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What happens when an ordinary teenage girl is put into an ordinary high school but has an extrodenary talent?

Soo??....post and tell me what yall think Please!!

its good!!!! hope u post more!!!

YAY!! WOOHOO . .you can write!! KEEP IT UP!

i like it so far,keep up the good work

Very interesting indeed!

thanks yall..ill post more today!!

sorry its not alot im kinda having a bad day ...i might post later

bad moods over! for now anyway!haha Heres alittle more to keep yall going!!

Great! Keep it up.

woohoo! good job! keep going its getting good, *yum* pancakes!

This is a AWSOME story! cant wait until you write more!!

I'm loving it!

c'mon dont quit! write more please this story rocks!

I will later tonight i promise!!!!!! glad yall like it!!!!

YAY! * is the girl at the locker like a girl in your classes??" . . haha! JK GOOD JOB keep going!!

YAY oh i hope she gets it! keep going, GJ!

Awesome!

Keep goin!

thanks guys! having a busy week ill post more later!!

alright take your time. .!!

sorry im going out of town this weekend wont beable to write!!

1. You switch tenses and voices at points in the writing. This really detracts from the story.
2. Paragraphs are your friends.
3. God, even if one is a nonbeliever, is spelled with a capital 'g'.
4. You frequently tell instead of show.
5. Mistaking homonyms is one of the worst, most humiliating things one can do--check the difference between there/their/they're, your/you're, to/two/too, etc.
6. You cram a lot of unnecessary detail into sentences, particularly those in which you are describing the physical appearance of another.
7. You often state intent of a speaker after the dialogue when the dialogue alone would suffice.
8. Mechanical errors.
9. Instead of adding tag lines to everyone sentence of dialogue, you can make whom is speaking clear and have the speaker perform an action.
10. I am assuming that you are writing this "on the fly". There's nothing wrong with that, but I'd suggest that you print off a copy and see if there are things you have written that could be revised to be more concise and, well, better.

I'd like to see what this piece would look like if it was cleaned up--why don't you type it all in Microsoft Word and post the compiled, fixed-up story into one post?

If you want, I can give you examples of all this stuff. I don't mean to be rude, but it's bad when one sees a story such as this that has such glaring errors--no offense, my writing does the same thing at times--and just say, "Good job! This is great!" when you could be giving suggestions to remedy these flaws. And, as a writer, it is your responsibility to put our suggestions into action to improve your writing. Otherwise, all you are looking for is a bunch of yes-men to stroke your ego.

Ok. . . wow shes just in high school. . .shes not a nobel prized author!
. .I think your stories fine. .

Originally posted by O.A.R21
Ok. . . wow shes just in high school. . .shes not a nobel prized author!
. .I think your stories fine. .
Your point being? She may not be a "nobel prized author", but that is no excuse for horrendous grammar. Everything I said is all within the grasp of the neophyte writer--I am also in high school. If one will not put effort into improving one's writing, then one should not blemish the literary world with one's writing. It is similar to the way rappers have shamed actual music with their pathetic attempts at music--rhyming words forced into lyrical format set to music is NOT a genre of music...but I shall stop before ranting.

*Ok i have to agree with you on the rap'ing part.* Were you insulting her or just trying to help? It sounds like your insulting her.

Im not trying to be mean . . just trying to be a good friend.

Originally posted by O.A.R21
*Ok i have to agree with you on the rap'ing part.* Were you insulting her or just trying to help? It sounds like your insulting her.

Im not trying to be mean . . just trying to be a good friend.
Trying to help.

Oh ok

Originally posted by FeceMan
Your point being? She may not be a "nobel prized author", but that is no excuse for horrendous grammar. Everything I said is all within the grasp of the neophyte writer--I am also in high school. If one will not put effort into improving one's writing, then one should not blemish the literary world with one's writing. It is similar to the way rappers have shamed actual music with their pathetic attempts at music--rhyming words forced into lyrical format set to music is NOT a genre of music...but I shall stop before ranting.

Yeah the thing is with a "nobel prized author" is that they have editors to do the correcting for them!!!

Do you mean Pulitzer prize winners?

To the original poster: Do you always express "attractive" as blue eyes and clear skin (oh, right, like an Abercrombie model)? And seriously, why do you keep switching from third person (she says) to first person (I say)?

Errors:

- Her dad SCREAMED (past tense) at her than she ROLLS (present tense) out of bed.
- She ROLLS (not roles) out of bed
- MY (should be Her) naturally calm, nonfrizzy...


OMG, I have to stop, otherwise I'll be here forever. You switch between third person and first person 5 times in the first post, even within the same sentence. This is how they teach you to write in high school? Wait until you get to junior year, darling, have a good time eliminating all be verbs out of your AP paper.