Cinemaddiction
Most of you probably didn't know this, but I used to write for a Star Wars parody site for a span of 2 years called CreatureCantina.com. Now, we'd have stories/updates about 4 times a month. I was just thumbing through their archives upon their 4th anniversary and came across some of my old work, and figured I'd share it for shits and giggles. These are just a few examples of what I used to write..
SW Holiday Special...Pt. 2?
Indigestion, heartburn, headache, bloating, vomiting. No, these aren't all resulting from the holiday meals and stress. These are the added qualms of sitting through the original Star Wars Christmas Special. Boba Fett was NICE.. Chewbacca had KIDS..and the cartoon SUCKED! What in Sam Hell ever possessed Lucas to put this out?
Better yet, what influenced him to begin production of a SECOND!
Through my "inside sources", I obtained a VHS copy of what was to be the next Christmas special installment, which was to air the Christmas season before the release of Episode One: The Phantom Menace. The main plot of this story was to document the bungling travels of Anakin Skywalker as he searched for the true meaning of Christmas.
Characters such as Sabe, Shmi Skywalker, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Jinn, and the regular Episode One staples all made appearances, with the voices done by the original actors. Except for Jar Jar Binks, who was voiced by the ever available Mr. T. Earlier voice hopefuls also included Vikings WR Randy Moss, who's colorful off the field vernacular is always a hit.
In the end of his journey, Anakin discovers that his mother is an atheist and quickly defects to Christianity. Having the Force, cool toys, and God on your side can't be all that bad! Although, this never released Christmas special actually had some potential, it was still a little hard to stomach with the original still lingering in my head. Boba Fett showing a soft side... it's enough to make a grown man cry.
George Lucas: Fashion Designer?
George Lucas..a genius..an enigma. An innovative man of fashion? Perhaps. Lord Lucas' fashion drug of choice has always been the simple yet striking, plaid flannel shirt. Like the Yukon lumberjacks before him and the grunge scene fans that followed, Lucas continues to stay true to the squares and stripes.
To this day, George continues to take pride in his flannel saturated wardrobe. Although the flannel shirt has seen it's revival and downfall, George is keeping it real.
With his numerous business ventures, all branching from his motion picture brainchild, Lucas has decided to dabble in the fine art of fashion designing.
"Basically, I wanted to share the joy of flannel with the public. It's always been a dream of mine to bring flannel enthusiasts of all origins together someday in a pure plaid nirvana." Lucas along with designer, and now uncloseted plaid freak, Tommy Hilfiger plain to start a joint venture. Aptly named, "Plaid Pride", Lucas hopes that plaid lovers the world over will show their dedication to the furry yet tough shirts they have grown accustomed to over the years.
George and Tommy, being the thrifty and unspoiled men they are, have decided to start this company out of pocket, and devote all earnings to the "PPSA", the Plaid Preservation Society of America. The only earnings the two will see are gratitude and appreciation. Those are two things..money just can't buy..unless you are a politician.
Palpatine to open "Siths "R" Us" in Cloud City
Dark Overlord of the Sith, one Emperor Palpatine, has announced the grand opening of the worlds largest Sith Lord supply store in the galaxy, Siths "R" Us! "This store will service all those Sith Lords who wish to slay in style, with brand name designer cloaks and weaponry!".
"A wide assortment of cloaks, lightsabers, and novelty items, will be widely available in the new Siths "R" Us retail chain by the end of the project", says CEO, Garth Mall.
After Palpatine's successful "force" out of toy store giant, Toys "R" Us, "Siths" has full control as well as use of the "r Us" moniker, likenesses, and anything ever associated with the now defunct TRU Inc. A grand opening celebration is going to be held at the Planet Naboo location in Cloud City.
Refreshments are to be provided by McQuarries of Cloud City, with door prizes such as authenticated lightsabers of dead Jedi, provided by the Sith Lords themselves.
