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Seriously, I'm a very experienced person when it comes to life and love. If you have any problems, just ask me and I'll try to respond if I can with some very helpful advice that will improve your life!

seems no one wants an insight into improving the life and love

Dem, judging by your title you do... and I don't mind posting after you

Originally posted by Demarthl
seems no one wants an insight into improving the life and love

This thread was just started. I'm sure everyone is focussing on what questions to ask me. It is rare that I come forward in such a serious and wise manner to help mankind. They will come.

Everyone at my school thinks my friend is suicidal, and it's pissing her off. Should I kill them?

i was about to give some advice but it'd be stomping over T-mans thread

Originally posted by Imaginary
Everyone at my school thinks my friend is suicidal, and it's pissing her off. Should I kill them?

What you should do is fake her suicide. Right after the bell rings, she should be laying in the main quad with fake blood all over her wrists and neck, that'll show them!

Advice is advice...

if you have decent teachers let em in oin it to help you sneak about school

Originally posted by Demarthl
i was about to give some advice but it'd be stomping over T-mans thread My advice is the best advice!

my advicewoulda been tell her to seep off of their reactions, engross the fear they have for her and use it against them, i had the same situation and i tell ya, it clears a path in the hallways ^^

They're not afraid for her, they only care because it's something to talk about.

No, nothing breaks the ice or creates new friendships better than a fake suicide. Trust me on this one. Okay, who's next???

i used to self harm and had a knife in my blazer, but no one knew that (shhh!) as i have really weak skin on my arms i was able to make myself bleed with a ridiculous amount of blunt items like plastic rulers, im not saying do self harm. but i did that a couple times in front of people and they soon left me alone

Originally posted by Demarthl
i used to self harm and had a knife in my blazer, but no one knew that (shhh!) as i have really weak skin on my arms i was able to make myself bleed with a ridiculous amount of blunt items like plastic rulers, im not saying do self harm. but i did that a couple times in front of people and they soon left me alone

You should never really hurt yourself on purpose. Remember, you are number one. Treat yourself right! I said fake the suicide, FAKE IT!

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
You should never really hurt yourself on purpose. Remember, you are number one. Treat yourself right! I said fake the suicide, FAKE IT!
aye, but dies it count as fakin it as it only broke enough klayers of skin to bring blood to the surface , i have an unnaturaly high pain thresshold and didnt actually hurt myself?

Hurting is bad! nono

it didnt hurt

Originally posted by Demarthl
aye, but dies it count as fakin it as it only broke enough klayers of skin to bring blood to the surface , i have an unnaturaly high pain thresshold and didnt actually hurt myself?

RULE NUMBER ONE: DON'T EVER HURT YOURSELF ON PURPOSE!!!!

Always use fake blood and make-up effects when faking suicide. You don't want people to be afraid of you, you want them to laugh with you, and what better way than faking death!

Well...blah!

yeay another thing i cant do right

Originally posted by Demarthl
it didnt hurt

Though you may not feel it, you are still damaging your body. Remember, your body is your temple and you should keep it in prime form. Always used red Kool-Aid, or costume blood to make a fake suicide come to life!

Dem, you don't act like a girl.

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Though you may not feel it, you are still damaging your body. Remember, your body is your temple and you should keep it in prime form. Always used red Kool-Aid, or costume blood to make a fake suicide come to life!
moving rubs two parts of your skin together slowly wearing it away, bones crunch together on daily movements, breaking them down
i have to be like stephen hawkings to stay perfect, but then i'd get weak and obese. theres no winning in life

"slowly wearing it away" Exactly! You got plenty of time left.

Originally posted by Demarthl
moving rubs two parts of your skin together slowly wearing it away, bones crunch together on daily movements, breaking them down
i have to be like stephen hawkings to stay perfect, but then i'd get weak and obese. theres no winning in life

Dems, *sighs* okay. I can't help you. You are not willing to try the fake blood thing and now you are talking about Stephen Hawkings, I give up. Anyone else?

not so sure about that

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Dems, *sighs* okay. I can't help you. You are not willing to try the fake blood thing and now you are talking about Stephen Hawkings, I give up. Anyone else?
at least im unique how many depressed teenagers refer steohen hawkings... say lots and ill slap you

Most teenagers that are "depressed" are just attention whores.

