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I just took a shower, and was smelling real good, had some fresh clothes on, brand new underpants, and then I had to fart. It's a natural thing for humans, but still, it's gross. (I farted into the toilet so I wouldn't ruin my clothes, but that's beside the point).

Just then I thought of an invention. Ass-tampons! You could put it in your butt, and whenever you fart, it would nuetralize the smell and possibly make it smell better, kind of like those things you plug into an outlet!

I don't want ass-tampons to be credited to my name, so if anyone is looking to make some money, feel free to utilize the idea!

hate to burst your bubble,
but someone already thought of it...i saw it on tv

i believe they used some kind of charcoal filter...thing.
i cant remember when i saw it...and it was a long time ago

actually, i think a fabric softener sheet would work.

Originally posted by Cosmic_Beings
I farted into the toilet so I wouldn't ruin my clothes, but that's beside the point.


Ruin your clothes? You do know that a fart is the passing of gas right? If you are passing fecal matter that ruins your clothes you are no longer farting, but in fact sh*tting.

Don't cry...Someone thought of it first.

nopity

dude, your taking farts way to seriously when you start squating on a toilet to fart. An ass tampon is a little neurotic even for todays standards.

Strong your farts are, seek medical attention you must if clothes they ruin

Originally posted by smoker4
Strong your farts are, seek medical attention you must if clothes they ruin

you made that sound like yoda

There you go man, they take all major credit cards, and even
have costum ones for different butt-shapes.

http://www.flat-d.com/flatdreusable.html

And even one for your dog.

http://www.flat-d.com/canineproducts.html

PWNED!

By Jove, I honestly didn't know people obsessed about things like this so much, well enough, anyway, to create an anal tampon. Almost as funny as the Roman Emperor Claudius who at one point had a law that made it legal to pass wind any time as he believed holding it in caused health problems.

Lighting farts prevents them from stinking too, and that's lots more fun than walking around with a odor-filtering buttplug. Just remember to keep yer pants on, or it might explode inwards!

BE RPOUD OF YOUR FARTS FOR THEY ARE A GIFT FROM THE LORD

Aaaah, is that what Ezekiel 25:17 all about? Striking down with great vengeance and furious anger... I suddenly know what the apocalypse will be like, and it involves God eating chili the day before....

Originally posted by jaden101
BE RPOUD OF YOUR FARTS FOR THEY ARE A GIFT FROM THE LORD

I thought they were a gift from mexican food

boys

Originally posted by Cosmic_Beings
I just took a shower, and was smelling real good, had some fresh clothes on, brand new underpants, and then I had to fart. It's a natural thing for humans, but still, it's gross. (I farted into the toilet so I wouldn't ruin my clothes, but that's beside the point).

Just then I thought of an invention. Ass-tampons! You could put it in your butt, and whenever you fart, it would nuetralize the smell and possibly make it smell better, kind of like those things you plug into an outlet!

I don't want ass-tampons to be credited to my name, so if anyone is looking to make some money, feel free to utilize the idea!



:eekUDE!! hysterical
I've never met anyone so obsessed
...and is the "invention" really necessairy? I mean, in what way does the actual fart ruin your clothes? Oh, and you can always "hold" it in...lol
i cant believe i wrote that

Originally posted by KharmaDog
Ruin your clothes? You do know that a fart is the passing of gas right? If you are passing fecal matter that ruins your clothes you are no longer farting, but in fact sh*tting.

you do realize that shit particles are traveling with the methane gas that is produced with your fart right?

No one likes to think of it like that....but how does a gas that comes from a place full of sh!t leave your body without taking any of that shit with it?


and you don't need to pop a squat on the john to fart.....just lift a leg if you're sitting down.

Originally posted by Linkalicious
you do realize that shit particles are traveling with the methane gas that is produced with your fart right?

No one likes to think of it like that....but how does a gas that comes from a place full of sh!t leave your body without taking any of that shit with it?


and you don't need to pop a squat on the john to fart.....just lift a leg if you're sitting down.

Microsopic fecal matter does escape yes , but if it is enough to leave a skidmark, than you have either lost control, or have a medical condition.

I wouldn't consider a skid-mark as "losing control"

I would consider a skid-mark poor whiping eddicate.


Losing control is when you flat out shit your pants. Like if you were trying to squeek on out and ended up shitting your pants.



God this subject is gross.....but it's an awesome excuse to say shit over and over again.

Funny that alot of people who have posted here also post some of the more intelligent comments on threads dealing with philosophy, politics or current affairs.

It's nice to see that we can all spend a little time in the gutter too.

Well, nomatter if you're a king, the president or even God himself, we all feel the need to take a crap on a daily basis

Originally posted by Cosmic_Beings
I just took a shower, and was smelling real good, had some fresh clothes on, brand new underpants, and then I had to fart. It's a natural thing for humans, but still, it's gross. (I farted into the toilet so I wouldn't ruin my clothes, but that's beside the point).

Just then I thought of an invention. Ass-tampons! You could put it in your butt, and whenever you fart, it would nuetralize the smell and possibly make it smell better, kind of like those things you plug into an outlet!

I don't want ass-tampons to be credited to my name, so if anyone is looking to make some money, feel free to utilize the idea!




And while you're at it, insert a glade plug in fresher up your butt. Does it really matter? Farting is a perfectly natural thing to do. And it best when there's a lot of people around so no one is the wiser that you killed the grass.

i thought this topic was going to be based on a way to harness the precious gas for energy....

Originally posted by KharmaDog
Ruin your clothes? You do know that a fart is the passing of gas right? If you are passing fecal matter that ruins your clothes you are no longer farting, but in fact sh*tting.

Actually, if you want to be PC, everytime you fart, you are indeed releasing small particles of fecal matter.....maybe not alot but some.

Originally posted by smoker4
Strong your farts are, seek medical attention you must if clothes they ruin

That had to be the most hilarious thing i've read alllllll year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!