inbetween scream's. " Thee thee cat sscrratched meeeeee" he said letting out another huge breath (it sounded like he was hiberventilating). "Where" Maggie asked as she got a wet rag out of the kitchen and started drying his face off. "writ Her" he told her in a baby voice. Maggie looked down at his leg and saw a scratch no bigger then her pinky, and had barley even cut the skin. "Oh ok then well i guess we better put a band aid on"
After that ordeal Maggie sat on the couch with him and watched blues clues until her mom got home. Mrs. Henderson busted though the door with three paper bags in her arms. . . "I could use some help, mag" . . ."FINE" Maggie said as she went over to her, tripping over that damn cat (AGAIN).

hehehe....kitty traumatized...lol!@ j/k goood keep goin

I like wat i see.Go on.

and since i am herre i'll like to advertise my story RIDERS OF THE APOC.
In the multi-author forum.

thats reallyy good

!!!!

Thanks everyone! Haha i fell asleep . . loooong day at school, Heres more~

As Maggie put away the groceries, Mrs. Hennings started to cook dinner. Mr. Hennings came running down the stairs and went over to Mrs. Hennings gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek and started to help make the salad. "How was your day mom" asked Maggie. "Uh you know typical lawyer's day. . STRESSFULL" she said as she poured the spagetti sauce into the meat in the frying pan. "Well thats good, dad hows your story?" Maggie asked her dad. " This is gonna be it, i just have a feeling" He said as he poured the mushrooms in the salad. "Well thats good to know, . . . um mom dad, soo have you looked into S.C.A anymore, i dont mean to rush you or anything but next semester starts right after brea. . .MAGGIE we've told you a thousand times, and this will be one thousand and one i guess, with your mother pregnant with twins, us raising a 15 year old and a 4 year old, living in a 3 story house, and you going to private school next year we just CANNOT afford it right now alright! Plus your lucky to have such a wonderful life here"Mr. Hennings said as he picked up macks toys off the kitchen table." Maggie sighed and set the table. "Well what about next year, i mean is there any possibility?" Maggie said. "MAGGIE just stop alright, i do not want to talk about this right now alright!" Mrs. Hennings said as she picked up (kicking) Mack and placed him in his high chair.
After dinner Maggie took a HOT shower and felt loads better."Well I still have a awsome study "date" with HOTT Ben, and christmas is in two weeks so i dont have that much of a miserable life!" Maggie went into her mom and dads room (A.k.a the "suite" because it was abut 4 times bigger than her room) and layed on there California Kind bed, and turned on the widescreen television to her favorite T.v show the Gilmore Girls. About ten minutes later, her mom came in with hot chocolate and popcorn and the two Hennings girls watched the show together. That was until the (damn) cat ran in the room, jumped on the bed and spilled all the popcorn. "OMG can i not have a NORMAL moment in this house" Maggie said as she put her head in her hands.

nice

thanks

i like it! good job!!

Ok sorry for the delay guys

Harry woke up very early, he got dressed and decited to go into the common room and sit in front of the fire for a while. "I knew it" He said. Hermione was petting crookshanks and had her nose bury'ed in a huge book. "Good morning" Harry said as he snuck up behind her and made crookshanks jump. "Oh Harry you have got to stop doing that, you scare me so bad!" She said as she put her bookmark in the book and slammed it shut. "You hungry?" Harry said as he took her hand and helped her out of the chair. "Yea i guess, lets go." The two headed down the eight flights of stairs and into the Great hall. There were a couple of first years and proffessor Flitwick, and that was about it. As Harry and Hermione chowed down on bacon,pancakes,eggs,and toast a few more people started to arrive for breakfast. "Hey Harry, I better tell you this before Ron and Melba come down, last night after i left me and melba talked for the longest time, all about Ron. Harrys she so obsessed, its like thats all she can think about, Hermione told him as she poured another glass of pumpkin juice. " Well thats not a surprise, Melba's all Ron can talk about!" Harry said laughingly.