Originally posted by Demarthl
at least im unique how many depressed teenagers refer steohen hawkings... say lots and ill slap you

Good, by pretending to abandon you, I triggered you to think positive! See, I can really help! And yes, you are very smart and interesting and you have much to offer the world. Just remember, you will always have you, so be good to yourself and feck what anyone else thinks if they don't respect you.

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Good, by pretending to abandon you, I triggered you to think positive! See, I can really help! And yes, you are very smart and interesting and you have much to offer the world. Just remember, you will always have you, so be good to yourself and feck what anyone else thinks if they don't respect you.
but but! my hand just isnt pleasing any more

I'm sure you can find someone to screw...

Originally posted by Demarthl
but but! my hand just isnt pleasing any more

Switch hands then, or use someone elses! You see, if there is a will, there is a way for everything. Okay kids, I'm off to go walk the streets and save mankind! I will return with more advice and wisdom when I get back, if you are lucky!

Question!

Im trying to get it on with a rather attractive lady but she is being a bit nonchalont about it all, should i try a fake suicide? what method would you suggest?

Originally posted by Demarthl


there are a few billion people in the world... half of them are female... it can't be that hard.

3 billion women are not in my traveling ability area

Originally posted by smoker4
Question!

Im trying to get it on with a rather attractive lady but she is being a bit nonchalont about it all, should i try a fake suicide? what method would you suggest?
Smoker4, you are wise beyond your years! Fake that suicide, bro! A fake suicide can solve about 97% of the world's problems!

TH, I took an at home mongolian corse and i was thinking about going back to mongolia and living there once I can speak it fluently, what you think?

Okay kids, I'm going to go see a movie called Steamboy by the guy who did that Akira thingie. I will soak in the knowledge and share it with you when i get back. Remember, stay true to you and fake a suicide. Eat an apple!

Originally posted by smoker4
Question!

Im trying to get it on with a rather attractive lady but she is being a bit nonchalont about it all, should i try a fake suicide? what method would you suggest?

She's a b****

Originally posted by XIA
TH, I took an at home mongolian corse and i was thinking about going back to mongolia and living there once I can speak it fluently, what you think?

Fake a suicide! No, but seriously, I'll get back to you on this one later. I really have to go now. Sorry.

I was also thinking of training her dog to fake its own death too, do you know if there is any literature on this?

Leave the lady's dog alone, smoke

On second thought, KILL IT!

gODDamnit I forgot my wallet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFFFEEEEEEECK

hey

I already faked my suicide & noone noticed.. What now?

I thought the title said Hitler's my bad!

Now THAT would be something huh?

I concur

Originally posted by bilb
I already faked my suicide & noone noticed.. What now? Kimmeh!! If you die, I die too!!

emp

Dont worry, I'm taking you ALL down with me! Mwhahahahahhaa!!

cry I don't want the cool lady to die.

Dont worry Imag, it wont be till at least May 20th (have to see ROTS before I die!)

Of course..

Originally posted by bilb
Dont worry, I'm taking you ALL down with me! Mwhahahahahhaa!! laugh1

how to get a guy love me?

whats the best way to get rid of depression?

Clovie: Be yourself and if they don't like that, they're idiots. Just keep looking.

Baka: Do something to let out all your anger and sadness. Accept the fact that something's wrong and then do your best to get rid of it. And don't do that "think positive" crap.

i got into that by myslef..and they're idiots aparently

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Seriously, I'm a very experienced person when it comes to life and love. If you have any problems, just ask me and I'll try to respond if I can with some very helpful advice that will improve your life!

TH i was wondering ... what should i do with my life ... i mean when i leave school and have finished partying ... seriously what should i do? whats a good job? im totally clueless on what to do/be cry dontgetit

How do you obtain will power?

what is the question...i know the answers 42 but what is the question?

what is 40 plus 2

hmm maybe...it's the meaning of life though

the meaning of life is 42?

is that your age?

"Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" i hope i'm right now

..no my age is 17

then i dont get what you mean

okay...nobody get's it..i'm going to be quiet now

well if youi explained it maybe i will understand it...
thats a big maybe though

cry i dont like it

Some guy I kissed gave me oral herpes....what do I do?