A promising business is to be found in this new venture, "Siths "R" Us. Not only do I like the store, I got a job there...
http://www.creaturecantina.com/news_images/2002/0515/SRU.jpg
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SW Holiday Special...Pt. 2?
Indigestion, heartburn, headache, bloating, vomiting. No, these aren't all resulting from the holiday meals and stress. These are the added qualms of sitting through the original Star Wars Christmas Special. Boba Fett was NICE.. Chewbacca had KIDS..and the cartoon SUCKED! What in Sam Hell ever possessed Lucas to put this out?
Better yet, what influenced him to begin production of a SECOND!
Through my "inside sources", I obtained a VHS copy of what was to be the next Christmas special installment, which was to air the Christmas season before the release of Episode One: The Phantom Menace. The main plot of this story was to document the bungling travels of Anakin Skywalker as he searched for the true meaning of Christmas.
Characters such as Sabe, Shmi Skywalker, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Jinn, and the regular Episode One staples all made appearances, with the voices done by the original actors. Except for Jar Jar Binks, who was voiced by the ever available Mr. T. Earlier voice hopefuls also included Vikings WR Randy Moss, who's colorful off the field vernacular is always a hit.
In the end of his journey, Anakin discovers that his mother is an atheist and quickly defects to Christianity. Having the Force, cool toys, and God on your side can't be all that bad! Although, this never released Christmas special actually had some potential, it was still a little hard to stomach with the original still lingering in my head. Boba Fett showing a soft side... it's enough to make a grown man cry.
George Lucas: Fashion Designer?
George Lucas..a genius..an enigma. An innovative man of fashion? Perhaps. Lord Lucas' fashion drug of choice has always been the simple yet striking, plaid flannel shirt. Like the Yukon lumberjacks before him and the grunge scene fans that followed, Lucas continues to stay true to the squares and stripes.
To this day, George continues to take pride in his flannel saturated wardrobe. Although the flannel shirt has seen it's revival and downfall, George is keeping it real.
With his numerous business ventures, all branching from his motion picture brainchild, Lucas has decided to dabble in the fine art of fashion designing.
"Basically, I wanted to share the joy of flannel with the public. It's always been a dream of mine to bring flannel enthusiasts of all origins together someday in a pure plaid nirvana." Lucas along with designer, and now uncloseted plaid freak, Tommy Hilfiger plain to start a joint venture. Aptly named, "Plaid Pride", Lucas hopes that plaid lovers the world over will show their dedication to the furry yet tough shirts they have grown accustomed to over the years.
George and Tommy, being the thrifty and unspoiled men they are, have decided to start this company out of pocket, and devote all earnings to the "PPSA", the Plaid Preservation Society of America. The only earnings the two will see are gratitude and appreciation. Those are two things..money just can't buy..unless you are a politician.
Palpatine to open "Siths "R" Us" in Cloud City
Dark Overlord of the Sith, one Emperor Palpatine, has announced the grand opening of the worlds largest Sith Lord supply store in the galaxy, Siths "R" Us! "This store will service all those Sith Lords who wish to slay in style, with brand name designer cloaks and weaponry!".
"A wide assortment of cloaks, lightsabers, and novelty items, will be widely available in the new Siths "R" Us retail chain by the end of the project", says CEO, Garth Mall.
After Palpatine's successful "force" out of toy store giant, Toys "R" Us, "Siths" has full control as well as use of the "r Us" moniker, likenesses, and anything ever associated with the now defunct TRU Inc. A grand opening celebration is going to be held at the Planet Naboo location in Cloud City.
Refreshments are to be provided by McQuarries of Cloud City, with door prizes such as authenticated lightsabers of dead Jedi, provided by the Sith Lords themselves.
A promising business is to be found in this new venture, "Siths "R" Us. Not only do I like the store, I got a job there...
http://www.creaturecantina.com/news_images/2002/0515/SRU.jpg
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