Melba rolled over and sat up in bed, she was so excited, this being her first day and all. She quickly put on her clothes, put her hair in two braids and snuck up to the boys dormitory. Melba crept over to Ron's bed and pulled back the curtain. "Aw he's so cute" she thought to herself. "Ron, hey ron" Melba whispered over him. "AHHHH" Ron screamed as he sat up so fast that the two bumped heads. "Oh Ron im so sorry, i didnt mean to" Melba said her face with a worried look. "Well i guess since its you ill let it pass this time" Ron said as he got out of bed and streched. Melba laughed and went down to sit on the couch while Ron changed.
"You ready to eat breakfast, im sure Harry and Hermione are already down there. . ... " Ron finished his sentence with a big yawn. "Absoulutly!" Melba said as she grabbed Rons elbow and put hers inside it, (to were there arms were locked). "Im so excited!"

The two went down to the Great Hall to find Harry and Hermione sitting there talking, "Well goodmorning, how'd you sleep your first night Melba?" Hermione asked her. "Never better, hey Hermione do you think that you could take me to the library i'd love to check out a good book before classes start" Melba said. " Im am SO glad you came to Hogwarts Melba!" Hermione said smiling at her. Ron and Melba finished there breakfast, after they were all done talkin the four of them split up. Harry and Ron went to talk to Professor McGonagall to talk about try out dates for quidditch, and Melba and Hermione went to the library to check out some books.

They all met outside the Defense against the Dark arts classroom right before class. "who do ya think will be our teacher this year?" Ron asked them as they walked in. Ron, Harry, and Hermione froze at who was sitting at the desk in front of them. Ron grabbed Melbas shoulder before she could go and introduce herself. " That might not be such a good idea" Ron said as he pulled up and chair and sunk into it. (Head in his arms) "This is going to be one interesting year" Harry said.

I'm so confused!!! was this suppose to go into Your Harry Potter?? i'm so confused i haven't read that story and so i was like ummm.... Harry? Hermione? who the hell is Melba? i'm so confused.crybaby

lol.....umm...is it snape?

o my god...um oar...u posted in the wrong thread!!!

lol...post in the thread this was meant to be in!!!! lol!!!! ur so daft...like me really...

lol...daft?....is that like oblivious or ditzy....

uuuuuuuhhh, kinda forgetful, ditzy (im not saying u r ditzy oar21) a bit loopy. im all that and more. Hmm, i wonder why guys arent queing up!?!(sarcasim!) lol!

i'm so glad that was posted in the wrong plase. i thought i was going crazy! lol

SO SORRY! ill post more tonite~ Hp is updated!

haha sorry! ^^ i cannot believe I DID THAT! I was so tierd though, *very out of it*

iccccccccccccccccccccc

that's ok i was out of it too. so it really screwed me up. lol it was funny.

ok guys this story is for "MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT" . .let me check reaaaal fast . ..YES ok this is that forum ok here i go!

Maggie layed in her full sized bed and looked up at the stars though her glass ceiling, "Maybie mom and dad are right, I have a awsome life here, why do i wanna go to boarding school anyway." She thought as she drifted into a awsome dream about o so hott Ben.

The next four days FLEW by for Maggie unexpectedly. When she got home on Friday she took a hot bath and changed into some warm flannel pj's. She turned on the T.V in the den and watched a marathon of christmas shows until she was all "hohoho'd" out. She turned off the T.V. and sat in silence for about five minutes wondering what to do. "Gosh this house is so boring" Maggie said as she got up to see what Mack was doing. She looked all around the house for him and found him asleep in his crib. "Now what am i supposed to do, if i cant pick on him?" She said as she went outside and sat on the porch stairs. About ten minutes later she saw her mom pull in the driveway, coming home from work. "How was your day?" Maggie said as she opened the car door and helped her 4 month pregnant mother out. "Uhh t.g.i.f. thats for sure, how bout a pizza tonite, sound good?" Mrs.Hennings said. "Sounds great, ill order, o yeah dads upstairs trying to get his book finished he said he's not gonna eat anything tonite." "Yes thats your father isnt it, i really hope this book hits it big, so he can stop obsessing over writing" Maggies mother stated as she sat down on the couch.