Originally posted by XIA
TH, I took an at home mongolian corse and i was thinking about going back to mongolia and living there once I can speak it fluently, what you think?

I think that is a great idea. When travelling to a foreign land, it always helps to be able to speak the native tongue in order to communicate better!

TTH: Hello, you eyes

Originally posted by Clovie
how to get a guy love me?

Just be yourself, Cloves. I love ya! See, it works!

Meh, screw it. I don't feel like doing this right now

I have a question, how can I make my life happier?

Originally posted by BlackC@t
Meh, screw it. I don't feel like doing this right now

BlackC@t . . . . . . . . winkiss

Originally posted by BlackC@t
I have a question, how can I make my life happier?

For one thing, you can build things out of wood! Today I built a coffee table for my future apartment. I went to the Home Depot store and bought all the ingedients and designed my own coffee table. Today I actually build it and it turned out great! It has made my life happier and better. So, I suggest you build things out of wood.

weep

Originally posted by BakaXero
whats the best way to get rid of depression?

Build things out of wood, or fake a suicide.

Originally posted by BlackC@t
I have a question, how can I make my life happier?

Spend some time in the ocean, on a mountain or in a big open space...

Some guy I kissed gave me oral herpes....what do I do?

Originally posted by misha
TH i was wondering ... what should i do with my life ... i mean when i leave school and have finished partying ... seriously what should i do? whats a good job? im totally clueless on what to do/be cry dontgetit

Make sure you have as much fun as possible now, so you don't regret missing out on life when you get older. I have a feeling you won't have that problem. There is plenty of time for you to plan your future, Misha. You are young and it is not critical that you figure it all out right away, but just make sure you know what you enjoy in life, what makes you happy, what are the things you enjoy doing? If there is work out there where you can incorporate the things you enjoy into it, what better way to make a living then by getting paid to do what you enjoy. I suggest building things out of wood.

great thread TTH

and thanks for talking about the coffe table, ive been thinking about building one myself

Originally posted by Ou Be Low hoo
Spend some time in the ocean, on a mountain or in a big open space...

No, those ideas are useless and lame. Get your own wisdom thread!

Originally posted by hodoggy
Some guy I kissed gave me oral herpes....what do I do?

Ride it out. Make sure you take care of the herpes and rid of them properly, avoiding any further infection. Then, plot a fake suicide and make the person think their herpes killed you. That will teach them to think twice before they spread their nastiness.

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Build things out of wood, or fake a suicide.
i dont have any wood...
and
fake suicides are depressing.

Well, mr Tired Hiker...It seems to me like you are the one copying me! I was first with the 'Ask Ou Be' thread...so there! Nuh-nuhh-ne-nuhh-nuhh...

Originally posted by Echuu

great thread TTH

and thanks for talking about the coffe table, ive been thinking about building one myself

I recommend using wood screws that are not too thick, that will split the wood. Also, a corded power drill is far more effective than a cordless!

Thanks Tired Hiker.....

Instead of a fake suicide can I plan a fake revenge plot?

Originally posted by Ou Be Low hoo
Well, mr Tired Hiker...It seems to me like you are the one copying me! I was first with the 'Ask Ou Be' thread...so there! Nuh-nuhh-ne-nuhh-nuhh...

Actually, I've started threads like this far before you ever came here, but I never felt the need to bring that up, for every thread is duplicated at some point or another.

ha thanks for the advice-

really great man- i needed a good laugh today- thanks

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Actually, I've started threads like this far before

Aha! So this is a duplicate thread! I'm gonna go tell on you...

so the answer to life would be fake suicide?

Originally posted by hodoggy
Thanks Tired Hiker.....
No problem, champ!
Originally posted by hodoggy
Instead of a fake suicide can I plan a fake revenge plot?
Sure, as long as the body count resulting from the plot remains zero. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in jail, or solitary confinement for that matter.

do you have any ideas?

Originally posted by Ou Be Low hoo
Aha! So this is a duplicate thread! I'm gonna go tell on you... fear

Originally posted by BakaXero
so the answer to life would be fake suicide?
Yes, indeed. Oh, and you are my hero by the way!

I REALLY NEED HELP!!! Just a "fake" revenge plot.....Can you help me wise Tired Hiker?