Not much but im pretty tierd tonite!

Originally posted by bookworm4lyf
You start school at 8...LUCKY!!!! I get up at 6...schiool at 7 and that sux cuz im what u call a late sleeper not a morning person!!!

at 7?? at 8??? wow!! mine is 9!! HAHA!!!

good jub~~~... i dint check this thread until 2day so... heheeee.. WELL
GOOD JOb !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks!

i like your story cant wait till it gets going!! your doing great already!!!

Happy St. Patricks day!

Maggie layed in her bed, watching the clock. . 5:54. . . 5:55. "DAMN IT, i sware christmas morning is hell on a child, Wait i take that back, just the part were they cant get up until 6!!"
Finally the clock struck 6 and Maggie shot out of bed and ran down the hall. "MERRY CHRISTMAS, UP UP UP UP!!" Maggie yelled at her parents and then into macks room to wake him up. "Hey buddy, "SANTA" came!" Maggie told mack as she got him out of his bed and carried him down the stairs.
"Its funny, how you act so cool, but then on christmas morning, your six again!" Mr. Hennings said. "DAD, shut-up" Maggie said as she ripped open season four of the Gilmore Girls. "THANKYOU!" Maggie said as she ran and gave her mom a huge hug. "Dont thank me thank santa!" Mrs. Hennings said to Maggie. "Oh right, yeah Thanks SANTA!" she looked at mack.
After all her presents had been opened, there was only her stocking left. "Hmm candy, new toothbrush,cards.. . . whats this?" Maggie said as she took a bracelet box out and undid the ribbon. "OH MY GOD!" Maggie got up screaming and ran around the house! "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" she said as she ran right into her parents arms, holding her new ID card to South Coast Academy.

YAY!! she going! i cant wait till she gets there!!!! i loove your story

Maggie started to cry, "I cant believe you did this for me!" Mr. Hennings wiped her tears away, "We just want you to be happy, and if going to SCA will make you happy, then you go." Maggie couldnt believe that this was happening to her. "When do i start?" Maggie said as she started to gather all her gifts together. "Two weeks, Were going shopping tommorow" Mrs. Hennings told her. Maggie smiled and headed up the stairs, Mack following her.

As Maggie was putting all her gifts where they should go, Mack tugged on her Pj pants and asked, "when are you coming back," "What do you mean?" Maggie asked Mack confused. "Frum yor trip" Maggie picked up Mack and sat him down on her bed. "Im not gonna come back, i will ever now and then, but not all the time." Maggie could see tears forming in his eyes. Maggie picked him up and told him that she'd call him every day, no matter what. Mack got out of her arms and ran away. "I am so self centered" Maggie said as she sat down on the floor.

AWWW! i loooove it! your a GREAT writer!

yay, she got it!

GOOD!! ^ totally wat they said!

POST MORE I WANNA NO WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SHE GOES TO HER NEW SCHOOL!!!

Her new school will come in time!

At six Mrs. Hennings came downstairs to find Maggie fully dressed and eating toast. "Ready to go mom?" Maggie said chewing. "Give me fifteen minutes, you know its funny, the ONLY way I can get you out of bed THIS early is the word shopping" Mr. Hennings said waddling up the stairs. "Got that right!" Maggie said as another piece of toast popped up.

At six thirty they were on there way to Point Clear Mall. "Now, make sure you scout out lite things, the weather in Florida is mighty hot" Mrs. Hennings said. "Yes i know, ill "scout" out "lite" things" Maggie said mocking her.

After hitting up American Eagle, Gap, Dillards, Target, Hollister, G&G, Hot topic, and Parisian they finally sat down and ate lunch. " Maggie, I am so glad i have a shopper like you" Mrs. Hennings said eating pizza. "Im so glad i have a mom thats a lawyer who can afford me!" Maggie said jokingly.

The last stop of the day was a store called *Ray's maternity ward* "Um mom, I think I'll go look around at K-B toys, while you um shop for monster mom clothes" Maggie said with a interesting face.

Maggie went into K-B toys and went straight to the sci-fi section. "Perfect, Ive got just enough" Maggie said as she went to go check out.

Maggie and Mrs. Hennings bolted through the kitchen door, "Yum! what smells so good!" Maggie asked Mr. Hennings. "Made dinner for my lovely ladies!" Mr. Hennings told them, handing Mrs. Hennings a Rose. Maggie loved it when her parents were so sweet to each other. She chased Mack into his high chair and sat down to a big meal.

In the middle of dinner Mr. Hennings stood up and made a announcement. "Id like you all to know that my book got published, and i really think this is gonna be the big one!" Maggie stood up and clapped and her mom gave him a kiss on the cheek. After dinner they all celebrated with the chocolate cake Mr. Hennings made.

Maggie took a hot shower and changed into her new pj's. She grabbed the bag off her bed and skipped down to Macks bedroom.

"Wut?" Mack said as he answered his door. Maggie walked in gleefully and sat down on his Blues Clues toddler bed. "Wow this beds uncomfortable" Maggie thought. "Well what do you want?" Mack told her ( as if he was in a rush to finish his puzzle.) Maggie pulled two Star Wars light savors out of the back and screamed "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU" She tossed Mack one and for the next hour the Hennings house hadn't been filled with that much laughter since she could remember.

Mack eventually got tuckered out and Maggie carried him up to his room and tucked him in. "Love you Mack" Maggie said as she flipped on his night light and cracked the door. " Why am I leaving this family?" Maggie thought as she walked back to her room.

Right as Maggie was drifting off to sleep, her cell rang. "Who would be calling me at eleven thirty?" She got out of bed, her stomach dropped at the name on the caller ID. . . . BEN

ooooo..... keep going.

yay! its getting good!!!!great job!

that was soooo good!! r u posting more soon??

Thankyou! I'll post more tommorow! . . .I think~

I HOPE!!

Haha ill try!

where is it~~?? if not postin 2day, post more 2morrow!!

I'll post some more tonite, i have to go out to dinner right now though. . .i wrote lots of it in class today, just have to type it out.

okay.

Maggie stumbled out of bed, tripping over a pair of shoes, " Um . . hello, do you know what time it is?" Maggie asked Ben trying to wake up. "Yes but unfortunately you dont" Ben said in a voice Maggie had never heard before. "Look Ben, i dont even really know you, and i have to get up extremely early tommorow to pack." Maggie thought it was so cool that she didnt feel shy around him anymore, just because she'd probably never see him again. " Wait, where are you going?" Ben asked. Maggie spent the next fifteen minutes telling Ben all about S.C.A. " Well um. . i'll miss you" Ben said kinda out of it. "Miss you to bye Ben" Maggie said as she hung up. Maggie went to bed with mixed feelings, she still liked Ben, but at the same time, she really didnt.


The next two weeks flew by for Maggie. Before she knew it she was at Gate 14, with her laptop and boarding pass.

"Well i guess this is it" Maggie said as she hugged her Mom, Dad, and Mack. Suddenly Maggie didnt feel much like leaving, but she pulled out of her dads hug anyway. "Mom, email me EVERYWEEK, i wanna know how the twins are doing. . .Dad i'll be first in line the day your book comes out. .. and Mack, ill call you everynight, PROMISE!"


"Last call for boarding passes" The lady behind the desk told them. "Bye love you" Maggie said as she waved and walked through the terminal.

She sat down next to a man who was already sleeping. "Great. . ."

After a long three hour flight, Maggie finally arrived in sunny Floridia.

"This place is burning up, im not even off the plane yet and im burning up!" Maggie thought. She walked out of the terminal and into "Florida National Airport." Maggie heard a girls voice . ."Maggie Hennings" She looked around and saw a gorgeous, tall, tan, brown haired girl. "Maggie?" she said as she walked over and introduced herself, "HEY! welcome to Florida, Im Jamie, your roomate!"

cool. sounds good

Wahoo!! i cant wait till she starts school!!!!

same! good job!