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Yes, indeed. Oh, and you are my hero by the way!
THATS NOT FAIR!!!!!!
YOUR NOT SUPPOSE TO SAY THAT!!!
cause your my hero, because you opened a thread to give advice to help other people only a true hero would do such a thing

Originally posted by hodoggy
I REALLY NEED HELP!!! Just a "fake" revenge plot.....Can you help me wise Tired Hiker?

My staff of highly skilled writers will have to be beckoned for this one. Stand by.

*goes to attic and sounds the alarm and spot light to summon highly skilled team of writers*

Originally posted by hodoggy
Instead of a fake suicide can I plan a fake revenge plot?

Dont take this as an idea for revenge but - once I planned to anonymously call the police and tell them that my ex was a drug dealer.

Hiker, I need help desperately. I have suddenly lost all artistic, musical, and otherwise creative inspiration. I feel like an aging male prostitute who doesn't have the money for viagra. Or perhaps one of those South American guys who smuggles drugs across the border by swallowing platic bags containing the substance who's found out that I'm allergic to whatever Ziploc bags are made of.

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
Dont take this as an idea for revenge but - once I planned to anonymously call the police and tell them that my ex was a drug dealer.

Ok, also, I stuck my ex's ex toothbrush down the toilet and once I gave out my ex's mobile phone number to a gay chatroom.

But thats it...

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
Dont take this as an idea for revenge but - once I planned to anonymously call the police and tell them that my ex was a drug dealer.
i was about to do something like that...
but not for the same reasons you may have had

Originally posted by hodoggy
I REALLY NEED HELP!!! Just a "fake" revenge plot.....Can you help me wise Tired Hiker?

Here's what you do, according my team. Drop several droplets of Visine into this person's beverage. Visine is a laxative and bartenders use this trick when they encounter assh0les at their bar. A while later, they will get the shits!

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
once I gave out my ex's mobile phone number to a gay chatroom.

hysterical

Originally posted by BakaXero
i was about to do something like that...
but not for the same reasons you may have had

Oh, here's another one . . . take this person's toothbrush and dip in the toilet, then put it back where it was without rinsing it off.

*ahem*

Originally posted by Darth Revan
Hiker, I need help desperately. I have suddenly lost all artistic, musical, and otherwise creative inspiration. I feel like an aging male prostitute who doesn't have the money for viagra. Or perhaps one of those South American guys who smuggles drugs across the border by swallowing platic bags containing the substance who's found out that I'm allergic to whatever Ziploc bags are made of.

THANKS EVERYONE!.......

You guys are the best! Gonna go buy some visine now! oh...and make a phone call to the police and give a phone number out to a gay chat room!

Oh, i was late there.

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Oh, here's another one . . . take this person's toothbrush and dip in the toilet, then put it back where it was without rinsing it off.
sick05

Originally posted by hodoggy
THANKS EVERYONE!.......

You guys are the best! Gonna go buy some visine now! oh...and make a phone call to the police and give a phone number out to a gay chat room!
Lil b's influence is quite effective...

I can't believe what a ripoff this thread was. I pay good money to get advice and I don't get any.

Originally posted by BakaXero
Lil b's influence is quite effective... And I have so many more that I havent tested yet!! droolio

Originally posted by Darth Revan
Hiker, I need help desperately. I have suddenly lost all artistic, musical, and otherwise creative inspiration. I feel like an aging male prostitute who doesn't have the money for viagra. Or perhaps one of those South American guys who smuggles drugs across the border by swallowing platic bags containing the substance who's found out that I'm allergic to whatever Ziploc bags are made of.

Here's what you do. Build something out of wood, then destroy it! That should help. Also, rub poo on your elbow for good luck! (really, the poo is to distract the sniffer dogs when they are searching you for smuggling drugs) Also, keep a raw piece of steak with you at all times!

Originally posted by Darth Revan
I can't believe what a ripoff this thread was. I pay good money to get advice and I don't get any.

Hey now, don't be a Hiker Hater.

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Here's what you do. Build something out of wood, then destroy it! That should help. Also, rub poo on your elbow for good luck! (really, the poo is to distract the sniffer dogs when they are searching you for smuggling drugs) Also, keep a raw piece of steak with you at all times!