GOOD JUB!!!!!!!

It's really good. Write some more PLEASE!!!

YEAH!- yall can check out my story This should be fun! please and tell me what yall think of it?!?!?

haha thanks i wrote lots during my trip! YES check out trackchk890s new story it GOOD!

I wrote some of this story on my vacation. .

Jamie helped Maggie with her suitcases and they both walked out to the airport parking lot.
"Damn, its so hard to find your car!" Jamie said as she pulled on her sunglasses. Maggie just laughed.
They finally came to a car, Maggie saw a beat up red Honda. "Oh, hmm i like your car." Maggie said trying to be friendly. " Uh that nasty thing!" Jamie said in disgust. "This is my car!" Jamie pointed to a black,shiny Jaguar next to the red Honda. "Oh, wow then i really DO like your car!!" Maggie told her.
They put the suitcases in the trunk and they both headed down the strip to S.C.A.

After around a fifteen minute drive, they pulled up six, three story beach bungalows. (each one a different color, each side by side)
"Welcome home" Jamie told Maggie as they pulled in front of the turquoise house. "Wow, we even have our own pool!" Maggie stated in awe. " Yep, the upstairs loft leads out onto the lay out deck." Jamie told her in her preppy voice. "LAY OUT DECK!" Maggie let out in a little yelp.

They walked up to the backdoor and Jamie pushed the speaker button. " Uh, hello?" a sleepy voice said on the other end. "Kevin baby let me in" Jamie told the box looking at her watch, "And please hurry!"
The white back door popped open and Jamie led Maggie into there lime green kitchen. " Uh excuse Kevin . . boyfriends." Jamie told Maggie as she walked over to a tall, tan, blonde haired boy with boxers on. " Did you just wake up?" Jamie asked Kevin as he ate his cereal. "Yea, im gonna go surfing while the tides good, wanna come later" He asked with a mouth full of fruit loops. "Uh, i cant, hair appointment" Jamie told Kevin. "Whatever" Kevin said as he waved to Maggie and headed back upstairs. "So wait, your boyfriend lives here?" Maggie asked. " I thought this was a all girls dormitory?" " Well, the two girls that where here last year graduated, so we needed the rent, so my boyfriend and his brother moved in. "Oh ok, got it, so wheres my room?" Maggie asked, her four suitcases still in hand. "Oh, sorry about that, follow me." Jamie said as she grabbed tow suitcases and headed up the stairs.
After climbing two flights, they came to the top of the third set of stairs. "This is where your room is, Thomas's, and the computer room." Jamie said. "wait. .Thomas's?" Jamie said confused. "Yea, Kevins brother, he's your age i think, dont worry about him, i mean no need to lock your door or anything, he's one of the loyalist people I know, good christian too!
They walked down to the last room at the end of the hallway, "Well, this is your room" Maggie walked in and saw one twin bed, a desk and a closet. " Well, i have a three o clock appoinment and im gonna be late, so ill talk to you tonite, you can help me make dinner, bye!"
Before Maggie could say anything Jamie took off town the hall and was already talking on her pink cell.

Maggie didnt have anything else to do but unpack. About a hour into it she already had her stereo hooked up and playing, Her laptop up, with internet,posters hung up. Her window was open to, Florida sunshine pouring in. (She realized she might as well get used to the heat)

A little while later there was a knock at her door. "Come in" Maggie said turning down the volume on her sterio. A medium sized boy with dark curly brown hair walked in. " No, its ok i like that song!" Maggie laughed. "Hey, im Maggie, just moved in." she said with a smile. "Im Thomas, been here for a while" He smiled back at her. "So your room looks pretty cool" Thomas told her. "Thanks, theres not that much else to do, i dont have have car." Maggie told him. "Well i do, its only four too, lets go out" Thomas told her. "Well, um ok" Maggie told him. "Oh yea, put on a bathing suit too" Thomas said as he closed the door. Maggie smiled

write more tommorow. . if anyone notices haha~

haha i loove it!! whats going to happen with thomas?!?!?!

Maggie picked out her blue and white striped suit, grabbed her purse and headed downstairs. "Heyyy, made smoothies" Thomas said with his shades on. "Hah thanks!" Maggie said as she took her peach and strawberry shake. "So where are we going?" Maggie asked "Well. . .i thought i'd show you some of the towns hott spots and after the sun sets. . well thats a surprise" Thomas said grabbing his car keys. "Oh ok" Maggie said uneasy, she didnt really know Thomas that good, but she took Jamies word for him.
After crusin around for two hours in Thomas's red topless Jeep, the sun finally set. Maggie liked thomas, she liked how he made her laugh all the time.
"Ready for the surprise?" Thomas asked Maggie. "Yea sure" Maggie said excitedly now that she knew he was pretty much harmless. Thomas took some backroads for about ten minutes until he finally pulled into a familiar looking place. "Here we go" Thomas said putting his Jeep in park and turning the accelerator off. "Thomas!" Maggie laughed, "Were home!" "Well i told you it was a surprise," He said jokingly, "C'mon" He said running to the beach. Maggie had only been to a beach once when she was four. She sprinted onto the sand, when she got to the ocean she let the waves crash on her feet for a few minutes. Thomas was already in, swimming into waves. "Are you sure its ok to swim at night?" Maggie yelled out. "Pretend your blind, wouldnt matter then would it!" Thomas yelled before jumping into another wave.
Maggie took off her shorts and tank top and ran into the waves. She swam over to Thomas who was trying to float on his back. "Check this out" Thomas said pointing up. Maggie looked up, there was a full moon and tons of stars. "Its gorgous" Maggie said.
The silence was broken by Maggie screaming, " THOMAS!!, OW!! my arm its burning. .OW!"

aww!! hahahha jellyfish???

hmm maybie . .

haha okay! post more i really like this story!!!your a great writer! hope you keep it up!!!!

Thanks!!! You too. I love your stories. .Ill post some in a few minutes

Trackchk i think your the only one reading this anymore. .(AHH i forgot my binder that i write stuff in at school!!. . I'll have to post tommorow after noon. . Im sorry about that!!)

Originally posted by O.A.R21
Trackchk i think your the only one reading this anymore. .(AHH i forgot my binder that i write stuff in at school!!. . I'll have to post tommorow after noon. . Im sorry about that!!)

No way!!! I'm still readin it!!!
Keep goin-it really good!

It SO GOOD!!!!!!plz keep goin!

hah i didnt know yall were still reading it. . i'll post more. I was deciting whether or not to quit writing this one or not. . ill keep going~

WHAT?!? You were contemplating quiting???
The story is just too good for you to leave it!

keep writin plz?

i will i will!!

good when ru goin to post more?

Hmm after dinner. . bout 30 minutes

cool!!