Alright, the famous The Tired Hiker actually talked to me

Thanks for the advice Hiker, I'll like totally send some free crack!

Originally posted by Darth Revan
Alright, the famous The Tired Hiker actually talked to me

Thanks for the advice Hiker, I'll like totally send some free crack!

Hey man, you stuck up for me when times were tough back in the day. I'm glad I can help, and I'll take that crack anyday, as long as it is Anna Beatrizes butt crack.

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
Dont take this as an idea for revenge but - once I planned to anonymously call the police and tell them that my ex was a drug dealer.



Did you ever happen to boil one his pets too? How about cutting off his legs and leaving a horse's head in his bed?

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
Dont take this as an idea for revenge but - once I planned to anonymously call the police and tell them that my ex was a drug dealer.



Did you ever happen to boil one his pets too? How about cutting off his legs and leaving a horse's head in his bed?

I feel scared...

Originally posted by Ou Be Low hoo
Did you ever happen to boil one his pets too? How about cutting off his legs and leaving a horse's head in his bed?

I feel scared...

Nope, I havent but you betta stop there - you're giving me ideas...

Originally posted by Ou Be Low hoo
Did you ever happen to boil one his pets too? How about cutting off his legs and leaving a horse's head in his bed?

I feel scared...

Oh, but when we're talking about cutting off bits, it makes me think about tying him up and cutting up his penis into small peaces then force feeding it to him and then...

Now look what you've done!

whats with the double posts

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
Oh, but when we're talking about cutting off bits, it makes me think about tying him up and cutting up his penis into small peaces then force feeding it to him and then...

Now look what you've done! Wowzers!

I need advice...
I told this Guy he was my hero and he told me i was his hero and i told him it was impossible because he was my hero.
How do i tell him that his my hero and make him understand?

Originally posted by BakaXero
I need advice...
I told this Guy he was my hero and he told me i was his hero and i told him it was impossible because he was my hero.
How do i tell him that his my hero and make him understand?

Okay, here's what you do. Sometimes in life, you get these people who think they aren't the hero, but really they are. Sounds like your friend is one of these people. So, basically you do some soul searching, you know. . . . go on a hike, paint by numbers, Twister, ... .. then you realize that you really are the hero, and the rest is all an illusion. So, I suggest you admit to this person that you are the hero.

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Okay, here's what you do. Sometimes in life, you get these people who think they aren't the hero, but really they are. Sounds like your friend is one of these people. So, basically you do some soul searching, you know. . . . go on a hike, paint by numbers, Twister, ... .. then you realize that you really are the hero, and the rest is all an illusion. So, I suggest you admit to this person that you are the hero.
no thats no good...
i've done all those things, and to me his still the hero

Originally posted by BakaXero
no thats no good...
i've done all those things, and to me his still the hero

No.

I have a bubble wrap fetish, is there any advice you can bestow upon me in order that I may rid myself of this embarrassing fetish?

Dada i need some advice

TH , i am stuck at a certain weight in bench pressing, what tips can you give me?

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Just be yourself, Cloves. I love ya! See, it works! but you're special touched

Originally posted by Corran
I have a bubble wrap fetish, is there any advice you can bestow upon me in order that I may rid myself of this embarrassing fetish?

Pop all the bubble wrap until there is no more left, then you will be forced to quit!

Originally posted by Korri
Dada i need some advice

Try harder to be more lady-like and get yourself a good man.

Originally posted by smoker4
TH , i am stuck at a certain weight in bench pressing, what tips can you give me?

Add a few more pounds, nothing too heavy, just maybe a 2/12 to each side of the bar. Start small and keep at it, that's all for now folks!

Ive been anxiously waiting for a certain event in April to come...times been flying by fast which Im thankful for. How do I slow it down once it gets here so this event seems to last longer then what it really is?

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Add a few more pounds, nothing too heavy, just maybe a 2/12 to each side of the bar. Start small and keep at it, that's all for now folks!

Wow it workedhttp://images.killermovies.com/forums/moresmilies/flex.gif
didnt even have to fake a suicide

Originally posted by The Tired Hiker
Try harder to be more lady-like and get yourself a good man.

droolio already done

how can i ask a girl out then?

Say what? flirt1