Ok here ya go

Maggie ran out of the water and into the house, she ran up to her bathroom and slammed the door. "Ow! Damn," She looked down at her arm. It was swollen, red, puffy and stinging like crazy! She splashed cold water on it, and washed it with soap, that didnt really seen to help. "Why wont it stop?" Maggies eyes were tearing up, she didnt know what had happened.
Thomas knocked on the door and came into the bathroom."What happened??, are you ok?" He said out of breath. Maggie held out her arm, eyes still teared up. "Oh gosh, hang on a minute." Thomas ran out of the bathroom and ran into his room. Maggie could hear him rummaging through a box. A few minutes later he came in with a clear bottle. "Let me see." Maggie held out her arm over the sink while Thomas poured some liquid over the rash. "Eww it smells horrible" Maggie thought.
After about a minute or so the burning stopped,and the reddish rash started to fade. "Thanks" Maggie said to Thomas. "No its my fault, it's jellyfish season, i shouldnt have taken you swimming." Thomas said as he took a seat on the bathtub wall. "My mom made that for me, its a concoction of different herbs and spices, it helps alot." Thomas said head in hand. "I'll be ok, im though!" Maggie told him as she stood up. "I think i'll take a shower, thanks for today, i had fun" Maggie said opening the door for him. Thomas stood up, "Me too." He left and closed the door behind him.
Maggie took a semi-hot shower, (she was still trying to get used to the hot, humid weather) and changed into some girl boxers and a white tank. She blow dryed her hair and sat down on her bed. It was only eight thirty and there was nothing to do. She layed back and closed her eyes, she could see Mack smiling at her.
She must had fallen asleep when she was awoken by the sweet smell of popcorn. "Mmm. . popcorn, i havent had anything since that smoothie" Maggie though as she got up off her bed. She opened the door and followed the smell, it was comming from Thomas's room. She knocked on the door, "Come in" Thomas said from somewhere inside. Maggie opened the door, "Wow, it so home'y feeling" She thought. Thomas had white carpet and wood furniture, along with thick curtains and a big squishy blue bed. "Hey, feel better" Thomas said, Maggie still couldnt figure out where he was. "Yea lots, where are you?"

Post more tommorow. . night guys

its soo cool i love the story

Originally posted by -Funky Punk-
its soo cool i love the story

Ditto

why thankyou!

Post more PLEASE!!!

I'll try and post sometime, I havent really written anymore of this story though, ive been working on my Hp fanfic, Try and write more later

Originally posted by FeceMan
1. You switch tenses and voices at points in the writing. This really detracts from the story.
2. Paragraphs are your friends.
3. God, even if one is a nonbeliever, is spelled with a capital 'g'.
4. You frequently tell instead of show.
5. Mistaking homonyms is one of the worst, most humiliating things one can do--check the difference between there/their/they're, your/you're, to/two/too, etc.
6. You cram a lot of unnecessary detail into sentences, particularly those in which you are describing the physical appearance of another.
7. You often state intent of a speaker after the dialogue when the dialogue alone would suffice.
8. Mechanical errors.
9. Instead of adding tag lines to everyone sentence of dialogue, you can make whom is speaking clear and have the speaker perform an action.
10. I am assuming that you are writing this "on the fly". There's nothing wrong with that, but I'd suggest that you print off a copy and see if there are things you have written that could be revised to be more concise and, well, better.

I'd like to see what this piece would look like if it was cleaned up--why don't you type it all in Microsoft Word and post the compiled, fixed-up story into one post?

If you want, I can give you examples of all this stuff. I don't mean to be rude, but it's bad when one sees a story such as this that has such glaring errors--no offense, my writing does the same thing at times--and just say, "Good job! This is great!" when you could be giving suggestions to remedy these flaws. And, as a writer, it is your responsibility to put our suggestions into action to improve your writing. Otherwise, all you are looking for is a bunch of yes-men to stroke your ego.
All this wisdom, all for naught.

what do you mean naught?

POST MORE!!!!

Thanks Genius ill try!

yea oar!!!! haven't talked to you in ages!!!!!! I LOVE YOUR STORY! i had to catch up a lot! but its awesome!

yeh go oar!!

thanks guys. . *girls*! I really havent had time to work on this one. .but i'll try. Schools really really busy right now!

Oh wow! So i come bacc after a looooooooooong while and im like well i have to catch up, and yours was the first one i went to cuz i LOVE it! And i realized, that i don't need to catch up! lol OAR....my schools kinda crazy now too we're doin GEPA preps even though they are in MARCH! and its a new school too...its supposed to be hi-tech and all, but its as low-tech as it can get rite now.....we have outlets on the ceiling for lcd players that are not there! lol! Plus the roof leaks, and we sort of had this HUGE storm, and the water got into the electrical system! so like the girls locker room has a HUGE gaping hole in its roof! lol! anyway......post some more OAR!!! i will be waiting with im sure many others!

Your story seems intresting.
I was a little strange to search my name and find a story about me?lolo
keep up the good work Jennifer Allgood